Woke Censorship (4)

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It seems the much loved works of Roald Dahl are just too insulting for the perpetually offended brigade.

“Publisher Puffin has hired sensitivity readers to rewrite chunks of the author’s text to make sure the books ‘can continue to be enjoyed by all today’, resulting in extensive changes across Dahl’s work”.

Words such as fat, and ugly have been removed so as not to upset fat and ugly people. The Oompa Loompas are now gender neutral, and the BFG can no longer wear a black cloak, because the words black and white have been removed from Dahl’s novels.

Absurd censorship by a small group telling the rest of us how to behave yet again.
Here’s two books they may want to read before they go any further:
Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury, and George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four.
They are works of fiction too, depicting a dystopian future which is rapidly becoming reality.

Daily Mail

Nominated by Duke of Cuntshire.
(I’d like to see them try and edit Last Exit to Brooklyn – NA)

118 thoughts on “Woke Censorship (4)”

  1. The words fat and ugly banned..

    How else will I describe the Labour front bench.

  2. I wonder what it is like to wake up each morning determined to be offended by something, any thing, preferably before breakfast.

    • Or do they Guzziguy, sleep I mean. They must find it difficult to sleep in the pitch black night and wake in the bright lightness of morning whiteness. They’ll deem to be racist if if they sleep through the night, ignoring the blacks. Glad I’ve put that thought in their pathetic little minds.

      • Interesting – it’d be great to see some statistics on the take up of each version after a period of time. I’d bet it be something like: original version 99.5% of sales/woke version 0.5% of sales.

        Go woke go broke!

    • Don’t forget the words of Heinrich Heine, when you burn books you will burn bodies next. Verbatim, sorry I cant remember the exact wording.

    • The wicked cunts will have plenty to go at with Live and Let Die.

      Glad I’ve got the books,both paper and audio,so they can Fuck Off.

    • But they’ll leave in all the times Bond has a drink. If you tot up Bond’s drinking in the novels, he’d be paralytic 75% of the time. W.C. Fields would have had to play him, not Sean Connery!

      But seriously, there is some phenomenal racism in the Bond novels.

      “Bond intended to stay alive on his own terms. Those terms included putting Odd-Job or any other Korean firmly in place, which in Bond’s estimation was lower than apes in the mammalian hierarchy.”
      – Goldfinger (1959 novel)

      Roald Dahl himself was a spy in American, spying on the Yanks. He and Fleming worked together and Dahl wrote the screenplay for You Only Live Twice (1967).

      Censorship is pointless. The world is an offensive place, people are offensive, religions are offensive, ideologies are offensive. People need to just get on with their lives and enjoy the aspects of life that invigorate them and stop looking to be perpetually offended by trivial differences of opinion and taste.

  5. Reading the link I discovered a minority I have never heard of before…….”the limb difference community.”
    You what? You fucking what? How do you come up with bollocks like that? You’d have to be a member of the “compulsive masturbation community” I reckon.

      • I wonder what the wokies would make of Pete and Dud’s “one legged Tarzan” sketch? They would have a touch of the screaming ab dabs on behalf of the limb difference community.

      • They only post on IsAC in-between wanking off to Jeremy Corbyn’s private collection of Diane Abbott peek-a-boo photo collection.

      • Did someone mention Derek & Clive?

        CLIVE : You know that big nîgger who lives down the road?

        DEREK: Him? Yeah. Oh, lovely.

        CLIVE: Huge black cunt. I said, I said to him, I said, um, Ephraim, strange name for a black, innit? I said there’s a load of cunts down the BBC and they need sorting out. I said, um, this should appeal to your fucking primitive urges cos I said you like cannibalism, don’t you? You like eating people alive in a frying pan. I said, go round to the BBC with some of your mates dressed up in your loincloths and that, and, er, paint yourselves up in different colours or whatever you cunts do back in Africa. And so he said, er, oh, it’s nice, that and he, he, he said what do we do when we arrive? I said, go beserk, tear the fucking place down.

