Toilet Twinning – No Shit!

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Yes, you did hear me right – toilet twinning. Here’s the idea : you pay £60 to have your shit hole twinned with a shit hole in an African shit hole of your choice. When I got over the disbelief, I pissed myself laughing (see what I did there!?!)

If you don’t believe me then this is a link to their shite – sorry, site ; Toilet Twinning Link

Some of the stuff on here, you just couldn’t make up. For example “Flushing away poverty one toilet at a time” or “The sanitation crisis – kicking up a stink”. Or “Bogtech – one loo doesn’t fit all” FFS who writes this shit?

Seems you can also have the opportunity to become a “loominary”. Whowza!

Apparently, they send you a certificate to hang in your loo which contains a picture of the toilet your toilet is twinned with. I’m sure the photoshop wizards in Admin will have a field day mocking one of those up.

Maybe I should sign up for this crap. After all, I’ve been talking shit for years…

Nominated by: Dioclese

62 thoughts on “Toilet Twinning – No Shit!”

  2. Why on earth would we want to save african lives? There’s already over a billion of the sponging cunts with their paws out for da honky man money.
    Fuck ’em…let dysentry take them before they get on a dinghy.
    There should be an alternative way of thinking from Oxfam:
    “For every africunt you help save, they will have 17 more children”

  3. Fuck that, dey can eat da poo poo.

    Don’t they build their huts from hardened shit, flushing it away would deprive them of building materials, these do gooder types don’t think these schemes through.

  4. I’m surprised they have proper toilets in the impoverished parts of Africa.

    I always thought that Mtembe, full to bursting after a particularly heavy lunch on the barbecued grubs and chimp brains, would lift his loincloth and curl out a log in the local stream, from which Mtembe’s 4 year old child collects drinking water after a 20 mile journey from the family mud hut.

    Well, bugger me. You learn something new everyday.

  5. Fraud.

    Everyone knows the cunts don’t have water closets.

    The immoral bastards at this so called charity should be charged with theft then shot.
    #nukeafrica

    • They wouldn’t notice if they’d been nuked. It’s already fucking too hot with a desolate landscape.

    • Quite right Unkle. Have you seen that Domestos now donate 5p per bottle sold to UNICEF ? All to bring fresh water to the shitters of the streets.

  6. Perhaps it’s the latest charity scam from Captain Sir Lord King Tom’s daughter?

    What a loada shite😂

  7. Could they make twin crimes as well?

    This is Akamo Gwadanga, a human-traffiker from Birmingham and he’s twinned with Jano Ubaka from Nigeria who’s also a people-smuggler.

  8. I saw an African shitting on the floor at Ridley rd Market.it’s common to see African women getting their spawn to shit in the gutter. Turning Dalston into Africa one shit at a time.

  9. If I wanted a picture of an africunts khazi, I’d pop down to my nearest KFC and take a pic of theirs.

  10. If I wanted a photo of a Mandingo rodding a blocked, shit encrusted,overflowing hole,my first port-of-call would probably be Sir Elton John’s “FansOnly” website.

  11. I’ll pay to be twinned with a high-tech log receptacle of a cute Japanese woman, but not some third rate dusty hole in the mud. Who do you think I am!

    • Japanese turlets are the best in the universe. And those turlets with the basin built into the cistern so the waste water gets used to flush the jobbies away is genius.

  14. Fucking contradiction this is. I thought, judging by the begging bastard charities that all these cunts were starving to death. Why the fuck do they need a shitter if they don’t eat? They’ll be shitting less than a constipated silk worm.

    • Our toilet is the nicest room in the house.
      The height of taste and elegance.
      From tasteful commissioned
      Landscapes of my beloved Peak District,
      To the highly polished copper cistern .
      You could eat your dinner in there its that clean.

      And I often do.

      I’ll be damned if im going to twin it with some ‘monkey latrine’ in Islanwana!!
      Fuck that.

      I might twin it with some Austrian castle perched on a alpine mountainside loo?

      But thats it.

