Intimacy Coordinators

Yeah I remember that film with Sean Bean and one of the Redgrave women. Running round the countryside in the nuddie. Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Directed by crazy Ken Russell. (Might have been this – Lady Chatterley    – Day Admin)

But I remember thinking this seems natural, ‘spontaneous’. Seemed they were enjoying it.

Anyway our dear old friend Emma says there should always be an ‘intimacy coordinator’ there. A what? Seems there are people who do this this job title.

I suppose sex scenes are quite embarrassing (forgive the pun) to ‘bring off’.

But what does he or she do. Or rather say. ‘Lights , camera…shag!’. Or ‘Stop there…we need a better shot of her butt’.

‘Make-up he needs to look more sweaty’.

What qualifications do you need for the job? I suppose if you worked in the Porn industry that would give you lots of experience of filming intimate moments.

Maybe the ‘IC’ tells other people on the set to avert their eyes when the scene is to be played.
Except the cameraman of course.

Maybe he or she ‘coaches’ the participants. Encouraging the male actor ‘go on lad, go on’. Or the female ‘go on make some noise’.

Even in the ‘afterglow’ the Intimacy Coordinator I bet is still there. ‘Stroke her cheek now’. ‘Run you’re fingers through his hair’.

Seems a funny kind of job altogether.

For those in the altogether I mean.

BBC News Link

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

65 thoughts on “Intimacy Coordinators

  1. My wife is an intimacy coordinator.
    She has all the phrases.
    Put that away.
    Get your fucking hands off
    Have you done yet?
    I’m tired, so fuck off.

  2. Intimacy coordinator? What sort of cuntishness is this? Sean bean has been demonised by wimmim for calling it into question, he is an actor, acting is all about make believe, it is not real life, Sean is a northerner , a Yorkshireman, he says what he likes and bloody likes what he says,

      • He came over to me and the Mrs in the Ritz Carlton Central Park lounge because he heard our scummy north Notts accents he’s Sheffield 20 miles up the M1, absolutely brilliant bloke no acting required.

    • Sean Bean, phwarr I would. No Intimacy Coordinator needed.

      Let me at him. He’d be needing the Intimacy Coordinator.

      Actually, he wouldn’t, because I’m a fine figure of a woman and we’d both have great fun. And so would the crew.

      • I must amend this comment to indicate that my interests are solely in the Sean Bean direction, and not any film crew. I just thought they may enjoy watching.

    • His “enemy within” speech in Red Riding 1974 is gold. Laugh every time I hear it. Champion.

  3. Ah for fucksake, will you just let me shag her, intimacy director and stop looking you cunt you must a bit of a tiger woods or something

  4. It’s a fucking ‘councillor’ who sits down with the woman actor to ‘discuss’ the scene and if they are happy to do it, and are there any changes needed, who would she like on set while it’s being filmed, what would she be uncomfortable doing…..all that kind of bollocks.

    In the porn industry…………they’re called a ‘fluffer’ but only for the blokes.

    • They (film industry) are only protecting themselves against potential future litigious #metoo lawsuits from Eastern Euro or fame hungry sub-actresses.

      Mind you, if it was some crusty lech old cunt on set, I wouldn’t fancy letting him have free reign over my bits either to be fair.

    • “Woman actor” Chuff? I think the word you’re looking for is; actress.

      By the same token, “intimacy coordinator”; i.e. voyeur.

      I had always thought the folks fucking in films just got on with it and then the scene was cut as required to get past the censor.

  5. What a bullshit job. Sounds like a way of keeping lawsuits and “me too” accusers from coming forward 20 years hence.
    “We did exactly what the IC advised.”

    • Spot on, sadly the way things are going in every facet of life. litigation fucks everyone that knows how to behave but has to prove it when a thick cunt gets offended about sweet fuckall

  6. Nowt better for you than running around in the great outdoors with your knackers untethered and your winky free to the fresh air,
    Like God intended.

    Don’t need a coordinator Miles .
    That’s just Emma being daft .
    She can’t wipe her own arse what does she know?

    I’d probably join a naturist group but they’re all deviants and should be locked up.

    • Where do you put your house keys Miserable?

      On second thoughts, I don’t wanna know.

  7. I reckon dame Emma’s probably a tad jealous. I mean, who’d want to get intimate with that wizened lefty old hag. Certainly not Sean Bean. Mr Bean would probably give it a miss too. Although there’s bound to be some degenerates on here who reckon they’d look great hanging out the back of it.
    And another thing. I remember her attempts at stand up, and I needed fucking counselling after that.

  8. In my opinion sex scenes in mainstream movies and films are shite and should be done away with altogether. At best they’re worthless padding stringing out an otherwise decent narrative. A few seconds implying a couple are having it away is all that is necessary. If I want to see cunts fucking there’s plenty of online filth to peruse.

    • Agree……to infer there’s some fucking going on is fine. Even a few seconds to show what’s going on, then move on.

      Bit like a scene in a film that suggest someone has got to fly from New York to San Francisco, then showing the whole fucking journey. Not necessary

    • Yep. I’m with you on that. I find love scenes uncomfortable to watch and they add nothing to a movie.
      Who actually likes this shit? Most actors certainly don’t. I reckon it’s wimminz to be honest. Most of them creamed their knickers over fifty shades.

