Sourdough

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I would like to cunt sourdough.

Firstly it’s a cunt of a name. Instead of sounding appetising it reminds me of the time I worked shift work at a large commercial bakery.

Every night local dossers would loiter around the back gate until we shot ’em a bit of free bread. They’d have to take what they were given, but weren’t too fussy anyway. It was usually rubbish looking loaves that somehow didn’t survive the conveyor belt production and couldn’t be sold to the supermarkets.

I mean we didn’t poison them … that’d be a cunt of a thing to do, but sometimes these seconds loaves were also unusable because the ingredients mixture was inconsistent.

They might well have tasted sour as fuck. I reckon the cunt bakery probably intentionally produces such loaves nowadays to flog to cunt “foodies”.

Any rate sourdough, on its own and not buttered or spread with condiment, leaves an almost astringent taste in my mouth. Is this what they mean by sour? If so it’s bloody unappealing. Plus, after eating such a slice I reckon my breath stinks.

Mark my words sourdough is a cunt.

Nominated by: Crocacunt Dundee

78 thoughts on “Sourdough”

  1. I have made my own and dont know what is special about it. Flour and yeast seem to make a better more consistent loaf, but than it wouldnt be artisan and cost a fiver would it?

    • Its fuckin rubbish.
      Ive tried this and for making a butty its useless.
      Hovis or Warburtons if feeling sluttish.
      Sourdough?

      Alright for ducks.

      • Hehe, I was thinking more along the lines of MIS as a lad pre white Van Days, doing deliveries on a bike

    • It’s american, they think it sounds ‘trendy’

      but it just comes off as ‘a total cunt’.

      not a tasty cunt mind, a large ungrateful weeping moany type of cunt.

      still sour dough is rank.

  2. I have never had this stuff, I Googled ‘sourdough bread taste’

    ‘Tangy, makes it just amazing’ 😂

    Ah well, who am I to mock, it is supposed to be more healthy (nice).

    • Its crap Sicky,
      Hard to butter or spread owt on it, all little holes,
      Air pockets or something?
      Tastes weird too.
      I gave it a fair chance but it didn’t deliver.
      Its the thalidomide of the bread world,
      Staggering about behind all the other breads,
      “Oi wait for me, I cant keep up..”

      • My favourite at the moment is multi seed hovis, ok for toast and sandwiches.
        As per Mr Dundee I used to work in commercial bakery when I was a teenager, hard work especially in the ‘pit’ – loading and unloading a Uniflo oven.

  3. Pizzas made with sourdough are rather delicious. Aside from that it’s overrated, and after one night is so stale and hard you could lob it at an Insulate Britain protestor, faced-glued to the asphalt.

  4. Is it one of those fancy foods for fashion people?
    Like avacado?

    Nice with lentil broth?

    Fuck Off.

  5. It’s all the rage over here. Has been ever since I’ve lived in Yankland. I’ve tried it. Don’t care of it myself. Yanks give weird names to stuff. Sour cream for example. We all know about dairy products going off and giving you the shits if you eat them. Why then put the word sour right next to the word cream? Ice cream works. Double cream. Whipping cream. All good. Sour cream is just wrong. And don’t get me started on foods called jerky. What the fuck is that all about? I don’t want to know.

    • In my experience IM, septics don’t know what proper cream, like double cream, is. Their so called heavy cream is like condensed milk – shite.

      They’re terrified of salt too and the food is fucking bland as a result. If you ask for salt and pepper in a restaurant to make your food remotely palatable your ‘server’ swoons, other diners gasp, cover their children’s ears or run out the door screaming. If you ever need to clear an area of septics just shake some salt around, works just as well as it does with slugs.

      Be sure to identify it as salt though. If they mistake it for sugar you’ll be trampled in the stampede to sate the sugar craving. They cram sugar into everything, even where it has no business. Your typical sliced loaf contains so much it tastes like cake to my expat palate.

      • Indeed, BH. Double cream isn’t a thing in the US. Single cream neither. Ask for it in a super market and you’ll get a blank stare.

        You’re also right about typical standard sliced bread. It’s too sweet. How can you have a savory sarnie when the bread tastes like a dessert? It’s nonsense.

        Supermarket bakeries are nothing special over here. You do see independent bakeries here and there, but they seem to be mostly about cakes and sweet stuff. I’ve never seen a Yank bakery display the range of breads you can typically find in a UK high street bakers. Cottage loaf, split tin, French stick, etc. Never seen it. And they can’t make chocolate eclairs either. It’s never cream filled. Always synthetic chemical white crap or baker’s custard. For shame, for shame.

