Corporate Cunts in Public Spaces.

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I’ve been on a little holiday this week, a few days away in a nice country location.

After a lovely week pottering around we decided to have a buffet breakfast at a pub on the way home, to avoid the faff of having to cook.

We’re sat quietly noshing away on the full English (with fried bread and black pudding) and there’s a cunt in the corner tapping away on a laptop.

Fair enough, he was keeping himself to himself and was quiet. Suddenly we could here, what I’d assume was some sort of hideous Zoom or Teams meeting going on.

Fuck off you massive corporate bastard, take your team, laptop, open top shirt (no tie of course) and your empty plate and shove it up your arse. Don’t spoil others quiet enjoyment of a full English with your work bollocks, I don’t want to hear sycophantic employees faking bonhomie for the sake of appearances.

And the cunt had a beard.

Nominated by: Bertram Cuntatious DCO

56 thoughts on “Corporate Cunts in Public Spaces.”

  1. A cunt with a beard, eh?
    Was he rather large and spoke with a Northumbrian accent?

    • Well cunted Bertram you would have got no sympathy on here if you said you were in Starbucks

      They are the Cuntiest of Cunts & no 1 on the corporate lefties ladder

      Keep up the Cunting

  2. Whilst I heartily endorse the cunting of twats inflicting their pointless lives – work or private – on others, I am appalled by the anti-beardism at the end.

    I wonder what MNC, owner of the vastest and bushiest beard in the Northwest, or a certain Cunt Engine, owner of the largest and gayest moustache at the Sexual Deviants Association, will make of such casual pogonophobia?

  3. Good nom Bertram,

    If you pop into any hotel bar/McDonalds/or even a train/bus station cafe and especially coffee shops during a week day you’ll see legions of these corporate pricks literally abusing the free WiFi for 6 hours straight in return for them buying the cheapest beverage going and sipping it all day.

    They then sit there, in most cases loud as fuck talking corporate jargon to other simpletons in their organisation and of course their Yankee overlords.

    The same pricks think by extension that because they are working for a big corporation and wear a suit that they are superior to everyone else around them and therefore every other cunt is the nuisance and in the way, not them.

    These cunts are the filth of the planet and on par with lice, rats and cockroaches.
    Fuck off to your pissant place of work you fucking noisy, public WiFi hogging, cheap-skate bastards and take your WEF inspired teams meeting bullshit with you.
    Cunts.

    • Damn right, BVC.
      And what they’re doing isn’t work anyway, it’s “work”.
      Proper work is when you go somewhere and, well, work.
      What the hell can you do over Teams?
      Having said that, I do meet foreign clients over Teams to clinch contracts, making me a massive hypocrite! But them I’m already at work and it’s only an hour or so a week.

  4. Laptops are for romantic investigations,therefore aye a cunt indeed.

    Right,just off to shave my beard.

  5. Ask once politely and if ignored,or better still,told to “Fuck Off” launch into a ” I’ll shove that phone/laptop up yer fucking arse,Cunt” rant. If worried that the Cunt might be a handful, ask the waitress for a “top-up” pot of boiling water,add some sugar and then chuck pot and all in his face….that should convince him to end his call and allow you to finish your breakfast undisturbed.

    Glad to help

    • What a terrible thing to suggest, Mr F…you might get water ruining an expensive laptop.

      • You might do well to keep a pot of water next to your laptop for fear that the dreaded “Open up,Cunt-Engine, it’s the vice squad” come a knockin’ on your door.

      • I burn all the really bad dwårf pórn onto blank Dvd’s.
        Is Ellie Symonds still on Strictly?

    • And legally you may have to warn them before throwing it in their face.
      Something along the line with what’s printed on cups nowadays.
      The contents are hot,the risk of scalding is high if you don’t use your inside voice.

      • Only if there is CCTV or anyone knows your name…if they can’t trace you,they can’t do you for failing to follow Health and Safety legislation.