        DEREK: Yes, spunk all over the fucking centre.

        CLIVE: Spunk all over the Director General and kill everyone in the studios, you know, and, um, he was all, you know, he got about forty of these côons gathered together to rush round to the BBC. And I was really looking forward to it. I was looking forward to tuning in to the news that night and seeing the news on the BBC. The BBC had been burnt to the fucking ground.

        DEREK: Yeah. Yeah. Four… forty thousand.

        CLIVE: I turned on the Nine O’clock News. There was Kenneth Kendall, calm as a cucumber. No story about anything burning to the fucking ground. And do you know what the cunt, black, nîgger poof, cunt said when he came back?

        DEREK: No?

        CLIVE: “Oh, I’m sorry. I couldn’t find it.”

        DEREK: No!

        CLIVE: “I lost my way”, he said.



        😂

      • Evening RTC.
        Until recently they had all the Derek and Clive stuff on Spotify, and I gave it a regular airing. Never gets old!
        However, they took it all down, except the ditty ‘I’m a N*****r and I fucked a white chick’
        How fucking bizarre!

      • I have the complete collection RTC, but it was nice to have on hand 24/7! 😃

  6. This is a burning of the books in all but name. The irony is lost on the wokers. Those who control the past control the future and its a future that I want no part of. Every cunt will have blue hair

    • Very well put Mr. Thompson. Why burn with fire when you can simply turn them into tools of indoctrination? Besides burning may contribute to climate change.
      Those holding the originals can sell for a premium.

      • I’m absolutely loving your Nom Starseeds.

        Fuck me sideways with a pineapple.

  8. I have just looked up some memorable first lines in famous books.

    On the basis that almost everything can offend someone or other, will these books ever be published again?

    Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen (1813)

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

    Ulysses, James Joyce (1922)

    Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.

  9. Sorry, this nomination has been cancelled by woke decree.
    All comments will be deleted forthwith.

  10. They could do a special edition for ISAC, after the word Fat use cunt, same with Ugly, the Oompa Loompas could be short arse cunts.

    The woke wars, if the straight talkers took them on the woke would capitulate with hurt feelings 💪

  11. They’ll be opening the closed libraries, calling them The Woke ones. Can’t wait to finish off the wording over the front door to, “Words Of Known Eegits”.

    • I turned it off Ron. She was talking about riding, I presume horses. The fat cunt wouldn’t be able to mount one. It would be much easier if the horse mounted her.

    • As a fat person she would tend to shit more than the average person and as such is full of shit.

      No offence

    • What an ugly, fat heifer!
      And that grating voice, like chalk on a blackboard!
      I managed 13 seconds, don’t give a fuck, love.
      Get the kettle on, 2 and a coo.

  13. Excellent nom from the Duke of Cuntshire with a superb recommended reading list!

    Dahl was undoubtedly a bigot, a racist and personally, a total cunt. But if we are unable to separate our disapproval of some artists as people then we will forever be barred from appreciating and enjoying great art. That would be a tragedy. And Dahl was a terrific writer – both in his snarky children’s books and his creepy adult tales. His cantankerous personality is probably a large part of why he was so successful as a children’s writer. Children like a bit of malice in their books.

    “Sensitivity re-writing” is an abomination and part of the wider problem of censorship. How did the Dahl estate let this happen – because the estate was bought by woke snowflakes Netfux, who now own the copyright to all of Dahl’s works. But the good news is that Puffin have agreed to keep the original versions in print as the “Roald Dahl Classic Collection”. I wonder which version will sell better?

    Puffin Books are cunts.

    • Agreed MMCM.

      I was reading about the Marquis de Sade recently.

      Now he was a proper cunt but given the sexual degeneracy of the Left, he would probably be celebrated as a visionary.

      • Didn’t Sade propose free public brothels paid for by the state? Now why can’t the Labour Party adopt that policy?

