Pork Scratchings

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I love a bit of pork ! And I used to love a bag of pork scratchings with a pint down the pub.

Sadly for me however, is that this traditional snack seems to have followed modern trends. Eg fucking about with something that was good as it was in order to try and cater for every Cunts different tastes.

These days you are offered a choice.
Would sir like barbecue? Or chilli? Salt and vinegar or maybe a porky puff.

For crying out loud can I just have a bag of pork scratchings!!
Please.

Dry roast sir. “Fuck off cunt and give me a bag of nuts.

Would sir like dry roast ? Etc
Hope you get the picture and why it’s a Cunt.

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Nominated by: Everyonesacunt

107 thoughts on “Pork Scratchings”

  1. Swmbo bought some for me the other day from a farm shop near me, salty and hairy just as they should be and fucking delicious, but then the skin off most meaty products is yumbles especially lamb skin.

  2. I love pork scratchings. However I am a big hater of the soft or hairy ones in the pack. Shamina Begum can have them, she can have the second prize as the cunt ain’t getting her passport back lallalallala

    • Whole heartedly agree with the sentiment CCtCM, but I’d give you high odds she does get her fucking passport back. Mark my words, in the not too distant future you will hear that she’s back here with a new identity living at a secret location somewhere fucking obscure. On benefits.

      Sorry, going OT again.

  3. I agree with this cunting, some things shouldn’t be fucked about with.
    Take fish and chip shops as another example. I just want chips for crying out loud, to go with my fish. Shove your curry battered chips, I just want deep fried potato.
    And while you’re at it, wrap them up in newspaper like they ought to be.

    • Totally agree,
      Pub fodder should be pork scratchings, salted peanuts or a bag of crisps.

      Otherwise you get children and other riffraff in.

      Some things should be left alone.

      Kryptonite to vegans, Muslims, posh cunts.

      🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

      • Don’t forget those little individual “ploughmans” packets pubs sold containing some crackers, a little block of cheese of unknown origin and two of three pickled silverskin onions. Don’t know if they still do them.

      • Loved them, and scampi fries.

        Ps, still available at Asda, don’t eat them if you have a mouth ulcer.
        Today’s Top Tip!

      • …dunno if this was just a Midland thing but as a young boozer we’d have a bloke come in the pub about 9 o’clock of a Frday night wth a wicker tray of seafood nibbles; mussels, cockles etc. and he’d do the round of all the locals. A tray a prawns (plenty o’ vinegar) washed down with inadvsable quantites of Brew X1… ‘kin ‘andsome.

  4. I heard that in order to be more diverse and inclusive, one company is test marketing some new flavors in the London area for their Camel Scratchings.

    • That’s exclusivist! Why aren’t they also doing Chiggun Skin Scratchings, not to mention Chicken Feet Scratchings?

      • Not so fast Ron. Mr. Doctor Nandi M’butu OBE, PDQ, FU, WTF, Marketing Director for Multicultural Food Corp of Greater Britain and Londonistan, has announced a new line of scratchings:

        Hippotamus Scratchings
        Giraffe Scratchings
        Bush Baby Scratchings
        Bonobo Scratchings.

        To compliment this new line of Diverse Scratchings they will also offer an equally diverse line of dipping sauces:

        Acacia Sauce
        Baobob Sauce
        Esparto Sauce
        Whistling Thorn Sauce

        Yum!

      • But wait there’s more African pub treats!

        Honey badger scratching with tsetse fly sauce

        Bush rat scratching with Ebola sauce

        District Nine Prawn with that rocket fuel sauce

  5. Another thing that will be eventually banned, so not to upset certain people..

    Had a call back today to a cafe we fitted a odour control system to.
    Apparently someone has complained about the smell of bacon frying..

    Well it was the Olympic Park in Stratford.

    • “…someone has complained about the smell of bacon frying..”

      What the… sick wankers should be hunted for sport… with dogs… lots of ’em!

  6. I haven’t had Pork Scratchings for years.
    This thread has given me a craving for some.
    Hmmmmm

    • Careful CG. They aren’t what they used to be.

      I loved a bag of Mr Porky’s famous pork scratchings with a pint. My favourites being the ones with a big wedge of flash fried powdery pork fat on them.

      Now they taste like cardboard and are clearly just manufactured and recycled pork fat instead of rind.

      Revolutions have started over less.

  8. Mr Porky’s are the ones.
    Regions may vary.

    But here? Mr Porky’s.

    He should be on the Honours list.

    Remember being in a pub I was about 15.
    Bladdered.
    Eating scratchings or crisps and dropping one on the bench,
    Picked it up and chewed it.
    My mate was in fits of laughter.
    I’d picked up and chewed a big hairy moth 😄🦋

  9. Amazingly, pork scratchings are actually GOOD for you! You’d think not, but though they have quite a lot of fat, 2/3 of that are mono and polyunsaturated fats, which are good for your heart. High protein content, too.

