Evri [4] (formerly known as Hermes)


For anyone expecting a parcel to be delivered by this bunch of cunts, I wouldn’t bother waiting in.

Having ordered a brand new pair of trainers from Converse at the beginning of the month, I waited with much excitement for the delivery guy to show himself on my doorbell camera. The alloted time slot came and went and then I received an email stating that my parcel had been delivered.

I checked the doorbell camera again. nope, no sign of any delivery. The email was accompanied by a photo of the delivery cunt allegedly delivering my parcel…to someone else’s address. The fucking useless twat.

Refund sought and duly paid by Converse, I reorder my trainers. They are meant to be delivered today between 12:00 – 14:00. It is now 18:00 and still no sign of the Evri delivery cunt. That’s two pairs of trainers that some thieving Evri driver has fucked off with and another from Australia that was meant to be delivered at the same time.

Go fuck yourselves Evri! I would advise every online retailer to avoid these cunts like the plague. Unless you want to be sending numerous replacements at your own cost, because Evri simply couldn’t give a shit.

Nominated by : Odin

26 thoughts on “Evri [4] (formerly known as Hermes)

  1. Just as shit as Yodel then. They use the same tactic and don’t even get me started on DPD.
    I suppose it helps though if you employ people who can actually read and speak English unlike the vast majority of drivers these companies have, many of which the week previous to starting their jobs were running around a beach in Kent with an orange life jacket on dodging the so called ‘border force’.

  2. I don’t need a thieving courier service like Evri when my own next door neighbour attempted to steal our parcel, which contained an item to the value of around £250.

    Friday before last, the useless courier left our parcel on the neighbour’s doorstep in error. When the courier finally sent ‘proof of delivery’ in the form of a photo, I went around to our neighbour’s house. she denied there had been any parcel delivered.

    I then checked the Ring camera on the side of the house, which just picks up her front door, but isn’t activated by movement beyond my side fence. I had to scroll through the images captured every 3 mins but it showed her picking the parcel up.

    I went around there again and she denied she had the parcel again (video and audio caught on camera). I announced she was a thief and a liar and after she gave a volley of effing and jeffing, she went back inside and then came out with our parcel.

    A nasty, gobby thieving cunt and no mistake. The Police want to take this further as theft so she is in for a bit of an unpleasant surprise. Ho ho ho! 🫣🤫🤔

    • That’s awful PM. If the Old Bill fail as expected, see if Unkle Terry’s mobile oven is available and cook the thieving cunt next door.

    • Put a dog turd through her letterbox every day as comeuppance for her dishonesty. At the very least she’ll have to spend money on a camera for her front door.

    • My mate who recently retired from the cops once said to me that if you ever really want to piss someone off paint stripper their car.

      He said it’s a massive inconvenience as when resprayed apparently the paint will never truly settle.

      Insurance companies won’t write off the vehicle if it’s relatively new and they will often have to have the job done several times so end up selling the car often for less than what it’s worth.

      So you could try that or maybe just do a Jonny Wilkinson style kick in the cunt.

  3. I think these firms are all as bad as each other. Royal mail left a parcel outside Cunty Towers, In the open, no card to tell us there had been a delivery. It was only after I had contacted the seller and run the tracking app that I found out it had been delivered the previous day. Lovely weather to leave cardboard out in for the best part of 36 hours. Fucking bell ends.

  4. Most of the ones I’ve seen have come straight from Swaziland or some exotic middle eastern shithole..

    Getting stuff delivered is an adventure in itself..how long before cunts like Ladbrookes and PaddyPower start taking bets on deliveries turning up?

    How super.

