Spiders (3) and other Creepy Crawlies

Why are there so many in my house?

BBC News Link

This explains it. So that’s OK then.
I hate them, all those legs.
Not only spiders, but I’ve had loads of horrible little flies, fruit flies I think, buzzing round me of an evening.
And don’t get me started on moths.
At least there hasn’t been loads of wasps, touch wood.

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

61 thoughts on “Spiders (3) and other Creepy Crawlies

  1. I’ve never seen one spider in my house catch a fucking cold let alone a fly. I have to kill all the flies not the fucking spiders. Load of bollocks they catch the flies. It means the flies have to actually land in a dark corner or under the fucking sofa ( where most of the wolf spiders tend to lurk ) and then get caught.
    All the flies I see buzz from one end of the house to the other occasionally dive bombing me – to my irritation while I’m watching some shite on tv – then when I open a window they avoid it and smash against the closed one.
    Funnily enough if the window is open and I spray them miraculously they find the open door or window!!!!!!! Fuck flies too.

    • Oh and another thing the amount of flies around dog shit. Ever see a spider there? No. Perfect hunting ground a pile of poo is for a spider.
      Thick cunts.

  2. Sorry but I can’t cunt spiders.

    Spiders are one of nature’s success stories and they eat disgusting flies. They also provide food for birds and toads.

    Spiders have 400,000,000 years on the clock.
    Humans have 250,000, yet we have the funny idea that we’re the pinnacle of evolution.

    • and cats, my cat seems to enjoy the taste of them when he can be arsed to get off the sofa and stop watching the world of birds dvd i got him for his birthday

      • Miaw, you bought your cat a birthday present?
        Dear me, the Half-blood Prince, Lord Dexter, is lucky if he gets a sardine on his birthday.
        As I have no idea when Dexters birthday is, he gets one (tin) every week.

  3. I myself don’t like spiders. I must admit that I do like the version of Itsy bitsy Spider by Carly Simon.

    • I got bit by a spider in summer.
      Cutting down ivy in my beautiful garden.

      Motherfucker bit me.

      It itched at first then swelled up.

      Itchy for days!

      Two little puncture wounds like a miniature vampire.
      But hold no grudges.

      I like em!!
      Was hoping for super powers but alas…

      • my baby granddaughter woke up with a jet black ear, didn’t seem to bother her but my daughter got all hysterical and phoned an ambulance, medic looked and said spider bite, she must have rolled on one in her cot so it bit her. Bedroom stripped to bare bones but never found it. Fucking hate the things

  4. For someone who has rarely ever cleaned an oven i find myself buying a tin a month of the fucking oven cleaner spray, seeing a ball of white foam drop out of a cobweb and then trying to out run my shoe is so satisfying

    • Excellent!
      Well done for multi using oven cleaner, save the oceans or some such Fuckwittery.
      I employ a chap a couple of times a year, early January and mid July.
      He comes and cleans my ovens and hob.
      I have to put the cat and dog upstairs.

  5. Disturbed some big fuckin spiders over the years on removal of ancient cast iron boilers and such things. These spiders were older than me and blacker than coal some of em had beards and the race around the surroundings and the stand off was a sight to behold.
    Never killed one intentionally because i was afraid of em but respected the fact that they were inconvenienced and evicted from they’re home of 60 years and more.
    They probably moved back in to the upgraded units and found that they preferred the older one as it was cosier.

    Some quite poisonous spiders in the far East, suspend from a single thread of web as they lower gently from the ceiling and drink the saliva from the corner of ones lips while one is sleeping.
    Experts at stealth work.

  6. felt one crawling on my hair in bed not long a go. I brushed it off and nearly shat myself. Thought It might have been that weird sensation you get some times when you think it’s a spider on you in bed but it’s just your body being weird.

    Anyway I switched on the light and it was a fucking spider. It wasn’t big about 10p size and fast so I smacked it with my phone as hard as I could on the mattress.

    Felt really guilty seeing it hiding in the corner before killing it but I wouldn’t have slept knowing it was in the room still.

    I was talking to my flat mate a year ago and i saw one on the wall above his curtain in his bedroom. I stopped talking and I said “what the fuck is that on your wall?” his face dropped he knew what it was as we both fucking hate them and were both big cunts too. We’re like little girls when we see them.

    As it were. It was a common cardinal spider but not just any common one. No this one wasn’t even the biggest one you can get (apparently the biggest is 4.7 inches (they’re measured diagonally the end of 2 of their legs).

    Nope I reckon if you measured it properly it would have been closer to 8 inches.

    Let’s just say, it didn’t live past that moment. I’m sorry but fuck trying to catch that.

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