    But it will anger Allah, so don’t do it, you kafir scum.

    • Dunno why Muslims think pigs are dirty animals?

      The Chinese are worse.

      Pigs are great!

      Smart, edible, and have personality.

      Muslims should look at themselves.
      They stink far worse than a pig.

      • Much rather share a pub table with a pig than a peaceful, more likely to get a round in and doesn’t stand on the toilet seat to have a shit.

      • Well, the Heebs and the Muslims don’t eat anything that feeds on faeces. Pigs eat EVERYTHING, even the bodies of Mafia victims, so they get the boot, but even seafloor-feeding marine life like prawns, lobsters and Michael Gove are off the kosher and halal menus.

        It’s a wild world, innit, Cat?
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jta56wBl7SM

      • I’ve never eaten lobster.
        It’s on my bucket list.

        Once ordered it in a restaurant on valentine’s Day.

        Cunts had run out.

        Nearest I’ll get is wood lice.

      • Get to Lidl.

        They’ve still got lobster that they hoped to sell at Christmas. Reduced to £7.99 for a whole one.

        Fucking lobster, in Sheffield, on the Woodthorpe?

        It always makes me howl with laughter when they have a special buy on horse related shite.

      • Mis, just get some crab-sticks, LSD and a cardboard cut-out of Elizabeth Taylor and voila! French Riviera, 1965. 😀

      • Pork is a funny meat that can have some nasty little critters in it when raw, such as tapeworms, but is ok when cooked. You never see pork as a raw food for dogs nor on the menu as a tartare at restaurants, so for that reason, I believe this is why pork was deemed bad in some religions.

        Amyway, I have 2 packets of unsmoked bacon in the fridge.

      • Cuntologist:

        There are loads of videos on YouTube, showing people pouring full fat Coca Cola on raw pork and all the worms coming out🤢

      • Those of the Negro persuasion over in The Colonies LOVE pork. Not the ones who have converted to Islam, of course. When they offered Mike Tyson pork chop in prison, beat the kitchen worker’s brain so hard that the man – who was inside for stealing a microwave – later became the mayor of Chicago.

  11. Haven’t had these in years. It’s a bit of the past gone by for me, like when you used to get a crusty cheese and onion cob or a pickled egg with your drink down the pub.

    Those were the days.

    • A pub i used to frequent also had bricks on the bar full of red matches, so you would get the smell of a lit match, a ciggie or pipe and many tasty treats including the local ladies. Great days.

      • Indeed. The days when pubs used to employ milf barmaids with a filthy laugh and tits like water melons.

        Nowadays chances are you’ll get an emaciated looking bloke with a wispy beard and a hair bun, who’ll tell you that it’s a ‘ploughperson’s’ when you ask for a ploughman’s.

      • The days when a bar maid knew that working in a pub was cleavage=pints, flirts=pints, bants=pints, pints = work. I never saw anybody overstep the mark. More often than not it was the barmaids giving the punters grief. Glory days.

        Tits like water melons…….. gold.

      • As a student Ron, one part time job my wife had was a barmaid in the Armada under spaghetti junction. Is it still there I wonder? Anyway she mostly enjoyed the work but she did complain that if she smiled as she served a black guy most of them seemed to assume they were well on the way to getting inside her knickers. She didn’t even have tits like water melons then. That came later with pregnancy.

    • The pubs that still survive are full of young arseholes who drink WKD alcopops through a straw (fucking fairies). Or modern parent twats who bring their satanic offspring in with them. Then there’s that Sky Sports shite on a big screen all the time. And the modern cunt who infests pubs these days. The sort of cunts who wear shades in the Winter and blow air kisses at each other at the bar. Complete bastards, in other words.

      • Pubs were closing like pharaoh tombs due to them being expensive as fuck to run. Simply offering lukewarm foosty beer, a broken fruit machine and a clientele that could count in shillings didn’t and won’t cut it in this century. Young folk will walk away from the booze lifestyle by 2050, I reckon. Weed, shagging and being mind-controlled by Elon Musk is the New Way.

  12. Nothing better than a bag of pork scratchings to go with a pint of ale. Have to be proper ones though, not just the bags that have just the soft bits in.
    Can’t eat them at home though. Cat can sniff them out and loves them, but at nearly 19 I’m not sure they are the best for her teeth.
    I have to shove them down as quickly as I can to stop her pestering me.
    First had the flavoured ones about 5 years ago. Were ok, though my ring piece paid the price for eating them and vainglorious 10 pints the next day.

    • Funnily enough Miserable has just written a nom on his minging toenails. Crack a tooth on one by the sounds of it.

  14. Mr Pork’s after eight pints of Theakstons.

    Spot on.

    Those were the days.

    I bet they have a calorie warning on them now and Mr Porky has probably been indefinitely detained by order of the Health Secretary.

