Not Enjoying the Things In Life Which Bring You Happiness…

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This isn’t a cunting as such, quite the opposite in fact. But hopefully with the permission of the hard working, underpaid and under-appreciated admins (Not sure who they’d be – NA), I would like to put forward a one-off happy cunting. In other words everyday things that make you happy or glad to be alive, or appreciate that life here in the UK isn’t all that bad.

Here’s a few examples:-
Watching reruns of The Good Life and ogling Felicity Kendall’s impeccable arse!
A trip to the local beer garden and enjoying a few drinks with friends on a summer’s evening.
Walking through some of the Lake’s District’s most remote areas and appreciated that this place is really God’s own garden.
Steak & Kidney pie and chips from the local chippy in traditional paper wrapping
German female tourists arriving in their tight-fitting jeans and tops asking for directions while you ogle their “bits”
Pissing all over Porches on my Fireblade at traffic lights
Listening to the musical sounds of the 90s (House, Grunge, Handbag, Thrash
Reading Dick Fiddler’s dreamlike fantasies of trying to entice Gemma Arterton to his mansion in order to take down her particulars.
Listening to Canadian rock band, Rush
Overclocking AMD’s Ryzen Thread Ripper 3990X 64 core 128 thread CPU
Spring and Summer

There’s a few more I have but how about other contributions?

Nominated by: Technocunt

64 thoughts on “Not Enjoying the Things In Life Which Bring You Happiness…”

  1. Upbeat nom this?
    I enjoy
    Sulking
    Moaning
    Saying NO
    Led Zeppelin
    Casual racism
    Formal racism
    Motorhead
    Chips n gravy
    Peak District
    Dirty looks
    Sex Pistols
    Rain&snow
    Akitas
    Mean pranks
    Hollands pies
    And writing letters of complaint.
    And whiskers on kittens.

  2. Bravo sir.

    Glenfarclas scotch.
    Pork and black pudding pie.
    A good looking lass in a summer dress that moves in all the right places.
    Cresting a big hill in the Peaks.
    Being a bloke not infected by The Gayness.
    A pub crawl.

    Oh and knowing that not everyone is a woke slave is also a boost to morale.

    Pip pip!

  3. Good Morning

    My dogs, a source of joy in good times and a source of comfort in sad ones.

    I hope we’re not going soft on here.

    • Can’t agree with you there.
      Most mornings I wake up and think “Fuck it – I’m still here”
      Dying in my sleep would give an immense feeling of happiness although if I was dead, I might never know…

      • EDIT: other than Diane Abbott, a perennial favourite here in the antipodes especially with the over 90s “Put that English politician on” they say, “You know, the one who can’t add up” [pause] “or do anything else either.”

        • Congratulns on such a nice photo of her (and whatizname) well done! the image control dep’t.

  7. “….Dick Fiddler’s dreamlike fantasies of trying to entice Gemma Arterton to his mansion….”

    You cheeky Bugger….if Gemma and I weren’t in the middle of a 96 hour Tantric sex-session involving us enacting every one of the 444 positions in the Kama Sutra in a different room in my vast mansion,the Hounds,Under-Butler and I would come round to your house and administer a sound thrashing.
    Expect to hear the tootle of my hunting-horn,revving of a Hilux and baying of the Hounds sometime over the weekend.

    • One would never stoop so low as to personally administer a thrashing. One has staff for such things. One must maintain standards after all…

  8. Settling into a chair in the pub for the first pint.
    A bacon sarnie on Sunday morning.
    That afterglow.
    Dropping a rancid fart that permeates those paper face masks.

  9. Lisa Nandy’s lovely bouncing knockers

    British Summer Time – nice long light evenings

    British crime films made at Merton Park in the 1950s

    The Music of Beethoven

    My dog

    The spouse farting when her overbearing chiropodist visits her

    The garden

    My shed

    Clasic radio comedy repeated on 4 Extra

    A good book

  11. Tits.

    Booze.

    The 1978 FA Cup Final.

    Freedom for East Anglia (Queensland Branch).

  14. Pussers Rum (red label) for me, or Woods at a pinch.

    Fuck it! Any other rum really.

  15. “”German female tourists arriving in their tight-fitting jeans and tops asking for directions while you ogle their “bits”””

    Now a 6th form school party to Devon from Germany had just such a teacher. Her party were all getting off their onions on the local green so she felt she ought to remove herself to the garden. I was happy to accompany her. “How beautifully your eyes reflect the stars,” I suggested. She all but pounced. Her exquisite profile was exceeded only by the curve of her bosom and her dainty .. I’ve forgotten what I was going to say next. Long live 40-something German teachers! (Must have been PE or ladies all-in wrestling, something like that.) Anyway as it transpired not only her eyes were reflective and my gf was inexplicably moody on the drive back.

    No accounting. (Probably mad.)

