Christmas Pop Songs

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A Festive/ bah humbug cunting for most Christmas pop songs.

Not carols or hymns, or anything that raises the spirit and is timeless, just the shite that gets blasted out of shops, pubs, restaurants and site radios.

My Top 10 christmas cuntdown of done-to-death festive caterwaulings;

10) So Here it is Merry Christmas (Slade)
9) Rock into Christmas (Fat Reg)
8) christmas song (The Darkness)
7) Last Christmas (Wham)
6) Lonely this Christmas (Mudd)
5) Rocking Around the Christmas Tree (Mel and Kim)
4) All I Want For Christmas.. is Cunt. (Mariah Carey)
3) Wonderful Christmas Time (Old woman McCartney)
2)Fairytale of Toothless Irishness.
And at number 1, it’s So this is Christmas (war is over)’ by John Fucking Lennon.

A few exceptions;
Bowie and Bing
David Essex’s Winters Tale
Bruce Springsteen’s half-pissed cover of Santa Claus is Coming to Town… Pissed.
Chris Rea’s Ddddrrrrvin hom fah chrsms.
Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Christmas.
(I Believe In Father Christmas by Greg Lake is the best Christmas song – NA)

Nominated by : Cuntamus Prime

With additional vitriol aimed at Noddy Holder from Cunt of the Litter:

Now being a child of the 70s I usually find myself cunting people of a more contemporary nature but laid up with nasty flu , this greedy old cunt is really gripping my shit.

Not content with the £500k plus royalties he gets a year from the god awful song. The old bastard has whored himself out to Iceland (Bejams not the country, but he probably would if offered ) because he thinks we are all love him and this song

As such it’s not good enough to hear it on every radio station going , we now have to hear him lining his already overflowing Brummie pockets courtesy of a budget supermarket.

Fuck off Noddy and let the royalties trickle down to your family who won’t fucking bother us every fucking year with their gurning faces on TV

CUNT

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127 thoughts on “Christmas Pop Songs”

  1. Anything by that cunt Cliff Richard, and the awful Stop The Cavalry, which is included as a Christmas song for the one line ‘Wish I was at home for Christmas’.

    • ‘Stop The Cavalry’ was an anti-war song with the ‘Home for Christmas’ line echoing the sentiments of the first world war where they thought it’d be over by Christmas so all rushed to join up. Putting sleigh bells on it was the icing in the cake. He retired off the back of it, plus his other couple of hits.

      Great tune! Dubaduba dum dum dubaduba dum dubadum dum dum dubadum…

      • I saw an interview with Jona Lewie years ago. Apparently the song had been a hit in France, without the bells, but that was about it.
        Dave Robinson at Stiff Records came up with the idea of putting bells on it and marketing it as a Christmas song.
        Clever bastard!

  2. And Mariah Carey.

    Even her magnificent tits cannot excuse her abomination ‘All I want for Christmas is you’.

  3. Lay off Noddy! Carey, Muckcartney, Wham and that fucking dreadful “up your arse” fairy tale tale song drive me to psychotic episodes.
    Happy cunting Christmas.

  4. Anything to do with Christmas would be bearable if it didn’t start in mid fucking November..

  5. I have been fortunate never to have worked in hospitality or retail. I can imagine launching a killing spree on 3rd December after having Mariah fucking Carey inflicted on me for the billionth time.

    I was talking to someone at work a few weeks ago. When accused of being a miserable bastard, I told them I actually liked Christmas but wish it was only a couple of weeks in December not a September to January shitfest.

    Got my ticket for Portman Road on Boxing Day.😃

    • Damned right. My colleague said I was a miserable bastard for not putiing up my tree on the 1st Dec. I said my tree is going up on the 18th, as is correct and anyone who puts up their decs on the 1st lives in a council house and shops at Iceland.

      • The wife’s sister puts her tree up on Christmas Eve and takes it down on Boxing Day. She makes an art form out of being a miserable bastard.