      • I imagine Hitler’s pristine convenience might have been a solid choice. I wonder what the design was? The bowl could be made of stolen gold, perched on a platform made of the skulls of his Jewish victims, and supplied by the finest alpine spring water and hand crafted silk wipes with little cute swastikas imprinted in it.

  16. Actually I know someone’s who’s done this. I had to have it explained to me when I noticed her certifishit on top of the cistern when taking a leak at her house.
    It will surprise none of you to know that she’s a lefty Guardian-reading teacher.

    • I bet she has one of those knitted doll things to cover her spare lavatory paper as well!. Guardian readers are terribly, “naice” (except to “extreme” right-wingers)

  17. I remember the bogs at work with fond memories, the writings on the walls would have fit with IsaC ponderings perfectly … 30 years ago…😂

      • It’s tame on here compared to the bogs at work in the 70/80’s….but then management started getting touchy-feely about the poetic verses and also the page 3 girls on the walls…. could have been the start of today’s woke shite… ?

      • Bog graffiti doesn’t exist now and when it pops up, it sucks. That might be a sign of civilisation at it’s end – once the people stop drawing giant knobs on the bog wall and giving you Backdoor Brenda’s phone number, then it’s basically over.

  18. As a gesture of goodwill Starmer should twin his khasi with David Lammy – they both produce volumous loads of shit, from twoedifices – the mouths and their arseholes. Just don’t let Abbott or Thornberry break the spell by sitting on it and breaking the seat. Kweer and Dave – arseholes wreathed in smiles.

  19. I haven’t yet opened the link but with a heavy heart I know it must ring true. Who the fuck thinks this shite up ? The last 2 years have shown how fucking brain dead westerners are so let’s go into overdrive on the bollocks factor.
    If M’dudu Rubbateeti wants to suck a cows fanny while defecating in his dinner bowl they can crack the fuck on, you’ll not be getting any rosettes from me,now fuck off, meanwhile some whitey Liberal is laughing their moobs off at this and watching the moolah roll in.
    Eat shit and die.
    Um Bongo !

  20. I had visions of the government spending a few billion connecting plumbing from our bogs straight through to Africa. Guess which way the crap would flow!

  21. I will gladly twin mine with Kouma’s. Shouldn’t be long now before he is sent back home. Whip round at my local last night hit £60 before I got in the front door.

    • Is there anything more depressing than a phone box these days? I saw two the other day, no doors, filthy, not sure if they worked, no one uses them. They are one of the many eyesores in cities and need to be removed pronto, it’s 2022 for fuck’s sake.

      • They need to stop making those kinds of black women. She’s like one of those American black women who speak like this…

        “Whuchoo lookin’ at, muthafucka? I ain’t got ta do what you say, muthafucka! I been livin’ in dis neighbahood for twenny-siss year, muthafucka! You don’ stop lookin’ at me – you lookin’ at mah TITS, you fuckin’ sleazy-ass muthafucka? Shit, I gonna call Rico to beat yo’ fuckin’ ass!”

  23. My toilet is twinned with a long drop shithouse over the mangroves in the Gambia. My mother in law was caught short there some years ago and had to use it.
    Laughed my bollocks off and adopted it on the spot.

  24. Isn’t there infrastructure like sewage and water lines that must be there for a toilet to work? You can’t just set it over a hole. This whole thing stinks.

    • Indeed, MC, and installing a flushing toilet in a remote African village would actually solve 2 problems.
      With the water feed to the cistern, and the sewer pipe to take away the waste, this means that
      A) 4 year old no longer has to carry dirty water for miles, because they have a ready supply right there in the village shitter, and
      B) the waste could be emptied into a huge tank, there you go, fertiliser!
      Win-win, and Water Aid can fuck off!
      Result.

  25. This reminds me of a cleaner at Johannesburg airport who gives a toothy smile to anyone who comes in then proudly proclaims: “Welcome to mah office sah!” Like all African “workers”, he expects a tip just for doing his job.

    Having said that, Americans are the worst for tips. They even expect a tip if they give you directions in the street. But that´s for another post.