      • In agreement Minge keep sex scenes out of films but I’m pro tits all the way Not that anyone here should be shocked

        The more knockers in films the better Was watching Return of the living dead tonight and this punk chick with pink hair takes her clothes seemingly no reason in a cemetery raining. Its a pretty decent 80’s B horror film btw Its on Roku right now if any you cunters have it worth if for the tit scenes alone

    • I was recommended a film with Mark Rylance in it ( lefty mithering cunt) where he spent 90% of the time in the nude, rolling about and being miserable with some woman. They looked like a pair of blind cobblers thumbs. If anyone who hadn’t had sex thought that was how it was, they wouldn’t bother. It was about as erotic as a cold rice pudding. There was a review of the film at the time, praising Rylance for his “stillness”. Just fucking laziness in my book.

    • Awesome those Pathe type skits.For my money…,the last hurrah of pure comedy genius on display in these islands.Sir Harry Enfield if that sobriquet isn’t now redundant following more recent enoblements of a particular cancerous entity we all want tied to a post on the banks of the nile for croc provender.

  9. Intimacy co-ordinator? Seems a modern name for a pornographér to me.
    The intimacy co-ordinator would have a hard time with me if I were an actor.

    I’d say stuff like ‘Is it permissable for me to French Kiss her Arsehole?’


    ‘can I Urinate in her hair’


    ‘For the sake of diversity, can my Trans-midget Asian friend Sanjizz fuck her in the mouth whilst I fuck her shit-Locker?’

    Just to test the boundaries and that……..

  10. Nice work if you can get it. I wonder how much an Intimacy Co-ordinator makes. Seems like a non-job.

    • ..a lot, coz if some actress states a few years down the line, they did something they didn’t want to or were uncomfortable with certain people present, then it’s your neck on the line for being sued and not the producers any more. That’s why they employ them simply to cover their arses.

  11. The intimacy coordinator will always be female, there is no way a straight bloke would allow another bloke to position his bits

  12. Miles@

    You seem to have gotten a bit racey, a bit sexy, of late?

    Maybe Mrs Plastic should put liver salts in your water?

    Bromide in your Bovril?

    You’ll get hairy palms carrying on like this,
    There’s some bad influences on here,
    Sex addicts from Hollywood,
    Deviants from the Welsh valleys,
    Mackintosh wearers from Ireland etc

    Stay on the path of the righteous.
    Take this advice from a doomed soul…

    • Im a dexter wearing flasher Mis, a bit more refined than the greasy shiny flashers of the past

    • No I am back in the fold Miserable.

      I have been watching Alice von Hilderbrand (husband of the great Catholic theologian Dietrich von Hilderbrand) who was giving a talk about intimacy betweem the sexes.

      She said at one point the male genitalia are ‘out there’ while the female’s are ‘hidden’.

      Struck me as profound that.

      • Glad you’re back in the fold Miles.

        You have to be careful in the company you keep,
        Wholesome types like myself,
        Sensible, well adjusted,
        Morally rich .
        Can’t go wrong.

        I often think I should be a role model used by the government to help others.

        A sort of motivational target for lesser types to aim for?

    • i tried to reply earlier MNC but admin or WordPress deemed the word Flash er dangerous i think, dunno really
      Anyways i wear a dexter, a cut above the greasy and shiny Macintosh flash hers, standards have to be adhered too

      • Aaah, one of the new breed of flasher eh mecuntry?
        Fashion conscious.

        I’m a traditionalist.
        Grimy Colombo Mack or nothing for me.

        And by nothing I mean nothing!

      • Its a rite of passage being chased off a golf course after flashing the players of the 1/2 price Wednesday pensioner special.

      • I’m finding it harder to escape irrate golfers as I get older LL.
        Nearly caught me a couple of times!

        I’ve started to hire a getaway driver,
        A young lad with a electric scooter,
        Safety is paramount in the world of open air indecent exposure…

  13. I’m sure most male students at our universities need intimacy co-ordinators before having a wank, in case they commit thought-rape.

  14. They need to bring back the casting couch. That way you make sure to get women who will do whatever the director wants.

  15. Some people are just ungrateful cunts.

    I once offered to do the same for Kylie and Danni Minogue.

    It was at that point they door was smashed in with a baton charge and seven burly police officers.

    Apparently, the two sisters are not lovers and were outraged by my request to ‘lez up to pictures of my bellend while I have a wank. And that if they ask nicely and offer a fry up and brew, I’d finish them both off.’

    According to the judge, I had ‘tested his patience’, ‘found new levels of gross indecency’ and should ‘attend court wearing trousers.’

    What a fucking joke this country is.

  16. Is there nothing your modern right on progressive twat cannot turn into a job, with some hyper important sounding title, “intimacy coordinator ” what’s wrong with “fuck facilitator “, its starting to be like a fucking stud farm, with a “teaser” to test wether shes up for it before they bring on the star turn all jibbed up like a racing yacht. These fecking media and entertainment types really are a bunch of self aggrandising cunts.

  17. Right… If I was one of these actor type cunts, and some director twat said to me ‘You are working with Christina Hendricks. And you have to put your head between her jugs. I would dive into those funbags quicker than Franny Lee in the penalty box during a Manchester Derby.’

    Intimacy coordinator, my arse.

    • i’d set up base camp in her cleavage and try climbing each tit using my mouth as a suction clamp.

  18. Haven’t seen Lady Chatterley yet, Ken Russell was a genius tho shame he didn’t do more films like Lair of the White worm

    Amanda Donohue was fit as fuck in it she played a convincingly evil Succubus/ Mistress and the best thing that cunt Hugh Grant ever starred in not surprising that he’s ashamed it because he probably didn’t make 3 million like the dumb as shit romantic comedies he usually gets paid to star in

  19. If the old cunt wasn’t so fucking ugly and bothered to cleanse her arse properly I might have considered seeing her for some 1-on-1 intimacy lessons.

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