  16. Rashford missing a sitter/penalty
    Queue jumping
    Releasing a silent one in a crowded lift
    Sniffing Mrs Twatt’s soiled knickers
    Growing leeks the size of saplings
    But best of all: Is A Cunt

  17. We could also anticipate things to come that we know we would enjoy:

    Putin killing himself with one of the poision concocctions he has tried to bump yet another enemy off with. Trapped by his own trap.

    Starmer losing the next election and being put down by AnalEase Dodds by sitting on his face, till he either suffocates naturally or she defecates on his nose

    Lovely Lisa finally gives into my animal magnetism and lets me paint her in the nude, so we can all admire those lovely orbs. I will have to leave my socks on though, as I need somewhere to put my brushes.

  18. Books – particularly Tolkien, Shakespeare, Kilping, the Romantic poets, Lovecraft and science fiction.

    Astronomy and astrophysics – of course.

    Sandwiches.

    Sex – with my wife, naturally.

    Driving my cars fast, with the roof down, on a chilly day.

    • Also, slyly looking at porn when the wife is distracted, particularly the big butt/ big knockers variety.

      • Would you like me tofix you up with Emily Thornberry?. Scores on both points. She’s a cheap date – a couple of pints and she’s anyone’s. Allegedly…

  20. My next doors neighbours wife who does yoga in the garden with tight fitting leggings, lamb chops for breakfast every day!

  21. Curling one out in the neighbours rhododendrons.
    Shit posting just to hear the pips squeak.
    Getting the job done just right, dot the i’s and cross the t’s.
    Travel journals from the age of empire.
    Slow cooked short rib.
    Pubs.

    • Travel journals from the age of Empire – that’s an interesting one. Burton, Speke, etc. Good stuff.

  23. Driving the Cobra.
    Real ale by a fire.
    Smoking dope in bed with a nice bird.
    Watching a good British film on my projector.
    Driving past Stanley’s broken down on motorways.
    Robin Hoods Bay in winter.
    Karl Pilkington.
    Whitewater kayaking.
    Stink bombing my local Co-op.

    • Robin Hood’s Bay in winter, I remember.
      If you want to have a go at a real winter, try Canada.
      -40ºC is something to experience – make sure to have your long john’s on!

  25. Nice non-cunting Techno.. As an expat, especially one who has been unable to keep his pledge to return at least once every year due to a certain virus of disputed origins, I will provide a list of the things I miss most that you just can’t get here, or at least are not done right here:

    Proper cream, like extra thick double cream. What skeptics call heavy cream is like condensed milk.

    Full Englush breakfast, especially the back bacon and black pudding, both of which don’t exist in the States

    Pubs in general but especially the beer garden

    Melton Mowbray pork pies, in fact any meat – pastry combo.⁹

    Can’t think of much else right now.

  26. I like Girls, they’re my third favourite thing after;
    Guns
    Dogs
    Beer
    Sorry 4th!

  27. I like:

    Firing a machine gun at a picture of Osama Bin Laden whilst in Las Vegas.

    Secretary Porn.

    Farting.

    Drinking German Weisse Bier.

    Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.

    Sheffield United

  28. Glengoyne Scotch.
    Tanqueray gin.
    Jameson Irish (sorry Sir Dick, I prefer it to Bushmills and it’s cheaper).
    Scrumpy.
    Coopers extra stout.
    IPA.
    Bottle shop vouchers.
    Madge and Yasur, RIP (reign in paradise).
    Empire day (24/05) and cunts reaction when I celebrate it.
    Stories from the few of the greatest generation still around, lest we forget.
    Dogs and that Muzrats are scared shitless of them.
    A softly spoken woman that can cook a British roast dinner, breakfast and can suck a cricket ball through a garden hose.
    A curry with mango pickle that can burn the ring off of Uranus.
    My country’s boat people policy (banned forever).
    The song of Oz Magpies and the banshee wail of black parrots.
    Finding a coin.
    Pissing standing up.
    Dropping my guts and someone else getting the blame.
    Seeing someone miss the bus then step in dogshit or be shat upon by a pelican.

  29. Riding my ancient Honda bike.
    Pointing and laughing at cyclists and joggers getting pissed on from the warmth and comfort of my Volvo.
    Pointing and laughing at cunts still wearing masks in the street.
    The sound of hippies getting crushed under the wheels of a large four wheel drive.
    And beer, naturally…

  30. The first vino of the day
    Medieval architecture of north west Europe
    Woodlands in Spring
    Cooked English breakfast
    peace & quiet / lack of other humans in near vicinity
    A decent British crime thriller on telly
    A pub without noisy kids/TVs/muzak
    Early mornings
    Enid Blyton
    Radio 3 lunchtime concert
    slagging off cyclists
    bemoaning the fall of this once-great nation
    home cooked food
    Reading old Viz comics (‘old’ humour in general)
    Getting away with shit cos I have a very innocent looking face
    Brie & crackers (and more wine)
    [That’s enough for now – Ed.]

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