  6. These cunts are everywhere and not just in bars and cafés.

    The growing trend seems to be holding the phone in front of you whilst on loadspeaker when walking down the road, so everyone can hear both sides of your dull conversation.

    A habit probably picked up by watching too many Star Trek episodes.

    Cunts!

    • I’ve never seen this,
      What sort of character takes a computer to the pub?

      Some Gordon Gecko type who’s asking for it either stolen or have beer poured in it.

      If he’s carrying on, shouting an shit, get him attention by throwing beermats at his head,
      If he’s still yapping go over

      “What yer doing kid?
      Playing space invaders?”

      Be a bit carefree with you pint spilling it a bit

      “Can I have a go?”

      He’ll be nervous by now
      So pull up a chair next to him

      “Can you get porn on it?”
      Hey, type in pony fucks midget!”
      Say this very loudly and as aggressively as possible.

      He’s gone.

      • Could you also simply sit next him MNC? Say “I’ve got some tuna stick in my beard” whilst twirling it suggestively?

      • To be honest just sitting next to him would work Thomas.
        Maybe firmly placing a hand on his leg and winking.

        The landlord is at fault here.
        He should tell this Bill Gates motherfucker to quieten down as he’s disturbing people drinking.
        Next thing you’ll get people like him bringing in fax machines and swivel chairs with back support.

      • The mental approach is always a winner in these circumstances.

        Pull up a chair and join in on the meeting. Tell his work colleagues/bosses that you both did loads of drugs last night and that he did you so hard up the bum that you can’t walk straight. Follow this by rubbing a full English into his face while singing Agadoo. Shout ‘Tuesday!’ in a loud high pitched voice for no reason at regular intervals.

      • Bravo,Miserable…a masterclass in social etiquette for our times. Tell me,do you have a column in Tatler magazine ?

      • Morning Dick,
        Esquire and Tatler both.

        Nuisances in pubs is something that can be easily solved,
        But it’s when it’s nuisances and your constrained by social niceties (missus) were I struggle.
        Weddings and christening things and some boring fucker is pecking away at you,
        I don’t know them,
        Don’t give a fuck about them,
        But because of the missus I’ve got to pretend to be nice.
        Dread things like that.

        Hey, have you seen off another ISAC?
        Your body count is like a African despot!!

      • Like a Northumberland version of Idi Amin?
        If IT would have been a thing in 1970’s Uganda, Idi Amin could have been called Idi Admin!

      • I hold my hand up and admit that I sometimes have to pop into a boozer or cafe around lunchtime and do some IT work on the fly.

        Doesn’t happen very often but its the convenience of eating some nosebag while sorting a customer’s IT issue remotely owing to problems getting to their site at the allocated time due to heavy traffic or RTAs en-route.

        That said, I usually try to find a quiet table out-of-sight-out-of-mind as I don’t want to be a PITA to other punters.

      • @Mis…….”Hey, have you seen off another ISAC?
        Your body count is like a African despot!!”…

        not that I’m aware of….who the fuck have I huffed this time ? ( I hope it’s that vile,wicked Cunt, Mr.Cunt-Engine)

      • Fiddler @

        JP.
        He’s not been on since you discussed religious beliefs.

        You should be more like me,
        Inoffensive.😁

      • I’m out of action, HDU.
        Nipped out, moving me to old gadgers ward.
        Am out of here, no fucking phones.

      • @Mis…Nah…surely he can’t be that thin-skinned ?….although I did wonder this morning who had scratched ” Fiddler is a Cunt” into the bonnet of the Hilux alongside the other complimentary graffiti that has appeared on it over the years.
        He should be more like “Krav”…now there was a Red Sea Pedestrian….and Fruity Gentleman…to reckon with…..mad as a fucking March hare and totally unstoppable….until unfortunately banned,of course…..I miss both him and his sparring-partner,Black and White Cunt.

      • Weren’t me scratched cunt on your motor, though I did call you one, as I was being stretchered into the ambulance.
        So once again, with feeling, cunt!
        You’re a right cunt.