  7. According to the Wokies the Peacefuls are supposed to find Xmas offensive. ( like I fucking care) Well they can’t find it as offensive as me so bollocks to the goat shagging cunts.
    In this context may I give an honourable mention to “Ring Out, Solstice Bells” by the mighty Jethro Tull. I heard it once in a shop many years ago so it’s out there on the tapes somewhere. Not a great song but at least it’s different……..and the lyrics do not contain the C word.
    Fuck Christmas, fuck the Wokies and fuck the Peacefuls.
    Cunts.

  8. I’d like to pull to batter Noddy with a frozen turkey stuffed in a handy massive sock until all he can do is scream “It’s TERMINAALLL !!” and dies.

    • No fucking idea where the “pull” came from in my post…the subconscious mind is a complicated beast.

    • If the cunts getting half a million a year from his eternal disgrace then probably best to forge his will and become his sole beneficiary before seeing him off.

  13. Well, I like Christmas songs! ‘Heart Xmas’ started broadcasting at the beginning of October, I think.

  14. Thing is CotL, Noddy is not strictly a Brummie, he is a Black Country lad like myself. Now, many such folk take grave offence at being called Brummies, ranks somewhere alongside parky or moose limb. Hopefully he is a member of that group so keep it up mate!

    Personally I don’t get exercised about being called a Brummie; as my mother used to say, “I don’t care what you call me as long as it’s not too late for me dinner”.

  16. NO NO NO! Noddy is a national treasure, the Queen Mum (Gawd bless ‘er) of 70s pop music. You can’t cunt Noddy.

    I saw him on the idiot lantern once saying the best lines he ever wrote were:
    ‘Does your granny always tell ya that the old songs are the best,
    Then she’s up and rock n rolling with the rest.’
    How can we cunt a man who spoke to a whole generation with lyrics as profound as that? Leave Noddy alone (with his millions).

  17. I secretly like Walking in the Air from the snowman sang by every Mum/Granny’s favourite strait laced boy, Aled Jones,

    Love the snowman, but was traumatised as a young child when he melts at the end….

  18. It’s going to be a cold, lonely winter in Worcestershire and Ruislip. Perhaps Mariah could do a re-working of her Christmas Classic:

    ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Someone To Turn Up’.

  19. I like all Christmas songs.
    Also carols, hymns, and the cantos of Gregorian monks chanting.

    My favourite No1 hit at Christmas was the brilliant Mull of kintyre by sir Paul McCartney.
    Sublime !

    But when feeling religious it’s Little Donkey.

    • Little Donkey? That was a porn movie in the 70.s A horney nun taking the Donkey to the Barn where it was neither “Little” nor led! The Nun fucks the poor beast rotten and boy! What a finale !

      ( Is that the one Mis ? )

  20. The songs are shite but there is fuck all wrong with Noddy. The worst Slade song is his, and Jim’s pension fund. Good luck to him.

  22. The festive cheer continues here. Lovely decorations, a nice tree, staff wearing tinsel, and the biddies get up in the morning to sit in their chairs , go to sleep until time for bed. Still, Im warm! Xmas songs? We will get some entertainment as always, Bing Crosby, Sammy Davis Jnr, Nat King Cole and a guest appearance of Frank Sinatra!
    Still. Wish I was home for Xmas.

  23. What about Roy Wood and Wizzard, who sang “I Wished It Could Be Christmas Everyday”. Then you wouldn’t have to complain about it coming round too early.

  24. I suspect almost all of these 70’s pop stars made these Christmas songs and videos just to get close to the Kids…………….

    You know I’m talking about eh Cliff Richard?🤣

  26. I’ve always felt sorry for shop workers who have to listen to this shit on loop day after day. Surely they could claim some kind of mental torture is being inflicted by their employers.
    As for Noddy Holder. Slade were, despite the comic glam image, a fucking good band. Now their only legacy is that one fucking song.
    But it pulls in a lot of money and Noddy gets the chance to appear on telly every December telling the same tired old stories about it.
    Fucking sell out!

  27. There’s one piece of annoying shit missing from this

    Fairytale of New York

    That Cunt can’t even talk properly

  28. Kids love one of the oldest. “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth”, which came out when I was a baby.

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