Hygiene Bank

A “kindly adjust your dress before leaving – and wash your hands” – cunting for yet another soppy charity in search of a problem, who claim that many people are skipping work because they cannot afford to keep themselves clean and terriby embarrassed about it – indeed, they feel “shame”:-


I would not-so-respectfully suggest that those people who claim to avoid work because of their personal hygiene, are actually work-shy lazy bastards.

The poor devils can’t afford soap and deoderant (though I suspect most of them can afford a scratchcard and the Sun newspaper). You can buy packs of three bars of soap in Poundland for £1 (other poundshops are available) and you can buy both men and womens deoderants for 59 pence in Lidl (I buy it for the spouse to cover up her more malodorous farts, which echo round the room in the evening after a day on the chocolate peanuts). Beside if you wash properly you don’t need a deoderant. In my RN days it was a shower every morning with Lifebuoy and again in the evening if you had a strenuous day – which was most days, there were no deoderants at the time, except the fruity gentemen who would discreetly apply a little perfume.

If you are THAT poor, you could even dive into a public lavatory and use the free soap in the dispensers, but I just feel this charity, no doubt fully suppored by Dame Kweer to show what bastards the government are, have been led up the garden path by lazy indivduals who prefer to sit and watch Holly and Phil all morning (and I bet Phil smells as lovely as Katie Boyle used to with her Camay).

If you do stink like a polecat, you could always get a job working from home, where, like the spouse, you can fart the day away to your hearts content and generally look like a compost heap.

How on earth do these charities exist and still manage to keep a straight face?

Nominated by: W.C. Boggs

50 thoughts on “Hygiene Bank

  1. When are the organisers of these charities going to cotton on that amoral people are only too happy to let some other soft twat pay for their hygiene products, so they have extra cash to spend on mobile phone top ups and tattoos?

    • Therein lies the problem, Jeezum. These lazy, feckless fuckers are only too willing to let do-gooding cunts like this wipe their arses for them, and, the more these wannabe Mother Theresa’s carry on pandering to these (usually) fat, bone-idle cunts, the less they want to do for themselves.

      • I had a complaint made about me by one of the fat, sweaty, useless cunts when I got called to her. First thing it said on us entering was, the always a challenge:

        “You’ll need the chair ‘cos I can’t walk”

        “Really, well, how do you get to tne fridge, then”

        was the response. Fat fuck was left at home, and, a legitimate question, too, so no repercussions.

  2. Hygiene Bank? I don’t know about that, but I could do with a Viagra Bank round here. £10-99 for two crappy tablets at Boots, for fucks sake. Filthy old cunts like me are in Hard-On Poverty and no one sets up a charity for our benefit.

    Perhaps I should have mentioned this on yesterday’s ‘Moaning Cunts’ thread.

  3. Pikeys are not afflicted by this terrible guilt.
    The smelly bastards will still tarmac your driveway, for a ludicrous sum whilst feeling no shame whatsoever.
    What a load of horseshit.
    Ruth Brock needs to get a proper job.
    The workshy cunt.
    Good morning.

  4. Where the fuck do they dream up this nonsense?

    Free food for cunts,free soap for cunts and free houses for Albanians.

    Free oven.

    • Brilliant comment. Just how much more of this middle-class Guardianista shit can can the decent, common-sense people of this country actually stand? It’s doing my head in. But if you dare to disagree you’re called a fascist, or you’re mentally ill, or both.

  5. 3.2 million?
    That’s a lot of peacefuls..
    Or are they not counted cause they most probably stink after a shower..

    • What rot
      We don’t have indoor plumbing and we manage fine.
      Rub raw onion under your armpits for a cheap green organic deodorant,

      Just up the road in a farmer’s field I wash my back crack an sack in his livestock water trough.

      And the missus needs tampons?
      She rolls her own from sheep’s wool.

      • I personally go to alot of away england football games, cause some trouble and wait for the water cannon to turn up..

        That high water pressure reaches places normal showers can’t.

    • Mozzies can get money off their annual water bill as they can claim they need water for ‘religious reasons’. I shit you not. How prejudicial against indigenous Brits.
      Perhaps if I say a few Hail Marys whilst in the shower I can get free water too.

  6. If they can’t afford to wash themselves then they definitely can’t afford to wash their clothes, which will stink as bad as they do. Therefore I’m setting up a new charity with me as CEO on 400 grand a year. Send me your money you rich fuckers!

  7. Presumably these people don’t receive benefits….as Mr. Boggs says, soap isn’t pricey unless you go for premium brands…shit like shower-gel is unnecessary,soap will do the job… soap’ll also do the job of shampoo , at a pinch.

