Auto Correct, sometimes known as Predictive Text.

Yes, we’ve all done it I’m sure. We’ve sent a text or email to someone or some site such as ISAC without proof-reading first. And yet it’s only after you’ve submitted the message do you actually read what you’ve just sent, only to find a spulling mkesteke!

Inevitably we do a follow up post with the correct wording followed by a blame-game moan usually on the lines of “fucking phone”, “fucking Apple/Android”, “fucking predictive text!”

The thing is, 9 times out of 10 auto-correct is probably doing its job; its the user that just isn’t paying enough attention prior to sending.

All the same auto-correct can be a pain at times especially if you haven’t set the auto-correction dictionary to English (UK) rather than the default English (Yank).

The other thing of note regarding auto-correct is that it makes us very lazy when it comes to spelling and learning words now that we know AC will do the biz (although we still need to double-check)

Anyway, I will check this nomination prior to submission because I don’t want any of you cunts to spot any errors, and neither do I want to blame auto-correct when there’s actually no need.

Nominated by: Technocunt

50 thoughts on “Auto-Correct

  1. Try sending an email in French as I have to do occasionally. Autocorrect goes into hyperdrive, fucking squiggly red lines everywhere.
    Invented by cunts for morons who can’t spill.

  2. Ok Techno you spend all your time on fucking computers so you can’t fucking spell. So now you’re trying to blame the computers for the fact you’re an ignorant cunt. It’s like Lord Mandy blaming the Brazilians for producing such pretty little rent boys.
    You’ve been sussed mate.

    • Guilty as charged, officer!

      I used to be rather good at English grammar at school (O level grade B, I think). But with the advent of computers and early desktop publishing apps like WordStar and their built-in spell-checkers, it made me rather lazy trying to remember/recall certain words such as bureau, graffiti and entrepreneur (one of which I had to double-check)

      Not to worry though. Give it a few more years and we’ll all be talking Street and writing in txtspk

      • “I used to be rather good at English grammar at school (O level grade B, I think”…….Egghead…it’s a toilet-swirly for you at the next …isaCunt AGM.


      • Thanks for the warning Dick. I’m keeping my grade at English Language ‘O’ level to myself.

      • I got expelled at 15 and was only allowed to take maths and English and failed them both.

        Am I safe from a swirling?

        Dive bombing was better. climb on top of the cubicle, wait till some poor kid gets in, sits down. Your mate holds the door. Keks down, try and shit on him. Great fun.

      • Techno, the correct spelling for entrepreneur is entreprenoor. Just ask Dubya Bush, or any American, for that matter.

  3. What pisses me off is that there’s no option in the settings to switch the fucker off…

    • I think there usually is Dio, but it’s often difficult to find. I certainly have it set to “off” on all my devices.

  4. Good Morning,

    Auto correct was probably invented to cover up the shortcomings of our educational system.

    I find it’s defects are less noticeable if you are posting on a site with an edit button.

  5. Driving at 100mph through rural towns and villages, throwing waste plastic and other debris from the window, whilst composing casual racist replies on IsAC-One simply doesn’t have the time to “check the checker!”

    • Oops!
      I was trying to work out what “dog eaters” was “autocorrected” from, then the meaning dawned on me.

      I do like a good pint of Dogbolter, though.

  6. I say bring back the old phones when you had to press the number 7 four times for a S.

    When texts where never more than a sentence. Start typing give up and phone them instead.

    • Personally I prefer semaphore for personal communication.
      Technology got too difficult for me to cope with when Samuel Morse invented his code, the cunt.

      • Note much of a code, is it?

        I cracked it simply by going to the library.

        Same as that Enigma shite. Took some pooftahs with a garage size computer months to sort that out. Just go library you muppet.

  7. I blame that slap headed, data from star trek-looking ‘meta’ twat Zuckerberg.
    Fucking Idiot with his techno predictive text bullshit. Stick it and facebook up yer arse ya CUNT!

