“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Health Correspondent Ron Knee speaking. New data indicates that 60% of Britons are overweight, and the New Year sees the launch of yet another government initiative aimed at tackling obesity. I’m joined by none other than The Grim Reaper himself to discuss the ramifications of this from his perspective. Now erm, Mr err, Reaper…”.
“Oh don’t stand on ceremony, old boy. All my friends call me Dave”.
“Ah, thanks Dave. So what’s your take on all this?”.
“Well I regard this as the thin end of the wedge. I mean, it’s got real implications for the job market. If people are healthier they live longer, and that affects me. I might have to put some of the boys on part time or even lay them off. It’s nothing less than restraint of trade”.
“But surely the nation should be encouraged to follow a healthier diet”.
“Yeah, but there’s ‘encouragement’ and downright interference. Take last night, for instance. I got back to the crypt after a hard day’s reaping, and I’d treated myself to an eighteen inch pizza, large portion of chips and a six pack. I’d just finished that lot, sparked up a tab and settled back to watch the big match, when the missus comes in and starts giving it large on the subject. A man can’t even escape from it in his own crib anymore”.
“Goodness. Going on a bit was she?”.
“You don’t know the half of it Ron. ‘Just look at the state of this place, chip paper everywhere’ she says. ‘And look at the state of YOU. When we got married, you was nothing more than a bag of bones, now you’re at least three stone without yer cloak and scythe. Haven’t yer heard about this new initiative? Yer need a change of lifestyle’. Christ on a bike”.
“Now that’s laying it on. What did you do?”.
“Do? I bloody told her, didn’t I? Listen, I says. ‘Change of lifestyle’ my arse. Bleeding ‘initiative’. There’s too much government busy-bodying these days. If people want to stuff junk food down their necks, balloon up to fifty stone lardarses and put yet more strain on our over-burdened health services, that’s their business. I’ll give her ‘change of lifestyle’; I’m Death, for fuck’s sake. Daft cow”.
“Mmm… so you reckon there should be less official interference in people’s lives then. Did she take your argument well?”.
“Erm… not really. I was hoping to get my leg over after the game, but she still wasn’t speaking to me this morning… *brruuup brruuup* oh hang on, better take this… hello Reg. What’s that? New Covid variant in China? Okay, be right with you. Sorry Ron, work calls. Must dash”.
“So there you have it. We did ask whether a Government spokesperson would care to comment, but were told that no-one was available as they’re all working from home. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Nobody does obesity as well as the Yanks.
How the fuck does anybody let themselves get into this state?
Morning all.
8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SMkqPOTHho
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I’ve just watched that, Ron.
Food is her life?
We all need to eat, but good Dog, worshipping food is weird.
Get some help, you need physiotherapy.
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RK@ – Morning Sir Ronald! When I was a teenager I was morbidly obese, 19 stone.
I went on a diet after not being able to fit into some trousers, went down to 10 stone 7 and a 28 waist in 10 months – then again if I do anything I do it to the point of obsession – waste of time if 100% not given.
Unless there is an underlying medical issue people are obese because they are lazy, greedy and weak – not a criticism, just a fact.
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If someone told you you’d have to carry around 40 bags of sugar, all day and every day, you’d tell them to fuck off, yet millions do it without any thought for the consequences
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Is that a young Nick Ferrari in the nom pic?
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The swimsuit models are now obese. We celebrate everything ugly and perverse. Put down the 64 ounce soda you fat wobbly tub of lard!
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MC@ – Well I suppose they would be easier to chase!
If anyone really wanted to..
4
Aren’t we currently suffering an energy crisis due to lack of investment (and foresight) regarding the oil and gas industry?
Instead of fracking, we should just leave the fat fuckers to it, gorging themselves on junk food and when the inevitable happens and they kark it, we just render them down for heating oil.
The fat cunt in the header pic can probably heat a council estate for a week.
I should pitch that one to Boris. Probably get a seat in the HoL. đ
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Good to see Boris and piggy Patel setting an example – liquid lard tied up at the waist with string.
How about making every junk food outlet at the end of a two mile road only accessible by foot and having size restricting doors?
“Push ‘arder Kev, get mi thru these fukin doors – a propa need them gravy burgers with lard fries”!
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Burger ÂŁ2.50.
Extra grease 50p.
8
I’ve never understood those cunts who get so fat, that the powers that be have to tear down the walls of their home to get the cunts out in an emergency.
How the fuck can you let yourself get to that fucking state?
Saw one of those ‘world’s fattest cunts’ shows years back and the cunt I saw looked like a pizza. He was ‘flat’ like a big pizza overlapping on the bed, with a head near the top.
