Facebook (4) Avatars

Anybody who uses Facebook “avatars”.

You know the cunts I mean. That stupid punchable Mark Zuckerberg lookalike graphic, usually wearing a party hat and grinning with all the authenticity of “Princess” Meghan, pointing up from the bottom right of some cheap wallpaper graphic used.

Usually accompanied by a near-illegible, poorly written question so inane anyone with half a brain, one eye and able to type “google” into a browser could answer for themselves in less time than it took to decide what fucking pose to put their cunting “avatar” in. Or if it’s not a question it’s a statement basically serving no purpose other than to advise total brain stem death.

“anyone no what time budgens open tia x”
“will be raining later pls?”
“who else remember generation game! Always my favourite watching while mam made tea on a saturdays lol”

Cunts. Every fucking one of them.

And then there’s the delusion and outright deception. You can pretty much guarantee there will be zero correlation between the avatar and that persons real life appearance.

Avatar looks like Zuckerberg? In real life they’ll likely be somewhere north of 25 stone, bald, and/or the other side of 60.

Blonde 20-something smiling cute female avatar? Forget it. None of those attributes will exist anywhere outside of their cheap shitty android phone they post from. Greasy unwashed hambeast with a mobility scooter and borderline downs syndrome is almost certainly closer to the mark. That or they’ll be older than the post office tower.

Thinking they’re supposed to individuality and quirkiness, all they do is single you out as being in the absolute fucking arse end of the gene pool. Every time I see that smug inane little cunt scroll past it makes me want to smash my phone screen-first repeatedly against the wall.

Live in the real world or fuck off. And take your body dysmorphia with you.

Nominated by: Bumblebore

37 thoughts on “Facebook (4) Avatars

  1. I know very little about this so I consider myself an expert on the subject,which means I could become a world class Facesbook leader.

    It’s full of nutters I understand pretending to be somebody they are not and they get to wear a digital disguise if they want?

    Odd as I’ve found the pinnacle of electronic communications to be online pornography.

    • ….you mean there’s other stuff the internet can be used for other than watching Frankie Vaughan?

  2. Never bothered with fuck-face, and I’m so glad. Life’s to short for fake friends.

    Endless pictures of inane grinning cunts with a plate of food in front of them..
    Yes you cunt I have been to a harvester.

    And the avatars, that’s understandable this country is beginning to look like the star wars cantina.

  3. There’s a cunt on a football forum I go on who, every time a sleb carks it, starts a thread saying what an effect he/she had on his life and what a great loss to humanity etc etc. He also changes his avatar to a picture of the said sleb and keeps it there until the next famous fucker keels over. Actually, very often they’re not that famous…..eg some unknown cunt who played bass in some obscure 70’s band nobody has ever heard of. I know I shouldn’t let it wind me up but this bastard living off corpses really gets to me.
    If I ever met him I swear I would kick seven shades of shit out of the cunt. Then I would start an RIP thread for him and use his bloody, smashed in face as an avatar. It’s my harmless little fantasy.

    • That Mork Suckerborg is one creepy motherfucker.
      Gives me the Fear.
      The Avatar looks more human than him.

      These are not the droids we are looking for…

  4. I always hope that these social media sites have one of their security outages, to expose the filthy double lives of the rich and famous – Stacey Solomon – mummy of the year, applying a cane across the backside of one of her brats, with a fag dangling from her lips, Jess Phillips leading her “husband” around on a dog lead in his gimp suit, Yvette Cooper being gang banged by Abdul and his friends in the back of the minicab, Lady Slubberguts, Emily Thornberry’s holiday photos, taken last year at the nudist club, showing her monstrous breasts hanging down to her pot belly, and buttocks with their flabby folds of flesh, showing full bush. Dame Kweer, in his Marigold gloves, and stockings and suspenders putting the lavatory bleach down the bog, while Mrs. Kweer writes, complaining about the mess he makes in there every day, and can anybody suggest a real good air freshener that lasts. WPC 69 Rayner A, writing of arresting Mandy again for cottaging. The Reverend Chris Bryant describing what he does to keep the choirboys amused in wet days in the vicarage, All human life is there….

    • Have you ever thought of applying to be the Labour Party press Secretary Mr boggs.

      Honestly your posts would increase their appeal ten fold..

  5. Is Facebook still a thing?
    I’m always being asked about something called Instagram?

    ” You on Instagram?”

    No, I’m not.

    “Oh you need to get on Instagram!”

    Don’t think so.

    “If you were on Instagram I could send you a load of pictures!”

    That’s why I’m not on Instagram.
    Fuck off

    • “Best flashing spots of the Pennines”?

      You’d soon be a Wing Commander of the Instagramming.

