Spiders (3) and other Creepy Crawlies

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Why are there so many in my house?

BBC News Link

This explains it. So that’s OK then.
I hate them, all those legs.
Not only spiders, but I’ve had loads of horrible little flies, fruit flies I think, buzzing round me of an evening.
And don’t get me started on moths.
At least there hasn’t been loads of wasps, touch wood.

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

61 thoughts on “Spiders (3) and other Creepy Crawlies”

  1. There are crawlers and crawlers. I intensley dislike the two legged variety like tranny MP Jamie Wallace, elected as part of the red wall demolition who got caught on driving charge this year in womens schmutter, and pleaded mentlal elf, who opines that Liz Truss should go and be replaced by darling Jeremy Hunt, and all the other crawlers who liked Jezza so much they all voted him into last place in the leadershp election just weeks ago – now the sun shines out of his arsehole.

    Poofters and dykes in Westminster re bad enough – trannies are even worse.

  2. No spiders in the bike sheds, in Worcestershire. The Worcestershire Warrior offered them out, around the back, and they all fucked off, sharpish. Even they didn’t turn up.

    Spiders and insects are cunts. I find a size ten aspirin sorts out their hash, swiftly.

  3. I like spiders.šŸ‘
    They eat flies .

    We’ve loads, indoors and out in the garden.

    I prefer them to immigrants.

    Fruit flies around you JP?
    That’s because your fruity.šŸ˜

    Leave out bowls of apple cider vinegar the little cunts love it!
    They get pissed and drown.

    • Ps
      Same with the homeless.
      Leave bottles of cider near a swimming pool.
      The get pissed and drown.

      Barrymore hooks out the ones with shapely arses.

      • I once saw a film by the Egyptian tourist board that had some Pharaoh spewing up loads of beetles.

        So you can stick your pyramids up your arse.

        Much better off with British spiders sending the Mrs into meltdown.

    • Need to add a little bit of soap as well.
      Flies like immigrants need a good wash..

  5. Don’t worry jp. You will be eating them for dinner in 5 years, when the shithouse politicians send us back to the stone age..

    Bagsy the wolf spider heard they taste like chicken, with enough legs even for flabbot..

    • Research has shown spiders don’t remember human faces.

      So if you wave in a crowded pub,
      Your not being snubbed.
      They’re like people with dementia or ex girlfriends.

      To them, your utterly forgettable.

      • Oh and female spiders can lay 3000 eggs in one go!
        So wear a swimming cap in bed.

        Science should try to make them the size of chickens!
        Good layers,
        Go to work on a egg.
        The cure for world hunger.

  7. I have a cat who loves spiders, hours of endless fun dismembering them leg by leg, but even he baulked at the one that was running around the other day.
    I could have saddled it and rode it to town!
    I’m currently sharing the shower with one, certainly makes sure I’m not in there more than the Government recommended three minutes.

    • No Wasps JP ! Come to Ferrers, we have a humungus underground complex of yellow jackets that have freeways, sidewalks and even a proposed HS2 to get them around their Empire.
      Poor cunt Gardener tackled with a spde daft fucker, and almost stung to death.!
      Incidentally. Does Anything eat wasps ?

      • Interesting question, FH.
        I asked Aunty Google.
        As well as 24 varieties of bird, dragonflies, robber flies, hornets and centipedes all eat wasps as do…
        Spiders!
        Who’d a thunk it?

      • JP, well I did not know that.! I need to pop out nd buy some nice predators…or..sit and watch the gardener get his arse stung

  8. Oh Jeezum, you disappoint me! Spiders are lovely little creatures. We’ve got loads of them down here. Find them everywhere, sometimes pull on a jumper and one runs out of the end of a sleeve. I must admit although I like them I do draw the line at them wearing my clothes. My wife likes to tickle their tummies but unlike the cats, they don’t seem to appreciate it. Our younger daughter has been to places where they have tarantulas and loves handling ones as big as her hand. Our elder daughter strangely can’t stand spiders so we take the piss out of her mercillesly.

  9. Couldnā€™t give a shit about spidersā€¦itā€™s ā€œlive and let live” as far as Iā€™m concernedā€¦occasionally dust down their webs in the house but leave them alone.

    There was one lived in the vent in the Hilux over the summerā€¦if I was sitting in it having a cup of tea, Iā€™d shepherd any stray fly in the cab towards his web in the corner and watch him dart out from the vent as soon as the fly was snaredā€¦fuck me,he was quicker off the mark than Diane Abbott at an ā€œall you can eatā€ fried-chiggun buffet

    • We once came across a fella who had gassed himself in his car….middle of summer and he’d been there a few days…fucking incredible the amount of those flies inside the car…that bad I didn’t even open the car door to check him for a wallet or gold teeth.

