Vive La France!
Let’s face it; one way or another, 2022 has been a bit of a cunt. Like any other year really. As we approach the festive season, we could all do with a bit of light relief, and who better to provide it than a Frenchman acting the cunt and making an arse of himself?
An unnamed Froggie senior citizen was recently admitted to hospital with (get this) a vintage WW1 shell measuring about 8″ by 2″ stuck up his arse. That’s right; not a butt plug, or a carrot, or a bottle, but a fucking shell.
Needless to say, this set off a major safety incident, with the potential incendiary having to be declared ‘safe’ before some brave medics took it upon themselves to play Russian roulette and remove it.
‘It is believed that the patient inserted it for the purpose of sexual pleasure’, a hospital spokesperson commented. No fucking shit Sherlock. Makes you wonder how many times he’d diced with death doing the same thing over the years.
Perhaps the silly old cunt was just yearning for that truly explosive orgasm we all crave. Could have rectum and left him prostate mind you… **
**I’ll get me coat…
Daily Fail Link. (Additional link provided by Geordie Twatt)
Nominated by : Ron Knee
** However, from a different perspective there’s these fine ladies,
Happy New Year! – The Admin Team **
If it was left up to me, all Frenchmen would have explosives rammed up their arse.
13
‘Quelle horreur!’
Junior School French, circa 1963.
I wonder if this is his favourite song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0KWyWwVp0E
5
Putting anything up your arse is a definite sign of The Gayness.
I wonder what thought process is going on when a man can look at an object and think to himself, “I wonder what that would feel like if I stuck it up my bottom?”.
But this was an historic relic.
He probably didn’t did not have it hidden away in a bedside drawer.
It would have been on display in his home.
When people came round and admired it he would be thinking,” That’s been up my arse”.
He probably got a kick out of that.
The perverted French fucker.
4
That’s the Frogs for ya. Filthy degenerate vermin.
5
I bet the French have entire hospitals which deal with nothing else but this sort of thing.
They’re fucking French, what do you expect?
9
And this photo should be shown in school books and up on the big screens at football matches, when they tell us to ‘celebrate’ the gayness.
7
don’t give them ideas – we already have this bollocks at the “Emirates”. Gay Gooners – fucking perverts.
1
“Up yours Delors!”
4
The shell has probably been there since 1939 when some Kraut fired it at the fleeing snail-botherer….surgeons should have put a metal punch on the primer and had at it with a lump hammer….give the fruity-frog the thrill of a lifetime one way or another.
17
You know what FF, I bet the old woofter has had it since then.
I bet lives were lost due to his sexual pleasures.
Probably was told to fire the shells at invading Jerries, but saw the box of shells and went ‘Hoh-hee-hoh! What have we here?’
The town behind him burned, as the Jerries swanned, while this fucker lay in a trench shoving all the artillery up his arse.
This was repeated throughout the land by the French army and explains why the Germans took France so easily.
From my upcoming book:
The Untold War
Cuntybollocks
2023
10
Filthy Cunt was probably planning to dock the French Navy up his alimentary tract forcing Good Old Winnie to sink the Sods before they could weigh anchor and steam off up Poop Canal.
9
I wonder if DCI can top that?
He must have witnessed plenty of embarrassing incidents where fruity gentlemen were innocently taking a shower when they slipped, their robe fell open and something bizarre found its way up their fudge tunnel.
9
I’d love to hear some of the stories the gays make up for this.
This old fruit probably said, “Zut alors! Ah waz at a World War Two reenactment, when ah bent orhvair to tie mah shoelaces. Mah pants zey fell down by zemzelves because ah have been dieting. Zey set off zee rocket from zee launcher and eet went raight up mah sheetpipe. Et volair, here ah am!”
7
Just the usual cucumber up the arse, tv remote control and a bird with a vibrator up her arse that was making her spine vibrate. (At least she didn’t claim she ‘Got out of the shower, sat down and it was just there’). Thing is, your arse becomes a vacuum and it’s quite hard to remove the objects as they get sucked up. People have died through doing this.
And probably without a smile on their face. Ooh la la!
9
“your arse becomes a vacuum”….
This is true.
And can pick up dog hair on the stairs.
Better than a Dyson.
10
Remote controls?
Imagine farting with one of them up there?
“Here, put it back on ITV, I was watching that!”
6
I remember a story in the papers from years ago about a bloke rushed to hospital with a hamster up his arse, pushed there by his little friend.
There was a comment from an RSPCA bloke who said ‘of course it’s the hamster I feel sorry for…’.
True story.
There was another about some oik rushed to hospital after trying to impress his oik schemie mates by trying to fire a rocket out of his arse on Bonfire Night.
Also true.
Folk are bonkers.
6
I have to say I’m a little disappointed, DCI.
I was expecting something a little more adventurous.
something like a Swarfega covered Gerbil, an accordion and an Exocet missile. All up the same arse.