  5. After a number of incidents and currently being involved in another ( DPD, fucking useless but today is judgement day for them ). I have come to the conclusion that internet shopping is too fraught with potential problems.
    In future, I will go back to buying things from a good old bricks and mortar shop.
    Even if it costs more and I have to travel a ways to get there.
    I could make a day of it, have a cream tea while I’m out. 😋
    Support the High St. 👍
    I’ll still use Screwfix and Toolstation, for click and collect, they’re ok.
    The rest can Get To Fuck

  6. Very rarely that I would shop online but when one needs must.
    No phone call or text for approx arrival time on my last purchase online, even though all was provided.
    800 quids worth left outside the door in its cardboard box without even as much as knock as the Ma was up (she’s 85 but sound of mind and not fucking deaf, crippled yes, so she wouldn’t have been able to answer the door)
    “I don’t fucking believe it” I sighed when I arrived midday to the home for a cuppa
    Imagine the hassle if it went west into the hands of some pikey cunt or opportunist prick.
    They the couriers were never like that in the past but the cough 19 is a great getout clause.
    Shower of cunts cause they cannot get the drivers anymore the hungry cunts

    • “I don’t fucking believe it!”
      One Foot in the Grave could have been much more amusing if Victor Meldrew had upgraded his catchphrase.

      • Ha hah TtCE and along with another term of endearment
        “That Cunt next door” would have made it even more of a classic than it already is.

  7. I think the worst job you can have is a delivery Driver in Hackney delivering IPhones or Laptops

    You can have a drink after work showing off your War scars to the other drivers and Reminisce over Fallen Colleagues

  8. The other half does a bit on ‘the bay’ and currently ‘lost’ 15 parcels which he has had to open a dispute for each one……personally I have had one go missing a couple of weeks ago, which has been reported- but I won’t hear anything from evri for 28 days apparently, and only last night I got an email from a guy stating he is still waiting for his item which according to evri tracking states ‘on the way to the courier’ which means it’s gone to some greasy swarthy cunt in his wifes car with no business use insurance and probably been opened…….that one’s worth nearly £150!!

    OK, it’s insured but still have to jump through hoops to try and claim. Evri are deliberately evasive when it comes to contact info and make it difficult…and like I say- the process takes 28 day from the time you report it missing.

    The biggest issue here is, the refund policy of ‘the bay’ and evri are skewed and can (and has done in my case) cost you a fortune in losses.

    IF a seller on the bay reports an item not received, I have 10 days to either ensure the item is delivered, offer a replacement or issue a refund. If I do nothing after 10 days the bay automatically refund the buyer. OK, I understand that as there’s some dubious sellers out there, BUT evris refund process is 28 days from date of opening dispute, SO if the missing items miraculously turns up and they deliver it within that period I don’t get a refund as they have delivered, but in the meantime the person receiving it has already been refund by the bay……so unless a buyer is super honest, then they end up with a refund AND the item and I have no way of getting paid unless they feel guilty. And on some items like this £150 thing that’s gone missing a buyer is unlikely to be that honest.

    CUNTS

  9. Can’t say I’ve had any problems with most of the usual suspect couriers. But then again nearly all the drivers up here in the Lakes are white and probably British (and that’s the same for our supermarket home delivery drivers)

    Perhaps that says something

    • Probably a lot to do with it!

      There’s also the infrastructure, though, which appears to have been seriously distressed by the re-branding. I’ve been chasing an item, supposedly dispatched 2 weeks ago, but clicking on the sellers tracking link with Evri displays the message “oops! sorry we can’t find that page. Then a pop up appears asking “how did we do”? Total fuckwits!

  10. Judit, our Polish delivery driver is superb. Always delivers on time and is very pleasant. But man I would not want to get into fight with her.

  11. Scott the Evri courier is absolutely top notch, great bloke, can’t fault him.
    My usual DPD delivery driver is also a good bloke.
    But Yodel, fucking dire.

  12. I had to return a package using Evri. Their website’s tracking page kept showing the same message that it was on its way back to the original sender.
    It wasn’t until I got my credit card statement two weeks later, showing my refund that I could see it had actually arrived there.

    Another delivery driver left a package at my door last week, it wasn’t for me as I hadn’t ordered anything, and was for a totally different address in a different postcode, about three miles away. Fortunately I saw him leaving the building and managed to catch him before he fucked off in his van.

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