    • Tipping in America is a bit of joke now. People get shit for not tipping in America – and all waitresses will tell you that black people NEVER tip, it’s not racist, this is from BLACK waitresses who say that black people never tip. And there’s a new fiscal phenomenon in Yankland now – leaving a restaurant without paying, just walking out and not paying and it’s black groups who do it. There was a group of people recently who scurried out of a $800 bill, it’s on YouTube, it’s insane.

      Tipping is never really necessary. Taxis? Fuck off. Hotel staff? Suck my balls. Restaurant? Yes, they are serving you food, it’s a tough job, shit wages. Cafe? No, unless they are genuinely nice to you, but many privately owned cafes today are a cunt ran by cunts. I might cunt, “Cafe’s that masquerade as restaurants” soon as the phenomenon of those is growing. You know, those cafe’s that serve eight brands of boutique bottle gin and wine spritzers, but their FOOD MENU sucks, it’s just basic bacon, eggs, sandwiches, etc, but at RESTAURANT prices, ie. £8.50 for a chilli chicken wrap and £11.50 for a basic burger that comes with about eight fries in an aluminium plant pot thingy.

      Rip-off Britain was phrase a while back and needs reviving.

  26. Hold on, isn’t this a classic example of a gross display of cultural insensitivity?
    (Quick check on companies house…)
    And an arrogant display of white (with some token ethnics) middle-class privilege?

    Africa, being the birthplace of humanity, surely their ways are the best, most natural ways? surely it is they who should be sending us fine teachers to show us the one true way to crap?

    Oh, wait…I see they’re on it already.

    Looks like yet another money making scam from what started out life as a Christian charity, but is now fair infested with ‘money men’ and ‘professional charity worker’ types.

  27. It’s easy to laugh at Africa, but it’s on the rise. The Chinese are pumping money into many African countries like’s it’s New Amsterdam, it’s mental. There was no middle class in Africa 20 years ago, but there is now, people are shaping up and not shipping out, some are staying put and want to see their country prosper. Whitey can’t re-colonise African, but the Chinese are open to working with them. No one knows what the China-Africa agenda is. I mean, they built a fucking NAVAL BASE in Equatorial Guinea last year. They now have access to the Atlantic. Hmm…

  28. One of the abandoned toilets of Pripyat would be appropriate for twinning with my lethal bog.

  29. A man is told there is oil on his land. He hires a drilling rig and drills down 3000 feet. Nothing.

    So what the fuck do you do with a 3000 foot deep hole? I know, he thinks, I’ll build an outhouse over it. It’ll never fill with shit.

    Years later, some else buys the property. Ron goes for a shit. Mug of tea, jam sandwich, Daily Mail.

    Two hours later he’s not returned and Elsie is worried and dials 999. The emergency sevices turn up and find Ron stone dead sat on his khasi. They’re baffled.

    Then Elsie remembers that he had a habit of holding his breath until he heard the first one go plop…

  30. The African continent has had over a Trillion Pounds worth of “aid” in the last century.
    And they still shit in the street – it is not poverty, it is not lack of assistance or opportunity – they are just animals who are further down the evolutionary scale and 500 years behind white culture. Not racist, factual.
    FUCK THEM – I do not want one penny of my taxes going to these disgusting savages and I do not want the fuckers here.
    Can’t they just get some “fruity gentlemen” to “eat da poo poo”?

      • This idea is genius. Why did no-one think of it before? I’ll twin my bog with some rancid shit hole in Africa and have a poster of it on my toilet room door, showing some bleck fella squatting over it having a dump. Maybe one of those cunts with a deformed face that they advertise on tv. We’ll sit there and grin at each other and I’ll be able to imagine the stink that he’s making. Any time I’m feeling a bit lonely I could go upstairs and sit there, even if it’s just to have a piss.

    • A good idea; twin the chemical toilets on building sites with a few dump-stations in Africa. Have posters of a fat black woman taking a dump posted up in the portaloos. They’d be ‘in use’ for hours every day.

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