      • Sorry to drain your wank bank, Cunty-it transpires Sade is none other than Mo Farrah in a wig-one I’d his numerous clever disguises😢

      • Afternoon LL…De Sade’s mind was an amazing thing, possibly the most warped mind that retained a very high IQ…my perverted imagination is nothing compared to his!
        Although I do hold back a great deal of disgraceful filth on this revered forum to avoid giving some of the more modest gentlemen an attack of the vapours…

      • Afternoon LL…De Sade’s mind was an amazing thing, possibly the most warped mind that retained a very high IQ…my pęrverted imagination is nothing compared to his!
        Although I do hold back a great deal of disgraceful filth on this revered forum to avoid giving some of the more modest gentlemen an attack of the vapours…

      • He was also a kiddy fiddler, sicko and admitted to being french.

        Not a approved childminder.

    • “Dahl was undoubtedly a bigot, a racist and personally, a total cunt. ”

      Top man, a the correct attributes. 👏

  14. The poofs and lezzers have petitioned to have “The Magic Finger” changed to “The Magic Fist”.

  16. Seems to be the case that the more the woke spreads through our culture the greater amount of porn and variety of porn there is, an interesting research project.

    • I’m gonna apply for a grant from the Economic & Social Research Council to fund a five year study.

      • I think you should, Ron.

        Just expand on BBs premise.

        Your application should read.
        A thesis on

      • the more the woke spreads through our culture the greater amount of porn and variety of porn there is,

  17. Does it mean we won’t be able to watch black and white films anymore ? If I say Film Noir, that might fox them.

    • Definitely, far too complex a word, nobody has told them to object to that on some spurious grounds.
      Yet.

  18. I couldn’t give a fuck.
    Never read book in my life.

    Get em in the log burner.

  19. I’m writing a book. It’s a modern day adaptation of Mark Twain’s, “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court.”

    It’s called “A MAGA Septic in King Chucky’s Realm.”

    In it I had to refer to Diane Abbot as obese and hideous…Keir Starmer as a Poofa Loofa…and Rishi Sunak as deeply tanned.

    They also insisted I disavow colonialism, embrace multiculturalism and make more references to the indigenous peoples of the world.

    OK…no big deal as that distinguished racist William Vibratingassegai once wrote…a cunt by any other name…

  21. I’m glad they’re killing off the Bond books.

    Some Walter Mitty type dressed as a waiter?
    👎

    Naw, I might read Andy Capp the novel?*

    * By read I mean watch the film

    • I take it you read about reports of yourself in the local newspaper Miserable, “pensioner crashes mobility scooter as flasher pounces”, “police left baffled by washing line theft spree” with maybe a scrapbook like all the greats?

      • ‘read about it?’
        They’re framed and hanging proudly on the wall!

        Next to the 3 flying ducks..

      • I fear that may pass some of the younger cunters by, Mis, but three flying ducks.

        Classic, thanks. I’m still laughing.

  22. Fahrenheit 451, and Nineteen Eighty-Four are superb books which scared the bejesus out of me when I was younger but was somehow fascinated by them.

    How near we are to these fictitious realities troubles me deeply, so I think I will have a few beers tonight. a

    • Fahrenheit 451 has always been a favourite of mine. I’ve read books that I would have loved to burn, but I wouldn’t have wanted to burn anyone else’s copy.
      I could write my own book which would make ‘War And Peace’ look like a pamphlet. The title would be ‘People I Wish I’d Never Met’. And if I ever got to complete it I know I’d be immediately starting on volume 2.

  23. Nuclear obliteration can’t come quick enough.
    Start again, a kind of reverse metamorphosis.

    • Stephen Hawkins read the first chapter, he was due to narrate the whole exciting tome, but he died of boredom.

      • The last book I read had everything,
        Drama, suspense, rounded characters and a enthralling roller coaster of a plot.

