I had the wagon-driver in for a cup of tea this morning after be brought some round bales….as we were talking he sniffed the air and said..”Smells like a good stew” …told him it was,and explained that it had been quietly warming for 3 days and that I just topped the pot up as I took stuff out….chuck in a few lumps of black pudding…another carrot…few tetties… couple of kidneys..jug of gravy if it dries out etc and shove it back in…I can do this for days until I get sick of it and give it to the Hounds.
He seemed amazed that I hadn’t poisoned myself and said that he wouldn’t touch something that had been…”festering for days” was the phrase he used…. but I genuinely can’t see the problem. I’ll scrape the worst of the mould off cheese and eat it…eat stuff that’s totally out of date…. and I’m as healthy as fuck.
People are far too worried about “food poisoning”. It’s not “poisoning” that makes most of them ill…it’s having a weak digestive system that can’t cope with the smallest upset and their own pathetic self-indulgence….”Call an ambulance…that yogurt I just ate is 2 days out of date”
Wankers.
Nominated by: Foxchaser-Fiddler
Most things are okay out of date but i don’t like using chicken, fish or seafood that’s been hanging about.
If in doubt, sniff it.
10
‘If in doubt sniff it’ – you can still catch an STD
8
If it smells of fish it’s off the dish
2
With you on this CP.
I like seafood but it needs to be fresh and cooked properly.
If not, I can call ‘Huey’s’ name and projectile fire liquid shite out of my arse.
2
Yeah i’ve had food poisoning just twice, both times other people have ‘cooked’ the offending food, both times it involved seafood.
No wonder the Hebrew folk don’t eat it.
0
I’ve always been fairly casual about use by dates although I take some care over seafood and pork. I ignore best before dates entirely.
7
Thick fuck modern parents do this with their vile offspring. ‘Oh, they’ll only eat pizza or chicken nuggets’. They will never see a fruit, vegetable, fish, or egg in their lives. In other words, the tail wagging the dog. Thick chavs and spoilt bastards.
You know the sort.The type of mongs that spend a fortune on Halloween ‘decorations’, and cover the outside of their house in them. Fucking garish riff raff.
15
My sister and I would get the previous nights dinner for breakfast if we played up at mealtimes. That was after getting a tanned arse from our dad for being a pair of little cunts when he came home from work. We soon learnt.
10
If it’s not through an app like Just Eat these cunts just fill the trolley with ready meals like ‘Mac ‘n’cheese’, Sweet and sour chicken, instant noodles and frozen pizzas. Not a green in sight, and you’re quite right Norman; the same cunts go mad on Halloween and Christmas decorations.
0
My 12 year old daughter is a super fussy eater. One food item can’t touch another.
Each item gets a dedicated utensil.
Only about 5 foods will she eat.
She’s like the Princess and the Pea with food. I try to make a substitution to save money or whatever and she will be able to fucking taste it.
A never ending battle.
I tell her she would die if we were stuck in the wilderness. Oh well more maggots and berries for me.
9
Unfortunately, this may be an indicator of autism; it may be advantageous to seek advice so that she can learn to cope in her future life. I wish you well in averting what could be a very restrictive future.
11
Spot on. My daughter is 12 as well. Same issues….even had to use her own specific knives and forks. Wont use a clean glass if i”ve handed it to her. All that kind of stuff and shes on the radar for aspergers syndrone which is a form of autism.
0
Why not give her what she gets and tell her to be grateful?
Children are like dogs: constant training is required, show them who’s boss and if they are hungry enough they will eat anything.
9
I wouldn’t eat from Lord Fiddler’s cooking pot. There are bound to be the remains of ramblers, incomers and the odd darkie in there. You might even find the occasional piece of lycra floating on the top.
Nah…..not for me. 🤮
15
He has been plumping those carol singers in the cellar up since last Christmas…
9
Fussy sod, nowt wrong with a bit of long pig.
7
Great nom F-F
This attitude to food is a major cause of the population having such compromised immune systems nowadays.
