Christmas Pop Songs

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A Festive/ bah humbug cunting for most Christmas pop songs.

Not carols or hymns, or anything that raises the spirit and is timeless, just the shite that gets blasted out of shops, pubs, restaurants and site radios.

My Top 10 christmas cuntdown of done-to-death festive caterwaulings;

10) So Here it is Merry Christmas (Slade)
9) Rock into Christmas (Fat Reg)
8) christmas song (The Darkness)
7) Last Christmas (Wham)
6) Lonely this Christmas (Mudd)
5) Rocking Around the Christmas Tree (Mel and Kim)
4) All I Want For Christmas.. is Cunt. (Mariah Carey)
3) Wonderful Christmas Time (Old woman McCartney)
2)Fairytale of Toothless Irishness.
And at number 1, it’s So this is Christmas (war is over)’ by John Fucking Lennon.

A few exceptions;
Bowie and Bing
David Essex’s Winters Tale
Bruce Springsteen’s half-pissed cover of Santa Claus is Coming to Town… Pissed.
Chris Rea’s Ddddrrrrvin hom fah chrsms.
Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Christmas.
(I Believe In Father Christmas by Greg Lake is the best Christmas song – NA)

Nominated by : Cuntamus Prime

With additional vitriol aimed at Noddy Holder from Cunt of the Litter:

Now being a child of the 70s I usually find myself cunting people of a more contemporary nature but laid up with nasty flu , this greedy old cunt is really gripping my shit.

Not content with the £500k plus royalties he gets a year from the god awful song. The old bastard has whored himself out to Iceland (Bejams not the country, but he probably would if offered ) because he thinks we are all love him and this song

As such it’s not good enough to hear it on every radio station going , we now have to hear him lining his already overflowing Brummie pockets courtesy of a budget supermarket.

Fuck off Noddy and let the royalties trickle down to your family who won’t fucking bother us every fucking year with their gurning faces on TV

CUNT

The Grocer News Link

127 thoughts on “Christmas Pop Songs”

  1. Not forgetting Band Aid (Band on the Bum) from 1984. Do they know it’s Fucking Christmas. With all them scroungers like Gelldoff, Phil Collins, Boy George & Midge ure a Cunt.

  2. I’m sure it was Noddy that appeared on a talk show many moons ago, talking of what he used to do as a youngster to earn a few quid.
    Which included taking a dump over a glass table whilst some paying pervert watched from underneath. The audience groaned as one, and he turned to them to say with incredulity ‘what? We’ve all done it haven’t we?’.

    • What is it with Brummie rockers of yore and their defacatery predelictions ? Tony lommi from Sabbath crimped one off into a record reps,meet n greet punch bowl allegedly having tried to short dick the band on the royalties front i remember reading somewhere .Most uncouth ?

  3. I’m with the Admin, Gregg Lakes ‘ believe in Father Christmas’ is a masterpiece. Cleverly arranged with The Sleigh Ride from Troikja.

    As for the rest, utter cuntitude, with Stop the Cavalry, Pogues and anything by Dame McCartney in the top three of all all time.

    On another another note I got wished a Merry Christmas by a peaceful yesterday evening 🫤

  4. I agree with Admin. – I Believe in Father Christmas is probably the finest ever Christmas song.

    Low – “Just Like Christmas” (sang by the recently deceased Mimi Parker who had the voice of an angel – RIP) is another favourite of mine.

    The worst ever is undoubtedly Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for fucking Christmas”

  5. If the awakening lot hope to turn snow black, just wait until it turns to slush, you dozy clots.

  7. Biggest pile of cunt for me has to be the insufferable ‘Stop the Cavalry’. It’s enough to induce me to open a vein.
    I heard that cunt Lewie retired on the proceeds. The only good thing about it is we’ve neverhad to endure anything from him since.
    Let me also add that gag inducing Band Aid shite.

    Morning all.

  8. Gary Glitter another rock and roll Christmas
    Sure it included the line
    You’ll never guess what you got from me
    Depends if you were an underage girl
    Love the seventies full of scary as fuck people but we didn’t care

  9. Band Aid – ‘Do they know it’s Christmas?’
    Probably not, as they were Muslims.
    Complete shite without doubt, but at least a bunch of sanctimonious pop star wankers felt good about themselves.

    • A John Ravenscroft favourite, RTC.
      I see your Shonen Knife and raise you a Elvis’ Blue Christmas. (For the love of Dog how the fuck do you do links?)

