Guinness is Piss

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A couple of nights ago I met up with my old pal Big Al for a proverbial “swift half”.

On entering the pub I headed to the gents for a slash, and on approaching our table, I saw to my dismay two halves of what looked suspiciously like Guinness sitting there. “What” says I, “is that?”.

“That”, says the Big Man, “is one of my New Year resolutions. I’m determined to educate your palate in the appreciation of the black nectar. You just need to acquire a taste for it”.

“We’ve been through this before Al”, says I with a sigh. “I told you the last time you tried this. To me this stuff’s as bitter as fuck, and right sickly to boot. It tastes like a burning tyre to me. How do you ‘acquire a taste’ for that? It’s bloody rank”.

“I reckon it was badly pulled last time” says he. “Go on, indulge me. Take it slow”.

So for the next twenty minutes or so, I struggled to neck this noxious brew, but had to give up. “Sorry Al” says I. “It still tastes you got it from a farmer’s cesspit to me”.

“Gaaahn you jessie” says he, “yer ‘opeless. What d’ya want then?”.

“A malt. Glenfiddich if they’ve got it” says I. “I need to get rid of the taste of that muck from my mouth”.

“Guinness is good for you”, the adverts used to say. Yeah, that’ll be right. Good for giving you the shits, more like. I’ll pass.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

108 thoughts on “Guinness is Piss”

  4. Love a few pints of it though as cunthook says makes your shit black. I wonder if that therefore renders it r acist??

  6. Guinness is a Man’s drink….any bloke who doesn’t like it should stick to drinking Babysham..at least that way he won’t leave traces of his lipstick on the Guinness glasses.

    • Badly kept Guinness is,I admit,undrinkable….it’s a sure sign that it’s a shitty Pub .

    • Guinness mixed with Frosty Jack’s and Buckfast makes a refreshing and fruity alternative to Pimms at one of The Queen’s Garden Parties.

  7. Clearly the white-ish froth is another typical example of white supremacy and dominance over the poor black beer beneath it.

    Guinness is clearly racist and harks back to empire, colonialism and slavery; therefore any statues must be toppled and mixed-frothy Guinness is the only step forward for a more diverse future.

    Wibble

  8. When I lived in London, in the late 80’s, the club we went to had something called Murphy’s on draught. Very similar but an altogether nicer drink, it wasn’t bitter, went down smoother and generally tasted excellent. I haven’t touched Guinness since. I don’t think I’ve seen Murphy’s anywhere else. Having said that I was sent to Dublin by the company I worked for and the Guinness there was completely different. I was told that it didn’t travel well and, from my experience in London, I could well believe it.

  9. Rancid stuff. If you have to ‘acquire’ a taste for something, it means building up a tolerance to something vile, and fuck knows why.
    What could be worse?
    Alcohol free Guinness. Who the fuck would drink that filthy bog water if it didn’t get you pissed? Twats that’s who. As someone who commented on the advert for it said “it’s like licking out your sister, it tastes the same, but it just isn’t right”

    • Meat-free burgers and sausages, plant based bacon and alcohol-free alcohol. Wtf? Why can’t we also have peaceful-free UK?

  10. Is the UK stuff brewed in Dublin, or that fucking great big euro fizz factory in Reading? Not sure myself, but anything brewed under licence usually tastes shit. Stella is also often a huge disappointment over here. Have a few of them in Belgium and you’ll really see why it’s called wife beater.

    • Same with Budweiser, the stuff from what was Czechoslovakia is like an entirely different beer.

      • Absolutely agree. Drank a lot of beer in Prague, and all of it was delicious.
        The missus had her purse nicked, which was the downside of the visit.
        Locals went out of their way to say it wasn’t Czechs doing the thieving, but Romanian gyppos, the cunts.

      • Just like London, I am sure the figures are hidden these days for fear of being racist but I remember back in 2013/2014 one third of all arrests in London for pickpocketing were Romanian.
        After P*ki, Blicks, Albanians, the Romanians are fourth in the scum league

        The ones in Prague could have been Slovak gypsies, but if so will be fine now, the cunts have come here for the benefits.

    • Cider√
      Guinness at a pinch
      IPA fucking hell.

      Landlord
      Holt’s
      JW Lee’s
      Boddies can fuck off since early eighties.

  12. Went to Dublin once and in the queue for the Guinness factory visit a woman asked what the big deal was about this drink.
    Oh you get a free pint in the rooftop bar at the end they told her.
    She says ..
    Is there anywhere else in Dublin that sells it?

      • From Barcelona to the West Midlands.
        A dream move😂

        *Apologies Ron: imagine how Ronaldo, Fernandes & Varane feel😢

      • The Venice of the North, mate. I once serenaded the wife on a canal barge in Gas St. Swept her off her feet; she’s never recovered.

    • Break three eggs into it-that is a real breakfast drink.
      Drunk by the old boys, when I was a lad🤔

  14. Plenty of other stouts around now, all vastly superior to Guinness.

    IPA is piss water.

  15. Its a faggots version of porter, which is usually at least double the percentage.

    Dont know why anyone who likes it doesn’t have a good mild or cream flow instead.

    Dont really like it, have tried murphys and caffreys too, and would say guiness is the worst of the 3 but has managed to become the most well known and stocked.

      • There used to be Beamish as well. Donald Sutherland used to voice the adverts, no doubt the brewers employed him after hearing his uncannily accurate Oirish Brogue in The Eagle Has Landed.