    • I knew a bloke who ate raw cloves of garlic…the waft off him was worse than corpse gas…ate them for his health apparently….I was delighted to hear that he’d died in a car crash…all that stinking garlic eaten,all the “fuck’s sake,what’s that smell” whenever he came into the Pub, the lady in the shop spraying him with air-freshener whenever he went in….and he died at 47 years old…so much for the health benefits of eating raw garlic.

    • Mr Fiddler,

      Gravy and Milk Stout are 2 of the 5 a day for the Smoggies. Chips are vegetables too. Cocaine is plant based, as is skunk, So there you have the average, varied, balanced, 5 a day diet of the average Smog.

  8. Each year Wireless 4 does an appeal for Wireless For The Blind, but this year I have approached the BBC to see if they will let me make an appeal on behalf of a very deserving cause : Clean Knickers For AnalEase Dodds.

    If the country is daft enough to make her a member of government, she can’t go around meeting world leaders stinking of this springs piss and the summer skid marks. Please give generously.

    • I’m fastidious in my hygiene.
      I wash my hands after a Tom tit,
      Shake the crumbs from my beard,
      Hardly ever piss in the downstairs sink,
      And smell of fresh diesel and akita.

      If more people paid attention to their hygiene the world would be a better place.
      Always ask strangers
      “Do I smell?”
      And most say no.

  9. Had the misfortune to have some smelly fucker working for me in Denmark.

    He generally stank of week old stale beer and when the shoes came off it reeked like fox shit.

    We tried being polite at first, then we got him a box set of Lynx as a less subtle hint and when that didn’t get used we hung half a dozen magic tree air fresheners in his locker. He still didn’t get the hint.

    It all came to a head when the office girls 20 meters down the corridor complained about the smell from the changing room and described it as somewhere between puke and cat piss. They then tore the stinker off a strip and demanded he either shower before work or don’t bother coming near the office building.

    The perplexing part of this story is that his locker was right next to the shower, which was stocked with Sanex and shampoo with clean towels laid on every day.

    some people are just nose blind smelly cunts and will never understand the need for personal hygiene.

    We finally managed to get rid of him when he crashed one of the vans and was still over the limit from the night before. We felt sorry for any cunt who had to share a cell with him.

  10. I hear your plight. As I’ve seen on documentaries that peacefuls wash in camel piss one has beseeched my local MP to send ferral camels as aid (we’re the world’s largest exporter) . It can’t make them smell any worse. Your welcome.

  11. There was an Austrian Chap in the Thirties Had a Similar Problem With Hygiene so he Built Several Communal Showers for the Smelly Locals.

    He even Set up Special Trains to transport those who couldn’t afford it.

    I can’t see them doing that in this Country though, Alas

  12. This is a load of Shit
    You can see that’s a Boots Store so that’s a plug for them

    So what don’t shave and you have an extra layer of warmth

    I’ve seen Cunts pull up at Food Banks in Cars and Pile the Free shit in whilst on their iPhones

    They have these Food Bank trolleys in ASDA on the way out trying to make you feel guilty.

    Doesn’t work one bit

    I think the BBC are comparing today’s poverty with that of the 19th Century probably worse than Oliver Twist etc

  13. Money raised by charities is increased by Tax benfits of 20%. Stop giving tax payers money to charities. You listening Cunt sorry HUNT !

  14. The Sniffer Society (former beeb TV detector twats) along with The Bottom Inspectors, should be calling to rid us of the pong, if that’s what they want. The stench won’t come to you, you’re going to have to search the reeking filth out for yourselves.

  15. Being an ex-squddie, we used to wash in the field whilst doing 6 weeks excercise in some shite-hole like Salisbury Plain or Senelager in Germany.
    Not saying that we’d smell like Holly Willoughbys channel No.5 fragrenced knickers however we did used to manage to keep ourselves clean despite living in a fucking ditch for weeks on end.
    The British Army are affectionately known as ‘Pongos’ by the RAF & RN wankers due to us ‘smelling like cow-pats’ however it’s the actual smell of hard work the RAF & RN are in accustomed to.
    My point is, there is no excuse in smelling like a Frenchman’s sweaty arse crack bearing in mind a bar of soap is available at most budget shops for 19 pence.
    Just another bullshit look at me charity creating a problem where non exists.
    Smelly cunts will always be smelly cunts no matter what free shit you give them.

  16. Brings back happy memories of the miasma some of kids at school emitted in the 60’s.

    • lol, Poor girl in our class was a Miss Elson, affectionately known as Miss Smelson. I won’t give her first name.