    Cunts.

    • Scratchings are the food of the gods.
      Scoff as many as possible to offends the cunts that don’t want you to…😁👍

      • Wish Fiddler was back.

        Bit boring without Dicks insight and advice.

        Just not the same on here.☹️

      • I was just in touch with Gutstick Japseye from his hammock on the island of Mauritius and he said that Dick is simply undergoing a 28-day psychiatric observation. Apparently, as he dragged from his undecorated piss-stinking hovel flat that had two dead cats in it, he screamed,

        “AT LEAST LET ME TAKE THE SOLID GOLD BUST OF LORD KITCHENER WITH ME!!!
        WHO WILL FEED THE HOUNDS?”

        😀

      • @MNC. Fiddler always fucks off when it’s his round.
        The old rogue.
        I’ve got him sussed.
        The cunt.

  15. Scampi Fries for me.

    The taste and smell of Grimsby docks in a natty little packet. Perfect and they
    always went well with a few pints of alcoholic apple juice.

    That’s all going to watch some porn now starring the lovely Remi Lacroix. Bet she didn’t smell of scampi.

    • Evening LDC…I’ve recently been rediscovering the yesteryear pornographic delights of my youth:
      Color Climax
      Little Oral Annie
      Desiree Cousteau
      All free and easily streamable…marvellous stuff.

      • I thought that might garner a twitch in your loins Mr Engine. 😂

        I have now finished with Remy for the night, she’s now showering off after enduring my advances for a few minutes…

        I’m not so much of a fan of the vintage stuff, too much hair for my taste, that said I quite like Nina Hartley in her younger days, some of her flicks with Peter North were most watchable and almost artistic. Well, maybe.

  17. Those things in the header pic look like the kind of ‘ decorations ‘ that Shamima Binbag will have hanging on her matted fanny.
    Enjoy.

  18. I blame the hipsters, those arsewipes can’t leave anything alone without ruining it and putting a ‘twist’ on something that no cunt asked for.

  19. Pork scratchings are for gays and trannies.

    Order up the real thing as a tapas, you poofs.

    Orejas de cerdo.
    Entire pigs ears, complete with the hairy bits.

    Fucking pork scratchings out of a plastic bag!!
    Shove them up your dung funnel.

  20. Pork scratchings? That’s something we don’t have in Londonstabistan anymore.

    Unless you are talking about those things growing around Katie Price’s fanny.

  21. Back in the 70’s I remember scratchings having purple ink stamped Danish on some of them.

  22. Skanky Fries, the worst ‘Pub Grub’ ever! Scampy Fries was it’s real name. (Funny that because Wordfence don’t recognise the second definition!?)

    Bare in mind that if you dare, participate in any of these bar snacks, back then, you needed to thoroughly wash your hands, before going back home to confront the misses!

  24. My husky, a breed known to eat frozen fish, would turn his nose up at pork Scratchings. I would regularly use his 6th sense. So what was good for him, was good for me. Recon he saved me many a belly ache, or worse, on many occasions. A wonderful dog, & no kidding!

    • The thing that has always bothered me about dogs is why, if they have such an amazing sense of smell, do they have to shove their noses so close to a turd or another dog’s arse.

      Their sense of smell is supposed to be thousands of times better than a human.

      Can you imagine how bad a lump of shit would smell to you from half a millimetre away if you could smell a thousand times better than you can?

      I love dogs but I think that their noses are over rated.

      • A good point A.C. My dog & he was a male, for some unknown reason, never did that sniffing other dogs ‘bits.’ I was certainly happy with that. But he did have an excellent sense of smell.

      • It’s because dogs are dirty, useless, noisy cunts. And probably all homosexualists too! Craziest thing I ever saw when I was in the US was when my neighbour found some dirty fucking mongrel in his garden knotted with his award winning pooch. I had never seen someone go purple with rage until then. He grabbed a knife from the kitchen and grabbed hold of the mongrel, which was a far sized creature. I thought he was going to stab it but he had other plans. He grabbed the tail and with one slice took the fucking things cock, right from behind the knot😖😖 I have never heard such a high pitched scream of pain from an animal.

  26. When I’m back in the UK I pay a visit to my local Bookers C&C. Huge packs of real pork scratching, not the soft ones for wimminz and homosexualists, but Mr Porky’s teeth crackers, a catering pack of bacon and roll of black pudding. Food of the Gods!

  27. Yes – a fellow pork scratching cunt!

    Luckily, I am the only one in my house who adores these, and I relish the opportunity to pig out on these when I can, particularly satisfying after 6 cans of Stella.

    Totally with you on this one, don’t fuck about with someone that isn’t broken.

  28. I remember a pub in Wolverhampton back in the eighties which sold at least a dozen different brands of pork scratchings. Now I don’t eat meat, I find Snyder’s Jalapeno pretzel pieces a reasonable substitute when I’m pissed.

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