      • You smooth talking old fucker, JP!
        If that don’t melt Fiddler’s heart, nowt will.

  7. I have to agree with this. I’m a rep and meet customers in pubs and McDonald’s etc. Bit different as we are engineers and talk about boring shit like heat exchangers, steam traps valves and pumps etc rathen that vague acronyms and false business jargon. I never take my laptop in with me – it’s a Cunts trick.

    These are the sorts of cunts that made me go external to get away from their bullshit in the office. ‘boots on the ground’ ‘blue sky thinking’ ‘paradigm shift’ ‘run it up the flagpole’ phrase talking cunts.

    If they were so important they would get a proper job where they get more than 1gb data and an arm rest upgrade in their car. Then they could just sit in their car and use their mobile data – more than adequate.

    Absolutely nothing worse than hearing one of these twats pretending to sound important to others around them. Whilst we are at it we should cunt office parties in Indian restaurants. When you go out for a nice meal with your family and you get put next to a table of 20 fucking morons on a works night out. You always get the one fuckwit who is ‘that man’ trying to compensate for his failed marriage, inability to keep a woman happy, stuck in a shite job, loaded up to the bollocks in debt, not seen my cock in years, keep up with the jones’ cunt. If you are extremely unlucky you will get 2 or 3 trying to compete for pole position of King Bell End.

  8. Good nom and on a par with those chavvy slappers who insist on FaceTiming their ‘besties’ in shops, bars, trains and buses giving it “You ok hun?”
    It’s all for attention with today’s look at me’ generation.

    • Yea, well played. I forgot about those instacunts.

      They probably see it as work as they are ‘influencers’.

      Influencers – Daft cunts.

  9. Good news for sports fans,the rugby World Cup starts today.(wimmiz).

    Just watched a aussie bird kick a conversion it made the try line after 3 bounces..she would of been better off kicking the ball off a pile of dirty crockery, than a kicking tee..

  10. These types of cunts love “zoom” meetings, means they can have a wank under the table without being noticed by “busty” Linda from HR, even in a crowded eating establishment, dirty cunts, sjambok them!!!

  11. Corporate fuckers who used public space for meetings are cunts indeed same as Every Cunt that has their mobile phones on voice in the shop street or wherever are also cunts.

    Side note beards facial hair are for cunts and peaceful cunts only

  12. I’d piss on his hash browns, then his laptop and shake the drips on his beard.

    Corporate Cunt

  14. Wasn’t sure if you got shut of the cunt with a pretend out burst of tourettes, or a quiet word via you from the waiter ? Regardless, this thoughtless twat should’ve instinctively had other people’s privacy in mind. Bullet from silencer.

  15. Invite a group of footy fans to surround the table with a rousing chorus of “How shit must you be, you’re Zooming in Spoons”.

  16. Inconsiderate cunts in general need executing.

    Loud music at night cunts. Boil alive.

    Play music on phone on train/ in public place. Wood chipper.

    Panic buyers. Thrown out of a helicopter.

    People who stand next to you in a queue. Thrown to hungry tigers.

    People who park across two spaces/use a disabled space when not disabled. Steamroller.

    People who let their kids run around restaurants/planes and leave them to every other cunt to deal with. Tied up and thrown on a bonfire.

    Cunts who put loads of change on a pool table to claim it all night for themselves. 5 hour Diane Abbot face sitting ordeal.

    Sexy ladies who don’t fancy me back. Life in prison, the cheeky mares.

  18. Why is it when these office bound white fingered pasty faced cunts venture out into the real world away from their self important work places, do they wear those fecking lanyards with their job title and name like kids at an infant school outing.
    “Keyboarding skills team leader” was a title I received in a missive from the bank once.
    Absolute shower of cunts.

  20. I remember going into my office building in London years ago, some cunt in the lift started poncing about with his laptop, as he couldn’t even wait to get into the office first, wanker.

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