      In other news I’ve moved to Shrewsbury and am hoping to soon visit the public lavatory in the cemetery where John Peel was raped by a fellow pupil. Might knock one out as a tribute to the great man. (Even if he was exposed as a bit of an erstwhile nonce post-throwing a seven), Wish me luck!

  11. Christmas Songs, you say?

    Honourable mentions to: Christmas Song: Tull, A Christmas Carol: Gordon Giltrap, A Christmas Carol: Tom Lehrer.

    Leftfield Entries: Thracian Christmas Carols: Mode Plagal

    (the only Christmas music found lurking on my phone, with the addition of Solstice Bells by the Tull)

  12. Bloody good pension plan as Noddy said a while back.
    Gary glitter has a similar plan still gets all the royalties, he’s out next year cos he kept his nose clean in prison according to msm. Would have thought keeping his nose clean was easy for him, not many nine year old girls in the big house eh. Wonder if he is now known as Hasif el hamza Glitter

  13. All these Christmas songs are supposed to put us in the mood for the warmth of the festive season. Never seems like that when you’re in Poundland with Mr and Mrs Snot and their bawling offspring. More like they’re taking the piss.

  15. I don’t suppose the MSM will be too keen playing that old Bing Crosby classic “White Christmas” for very obvious reasons!

  17. I was thinking of this website and these Christmas songs when I was in work the other day.

    Some of the few I do like is rockn rollin Christmas, Christmas wrapping by the waitresses and shaking Stevens.

    The rest just get on my nerves now.

    Bah humbug!

  19. Wham’s Last Christmas winds me up the most. Last Christmas I gave you my arse.
    Sick cunt George Michael singing ‘give it to someone special’ Planning to fuck the mentally challenged.

  22. I love the Greg Lake one, I must say. A soft spot for the Jonah Lewie song too.

    Ones I hate?

    East 17’s Stay Another Day. It’s not even a Christmas record, and it’s shite.

    Wonderful Christmastime by Macca. Wanker chinstroking hipsters now say that this Wings atrocity as the ‘Christmas song we pretend we love to hate.’ No, I do fucking hate it and I always have done.

    Tom Jones and that Welsh tart with Baby It’s Cold Outside. Cerys Matthews sounds like a three year old with learning difficulties. Fucking horrible.

    Mariah Carey and that bloody song. It is omnipresent and I hate it. Still would have tubbed her 20 years ago. Not now, mind.

    Wham with Last Christmas , I gave you my arse….

    Stevie Nicks and Silent Niight. Has to be heard to be believed. Nicks tries to do an Edith Piaf. But she sounds like a granny jabbering after the egg nog.

    Anything involving that ginger fanny, Ed Sheercunt, I loathe the fucker.

    Madogga with Santa Baby. Supposed to be sexy, but about as sexy as a shitting camel,

    John Lennon and Yoko Fucking Ono and Happy Xmas War Is Over. Apart from it being a putrid pile of pus, the cunts lived like fucking emperors. and fought like cat and dog. Peace and love and equality, my arse.

    • I can forgive Stay Another Day simply because of the reason for its existence. It was written as a tribute to one of the band members’ dead friends.

    • But no cunt turns up ‘cos they won’t come out to plaaayayyy…

      Come on, Jeffery, join in!!

      • Nah, that’s Gordon, JP. This is Jeffery:

        ‘Normanomates

        December 11, 2022

        My name is Jeff gray
        Ruislip ha4 7js and I think DCI Hunt is a cunt, as are all his ilk.
        COME ON YOU CUNT’

      • One and the same, I reckon. This from ‘Hatefilledcunt’:

        ‘Any issues feel free to come visit me, lets have this discussion face to face, not that the sackless cucks on the internet are generally brave enough. I live in Worcestershire so any takers drop me a message as I’d never back down. Keyboard warriors need not apply as those cunts never turn up.’

    • Saturday nights alright (for fighting behind the bike sheds….but no one ever turns up).

      I’m seeing HFC/Normanomates/insert name here as Ronnie Pickering tbh

      • How strange – when I went to school in the 90s, the bike sheds were for having a crafty ciggy or for perhaps snogging Laura from 4b and perhaps copping a feel of her tits.

        Thank dog I went to school in Yorkshire and not Worcestershire. I’d probably look like I’d done 10 rounds with Clubber Lang or Ivan Drago otherwise.

  27. Wonderful Christmastime by McCartney is an objectively shite song, that ploinky, ploinky synth sound

    it’s played everywhere for 2 months straight
    Fuck Off

  29. More recent additions to the Shit bucket;

    One More Sleep – Leona Lewis

    Underneath the Latrine – Kelly Clarkson.

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