12
It’s like with the Irish Potato Famine. If they’re fussy eaters they could have afforded to have dined out instead at a modest priced restaurant.
8
Yeah, can pretty much agree. My guts are mostly cast iron, very little upsets them. We often leave ‘Big Soup’ on the hob for a few days. Heat it up to over 100 degrees (celcius!) when you fancy a portion, and it’s grand. No problems.
HOWEVER. My confidence in my digestive tract took a battering last week after I ate some reheated rice I left out overnight and forgot about because I was pissed. For the next 48 hours, I was an absolute martyr to my bowels.
I threw up several times. I shit meself, too. It was like bleeding a radiator.
8
I don’t bother heat it right up again…should I ?….I just leave the pot in the bottom oven of the Aga full-time and it’s always warm when I scoop some out…if I put it in the top oven,it dries out. Everything seems to cook through even at a low heat if left long enough
8
Shitting yourself after eating rice,eh?…serves you right for eating that foreign muck…rice should only ever be eaten as a milk pudding.
17
Oh, if you’ve got an Aga then yeah, crack on. Leave it be in the bottom oven.
And aye, rice. Was from a Dark Key food stand in town. Jamaican, I think. That’ll learn me, won’t it?
Perhaps I can cry waycism against whitey? A 33-year-old, 15-stone man following through is no light matter.
6
Bacillus cereus = Aztec shuffles.
9
Rice doesn’t keep well in a fridge, but overnight should have been OK.
The portions from our local Indian takeaway are huge and I will often keep at least half of it for a day, perhaps two.
I’ve never had a problem and I think that curry tastes better when left a short while to ‘mature’.
6
Yep, it tastes a lot better when “well-steeped” but I’d happily eat curry daily if I had the choice.
The spouse says “it smells like fucking P@kis” so we don’t have it often.
9
It was fridge and then left out. Fucking stupid of me. I blame The Dark Beer.
5
It’s not the reheating, it’s how the rice was stored to begin with. The spores of Bacillus cereus can be there even in, ‘fresh’ rice.
Upset stomach is a weird thing. Last night I had a shits despite just eating eggs Benedict at 11:30, hadn’t since then.
“This post was brought to you by, Immodium.
For when your arse betrays you.”
9
Nooo you can’t re-heat rice after it’s been cooked, it goes a bit poisonous, like. Microbes, spores and all that …
5
This is why putting magic mushroom spores in those Uncle Ben’s microwaveable pouches yields great results!
2
The way to reheat rice is let it cool to room temperature before putting in the fridge, then when you take it out to use, let it warm up to room temperature before reheating it in the microwave.
Do not reheat cold rice and use it up within two days.
0
I’ve just had some smoked cheese.
It was jolly nice and shortly I’m going to wash it down with some pale ale.
Beef dinner in a bit with some wine.
Then watch some fights on the TV.
Fussy eaters are cunts.
11
Mrs Twatt:
Will eat garden peas, won’t eat mushy peas.
Will eat salmon, won’t eat smoked salmon.
Will eat brie, won’t eat Camembert.
Will only eat the very mildest curry.
In short, she doesn’t like food with flavour.
I’m making the tea tonight and I’m grilling Craster kippers (oak smoked). They’ll stink the fucking house out.
That’ll teach her not to be fussy.
11
Good cuisine Mr F. I always think stews casseroles etc are best after cooking then cooling and cooking again. Lovely grub.
6
You’re not wrong there, CM.
4
James Mason wouldn’t have any of it in Spring and Port Wine when Susan George refuses the kipper. When films were a social document.
My mum and sisters never ever washed the Sunday lunch roasting tin, there was fucking all sorts in there but the taste was bloody lovely.
Too many fussy cunts nowadays, eat it or leave it thars gittin nowt else si thee.
9
It is strange when certain foods make us feel bilious. Cous Cous, had it once, my guts were churning for days, felt constantly sick. Can remember when my Mother had Quorn, constantly spewing for a day. It’s like with that mad cow disease, never affected me, moooooooo!!
