Toblerone At Airports

A short and sweet cunting for Toblerone at airports. (See what I did there)

What is the obsession with massive oversized bars of this shit at airports.

I’m sat in T3 Manchester and it strikes me that you only ever see these bars at Airports.

And the fucking price needs it’s own separate cunting.

Apparently if you buy 3 you save £6.50 and they’ll only cost you £13.

Jesus what a pile of cunt.

Some Toblerone ads for you to enjoy, care of our Chief Chocolatier, Night Admin – NA.

Nominated by: CuntyMcCuntface

34 thoughts on “Toblerone At Airports

  1. Looks like you’d have to pay for a seat for the sickly shite.

    And become diabetic by the time you landed in foreign lands.

    Whatever happened to the simple past time of drinking 8 pints of lager whilst waiting to board ?

    • Nothing happened to it, I definitely still do it and then carry on drinking on board usually

  2. I think Sam B uses toblerone as part of his facial products. Supposed to be good for the skin

    • The triangular shape of Toblerone is meant to represent the Alps.

      And like the Alps it’s dangerous and you need your wits about you!

      It will puncture the roof of your mouth,
      And inside the chocolate it’s got some sort of gravel in it.

      It’s not that it doesn’t taste nice (it does) it’s just unpopular like the Swiss.
      A shite idea like muesli for breakfast,
      Cuckoo clocks,
      And knives with to many blades

      Get a mars bar instead.
      You know where you stand with a mars bar.

      The Rolling stones used to eat them out of ladies tuppences!

      The dirty monkeys!!

      • Gazza used to train on a diet of Mars bars and Newcastle brown, Mis. Never did him ant harm. Well, apart from turning him into a cry baby.

      • Good old gazza, he was the toon’s good man, when Raul moat was on his gun killing spree and got cornered buy 20 armed police officers good old gazza went to see Raul and bought a bucket of kfc and some beers just to be social

    • No sir, I do not.
      The only confections which pass my lips are Twopenny Butterquims or the occasional Crunt Bar. But I have been known to slurp on a Milky Boy.
      And, as you are all now aware, my facial regime consists of Ginger(anag) Brown boot polish. Or soot.

  3. Satan’s chocolate. Impossible to bite into without the apex of the adjacent triangle breaking upwards and puncturing the roof of your mouth.

    It should be banned on safety grounds alone.

    Great cunting, Sir.

  4. I like to be that “wacky” fella and convince people that I’ve shat myself by sticking a bar of Toblerone up my arse and letting it slowly melt and dribble down the backs of my legs as I walk to the plane in my holiday shorts and football shirt.

  5. Ps
    Misled you about the Rolling stones.
    They did that apart from Bill Wyman.

    He ate a milky bar from out of Mandy Smith’s nappy instead.

  6. I fucking love Toberone, I would kill if someone tried to take it off me. The grandkids get me it for Xmas until they are old enough to get me IPA.

  7. I’m surprised the fucking stuff is allowed onboard, some inventive mud-slime scamp could use the rock hard shite to batter the flight deck door down & give the Captain & FO a good paggering.

    • It was originally used by Swiss mountain tribes as a weapon.
      There’s a two handed version and a lighter one for hand to hand combat .
      Once a Swiss warrior pulls it out of the packet it must draw blood.

      It’s still warn by Swiss military ceremonially.

  8. Didn’t the makers redesign the shape so that the “triangle” things were spaced farther apart, and all to keep the price the same for less chocolate?
    Whatever the reason, Toblerwank is a health-hazard in its own right, almost guaranteed to break teeth and serrate delicate gums.. although I suppose for the likes of Owen Jones he loves them shoved up his hole 3 at a time!

  9. The shops on the departure side of airports are ridiculous.

    Fucking huge bars of chocolate that cannot be eaten.

    After being body searched by security before the departure gate and the wife having her ‘lethal’ eyebrow tweezers confiscated, you can stroll into a shop and buy a large glass bottle of spirit to take on the plane.

    Do UK cinemas still exclusively sell boxes of Malteesers?

    • “Do UK cinemas still exclusively sell boxes of Malteesers?”

      Aye, with a credit agreement if you’re feeling the pinch after paying for your tickets and a beverage.

      The fucking pirates.

  10. Tolerone are utter shite since the company was taken over by those American cunts at Mondelez. They fuck everything they buy up, Cadbury’s, Green and Blacks et al. It’s Mondelez that need a right good cunting. Buy a company, find a cheap and nasty way of carrying on selling the previously excellent products by cheapening the ingredients and recipes and bingo. Shite where once was excellence. Toblerone used to be lovely, they are now a greasy pile of lard. Cunts.

  11. What’s with all this foreign muck in our airports and shops? I thought we’d be able to get rid of it once we’d left the EU. Oven-ready Brexit my arse.

  12. Good old Switzerland, land of clocks, watches, chocolate, skiing, fondue, guyere cheese, secretive banking practices, stolen Nazi gold, suicide clinics, Heidi and her grandfather who was very suspect with her, and a country that did fuck all to help other countries in 2 world wars, Switzerland can fuck right off, they are cunts

  13. You forgot three things.

    1. Switzerland is completely landlocked, yet still has a navy.

    2. There are more guns in civilian hands per head of population than the yanks.

    3. They have banned the burqa with zero fuss from the goat botherers.
    (see, it can be done).

  14. £3.50 at Tesco most of the year airports are rip offs.
    99% of all goods can be found cheaper in the shops.

  15. The fucking shite should carry a health warning.
    “These triangular pieces of cunt are capable of breaking through the roof of your mouth into your nasal cavities
    They can dislodge dental crowns and cause extensive oral bleeding. You have been warned.!”
    Could only have been invented by the Swiss. Probably by fucking wankers sorry, Bankers.

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