And how do these cunts afford to get that fat? Remember a documentary too about some fat cunt Manchester City fan. Was over 50 stone I think. The club made him a bug reinforced chair. He also went to the boozer everyday and said he drank between 20 and 30 pints a day. Got pizzas and KFC delivered every few hours. Obviously had no job. Too busy eating takeaway and drinking beer.
Where’s his money coming from?
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I think unfortunately, we could probably make an educated guess onthat one Cunty.
6
True, but dole can’t pay for all that, surely? You’d need about ÂŁ800 a week after rent (probably paid by us too) and bills (I don’t think they’re free for doleys) for that food and booze bill.
That Man City fan drank in the local boozer by the way. 20-30 pints every day. How the fuck?
5
Actually, you’d need over a grand a week for his food and booze bill. Oh, had a season ticket in an expensive part of the ground (Premier League top club too) and got a black cab taxi everywhere (was a squeeze, but he could flop onto the back bench of the Hackney Carriage).
I recall screaming at the telly ‘Ask the cunt where he gets his money for all this shit?’
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They might get stuff like ILA as well, or whatever they call it now. Who knows?
Maybe they put a huge financial burden on their families as well.
Somebody somewhere is forking out.
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Must be families I suppose. I thought he might be a ‘dealer’ but he’d be far too lazy to do any fucking ‘work’ whatsoever.
5
I think we should just brick the windows and doors up. Leave them in there for 4 to 6 weeks, then go in and take them to hospital.
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Who is that chef/pub owner who was a big fat cunt and lost a load of weight, then he makes a big deal about âhelping others to loose weightâ
If you are fat and want to loose weight, itâs either exercise or diet or both, there is nowt difficult about it, certainly donât need government to stick their noses in.
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I don’t think there’s too much wrong with encouraging others to lose weight, particularly if you’ve done it yourself and advice is requested.
However, cunts who were fatties and then make fatty jokes are the worst. I like Ricky Gervais, but he was a fat bastard, lost some weight and then his act was then filled with ‘fat cunt’ jokes.
Easier to lose weight if you can take a year off work to do so with your own professional trainer and dietician. For other cunts his age, working 60 hours a week, it’s not so easy.
I speak from experience. I’m about 2 stone overweight. Nothing drastic, but it’s not easy to lose it past 50. I find it easier when I have a few weeks off though. Not so easy when I’m fucked from a long day at work.
Was a piece of piss to lose a stone until I hit my 40s. But I’ll never get like those monsters you see on those documentaries. I diet and do what I can when I get a stone or so overweight.
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I’d actually be very interested (and I’m not been facetious) to know if there’s any evidence that initiatives such as this actually have any impact.
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Oh I’m sure.
Willpower can only come from within. The government can’t do much and trying is mostly a big virtue signal.
3
Tom Kerridge, I think you’ll find. Good luck to the bloke losing that much flab.
3
That sounds like that cunt Tom Kerridge, who resembles a shaved Honey Monster. He has recently teamed up with St Marcus of Rashford and they have dreamed up some recipes for poor thick unhealthy cunts to cook.
1
Is that a picture of that neckbeard YouTuber Boogie2988 by any chance?
3
Fat shaming!!! I have always called a fat cunt a fat cunt. I was like a stick insect as a child and had the shit ripped out of me.
Still you see these slugs on the TV being fed by their loving parents.
My niece had a gastric bypass and lost 15 stone.
Rambling on about bollocks have a good day.
5
It fucking staggers me that processed shite is now delivered by cunts like Just Eat and Deliveroo. Fat bastards no longer have to leave the couch to get this shite.
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Just Eat with its lists of takeaways full of rat shit. Hahaha, serves the lazy thick cunts who use it right.
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Good shot Ron.
The only reason we see NHS adverts with 30 stone Dark Keys waddling about in some Londonistan park is because our Supreme Leaders look at health spending every so often and shit themselves at the ongoing expense of fat cunts.
And everyone else of course.
I’m certain they would be delighted if we all consumed as much of everything possible during our lifetimes in the UK but made sure we died in a Spanish hospital after 20 pints of San Miguel.
Preferably before state pension age as well.
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Appreciate you cropping the image first before uploading it from your personal wankbank, admin đ
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Bit disappointed that they still left your face visible though,eh Chunky ?
( Joking…before anyone accuses me of being a nasty bully )
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Unfortunately when you reach 650lbs of flatulent cheesewhiff there’s only one angle to choose from. Personally I think they got my best side.
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DF@ – Afternoon Sir Fiddler – you wicked curmudgeonly brute you!
Good form, carry on! đđ
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School PE lessons being virtually non existent and the Thatcher Government decision to sell off school playing fields for building land probably didn’t help.