6
I’ve a laid back attitude to best before dates,
And the stomach of a mountain goat.
Not fussy at all.
I drop something?
I pick it up an eat it.
Floor chips 😁
I eat stuff the dog won’t touch.
Although I’m a bit shocked by Fiddler’s Nancy boy admission he cuts the mold off cheese?
That’s natures antibiotics!!
Best part of cheese is the mold.
Some right Mary Annes on this site.
10
Vegetarians, vegans, fussy eaters.
I couldn’t give a flying fuck what they shove down their necks as long as they shut the fuck up about it.
In a restaurant with me paying, as usual; some cunt will order up a steak to be cooked ‘well done’ while I will have mine medium to rare.
Instead of just getting on with eating their cremated piece of meat they will say things to me like ‘You’re not going to eat THAT are you?’.
“Well yes I am, you fucking cunt. And I will enjoy it a lot more if you shut your ignorant face”.
8
Have it blue, you know it makes sense.
4
The thing about ordering steak in Spain is that it will be cooked less than you expected.
‘Muy bien hecho’… Very well done, will come up as medium.
So order ‘Sin sangre’…. Without blood.
‘Al punto’ will not be medium as you wanted. It will be rare (the best!).
‘Muy poco hecho’ would mean blue.
What you will get served will have a pulse and making mooing noises.
Beware!
4
Just the way I like it.
I know we’re not fond of the French, but they do know how to cook a steak.
They just wave it above a hot pan and put it on your plate.
Excellent!
2
Mr FF,
Save us a bit. And a crust to wipe the bowl with 😀
7
The worse thing I ever ate was some smoked salmon butty.
Little posh butty in a tearooms.
I instantly knew my pure working class digestive system had been poisoned.
My mouth went watery,
Guts churning,
I entered the arena of the unwell .
Took everything I had not to spew my fuckin ring up all over the tearooms.
The filthy bastard’s had done for me.
The taste repeatedly haunted my mouth all night and Id squirt angry hot liquid shite all over the toilet bowl,
Such was the shock to my system.
Terrible.
11
Sushi? Fecking sushi?
What a fckn con.
who in their right mind eats raw fish, seaweed or other shit washed up on the seashore.
Dirty Japs, innit.
8
The Swedes have this national delicacy called Surstromming which is fermented herring.
Not in a million fucking years!
YouTube
7
Did you while there order “the finest wines available to humanity”, you wanted them here and wanted them NOW!!! ps, Uncle Monty you Terrible Cunt!!!! 😀
4
In Britain, we probably have access to every type of food, cuisine, fusion food on Earth. All these options have turned a huge slice of the population into fussy eaters. By the time you are 25 you will have tried a helluva lot of popular world cuisine. This is why it is a cunt to go to restaurants that have world cuisine – too much choice so there’s always a few folk who take forever to mither through the menu. “Gary, I sent you the link to this menu last week, hurry up, man!”
But if someone cooks you food, you eat the whole thing, lick the plate and offer to help with the dishes. Any cunt who moans, gives a spiel on their food philosophy can get tae fuck.There are kids dying from starvation, for fuck’s sake. That was what your mother used to say and it’s as true in 2022 as it was in 1955, 1985 in Ethiopia. Food is fuel, fill up and fuck off.
13
I remember my Mum saying that to me…..”there are starving children in Africa who would love to eat that food and would be very grateful.”
“Name one” I said.
I got a clump round the head for that. She would be arrested these days.
18
“Children in Africa would love to eat that”
“Then put it in an envelope and send it to them”
2
“If you were in Biafra you’d eat it”
well, I’m not and the Ridgebacks are hungry Lady Q, liver and onions indeed, I’m not a dog or a humdrum you daft cunt!!!