        Still remember a verse

        “I could not, would not on a boat
        I will not! Will not with a goat
        I will not eat them in the rain
        Not in the dark,
        Not in a tree!
        Not in a car, you let me be!
        I do not like them in a box
        I do not like them with a fox
        I will not eat them in a house
        I won’t eat them with a mouse
        I will not eat them here or there
        I will not eat them anyway!
        I do not like Green eggs and ham
        I do not like them Sam-I -am.

        Written by a doctor.
        About a fussy eater.
        Probably bulimic or summat?

      • They’ll be curating Dr. Suess next.
        I’m sure he mentioned fat somewhere.

        But if they cancel “The Fat Catapillar” I’m going postal.

      • David can’t get to sleep until Victoria has read to him where Spot the Dog went on holiday.

  26. Fortunately, common sense (and a little help from market forces) has seen a reversal of this policy of replacement, though a sissy version will be available alongside its full fat older brother.
    On the subject of what constitutes offensive literature, I’ve been looking at what books are being banned from US schools, now, and in the past.
    Some include, Darwin’s origin of the species, 1984, and even Harry Potter!
    Most of the recent books banned (in some, not all school libraries, not yet anyway) have alphabet themes, so rather than woke censorship, you have the opposite, whatever that would be called.
    One of the non alphabet books is Nineteen minutes by Jodi Picoult, which is about a school shooting. I would have thought it should be required reading, as it might have advice on how to survive one.

    • I read that book, turns your stomach.
      Also, We need to talk about Kevin.

      My days. Write a manual about how to mass murder, why don’t you?

      • Who, me?
        I’ve not, or likely to read it, yet it seems there are those more offended by a fictional book about a school shooting than an actual school shooting.
        And you don’t need to write a manual.
        Go to Walmart. Buy assault rifle. Shoot up school children.

      • What is your problem?
        Fucksake, I’m not having a go at anyone, my post is on topic, and roughly supports the nom.
        So much for free speech.

      • Thats the problem, I wasn’t even being off fucking message!
        It’s why 99 percent of the time I don’t bother.
        I should stick to twitter, at least I can stick up for myself without being kicked off. I can call Owen Jones and Nigel Farage a cunt in the same sitting, with a picture of my actual head instead of a cowardly avatar.
        An Elon likes the free speech.

      • Except you can’t make off-message remarks about U.S. gun culture and expect to get away with it!

      • True, I’ll probably be called a lefty twat again for dissing school shooters easy access to guns.

      • You can pretty much say what you like on twitter, and if someone calls you a cunt, you can rip fuck of them.
        Boring cunts you can block, so that’s a bonus.

      • Steady on there, fellas.
        You’ll have General “Middy” Winter on your asses if you’re not careful.
        “Ma arm is long and ma vengeance is total!”

    • ‘Nineteen minutes’ although I’m not overly familiar with it, sounds like a decent or at least interesting read despite its apparently morbid context.

      Mrs Jelmet has read a couple of Jodie Picoult novels over the years and is quite a fan.

      • Evening HJ.
        My ex wife had a few of her books, so I thought Picoult was a chick lit author.
        Shows how much notice I took! 😆

  27. Get to Fuck, I re read Flash for Freedom once every couple of years, it’s a belly laugh read about slavery and Flashmans disregard for foreigners in general.! Might start it again later.!

  28. Sorry? The worlds black and white have been removed? In reference to anything , not just people??

  29. What about Mein Kampf? Never been out of print and never been censored. It’s much more likely to offend, isn’t it? And it’s a manifesto, not a work of escapist fiction like the Bond novels, Willy Wonka or Harry Potter. Indians lap up Mein Kampf in their own country, one wonders if they also do so in Britain, America, etc.

    Not that Mein Kampf is required reading in schools! I recall Mein Kampf being in pretty much every Waterstones, Dillons, Ottakars (all bought out by Waterstones now) twenty years ago, but you don’t see it in stores now.

    It’s all a bit rich that book gets censored for schools, but the government seems to not give a shit about all the horrifying hatred, porn, brutal assault videos on the internet that kids have access to all day via their phones.

  30. Mein Kampf is the most boring book I have ever read.

    Utter tosh.

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