Along with a junk food joint on every street – located between the bookies, charity shops and nail bars, which is pretty much what the UK high street now looks like.
When I was at high school there was one gargantuan kid (medical issue) – now it’s difficult to spot a child who is not wreathed in yards of lard and choking as they waddle the 30 feet from the pig carrier to McDonalds.
We were lucky as kids – lived in the middle of nowhere, if you wanted to visit mates it was a 3, 4, 5 mile walk – but it was nothing and we did it if we wanted to get anywhere. (Not much choice really, but we were properly fit).
Then I bought a bicycle off my Sister for a fiver – and I could go anywhere! đ
7
I often wondered why all the school run gin mums had such behemoth size cars and it’s only when you see the size of their gargantuan offspring you realise that they need them.
5
This is a sobering observation Spanky.
I’ve noticed when collecting the grandkids from school that there are some seven/eight year olds running about that are already like mini blimps. Christ knows what they’ll be like in later life.
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My 600 lb life is hilarious!
These fuckers don’t even get onto the show until they weigh almost 43 stone, for crying out loud!
And that’s the ‘reinforced shoe in the door’…some of these pieces of shit are 800 lbs / 57 stone!
It’s always amazing that their hearts still manage to pump blood through a body that weighs as much as an adult grizzly bear.
Pleasingly, they don’t live long and their lives are nothing but pain and misery. Fuck ’em…a genuinely disabled person would love to be able to walk and these pricks just abuse the working body they’ve been gifted.
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The woman in the link I put up earlier wishes to God she was only 600lb.
She weighs in at 940lb, an incredible 67st!
That’s six of me, and seven and a half of the wife.
Ffs!
6
We should remember that fat cunts are mere victims and that we’re all somehow to blame for their ills.
It is of course their human right to become fat cunts and then expect the NHS to sort it all out when it goes tits up (And if they die the family can then sue the NHS for doing enough for “my little angel”)
And if all else fails they can resort to the old mental issues trope. “I can’t eat fruit and veg because I saw a mouse dropping in a lettuce leaf when I was a child and have been traumatised ever since. I am forced to eat 15 Maccy Ds every day to help with the trauma!”
Self Responsibility? That’s SEP!
6
Anyone seem that ‘Fitbit’ advert.
Fat dark key cunt, ‘Whats strong with me? I know when I’m ready to run.’
That should be banned/encouraged to save the NHS/ because it encourages fat cunts to run marathons. He’s pegging it across a bridge like he’s been running like that for ages. Get to fuck lol!
Ever heard of a stroke or a cardiac arrest for fuck’s sake?
In reality, if a fatty like that tried to run a marathon, the advert would go like this:
“What’s strong with me? I know when I’m ready to rmmmmnnngghhargh! (Hits floor with a thud)
(Sirens) Whoo whoo whoo – “Clear! (Ker thump!)
Clear! (Ker thump!) We’re losing him…”
Fuck off.
5
Indeed CB.
Plus the fuckers knees would have exploded after 20 yards.
Then ambulance etc.
Cunts.
5
My 90 year old dad who has been the same trim weight since he was 15 is hilarious on this one. Sitting eating an ice cream on the seafront. “Ooh look Julia (mum) here comes another one” as a hepherlump waddles into view.
One thing that might help is to ban food banks handing out free food to “the poor” who seem to be fatter than everyone else. Send Marcus Rashford to the gulags and stop giving fat kids free dinners.
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Especially to the ones who go to the food bank after a McDonaldâs
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Another sublime cunting đđđ
Eat less. Move more.
Easyđ
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Thanks CG.
As you say, it’s hardly bloody rocket science is it?
I used to work with a woman who was very overweight, and of course it wasn’t her fault. She was ‘big boned’. I never figured out how her bones had anything to do with the huge ring of flab hanging down her front.
She claimed that she was ‘happy’ with herself. She never gave anybody that impression as she waddled and wheezed about.
I think she was simply deluding nobody but herself.
9
This nom reminds me of a neighbour who must be rocking on for 30 stone, the very sight of this corpulent fucker trying to get his carcass out of his car is enough to make you piss yourself laughing, give the obese free cigarettes, thatâll get the lard off, didnât see many fat cunts when I was young!!!
8
That header picture!
David Blunkett has really let himself go, hasn’t he?
3
Still remember Bernard Manning on the âUp you Man Uâ video. A fat cunt that must have weighed 25 stone gets up to go to the toilet. Bernard spots him âYou need to get that weight off yet fat twat. Iâm telling yer itâs fucking hanging. Theyâre showing films on yer back. Bit oâ willpower. If I can do it anybody fucking canâ. Still dearly missed Bernard!
