Lizzo

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No, I’ve no idea who this elephant is either, but by the looks of the report it must be a popular recording artist or something. It may be a good, bad or indifferent singer, I don’t know and don’t want to know.
My point being, who the fuck could watch this mountain of adipose tissue slithering around on stage without wanting to vomit?

The Daily Torygraph carries a report on the same gig today with the headline ‘Why isn’t this out-and-out superstar headlining Glastonbury?’ I’ll tell you why not – because it wouldn’t be possible to construct a stage strong enough to support her and the fat slags behind her. What a disgusting sight.

Independent

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

86 thoughts on “Lizzo”

  1. I can see that she chooses her dancers based on their blobbyness too.

    An effort to make herself marginally less nauseating.

  2. Is that the trailer for the new Attenborough life in the artic.

    I love battling walruses.

  3. After the show, Lizzo has a large paddling pool filled with grape soda, cheeseburgers and gummi worms and she and all her backing dancers getvin there naked and consume the lot whilst fisting each other.
    Morning chaps, shame I missed last night’s festivities, it sounded like a right ding-dong!

  4. Pickle that charcoal cunt now and burn it all winter for fuel. That thing is nuclear.

    Power Uncle Terrys overn.

    Sell the gstring to the french as a fishing lure.

    What a cunt.

  5. “Hi, motherf***er, did you miss me?”

    My eyesight isn’t as good as it was..
    But I would have to be registered blind to miss you.

  6. They don’t have ‘walk on’ girls at darts competitions any more.
    They don’t use ‘grid’ girls in Formula 1.

    Despite the fame, attention and money the girls were being exploited.
    Even though there was a queue of fit girls desperate to do the job.

    This huge mammal gets away with only using obese, black girls on stage.
    I suppose other white dancers with far more appealing body shapes and much better dancing abilities are completely overlooked.

    Isn’t there laws about these things or do they only apply to ‘some’?

    • I was helping out at the London Motorbike Show a few weeks back. Got there early and the dolly birds were still there. One was very chatty to me, and it made a fat old git’s day (that’s me, not her).

  7. The legal representatives of The Lesbian Labour Ladies Group (North London) are issuing a cease and desist order, because the nomination picture clearly shows Miss Diane Abbott instructing the WeightWatchers group, attended by Lady Nugee at their Dyke House HQ. Had they known you would publish the photograph they would have all been wearing their heavy duty whalebone stays. This is an outrage to fat old tarts everywhere.

    • Nowt wrong with Thin Lizzo.
      Your beautiful no matter the size!
      She’s 30stone of lust.

      If you watch her video where she’s pole dancing?
      Brown sweating meat slowly revolving around the pole,
      Well, I guarantee you’ll be craving a kebab all day!

      Wonder if she has skids in her knickers?
      Some fat chicks do.
      Sort of like a pop-up 2man tent and someone spilt gravy on it…

      • Mis help yourself mate, I wouldn’t tup that with a dick I found in the street. You can call me a fussy old cunt if you wish. As to your final question? Deffo. See what I did there?

      • Are you saying your not up for a threesome Cuntymort?

        She won’t be in the front of the van with us
        I’ll make her go in the back.
        Afterwards we can earn a few quid!
        Hire her out as a bouncy castle.

  10. Freak shows we’re banned in the last century, but man are they making a come back.

  11. I heard Lizzo talking to Scott Mills on Radio 2 a few weeks ago.

    She’s got an ego bigger than she is. Which is an area roughly the size of Wales

    Reckoned Mills Radio 2 studio stunk of sweat an all. Told him to his face.

      • Morning Mis.

        Yes I thought that at the time. Was certainly the elephant in the room anyway.

      • @HJ
        Elephant in the room? From what iI can see, their isn’t a woodpile anywhere on Earth, large enough for her…..

  12. Once upon a time if you had a body that was say not all that attractive but a talent, you would wear an outfit that distracted from your body form and let your talent speak for itself.

    Nowadays we are told what is attractive or not and that having an arse the size of a small moon is indeed what everyone desires.

    Fuck that I’m of an age where I don’t do as I’m told Lizzie is a fat cunt would benefit on a couple of months on the slim fast diet and also benefit from covering up.

  15. I see Admin found the cover photo from that American fetishist magazine “Land Whales of Colour”. Excellent work.

    Nowt under 20 stone-gentlemen, place your bets: which one dies of Diabetic shock first?
    Fat Hippo first, then right to left, in that order.

    Euggghh!

  18. Is this an April Fools thingy?
    Or one of Pablo Escobar’s soon to be moved 🦛🦛🦛🦛?

  19. Fat cunts singing is nothing new.
    It ain’t over till the fat lass sings..

    Mama Cass
    Voice of a angel
    Body of a flytipped sofa

    Adele
    Diva but smells like a 5a side locker room

    Loads of fat fucks sing
    Least they look jolly.

    Skinny Minny’s like Karen Carpenter always look in pain.

    Get a meat pie you cunt.

    • Morning MNC…imagine how much fatty Mama Cass hated the other bird in the Mamas and the Papas.
      She was hit as fuck, that blond one.
      Weirdly, Mama Cass was in an episode of Scooby Doo in 1973! Hilarious, there’s loads of fat jokes!
      https://youtu.be/ZK6pn8YPcRQ

    • If Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter her sandwich, they’d both have had a better chance.

      • Morning DCI…Mama Cass could have used a lubed-up Karen Carpenter as a dildo and she’d have barely touched the sides.
        Imagine if Karen Carpenter was black…she’d have looked like a twiglet!

      • Karen was actually pretty nice when she had a bit of meat on her.

        Her brother was a bit creepy, mind. Married his cousin, his actual biological cousin. Never liked the look of that goggle eyed cunt.

      • Nowt wrong with cousin marriage Norman.

        Places like Bradford are currently being built on it.

  20. I feel sorry for the catering team..better off down a cobalt mine in Namibia.

    • In my day we had Diana Ross and The Supremes.
      Now we have Diana Gross and The Supersized.

      • Don’t forget The Shirelles, The Chiffons, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas etc….

  22. The auditions for the backing singers/dancers (whatever) must have been done on a weigh bridge

    Fatso and the HGV,s

  24. The Mrs listens to Heart Radio which loves playing her songs. Latest one includes a line about tickling her belly. Tickle get belly you’d lose your hand in the rolls of fat.
    She’s great cos she’s fat, but she’d equally be great if she lost loads of weight in woke land.
    All I can think is she’s in for a early death if she remains that fat and what the stink must be like when she’s finished her concert.

  25. If it were to come to Glastonbury, then it’s not far from the Bristol Channel.

    Let it go for a swim and see if the Japanese Whaling Fleet are interested.

    • She’s been onstage at Glastonbury. Flown in from the USS Nimitz by Sikorsky sky crane.

  26. I’d be happy for these land whales to tread the boards and do their disappearing act. It will happen just after they’ve sung the first line of “I’ll need to fart to give you a clue”.

  27. I’m sat here thinking, ‘Who the fuck would pay to go and watch that shit?’

  28. By Eck, if you rendered that down you’d have a few blocks of tallow to keep you screwing 20mm conduit….👍

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