    • I share your opinion Mis. People have stared at me astonished, when I have mentioned that I have never been on Facebook but for the life of me I can’t see the attraction. From what I’ve heard it’s full of folks displaying pictures of their dinner and telling lies about what wonderful lives they lead when in reality they live in their bedrooms and have no friends.

  6. Aye, there was one on the local Incomers’ page from a woman who, judging by her facebook avatar ,is a mid- twenties “Cutie” whereas I know her to be a mutton-dressed-up-as lamb, moaning Baggage with a face that looks like someone has been using as a chopping-block….she was appealing along the lines of ” english tutur wanted 4 home schooled studend”…presumably her own efforts weren’t quite up to scratch.

    • Afternoon, Dick
      So glad to see that you’re not flagging in your pursuit of social harmony. Those mutton-dressed-up-as lamb, moaning Baggages need to be named and shamed. Before being fed to the hounds, that is.

      • Honestly, K., those fucking Incomers are the bane of my life ….it’s nearly enough to make me regret selling that field to the developer.

      • That’s the field on the floodplain, right? Or was it the one on the site of the old arsenic works?

      • Unfortunately not….and annoyingly I won’t be around to see their faces when they discover that I’ve genuinely left the field next door to them to The Gypsy Council….I’ve already told the local gossips but I suspect they don’t believe I’ll go through with it…they really don’t know me.

  7. I used Facebook for a few weeks.

    It’s shit.

    I got people that I fucking hate wanting to be my friends.

    Lots of pictures of people’s dinners.

    Lots of references to God.

    Fuck that.
    It takes about 3 weeks to have your account deleted.

    Using an avatar demonstrates complete cuntishness.

    I have an adorable photo that I would like to use on this site.
    Fuck knows how that’s done.

  8. Difficult cunting this one, as I think anyone who uses facebook is a cunt in the first place.

  9. Faeces Book is full of liars and cunts anyone a bit different with a right of centre opinion gets banned if they upset the wokey. I’ve looked at people I was at school with and now they are “friends ” with the kids they completely ignored or bullied, anything to ramp up their 1500 friends to 1501 what a load of crap.

  10. Facebook is sooooo 2010!!

    It still a load of shite and is showing its age as better alternatives are showing up or what Facebook is- a decrepit, over-engineered piece of crap that should have bene put out to pasture 10 years ago!

    It’s not wonder Meta (the owners of Fb) are getting rid of thousands of its staff across all of tis social media portfolios. It just isn’t attracting enough advertising precisely because the demographic with the best disposable incomes are usually seen on Twatter or LinkedIn.

    Add to that the number of security breaches Fb has had over the last 6 years, along with numerous downtimes (due to DoS) and massive bugs (usually down to when they do an upgrade they fix one problem but generate 10 new ones)

    Moreover, when they do do an upgrade they change so many things around on your account dashboard along with having to piss about with your privacy settings as to who can see what on your page, that a lot of people have just lost the will to live and fucked off elsewhere!

    Give it another 10 years and Facebook will be sold off, stripped of its assets (its massive user database) and buried in a deep trench of fetid shite!

    • I remember DoS attacks being a regular thing. Have they diminished or are they simply not reported any more?

  11. I was on Facebook about 10 years ago . It’s for narcissists and attention seekers. If you value privacy then don’t go near it.
    When i told them i want to leave it took about 3 weeks for facebook to let me go.

  12. I created an account many years ago and can’t seem to fully delete the cunting thing on the incredibly rare occasions I actually log on to the site

    If I spend more than one minute on Faecesbook I start to have some kind of panic attack.

    Friend requests from cunts who would pass me by in the street.
    So called FB friends who do pass me by in the street.
    Shite posts about banal crap.
    Everybody living their best lives and attempting to let every other cunt know about it.

    As for the avatars.
    Year before last it was the rainbow type avatar to declare to the world that you’d been and had fuck knows how many Covid injections.
    Last year was Ukraine flag avatar so as to stick it to Putin. (certainly easier than sitting indoors with the heating off)
    A few years back it was French tricolour avatars aplenty as the public over there were the victims of almost weekly attacks from peacefuls.

    Load of bollocks.

  13. Anybody who uses Facebook “at all”….


    Does it have an irritating alarm tone like my former office-sharing colleague’s Twatter? That too.

    I don’t use or even understand this shit. But not having “friends” makes it easier to do without, I suppose.

  14. For far too many, Facebook seems to act as a substitute for going to work and talking to people face to face. Some young lads try to use Facebook a bit too much and been forced to choose between that and staying in work. A couple chose Facebook.
    No surprise that those who were spunking away hours per day on that tedious arse of a site were unemployed and depressed.

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