Excessive braking

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Now I spend a lot of time on the roads with my job.
And if there is one motoring trait that boils my piss is hard braking.

Now I’m not talking about trying to avoid a child or animal in the road.
I’m talking about on a a-road or motorway.

You are happily driving along doing 60 or 70mph, when suddenly everyone in front is braking.
OK you think could be a breakdown or accident.

Then you realise it’s just your lane, and now you have slowed to 30 or 40mph.
30 seconds later you are back up to speed.

So who the hell is applying that much pressure to the brake pedal?
Has their leg gone to sleep or do they drive with weighted shoes on.

So to all you cunts out there, first try lifting your foot off the accelerator.
Or better still take the fucking bus cause you don’t belong out there.

The link is not about braking admin.
Just what I would like to see happen to these fuckers.

Youtube

Nominated by Barry zuckercunt.

49 thoughts on “Excessive braking”

  1. People nowadays are too cossetted by their cars. They can just fling on their brakes after they have to perceive a hazard, probably fucking around with all the touchscreen shit in their cars.
    People should have have a drive of a classic car and learn to plan their braking and gear selection several hundred yards in advance of a hazard.
    Modern cars, like modern people, suck balls.

    • Afternoon Thomas.

      Although I’ve never been a petrol head – I wholeheartedly agree.

      The car of the future will be the equivalent of the white goods in your kitchen.

    • Absolutely Thomas. Touchscreens have no place in cars and should be banned in the construction and use regs.

  2. Happens all too often. That and the other phenomenon of tootling along behind a vehicle in the middle lane, so you go into the fast lane to overtake them. The middle lane geezer was behind a car which has now pulled into the slow lane, and so middle lane boy now speeds up.
    He was quite happy at a slow speed, but now speeds up because the middle lane is free, meaning you either have to speed up even more to get past them, or decide to pull in behind them.
    Same principle on a hill with an overtaking lane; they speed up just for the hill!

    • There’s always some cunt sat doing 60 in the middle lane every time I go on the motorway. It’s usually some dopey looking tart with glasses on sitting far too close to the steering wheel

      • I like to play a game of guess which twat is in the car, is it a silly tart, a wizened old git, a peaceful etc. I’m usually right as well!

  3. I suspect the explanation for this phenomenon is that some berk is travelling too close to the car in front. Car in front slows down slightly (no brake, just relax pressure on loud pedal), cunt travelling too close is not concentrating and then sees a car looming up quickly then they hit the brake hard in panic.

    Result – the caterpillar effect. Seen it too many times.

    As Thomas says, these cunts need to try driving a classic with no ABS or airbags and see how they get on.

    CUNTS!

    • Spot on, never thought of my moggy 1000 as a classic.
      Classic pile of crap when the front stub axle let go, managed to lash it up with some washing line till I got home….😁

      • Same with my dear old mini, front suspension knuckle snaps off inside rubber cone on way to work. I know, if i wedge this rock up in the space i can and did carry on quite happily for about a month until repaired. I still have the rock to this day. Happy days.

      • An Allegro pulling a trailer?

        I hope it’s just for show.

        If he tries driving off, his ‘car’ will be ripped in half.

      • 😂

        Was it the Allegro that had introduced a heated rear end so you could keep your hands warm when you were pushing it?

      • Good afternoon Thomas,

        That’s a fine looking motor car. Russet Brown?

        a W plate – 1980/81 – British Leyland at the very zenith of its sheer magnificence and dynamic influence on the world automotive stage.

        I just can’t find the superlatives.

        Fucking splendid!

      • Allagro had the same front stub axle as my moggy, with the same problems.
        BL, bleedin marvellous..!

    • I took my wife out to see a local car collection on Wednesday night. We went in the 6 and she seemed to think it was a near death experience. We have all got to use to airbags, servo brakes, power steering and everything else that insulates us from our surroundings.
      Modern cars, for me, have too much information and too many systems on them making easy to be distracted, from the job of driving..

    • 100%.

      Probably followed by the twat who braked complaining that the person’s brake lights in front are not working or they are being unsafe for not pressing the brake pedal.

      Thick cunts. Seriously the thought of putting humans behind 1.5 tonnes of metal at 70mph is genuinely scary.

      I wouldn’t trust 90% of cunts on the road to drive above 20mph, but then all you have to do is watch people in a tesco carpark for 30 minutes to identify that the fuckers can’t even drive sub 5 mph.

      But I suppose it’s revenue generation. And that’s all that matters. And these thick cunts sure do love spending a lot of money on something that they have very little idea on how to operate correctly.

  4. Berk in front sees a yellow speed camera ahead in a 50mph zone. Brakes down to 40mph. Why, you were only doing 45 anyway?
    Gormless cunt.

  5. Due to the cost of sooting, I`m selling my number plate NI66 ERS. £9.99 + assorted beads. ONO.

  6. Even worse, cunts who suddenly overtake you at breakneck speed, only to instantly indicate and turn left, slowing you down to a crawl for no fucking reason.

    I would gladly execute their entire families in front of these ‘people’, then burn the cunts at the stake, bury their remains, urinate on them and then dance around on their graves, until I collapsed from the sheer joy of it all.

    • Philip next. If he’s not a predatory pædo, I’m a David Lammy’s uncle.

      • Its in the blood. The Schofield brothers are a pair of wrong’uns.

        Both should be bludgeoned to death with a fucking rock.

      • They should get some of the parents of those poor kids on This Morning!
        That’d make for an interestingly uncomfortable interview.
        How could Phillip even be a bender with Holly Willoughby’s tits less than three feet away?! There’s something significantly wrong in the họmo brain.