    • Some of ours don’t even bother to spin a web Dick. I saw a fat wood louse taken by a spider which simply ran over to it, sank its jaws in the louse’s back and bore it away.

      • Robert the Bruce Mr Fiddler. Watching a spider struggling to climb a wall was it?’
        ‘If at first you don’t succeed try, try and try again’
        What do you think of that?

        Buddhists dont kill any living creatures. Not even spiders.
        They think humans could be very well in there with their doctrine of ‘the ‘transmigration of souls’.
        That’s something to think about as well.

  11. I tried putting an ostrich egg in the corner of our bedroom but the wife picked it up and said,ā€why has it stopped vibrating?ā€

  14. I don’t mind huge spiders with long legs because they’re easier to catch by using the thumb and forefinger to pincer a leg then blow the fucker out of the window. It’s the small ones that get the newspaper.

    As another cunter said though, wasps can get to fuck.

  16. Living in modern Britain is shit as we all know, high taxes, shit government, shit police, shit MSM, shit council’s, shit immigrants (list goes on)

    One of the few things Britain is good for is that our spiders are not poisonous and relatively small and don’t wander around your living trying to bite you with half inch venomous fangs (unlike the Brazilian wandering spider and the Sydney funnel web spider)
    For that reason I’m glad I live in Britain.

    I leave a YouTube link to the Brazilian wandering spider, which for its big size, aggression, toxicity and speed makes it probably the most dangerous spider to humans on planet earth!

    https://youtu.be/5cBAO1BL35E

    Stuff of nightmares!

  17. There seems to be a lot of flies around this year.
    If you miss with a swat or a spray the relentless little cunts do not give up.
    They just keep annoying you for ages until you do get them.
    They don’t have the sense to realise that they have been lucky so far and simply fuck off.

    Spiders are OK.
    They eat flies.

    The best fly eaters are geckoes.
    Fucking amazing.
    They are hundreds of times bigger than the flies but they just run up to them and grab them in their mouths.

    I like geckos!

    • We like the geckos as well. Got plenty in our garden and see the occasional one hunting in the house. The preying mantis’s are good for flies, weird fuckers tho

  18. Everything you need to know about spiders is all on the ahem web. Quite like spiders and the tactics needed to trap and tease shmbo, then release, the spider not the wife. Cunting myself.

  19. I saved a spider šŸ•· the other week collected it and placed it outside. What a fucking faff.
    From now on they can go down the bog were they belong. Wasps are cunts. Ps so are gimmi grants and politicians that allow them. Now the last lot can also go down the bog. I prefer that fucking alien creature from the movie šŸŽ„ to those cunts

  20. Spiders are harmless. It’s the time of year I’ll see one on top of the toilet cistern whilst having a piss. I strike up a oneway conversation, asking him how many flies he’s eaten or how many shags he’s had lately. I ask myself the same question when giving it a good shake before flushing.

  21. I don’t mind spiders at all.

    Fantastic creatures.

    There’s one outside above the kitchen window spinning its web as I speak. We seem to get the same species there every year doing its thing.
    Catching small bugs, spinning them up into a cocoon and drinking their innards.

    Their web is alleged to be proportionately much stronger than steel.

  22. How about Silver fish? Harmless but creepy when they scuttle along

  24. Coming from the land of flies and flying roaches in Summer as well as mozzies in Winter one sees the benefit of spiders even Redbacks. Though I prefer those buggers best outside and not in my bogroll.

  26. praise be to living in good old Blighty, cold damp and unpredictable weather, this keeps the nasty members of the animal kingdom at bay.
    like humans that come from hot sunny climates the wildlife is mad and unpredictable. Over here you can ferret around under shit and know with absolute confidence that you are not going to disturb some psychotic deranged member of the local wildlife, not for us the tedious searching for venomous little cunts in your boots before you lace em up.
    Britain truly gods own country and the British gods chosen race.

  28. Spiders arenā€™t bad at all as they donā€™t really bother anyone. Now donā€™t get me started on mosquitoes. They are the cunts of all cunts.

  29. Spiders are defo an asset where i live, frikkin mozzies galore. Theyve fed well this summer. Wife asked me to move one last night as it was getting a bit big – fuck my old boots, it had a six pack and tattoos. I could actually feel the weight of it when relocated it to the man cave to continue its good work unmolested. The shit can be a bit annoying but on balance I love them especially as my vegan sister in law hates them and wont come round ours due to their abundance. Makes cooking way easier and ensures I dont get left with a fuck load of rank synthetic over-engineered shite that not even the dog will eat.

  30. Those false widows can fuck right off though. Nah mate, spiders never used to fuck you up when I was a kid and everything everywhere was all fields……. and you could leave your front door open………….. and still have cvhnage from a bag of chips for a night out and a bus fare home……MAUREEN!!!!! Its getting busy down here my love

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