10
Not too keen on regurgitated food. Poor cunt having a heart attack, a while ago, regurgitated his cottage pie all over himself, me, my crewmate and some of our kit. Fucking rancid. Cleaned him up with a couple of towels his wife got us. Honking! Caused a stir when we took him in! Still, at least we had to go back to station to shower, change and clean the kit down, which, funnily enough, took the rest of the shift.
Every cloud, etc.
7
Maybe you have that effect on people? ,😂
10
I’d like to think so, but the cunts still keep calling…
6
Tell em if they’re well enough to use the phone they don’t need an ambulance.
Malingerers.
7
Ha! I got into trouble for doing something not too dissimilar!
6
When Mrs Cunter was pregnant she asked the midwife if she should avoid certain foods, especially the spicy stuff.
The old and experienced midwife told her to eat what the fuck she wanted.
She said that by avoiding certain foods there will be a good chance that the kid would grow up to be a fussy eater.
A sensible woman.
She also told her not to give up smoking as she would just make herself agitated.
As far as alcohol was concerned, she was told not to drink so much that she might fall over and injure the baby.
I think that midwife would probably be sacked today, but she knew what she was talking about.
16
Midwifes – not to be upset.
A quick story: Got called to a Maternitaxi job, told us the midwife said to call for an ambulance. We ‘phoned the midwife…
She went in in a relatives car.
As I said, not to be upset.
6
Worst thing is when you get food poisoning off something. You can NEVER look at the same thing again. Fuck me, had chilli jackets, once, I was vomming like a fireman at Chernobyl and my arse was like a rusty fire hydrant.
8
Same with the drink. Spewed my ring up once on Southern Comfort. Even the smell of it now makes me want to heave.
7
Tequila..I had it for the first and only time on my 18th and even the smell over twenty years later makes me green. I would have been better off just eating the lime.
6
Pint of Guinness through a straw in 30 sec …bleurgghh
4
Didn’t I read, recently, that certain supermarkets are doing away with ‘best before’ markers on fresh food?
I think that’s a terrible idea, there’ll be no more yellow stickered stuff for pensioners and Albanians to fight over!
9
The Best Before is not the same as Use Before innit, so this is not goodbye to yellow stickers.
https://www.food.gov.uk/safety-hygiene/best-before-and-use-by-dates
My old Mum bagged a yellow sticker Venison steak for £1.47 the other day; she was chuffed.
1
In 2005 I just happened to come across a jam jar of marmalade my nan had made, & labelled up in 1963. After removing an inch layer of mould from the top, I gave it a try. It was the best I had ever tasted & went down very well on toast. No sell by date rubbish was needed here, & a real shame It was the only one left.
7
My mate in Aberdeen picks the worms out of his marmalade, the soft twat.
6
People were a lot tougher in the old days. Many didn’t have a bathroom, a fridge or even running water. The well the cellar & the fly screen cabinet would have been used to good effect.
6
We had a thrall.
Worked fine.
5
I must get me eyes tested I thought nomination said Pussy Eaters
11
I will eat almost anything, but I draw the line at bugs and insects like what the Thai people eat.
Fuck that.
You would think that with the excellent food in Thailand that the locals would have knocked that malarkey on the head by now.
8
The food of the future, I’m afraid A.C. Never tried fried crickets or a midge burger myself, but I have heard they are high in protein.
7
Growing up. my Mam would get beef suet from the butcher which cost fuck all and when the oven was hot from a roast dinner she would put in a pyrex dish and let it melt gently down the bottom.
The best lard one could ask for frying, period.
Im olive oil these days, and i put the left over pots of dinner in the fridge before cooling probably cause of mad cow disease that i went soft, but still love my rib roast. leg of lamb etc, but have gone off roast chicken the last few years.
6
Can you easily get corn fed chicken in the UK?
It costs a bit more and has a yellow colour, but try one and you will realise just how bland normal roast chicken is.