5
Odin: Sir Elton’s lawyer, Avi Dikinit, remonds IsACers about the Super-Injunction on that little misadventure🤫
3
Sick fucker. Arses are waste disposal one way valves.
5
Dirty bottom bandit.Le oven.
5
Those wimminz in Admin’s bonus photo:
Left to right, then finishing off on second from the left😃
5
That picture reminds me why I forgive the frogs for snails, stripey shirts, Napoleon and not giving us any points at Eurovision, some of their women are super hot, and the accent alone can induce a boner. Shame about the hairy armpits but I am prepared to suffer for my art. Have fond memories of a young French lady whispering something to me many years ago, standing on her toes to get up close, thighs pressed against my leg and firm young breasts touching my arm. The hot breath on my ear, which was occasionally brushed by her lips. Fuck knows what she said but I nodded vigorously and at that moment would have happily given my soul to the devil in exchange for one night of passion. Sadly it was not to be, but please don’t feel sorry for me, as I got down and dirty with an energetic German foreign exchange student instead. I was less ugly back then. Must go, that erection’s not going to pull itself off.
4
“Fuck knows what she said”…..unless it was ” la plume de ma tante”, I can’t help you….that’s the only French phrase I know but it seemed,if bellowed hard enough, to attract their attention whatever the situation when I visited France on a rugby tour…..that and “if it wasn’t for the English,you’d be Krauts”
4
Knew a German bird at Uni. She liked it rough as fuck. I think it’s something in their national temperament.
4
It’s a case for Inspector Clouseau to investigate.
Return of the Pink Poofter.
‘Ee as a beum eup ees beum.’
14
Superb Geordie!
4
So it was a first world war shell. that makes more sense.
Because I was positive the Germans took France without a shot being fired.
Snail eating surrender monkey’s..
8
I’m not shocked by this.
Indicative of the French mind.
Elderly Frenchman?
It’ll be Emanuel Macrons dad.
The son shags dead bodies,
The dad crams artillery up his Khyber.
“Still dating Me shell?”
9
No! Surely more like Bridgette Macron’s first husband?
2
Measured 8 by 2.
So medium then .
1
French battle injuries are always up the arse. Unless they have stopped running and waved the white flag.
4
A very similar incident occurred in Gloucestershire Royal Hospital just over a year ago. Bomb disposal experts were called to remove a WW2 anti tank mortar. On this occasion the victim, again an elderly man claimed he slipped & fell on it, after having a clear out of his cupboard.
4
Ah Gloucester (or should that be ooh arr my lovuurrr?”)
Gloucester, where you can meet somebody’s girlfriend and mother and it’s one person.
God knows what deformed horrors lurk in the Gloucester maternity wards.
Did Fred and Rose get their statues in the town square yet?
Morning LS, morning all.
7
Gloucestershire – where if your wife and sister add up to more than one, you’re not local.
6
Careful. It’s next door to Worcestershire.
3
You need to shell out post-haste if you want the best orgasms.
3
Was it wrapped in a white flag?
French doctors have just been on strike and now I know why.
The cunt will be back next week with a jerry potato masher grenade wedged up there.
Dear me.
7
It must’ve been the longest bout of constipation on record.
2
Fucking hell…..couldn’t he get some Gaylord to give him a good bumming? It’s not as if there’s any shortage of them…..just look for the rainbow flag you cunt!
6
These continentals and their filthy practices…
3
You have to give the old bastard credit mind; 88 and still willing. Hope I’m still around and functioning at that age.
Morning all.
Absolutely mouth-watering collection of tight little bottoms there Admin. I’d take the brunettes…
7
I digress. Armed raid at Gareth Bale’s family home demanding gold. They left empty handed after being told to get knotted.
4
I read somewhere once, that anal insertion is meant to create a more explosive orgasm.
Perhaps he read the same thing, but something got lost in translation.
6
Don’t believe this for a moment. A Frenchman taking up arms…….
8
Wonder why the French are so kinky?
No wonder Hitler despised them.
No deviancy they won’t commit.
I’m a man of the world,
I’m ‘hip’ ,
Not frigid,
Many a night I’ve spent strapped to a rack in a suburban dungeon nipple clamps on and a cue ball in my mouth as a fat dominatrix stubs out cigarettes on my chest .
But the French make me spew.
Get to church you bloody pond dippers!
10
A fascinating insight into human sexuality Miserable.
Sounds like a good night out.
6
D’accord! Ze shell ees good rammed up ma feelthy Frenchy sheetpipe. Zat ees what they call a bit of zee Charles Avnoballs.
Zut alors!
10
Wouldn’t you think a man of his Calibre would find something better to do in life? ( I’ll fetch me coat )
5
Reminds me of the old fashioned tv adverts
I’m going well.
I’m going shell.
You can be sure of shell shell shell >
8