  16. On the odd occasion I attended school, our Art Class assignment was to design a poster for alcohol that not only advertised the merits of chosen beverage, but also the downside of abuse. After labouring long into the wee small hours, apparently ‘GUINNESS IS THE DEVILS DIARRHOEA AND WILL MAKE YOU A BUMMER’ is not the marketing angle they were looking for!

    • Top deck shandy in the eighties was 2 percent, making it nearly as strong as well as being a tastier drink.😄

      • Tesco used to sell own brand lager and bitter. I think the bitter was about 1.5%, so less than shandy. I used to give it to the kids when we were having a meal, as I thought it would “de-mystify” the whole alcohol thing. I used to joke that it was “training beer” – great until I got a call from school asking about it! Anyway, soon got them moved onto training fags.

      • Top Deck shandy.
        What a blast from the past that is.

        Used to love that stuff.

        Bizarrely enough, the vending machine in the local sports centre used to sell it – in quite sizable cans an all if my memory serves me correctly.

      • I remember those tall cans👍

        Visiting my “city” cousins near Chester, in the early 80’s-a bag of chips from the local chippy ( it seemed there were hundreds of them, back then😢) and a tall can of that shandy, was a standard lunch for the kids who didn’t have school dinners.

      • I thought so – Half a litre of Top Deck Shandy. 👍

        Just what the doctor ordered for an eleven year old on a Saturday morning after a frantic match in the indoor five-a-side league.

        Happy days.

        Still quite a few old school fish n chip shops on the go up here I’m pleased to say.

        Good Morning CG
        Good Morning all.

  19. The only good thing about Guinness were those TV ads from the 90s with Rutger Hauer.

    A bit arty-farty, but awesome all the same

  20. Guinness Foreign extra stout is nice, it’s in bottles and has 7.5% abv. Vastly superior to the utter shite from your local pubs taps. Well worth a try. Don’t get the shite brewed in Nigeria, I tried it once but wasn’t too keen, although it is highly rated by some. I brewed a nice Russian Imperial stout last year, it’s been in the loft since April and it’s showing signs of being a belter.

  22. Why would you print my name without warning ,you cunt!
    It’s a new one but I take full responsibility for what the fuck I say.
    Has ISAC been subject to a takeover and now is releasing everyone’s opinions with their name stamped on a letter ,you cunt admin

    (Be careful with your words, pal otherwise you’ll be booted! You fucked up by logging in under your “true name”, and I have the screengrab to prove it. So unless you’ve been hacked have a care. Your offending post has been deleted. Day Admin)

    • I see what i have done and apologies to admin for being the total cunt I have become.
      It’s not safe the passage I sometimes take🌛

      (That’s okay. Mistakes happen – Day Admin)

  23. I’d ban it. It takes the barstaff half an hour to pour it. Nothing worse than waiting for a good pint of real ale when there is a group of blokes in front of you all wanting Guinness. They could bugger off to a shit pub and get it.

  24. Thank you Admin, and I appreciate and apologize
    Yours sincerely Mecuntry
    I better fuck off and do bit of work👍

  25. If you give your dog bones to eat, washed down with Guinness.
    When he has a shit it looks like a giant humbug.

  26. It’s a shadow of its former self. It’s been noncified to appeal to today’s pansy tastebuds, so for example the proportion of roasted barley in the recipe has been cut to make it less dark and astringent, they’ve cut the hop rate to make it less bitter, and it’s served far too cold.
    One thing that hasn’t changed though is it’s as grossly overpriced as it ever was.

  27. The Irish I knew, preferred “Beamish”👍

    As a young man, on a trip to the Isle of Mann, I asked a group of local lads, why so many of the attractive young girls were on the “plump” side?

    I was told that as soon as they turn 16, they discoverc2 things that ruin them.

    “What’s that?” Asked I.

    “Spunk & Guiness!”

    🧐😂

  28. Irish Guiness does indeed taste better. However, I think it’s just a case of them selling more, so you aren’t drinking old shite that’s been in the barrel for weeks.

  29. Of all the posts ever made on ISaC, this is by far the most racist.

    Guinness cornered the market in stout porter, named porter after the dockers and river workers that drank this stuff. The “working man’s friend” ’twas rightly named.

    Many of the dockside porters suffered from “phossy jaw”, a result of emptying holds full of phosphorus for the matchmakers and factories. They lost whole sections of their jaw along with their teeth. Porter and stout became their bread and butter.

    But how would some of you cunters know this; they were real men and not the type to insult Guinness and dabble in vegan food and dildos.

    • Interesting Mickey.

      They had something similar near the docks of Wallasey and Birkenhead:

      Giro finger. A result of cashing the giro at Olympian speed, in the mad dash to the shop, for baccy, lottery tickets and bottles of cider/lambrini.
      🧐

    • Morning Mickey and a pint well put
      Having worked in a pub at the age of 14 in 1979 I got to know the drinkers of stout
      I already had plenty of experience beforehand with my Dad and my Mother’s rage of him.
      It definitely changed though when diageo took ownership about 25 odd years ago. The bean counters had their way and my Dad knew along with many more

      Have to say ,when you get it Good it’s heavenly and you won’t be leaving the snug anytime soon🙏🙏

  30. Is that rely-poly Americunt “singer & comedian” Jack Black, in the header pick?

    Judging by the success of his career / level of talent, I imagine it isn’t the first time he has been seen, with a sticky, white mess, around his mouth😉

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