      She actually pissed herself on stage in the Nativity play. She was the Angel Gabriel. ‘Behold’ … she timidly spoke the beginning of her line, standing on a box with tin foil wings, then opened the floodgates. Fckn hilarious. Afraid the teacher didn’t think so, because he thrashed her.

      Ahhh, good memories lolol.

  17. Don’t know how far back you chaps can go, but this scheme reminds of the “Ready Brek Glow” advert, which gave you protective warmth after eating the cheap ripoff version of Scotch Porridge Oats. It showed kids going off to school in winter with a warm glow around them. Today’s society would expect it to be real. The CCTV covering our streets could come up with a similar scheme for detecting the unwashed.

    It was a ridiculous thought on my mind I should never had sent. Just being nostalgic I suppose.

    • All we have to do is wait for Putin to crank it up a notch and we’ll all be walking around with a ‘warm glow’ around us.

  18. The Charidee Industry. They have to justify their free money one way or another. Mostly a huge job creation scam for unemployable twats.

  19. I can see this taking off with a rise in demand for Hygiene Banks, well if it’s free it’s bound to be in demand, just like food banks.

    May as well just nationalise Tesco and give everything for free 😂

    • Spondulicks makes the world go round. It’s spinning so fast, it won’t be long before we go flying off into the universe.

  20. Fucking sick of most charities, except maybe the animal ones. Water Aid for instance – keep giving money to Africa and all that happens is more of them survive to breed further and perpetuate the problem. Bunch of cunts.

    • The only circumstances in which African countries should be assisted are by appointing a British Government over the place and push the feckers into helping themselves

      Not building your cow-shit house 8 miles away from the river would be a good start. Also, stop pissing, shitting and throwing dead animals in it.

  21. Skipping work because you’re in poverty?

    Now i’ve heard it all.

    Shoot the cunts.

    • To be honest the underclass do have trouble keeping themselves clean. it’s more about bad habits than money
      I treated one of them to a McDonalds several years ago, which he demolished greedily, mayonnaise all over his ratty beard.
      I pointed this out to him.
      ‘Nah i’ll just get more on there’.

      Revolting cunt.

  22. Imagine these reeking cunts in the workplace taking the issue serious for sad points. Being all depressed having not wiped their arse for a months because of the ”crisis”. Asking breath-holding co-workers for help with the scissors, surgically cutting through the turd-welded mass of arse hair, muttering ”fuck austerity” with tearful eyes as they curl one out. Careful not to get any shit on that 6 month old sanitary pad.
    It’s likely fuel guzzling eco-cunts running these charities. Making money from a variety of socially bent cunts whilst supposedly highlighting a social issue.

  23. You cannot imagine how excruciating it is for someone to have to speak to a person about their personal hygiene.
    When I worked ( hooray, I retired at 55) it fell to the immediate manager to have ‘ that’ conversation, and in my role I would be called in to take notes for a detailed report.
    The manager would hum and haw, and skirt around until the poor stinking cunt was totally bemused, at which point I would lean forward and say, sympathetically
    “You stink! Do you not have a bath/shower?”
    All compassion, me.

  24. Fuck fucking me, Jeez where do you start on this utter utter pile of cunt.

    If ever there was a clear cut example of why the ‘left’ have been relentlessly promoting a ‘victim culture’ this is it.

    Let’s start with ‘parents’ having to make choices about their own personal hygiene in favour of their children.

    This isn’t Victorian Britain prior to Port Sunlight FFS.

    A bar of soap costs fuck all and it’s there for the whole family to share and lasts for a couple of weeks.

    A roll on deodorant from Tesco/Asda/Aldi you name it costs a quid and lasts for a couple of weeks.

    And who in the name of fuck doesn’t answer the phone because they haven’t washed.

    Fuck me, genuinely fuck me this has got to be the biggest Charity con thats single purpose is creating victims out of thin air that I have ever come across.

    I’ve always believed the reason mass victimhood has been pushed by the ‘liberal left’ is because there’s money in it and if I were tasked with creating a more deserving victim even with my twisted mind I couldn’t.

    And this is where ‘cancel culture’ comes in.

    Bear with me. 20 years ago anyone plugging this shit would have been royally fucked off.

    But the institutions of state have been so comprehensively cowed that to challenge this type of narrative will see you branded as an ‘ist’ followed by a guaranteed P45.

    You’d have thought that ‘private’ profit making businesses would be wise to this shit but they too have been sucked into this never ending worm hole of virtue signalling. To not agree and donate means you’re clearly a Nazi that voted Trump.

    And so it is that ‘Hygiene Bank’ exists.

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