I had to pick my Mum up from hospital the other night.
Negotiating the roads and roundabouts in the suburbs of SW London was a fucking nightmare due to these illiterate cunts buzzing about on L plates like flies in Islamabad.
Add hobby cyclists and range rovers to the mix, and I became seriously close to doing a Kenneth Noye (In case you don’t know – Day Admin …. Road Rage Killer)
And it’s our own fault.
Allowing ourselves to be sold shit we don’t need. Make your own fucking Big Mac or KFC. It’s easy. No need for this unnecessary corporate bullshit.
Fuck you Deliveroo.
Nominated by: Marcus Maximus Spasticus
Same round here in semi-rural Essex. Those delivey cunts are everywhere. A business model that only works with minimum wage and unfettered immigration. By the way, I wonder if all those scooter insurance policies cover them for business use?
24
Lots of foreign fuckers polluting the road’s in the name of lazy cuntishness.
On my travels recently, (SW London-ish), I encountered 5 of the fuckers, all with Brazilian flags on their top-boxes and all leaving a trail of near misses in their wake👎
Wankers.
Excellent nomination-Unkle Terry, your going to need a bigger oven👍
18
Morning CG….do Deliveroo use our recently-imported cousins from the dark continent as delivery riders?
Doubtful…they’d eat the contents of the top box before it got anywhere near the intended recipients.
Plus they lack the opposable thumbs necessary to operate a cheap chınky moped.
13
CG@ Brazilian you say? I feel the gun totin’ Met will soon thin those buggers out!
9
Loads of cunting Brazilians in London – they all claimed Portugese grandparents and came in when we were EU.
11
Deliverpoo. Lots of useful work for the immo hordes delivering shit to other immos. Keep bringing those dinghies across Boris…..you’re doing a cracking job mate.
23
Delivering Class A to your door within 30 minutes or you next hit for free.
12
Two points.
First, I understand that the regs now require that if you ride a motorcycle on L plates you are required to take a test within two years or you are off the road. Do these folks only do two years delivering muck ? I’ve never seen one withou L plates.
Second, how is it that they are allowed to be paid for this work without a full licence ? I can’t think of another area in traffic regs where this is allowed.
19
If they’ll deliver my feast of botulism-laced canapes to Boris and Carrie’s “baby-shower”,I’ll forgive them anything else.
21
Baby shower? I fear social gatherings at Number 10 are off the agenda for the time being.
It’s all very embarrassing when you are caught laughing at the peasants.
17
I’m not so sure…the Cunts are quite arrogant enough to arrange an intimate gathering for 300 of their closest friends and donors and release photos so that we really understand just how “little” we are.
19
I simply don’t understand how this company exists. Doesn’t anyone cook any more? ‘I’m too busy and I’m no good at cookery’, say the lazy fuckers. So sticking a ready meal in a microwave for a couple of minutes is beyond your culinary scope, is it?
Another example of this fuckwittery is Greggs stopping selling loaves in their shops. Nobody was buying them, because their customers are so fucking useless they can’t make their own sarnie.
I utterly despair at the increasing fecklessness of my fellow human beings.
21
It all gathered speed when the government gave the great unwashed an extra £20 a week in Universal credit, one extra day a week for Deliveroo. Factor in the free school meals and these cunts never need to do any shopping 😂
15
Never noticed the lack of bread in Greggs.
5
You’re right – I foolishly went into Greggs a few days back expecting to buy a loaf of bread – they are, after all, a bakers. As you say, no bread. What a fucked up world it is though – you go to a delivery office to collect your parcel, but you can’t buy stamps. You can’t buy oil, coolant and bulbs at most petrol stations, but you can buy underpants and vodka, the post office is part of a newsagent and sells travel money, travel insurance and loads of other shite, but can’t arrange a delivery if you don’t tell them what’s in your parcel.
11
Soon petrol stations won’t sell PETROL.
But they WILL sell e-scooters.
7
Deliverfuckinroo … shower of shit doing worthless shit things. So it promotes an environmentally unsound business model with illegal immigration (possible connections with organised crime … people trafficking), cheap labour, cover for illicit activities, road usage abuse including insurance fraud issues, false documentation, unroadworthy vehicles etc. A complete fuckin waste and just an excuse of meaningful employment. Right up there with car washing and coffee pouring experts … what a bunch of cunts … drain the swamp.
17
I nearly killed one of these cunts a couple of weeks ago. He cut right in front of me whilst I was trying to get off a roundabout and he was overtaking me and going all the way round.
Believe me, if I had knocked the scoundrel off, I would have given him some choice words before I stamped on his fucking head.
14
I dont do fast corporate shit food. I find it hard to understand the mentality of having the shit delivered. In a city where if you can manage to walk for 5 minutes this crap is readily available.
Lazy fat cunts.
