Fat Slags

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FAT SLAGS:

Apparently the tax payer is now having to pay for a new luxury in wimminz prisons – new lavatory seats:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10431167/Female-inmates-South-London-prison-piling-weight-breaking-toilet-seats.html

The old bags are getting so chubby bottomed that they keep breaking them. I can’t see ehy they can’t just park their flabby folds of flesh on the porcelain – either that or get an Army PTI , a real hell on duty man to sort them out.

This led me to a new idea for the Labour party – instead of Dame Keir and his nancy boys to keep telling us on a daily, almost hourly basis, how pure and innocent they are, why not have a daily contest with two lavatories and their resident fatties Emily Thornberry (Lady Nugee) and Diane Abbott, battling out to see how many bog seats they break in a week. The winner to receive a kiss on the arse from Starmer himself. I am sure the Guardian will be pleased to supply copies as wide screen lavatory paper.

Nominated by WC Boggs

46 thoughts on “Fat Slags”

  1. That is out of fucking order, Thornberry and Abbott both before breakfast yuk.
    I was off for a shit but need to throw up 🤮 first. My poor toilet.

  2. Good Morning

    What a delightful nomination as we sit down to breakfast.
    It’s the fat slags in tight leggings that look so bloody awful, don’t they ever look in th e mirror? They waddle around like arthritic camels.

  3. Sharon and Tracy give me the horn, do Emily Thornbury and dianne flabbot have videos on pornhub pissing? Asking for a friend

    • There was once a letter in Viz, a bloke had no wanking material in the house so pulled his pud to Sharon and Tracy with a Viz comic he had in the bedroom.

      • That’d be one of the skits where San has flies hanging around her battered and malodorous stern. Ugh

  4. I would say this will never happen, but I’m actually not sure. Prisons dont usually have enough regular supplies to match the rules, like a bin and a dustpan/brush for every cell. Prisoners rights, few as they have, are not respected, single occupant cells have two prisoners and you cant choose a cellmate, and you cant sweep/clean your cell out except during social time – so you miss your only time to socialise because of it. However, the key word here is WOMEN. The hardcore feminists will demand this issue be addressed or claim sexism. However, surely there are very overweight male prisoners with the same problem?

    • I used to work for a major car manufacturer no toilet seats just stainless steel pans, fucking cold on the old cheeks

    • Tough shit.
      Prisons meant to be a punishment.
      Starve the cunts.
      Sorted.
      This Lord Longford bollocks has gone to far.

      Screws tucking them in at night with a story,
      Poor lambs!
      Whore them out to the Prince Andrew types for much needed revenue,
      And slim them down with bread and water rations.

    • Allocate average 80% of daily weight maintenance kilojoules per inmate.

      Throw it in the door and let them fight over it.

      Cheaper rations, and fewer broken dunny seats. And less energy all round for complaining. Sorted!

  6. When I was a lad our primary school bogs had two bits of wood screwed to the pot, fat slags wouldn’t be able to break them….they were outside though so no good for prison…😬

  8. Personal disclaimer: The spouse, as you know, is a bit broad in the beam, and she did once break a plastic lavatory seat, so I invested in a really strong wooden one, and it has lasted, though not without wont of trying to break it on her part.with the amount of chocolate and crisps.

    I seriously think whichever prison is going to house Claudia Webbe next month, she should be provided with a Mrs. Boggs Seat – it will save them a great deal of money in the long run. Let old Em give it a dry run to see if it withstands her enormous buttocks, perhaps while she rides David Lammy, also upon it after another giant box of Jaffa Cakes.

  9. Why have prisons got crappers anyway? Whatever happened to slopping out?
    Or better still, let them decorate their cell walls with the stuff like the IRA prisoners did in the 70s.
    Fucking snowflakes.

  10. Theres a little kid I sometimes see waiting for the bus when I go out in the morning to work.
    Butterball we call him.
    About 12-13yrs now.

    Hes ‘yank fat’.
    Like a little Michelin man.
    No neck, bet his head alone weights 5stone,
    Proper little blob.