5
used to get em AC,n the Eire by the way, the corn fed ones but the fresh fish an poultry shop near me stopped getting them because of the price and slower to sell, an then he’d have to freeze them and then no one wanted to buy frozen chicken.
you think im kiddin but i had partridge breast the other day from a driven shoot. they were devine in the stir fry i made, onion, garlic,sweet red pepper and those bamboo shoots all spiced and laid over fresh batch loaf of crusty buttered bread.
3
I will eat most stuff but not a ruby, believe the feckers spice it to fuck to cover up rancid ingredients plus your average foreigner has less than scrupulous toilet and hygiene habits.
Dog nicked rasher off me plate years ago wrestled the fecker to retrieve it and eat it myself, he was a fecker, never did me any harm. Had fecking McDonald’s once spent 8 months in hospital with haemorrhagic pancreatitis
6
I once saw a kid – no more than 2 or 3 years old – in its pushchair. It was eating McDonald’s while playing with an iPhone.
His wretch of a mother was busy on her own iPhone. The creme de la scum…
10
Scumdog Millionaires.
7
Not to sound all vegan, but humans are, without a doubt meant to be a predominately herbivorous creature. A bit of beef, poultry, fish is fine, but we NEED the nutrients that only vegetables and grains can give. I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a few months ago and I’ve changed my diet to mostly veg, fruit, fish, chicken, but I still eat flavorsome foods. Can’t be arsed with beef now, always gave me mighty shites. But if a gourmet burger comes my way, I’ll snarf it. Stopping drinking was a big thing for me, took years to kill those urges. I could never be a health fanatic, but fuck being infirm in my forties, fifties, sixties. You see men like that and they look miserable, every walk is a marathon. The yawning grave still awaits us all, of course.
Here’s a video of a dog with no front legs getting new prosthetics:
https://twitter.com/____B_S____/status/1583885076990816256?s=20&t=06dL7LYTlPBbvTg_mdY50g
Now THAT is happiness incarnate! 🙂
8
Brought a tear to my eye but put a smile on my face that video Le Cunt. Great video.
6
“WOO-HOO! I CAN HUMP LEGS AGAIN!”
5
Humans are naturally omnivorous.
Along with our exceptional brain, it’s what makes us the most successful animal on the planet.
5
The drinking urge is a hard one to wrestle with. Like a vampire thirst.
1
I was hungry and had a six hour drive before me.
I knew that the pork was undercooked but fuck it, I ate in anyway.
What’s the worst that can happen?
Well, about halfway home I got a really bad pain in my back.
I knew that a shit was desperately needed.
I was driving with my arse clamped shut.
I couldn’t stop and find a bog, there was no way that I would be able to get from my car to wherever a bog was in a bar or service station.
A few kilómetros from home and I saw the Guardia Civil road block ahead.
“DON’T STOP ME YOU CUNTS”.
They didn’t. They just waved me through.
5 minutes later, just as I turned into my own road it happened.
It was like sitting on a soft, warm pillow.
There I was, a respected business man and a pillar of the local community, marinating in my own foulage.
Mrs Cunter still laughs about it.
13
I stick to a strict diet.
Nowt foreign.
No Chinese muck
No stinking curry
No Italian slip
No Mexican shite
Definitely no french muck.
Nowt.
Only English food.
And I never get food poisoning.
Funny that?
The chippy has never poisoned me.
They have my best interetests at heart.
Same with the pub.
This means I eat food I like, and don’t have any worries come teatime.
My mam said if my great grandad came home and didn’t like what was on the table he’d hit the table that hard the plates would hit the ceiling.
Somewhere we’ve lost our touch.
11
You’re quite the cosmopolitan man-about-town, aren’t you?
A modern-day Jason King😅
11
Do you reckon that The Worcestershire Warrior has a supply of spinach, behind the bike sheds?
Just in case someone turns up.
9
Worcestershire Warrior ate only raw steak.
And he growled whilst he ate.
Anyone came near the compound whilst he dined would be met by a human warmachine ,
Bristling with anger he’d gnash his teeth and
Steam would issue from his head.
6
And his Mum’s keyboard
5
Hell no!
Might have been Popeye!
5