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He is indeed. He’d take the piss out of anybody, himself included, but he’d be a bit too hurty/wurty for the snowflake generation.
5
Can you imagine what theyâre balls and arse stink like weighing that much?? Probably make a billy goat spew.
6
Nobody has ever seen emđ
3
There was a brilliant ‘Judge Judy’ along these lines.
A woman owned a flat and rented a room to a friend. The friend was so fat that one day she sat on the bog and it shattered.
Friend refused to pay for damage, and woman ending up having to sue.
Imagine going onto a tv court to get your cash back.
6
Those Peacefuls getting off those boats all look like skinny cunts to me.
Be careful what you wish for.
4
Best fat joke I ever heard:
Your mama’s so fat, 2 rodeo clowns have to distract her while the groceries are brought in.
Honorable mention:
She’s so fat, her school photo was from an airplane.
She’s so fat, she has 3 smaller women orbiting her.
Japanese run from her.
5
Or the wonderful Al Bundy from “Married With Children”
Fat bird: ‘How dare you say that to my face’
Al: ‘I’d say it to your face, but my car’s only got half a tank of gas!’
9 minutes of Bundy perfection:
https://youtu.be/htTxhImYDDo
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Reminds me TTCE, when I was working in the city a few years ago guy I worked with was out on Threadneedle Street at lunchtime. As he watched a land whale walked out in front of a black cab forcing the driver to dab the brakes. He tooted the horn and said specimen shouted; “Couldn’t you drive round me?” Instant response; “No, I haven’t got enough diesel!”
7
Brilliant!
2
Bloke I worked with was really obese, with a host of health issues, including diabetes. He was also a nasty cunt, too.
He eventually had a gastric band fitted and when he came back to work, he literally was a different person. Not only was he half his previous size, fashionably dressed and well groomed, but he’d had a personality transplant too. He was good natured, funny, interesting and pleasant company.
Maybe the pain made him a nasty cunt, who knows.
7
… it’s the fuckin’ food lobby. The big corporates that con you into eating and drinking the kinda shit you really don’t need. Government has little incentive to stop them because they get a shit ton of revenue (and backhanders) outta the whole supply chain.
Fat cunts should always be called out and fuckin’ penalised. Lardy bastards …
2
Yes indeed.
Get your food in a fucking bucket!
https://www.kfc.co.uk/menu/sharing/14-piece-party-bucket
3
Ron@
On the online news the other day, was a young girl blogger,
She was talking to other kids in the Uk about how KFC is different where she lives in the US.
The kids in the UK were fascinated by the fact the yanks got mashed potatoes with a KFCđ
But what I liked was a picture of her dad,
He looked like Ron Jeremy and had a massive plastic bucket (5gallon) of Coca-Cola with a straw!!!!
The puddled cunt .
2
Junk food peddlers should be made to pick up their own trash too…how often do you see beastly McDonalds rubbish tossed from horrible car windows to lay on the road?
People who eat this shit and then throw the rubbish out the window are the shit on my shoes.
5
It used to be a policy that they would collect any of their stuff found littering the vicinity of a one their outlets.
Don’t if they still do it, or whether their insistent drive to maximise profits has trumped any attempt to appear socially responsible.
2
I quite like a chubby bird. Not a Fatty but more a fixer upper, a project if you will.
Mostly dirty in bed to compensate for the lack of looks…
2
Sometimes nothing else will do the trick Finger.
https://www.dreamstime.com/beautiful-chubby-girl-blue-elegant-dress-black-background-beautiful-chubby-girl-blue-elegant-dress-black-image132194582
1
I personally would weigh everyone who comes to sign on for benefits.
If they’re overweight, they should be given a target weight and “fined ÂŁ10” everytime they sign on if they haven’t lost at least 5% of their target.
The fine would be deducted from their benefits.
It might go towards paying for the methadone the underweight scagrats use.
3
Great idea! Drug tests and BMI evaluations in order to get “benefits”. Let’s shame the parasites!
Also no benefits if:
your phone is latest Apple model
You have a $2000+ set of wheels (rimmz)
You have a $300+ weave on your head.
You have a $1000+ car stereo (systimm)
Your fingernail job is $100+.
You kids all have different dads.
Your shoes cost over $50.
You agree to frequent surprise audits on these terms.
3
Just got to be done!
2
Actually, MC, I think we would have to keep it to the KISS level in the UK, because the under educated idiots would have trouble implementing my suggestion.
Yours, although brilliant and highly entertaining, would defeat the average
Social Security person.
1
Who is this fat wanker?
0
Dunno, which fat wanker?
The header?
0
Aye, the fat guy wanking!đ
0