    But it’s not his fault its his parents,
    Letting him get like that.
    What must they look like?!!!

    Bet he has a heartattack by the time he’s 21
    Weightwatchers should stage a intervention.

    But at least he wont be a criminal, if so he’d be easy to catch,
    No way hes climbing up a drainpipe or through a window.

  11. The answer isn’t stronger toilet seats, it’s smaller women
    Cracking rocks, for twelve hours a day would make the excess weight melt away.
    On a diet of bread and water.
    It’s not fucking rocket science.
    Good morning.

    • Morning Jack, 👍

      Hear nowadays about jailbirds who get degrees while in prison!!
      No student debt!

      “Oh yes I have a degree in philosophy and a masters in classical literature”…
      Strangled some cunt drugged up,
      Comes out of jail a fuckin professor!

      Rehabilitation they call it.
      Still strangles people at any given chance, like.
      But now hes cultured.

    • I have always thought penal servitude with hard labour, ought to be bought back for any politician – male or female – who was convicted of a criminal offence. Let them reopen the quarry for when Claudia “Acidic” Webbe does time.

      The only hard work any of them will experience in their lazy lives

  12. Load of bollocks. They are breaking the bog seats because they are standing on them looking for places to hide/retrieve their drugs and other contraband.
    Cunts who run prisons are all public school posh libtard twats who haven’t got a fucking clue.

  13. Fat shaming? Tut tut!! Sometimes I think this site isn’t very woke. The land whales need understanding and more food. We are second to the yanks in obesity, we should be applauding these heroes that eat and eat in an effort to take the crown of fat for our nation.

    Obesity apparently reduces fertility…..yet fat is sexy we are told.

    • Prisons need reform.
      At the moment theyre a drain on the country.
      But doesn’t need to be this way.

      Pimp prisoners out to big Pharma for testing cancer drugs, Dementia drugs etc,
      Use them as guinea pigs!

      Hire them out to industry as slave labour.
      This would not only repay their debt to society itd act as a deterrent.
      Pimp out the women prisoners.
      Have a customers bar,
      Draught beer for normals,
      Prosecco for Tory MPs.

  15. I the liberal left get their way there won’t be any women’s prisons.
    There’s always some cunt whining on radio four about it.

    • I’m with you up to a point GJ, there are some women who are such a problem, not to say danger to society that they need to be taken out of circulation. However I used to visit prisons in my job and one site I attended was Send women’s prison. Inmates I saw caused me to feel sad rather than threatened. Some were inside for repeatedly being caught without a TV licence, some for shoplifting to feed the kids. Mostly it’s men who have put them in this position. On the other side when I visited some cat “A” men’s prisons I certainly felt very uncomfortable if not actually threatened. I would walk around between two screws and I stuck to them like glue!

  16. What a crock of shit (pun intended). Instead of food rationing and exercise, bigger bog seats.
    In NZ quite some years ago a pipeline was being installed across the fields and the welding flash was damaging the eyes of the cattle, so instead of putting screening up they decided on goggles for the animals.

    I have absolutely no evidence for this, merely hearsay from a resident there.

    • Was the farmer a follower of Mohammed? Probably-therefore he could make em wear welding goggles if he liked-because they were “hislambs”.

      I’ll get me coat…..
      🤔

  17. Shame they don’t have the vacuum type toilets in prisons, like I have seen on passenger ships. With an air tight seat modification & a sign clearly stating ‘Flush before you stand,’ that would certainly reduce the cost to the taxpayer. There would be an initial bill for installation, but it would be ‘money well spent’ in the end.

    • I remember when I first used one of those Lord S. Push the button, WHOOSH! BANG! Everything vanished in an instant. Most impressive!

  18. Yes! soft tissuue trauma, but hopefully organ eviseration – best part of them gone!

  19. When I was younger, and before I knew what I was doing with a lady I used to pork the fatties – they were usually more willing to please, but NEVER just after they’d had a curry..!

  20. You don’t need prison bogs when Labour’s fat slags can rim out the cons. Mark Oaten can do the boys.

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