  8. I’m too young and busy to bother about ‘proof reading ‘ .

    If some OCD Rainman objects to my grammar?
    Well, we all have our crosses to bear don’t we?

    I don’t know how to turn my auto correct off and it’s in yank English!

    But that’s ok.
    In fact I think it’s pretty neat.

  9. At least it accepts that ” oon” with a “C” in front of it is a word… which is an improvement on WordPress

    • Does it accept ‘niggardly’, a word with no racial connection whatsoever, yet still a no-no?

      • There’s some fucking odd words that seem to upset WordPress,Geordie…Admin fixed a lot of them a while ago but there’s still the odd innocuous word that causes it to have a hissy fit.

      • If you constantly drum a word into the confounded spelling machine, it will accept it eventually.

  10. Once when we were going to visit one of the kids I had gotten involved in some task and my wife sent her a text; “We’ll be a bit late, your dad’s faffing.” Autocorrect changed “faffing” to “fading”. Cue much hilarity at my expense.

    • Sorry arfurbrain old chum, “gotten” went out with the Ark and the yanks picked it up again and started rubbing it back in our faces.

      • Got me (see what I did there?) bang to rights Sammy!
        In my defence (Please, not defense!) I would quote a certain Mister William Shakespeare who wrote in Richard III; “With much ado at length have gotten leave, To look upon my sometimes royal master’s face.” Still, it’s not the only area where I’m behind the times.

  11. The spell checker isn’t wrong if you teach it correctly. Its your slave. It won’t let you down. Don’t expect it to wipe your arse for you on everything. It won’t automatically give you the swear word you want because of its genteel upbringing. I don’t think there’s a setting ? If taught correctly from the very beginning it will behave itself and not give you these so-called lazy hamshank settings. Come on lads, give us your programme with me on the end.

  12. Don’t confuse predictive text, which guesses what you want to type next, with autocorrect, which corrects the spelling of what you have already typed in, often changing the whole fucking word to something entirely different to what you want. They are not the same thing. I have them both switched off to save time and my hair.

  13. If you mis-spell something on my phone and it gets into the dictionary you don’t seem to be able to get rid of it afterwards.
    Slightly off topic, but if you use Teams and ask it to subtitle a meeting that is being held in English , but in a foreign language you can understand, it comes back with some really weird stuff, often on the mucky side!

      • I had a Chinese girlfriend who couldn’t speak English and it was like being a child in a sweetshop. I taught her to say anything l wanted. “I love you longtime” was one of my favourites.

  14. There used to be a website called “Damn you, Autocorrect”.
    People posted texts that they had sent and some of them were so funny, I’d have tears of laughter pouring down my face.

  15. Auto correct is indeed a Cunt and the worse site I know is a betting site where I tip on ggs and footie. It is a fucking Cunt

  16. Fuck auto correct, it’s that QWERTY bollocks that pisses me off, as a highly skilled one finger typist a more logical ABCDE keyboard would be preferable.

    Auto correct, quite amusing seeing what comes up when I hit the wrong keys.

  17. Why do yanks say ass ? Have they the arse end of a donkey stuck up there. Not very funny, but it gives me an excuse to take the piss out of the cunts. Why don’t they go and ruin some other countries language for a change.

    • Pity we can’t have the yanks on tap, abling me to vent my frustrations whenever the need arises.

      • Had a landline phone when first moved to Switzerland. For some reason, its bundle of audomated messages was in a female American voice (hence audomated). After hearing some Martha whining “It’s nod my fault” for the nth time, I nearly ripped it out of the wall.

  18. Have never used it for spelling and have never needed to. It’s handy for spotting fat-finger mistakes, to which I am slightly prone.

    Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of MSM articles with spelling and grammatical errors resulting from the replacement of literate subeditors with spellchecking software. Plummeting standards, everywhere: the mangling of subtitles obtained from verbal reports by a robot, and don’t talk to me about the program the Chinese use to translate the instructions for their gadgets…when there are any.

  19. This nom inspired me to turn off auto correct on my i-phone. Thanks. Didn’t know it was a setting you could turn off!

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