      • I would make a right mess of that Holly Willoughby. It’d be dripping out of her ears and she’d have difficulty eating, walking and taking for weeks.

        All down to my sexiness, of course.

  8. At 4 in the morning (the time working class people go to their unrelenting and unrewarding drudgery) braking and slow driving cunts are usually hung over, coming down, still drunk, stoned or just dreading the day ahead.

  9. I have often followed cars who touch the brakes for no reasonable reason.

    A large car or lorry coming towards them….touch the brakes, approach a sweeping corner..touch the brakes.

    I followed one of these cunts last week and i started seeing how fr i could drive behind them without me needing to touch the brakes….after 3 miles on a b road (none of this i am referring to is motorway stuff btw) i hadn’t touched my brakes at all. This cunt in front of me….26 times. Not braking hard…but just dabbing them at every vehicle coming towards them end every deviation in the road. Bunch of cunts

  10. It’s common tio old cunts breaki lights going on-off-off-on-off aĺl the way down the gentlest of slopes while driving around the South Downs, until their a roar and a mad cunt overtakes all of us in an Aston Martin in 3 seconds.

  11. Bring back compulsory retests every 5 years.
    Rid the roads of idiots, wimminz, dawdling chınkies and low IQ Um Bongos, for whom understanding the internal combustion engine is like a honky understanding the finer points of Quantum string theory.

  13. Slightly off subject, travelling to work in the car this morning doing 30mph in an area that’s renowned for the Police with mobile speed cameras. There are signs anyway that say this. Once again I have a car up my arse, starts flashing his lights. I get to the junction and I stop. An Audi is on the main road, he seems to be shifting a bit so I don’t risk pulling out, cue the same arsehole who now starts pipping his horn. What the fuck is wrong with these pricks? Why the big rush that puts themselves but more importantly, innocent lives at risk? I’m fucking sick of it. Bellends.

    • Slow down to a trickle and goad the cunt into getting out of his car. Then reverse over him before setting fire to his motor and throwing his body into a field.

      It is the only way they learn.

  14. Could I just make the point that labelling motorway lanes “slow”, “fast” and “overtaking” is outdated nomenclature from the early sixties? The view then was that these new motorways would all have three lanes on each carriageway. This was knocked on the head in the late sixties when the labour government built two-lane motorways because it was cheaper. Motorways now have from two to six lanes and the modern, simpler and more logical method is to label the lanes numbers 1, 2, 3, etc., counting from the left. One problem with the old names was that it confirmed idiots in their belief that if travelling at the speed limit they should be in the “fast” lane even if lane 1 was empty.

    As regards the present nom, Paul has it exactly correct at 11:20am above. About a year ago now we were travelling north one afternoon on the M5 in Somerset in heavy traffic. We were in lane 2 which was moving at 55-60mph, lane 1 a bit slower, lane 3 a bit faster. Significantly the cars in lane 3 were running about one or two car lengths apart. Someone in lane 3 I think didn’t even brake, just lifted off the throttle. Guy behind him braked hard but hit him and the guy next in the queue crashed into him. The fourth clown in this melee did no more than swerve violently to his left and the car in front of us T-boned him. This was the only driver in the pile-up for whom I had any sympathy. I got past the wreckage and immediately phoned it in. An hour later the RDS on the radio informed us that the northbound carriageway now had six miles of stationary traffic.

    It’s a jungle out there, take care!

  15. You should only need to brake on a motorway in an emergency. Otherwise you are too close to the car in front and a cunt.

    • I’m a excellent driver.
      Guessing in the top 2% in the country.
      And I hardly ever use my brakes.
      Not that they work anyway.

      Breaking all the time is for people with bad nerves.

      Tell you who can’t drive
      Chinamen.
      Easily the worst on the road!
      Something to do with their eyes I suppose?

      Probably like driving looking through Venetian blinds?

  16. Other noteworthy cunts are those who just cannot keep their car on the correct side of the white centre-line on country lanes.

    I work in an office in a rural area – the number of cunts I have to dodge who come flying around country roads on the wrong side of the road. Usually CRinge Rover Evoque drivers (cunts) who are in a completely unique class of cuntitude.

    One such cunt knocked my drivers door mirror hard when he decided to stray over the line by around 2ft. It knocked the decorative shell off the back (somewhere in a field opposite), but I suspect it fucked his car more. A good 2nd hand shell cost me a tenner.

  17. Once I was driving up a long hill and this clot in front of me kept braking. Every few seconds, brake, brake, brake. When I overtook him, it was a little Asian man, the kind who has no moustache but one of those “groomin” beards.

    Hoo-ee, what a cunt.

  18. It’s panic braking and the concertina effect.

    Basically fucking idiots who drive to fast and too close to the car in front.

    My 78 year old father recently took the piss out of me driving my sporty little Italian number. ‘Life in the slow lane’. Yes Dad, that’s the lane you’re meant to be in if you aren’t overtaking anything.

  19. I’m sorry, but if some cunt (in an Audi ,Mercedes or Range Rover) is tailgating me when I’m doing what I consider to be a reasonable speed in my 3 litre diesel BMW I think it entirely appropriate to slam on the brakes.
    Just watching their bonnet take a nose dive and seeing the colour drain from the driver’s face gives me a great deal of satisfaction.
    My brother used to get a lot of this back in the 1980s driving his Sunbeam Rapier. He even resorted to removing the fuse from the circuit responsible for the brake lights .
    If I could be fucking bothered, I would have an illuminated sign made to display in my rear window saying “Are you gay because you seem awfully keen to get up my arse?” You dirty bumfucker.

  20. People don’t understand the art of engine breaking. They lack ability to think.

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