Fortunately we dont seem to have these deliveroo cunts in the sticks.
11
A fellow SW Londoner here, I understand your gripe.
I was shocked to see the other day on my travels a Delivercunt rider leavign Greggs with a takeaway, Greggs.
I had to double take as I could not believe that some cunt would use this service to have a fucking sandwich and doughnut delivered – what have we become!
14
There are adverts on the radio for deliveroo breakfasts from Greggs and McDonalds. Clearly for cunts staying in all day watching daytime TV.
Think about that.
13
I’ve seen Deliveroo cyclists at 10:00am on a wednesday. So some lazy spastic student (I’m surrounded by student accommodation) is paying probably 8 quid for bacon, eggs, whatever. Unreal. Students used to live off Cup-A-Soup, toast, macaroni for 15 quid a week in the 80s/90s, now they seem to have fucking loads of spare cash. Bank of Mummy & Daddy. There’s no REAL struggle for young people now, so they invent phantom struggles like their identity, not being allowed to express themselves, etc. Fannies!
22
I went through phenomenal quantities of pasta, chips and toast as a student and I knew how to cook.
5
I also went through vast quantities of alcohol but that’s another story.
7
That’s just it – in the 1965-2005 era, students saved as much money as they could so they could get merry on a Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and a have a few beers on the other days. So with student discount, for around 60 quid per week, you could live like Bukowski (Jesus, that’s 12,000 quid over four years!). Food was seen as fuel, so you just ate high carb/protein cheapo foods for 10-15 quid.
But these days it seems like students are spending their money on 6 quid coffees, gourmet grub, pointless app subscriptions, Netflix, shite from Amazon, etc and they aren’t living the proper life of fucked-up freedom that used to come with being a student.
I’ve seen them all on the bus on a Friday at 16:15, all sober, quiet heading to the flat to slob it up in front of a screen or two for eight hours. That never used to happen. They would all be in the pub from 16:30-??? getting banjoed on discount drinky-poos and trying to impress each other. Some bars do a 25% off for students, so a 4 quid pint of beer would be 3 quid. Small (175 ml) glass of wine is about the same. A proper 3-shot cocktail is about 7 quid, so that would be 5.25. Three of any those and you’re flying. In London, you are fucked, as you can be 6-7 quid for a pint.
But the students seem to just drink in their flats, and that’s fine, but the real experiences of being Olivered are found in the packed pubs, or it used to be that way. Pubs aren’t pubs anymore, they are like creches for adults. It’s a catch-22: do you drink mostly at home to avoid the boring bars? Do you drink at the tiny, dingy flat and drink too much and it turns into a squalid, argumentative situation?
It’s not a good time to be young. The old ways of experiencing the real world are gone or going fast. It’s a different age now. Lost in the multi-media matrix. The digital dystopia.
“Stay at home!
Get it delivered by 5pm tomorrow!
Be a slob!”
That’s fine when you are 70+ but at 18-29 you should be out of the house 12-14 hours per day seeing what the fuck LIFE is all about. Things need to change for the healthier…
19
Well said CG, your description sounds like my student experience (the 90’s one that is, not present day).
BTW, I’ve noticed you win the prize for longest posts. A CG comment is more of an essay. But they’re good so keep it up!
8
Thanks, Berkshire. The Satanic elite pay me $0.50 per word!
I type quite fast and try to be brief, but some topics need more unpacking. I try to be irreverent and vile, but sometimes I forget and it comes off as too serious. The internet needs to go back to being goofy and fun, just like life in general needs to.
I wonder if Nicola Sturgeon will be having a vagina squirt Irn Bru piss on her tonight?
3
You see, I was about to say you’re doing it again, I almost got to the end without an expletive, but you recovered it at the end there with the expletive ‘Nicola Sturgeon’.
May I suggest you pepper the longer ones with the liberal use of ‘cunt’, if only for punctuation!
3
I’ve just had a brilliant business idea.
How about a ‘wipe your arse’ service for those too fucking feckless to carry out this onerous task themselves?
19
Just Wipe
Deliverpoo
Uberseats
17
There is a “Just Eat” equivalent over here in the States called “Door Dash”, so naturally:
“Backdoor Dash”.
3
The mob used to be placated with bread and circuses.
7
They still are, only it’s called McDs and Netflix now.
3
Like hand car washes – the numbers just wouldn’t stack up for a legitimate business. I don’t use either – vote with your wallet!
4
You see, I was about to say you’re doing it again, I almost got to the end without an expletive, but you recovered it at the end there with the expletive ‘Nicola Sturgeon’.
May I suggest you pepper the longer ones with the liberal use of ‘cunt’, if only for punctuation!
1
Lycra clad cyclists I can handle. City life though can fuck off.. any cunt that chooses to live in a city deserves everything that comes their way..
1