      • Evening IY.

        I never got over the spray on cheese I saw on one of the Top Gear specials, I think. Only in America.

      • Evening LL.

        Spray on cheese. I know. What kind of cheese could be served via a spray one wonders. Me thinks it’s just smelly yellow chemicals in a can. Only in America. Walking around a Yank grocery store (they don’t call them supermarkets) is a wonder to behold. So many things look familiar, but upon closer inspection are like nothing you’ve ever seen or heard of.

        Most distressing is the crisps aisle (or chips if you’re a Yank). Crap like Sour Cream and Ranch flavour. Utter puke. Try as they might, the Yanks can’t do crisps. Sore point at the moment. I ordered a ton of UK crisps which shipped from the UK a fucking month ago and it’s still not arrived. A month!!! I need my BBQ Beef Hula Hoops or things are going to get ugly round here. Grrrr.

      • You’re quite right IY.. And don’t even think about a decent shortcrust pastry meat pie, pork pie or pasty. Prolly cos they’re terrified of saturated fat as well as salt so the lard is out. If they did make them they’d only cram it with sugar and make it into dessert, like they do with their bbq sauces.

        Speaking of bakers, they even manage to make cake icing, or ‘frosting’, 10 times sweeter than British icing, which is almost all sugar to start with.

        I do have a source of imported British foodstuffs like curly-wurly, bourbon creams, monster munch and hula-hoops in my local liquor store to cater to the expats but it’s top dollar. As long as the local ‘grocery store’ continues to sell Yorkshire tea I’m OK.

  6. Great cunting, Sourdough is fucking horrible shite with a tough chewy crust. Can’t even make decent toast with it. \White thick sliced every time. Makes magic toast slathered with butter. As the song goes ‘Put the grill on, slip a slice under’ – you know it makes sense.

    • I’ve only ever eaten the stuff twice, and on both occasions it settled on my gut like a lump of lead and gave me vicious heartburn.
      Fucking shit.

  8. My dog will eat anything – shit, carrion, slugs, snails, beetles, flies, you name it, he eats it. He won’t touch sourdough bread though. He’s not that stupid.

    • If only Owen Patterson was a left wing tar brushed honey child, he would of got off lightly, I don’t mind Owen Patterson, none of his policies I disagree with, and he’s pro Brexit, so he gets a pass from me!!!

      • Agree. He’s always struck me as a decent MP, notwithstanding his vendetta against badgers.

        I wrote to him in 2017 re the BRINO Withdrawal Bill and he replied in a timely and comprehensive fashion, which is more than can be said for my own pathetic constituency MP at the time.

        If there’s a by-election I suspect he will be returned with a comfortable majority, unless there’s a massive protest vote against fucking Johnson, which there could well be.

      • Yeah, saying nasty words about footballers, aimed at nobody in particular, gets you banged up.
        But phoning some cunt you know and threatening them with an acid party gets you a slap on the wrists. There can’t be any cunt surprised by this.
        This is normal behaviour in her constituency so it will be interesting to see what Starmzy does when the heat has died down.
        Bitch.

      • It seems Paterson will not be standing again, so hopefully the Tories will be hammered at the upcoming by-election, preferably by the Reform Party or the SDP.

    • Bloke has just got 10 weeks jail for a video on Facebook racial ranting about the black players missing penalties, maybe if he had just threatened to throw acid in their faces it would have been a suspended sentence, work that one out 😂

      • Yep. A 17 second video is deemed more punishable than a member of parliament threatening bodily harm and other harassment for over a year. The two tier justice system is alive and well in the new apartheid junta that is the UK.

      • I bet the woman she harassed is very reassured by this stern sentence, not!
        La Webbe says she’s going to appeal ( not to me, she doesn’t), she should suck it up and shut up, sentences can be increased as well as removed.

      • Not to excuse the silly cunt who posted the video abusing the players, but he was clearly fucking hammered when he made it. Pissed as a fart.

        What was Webbe’s excuse? She carried the harassment on over a long period of time too. Wasn’t a one off.

        The bloke who made the video apologised. Webbe has walked out of court and protested her ‘innocence’. The fucking brass neck of it. She was fucking recorded!

        Instead of saying sorry she’s going to appeal and fight with every claw she has to cling to the gravy train she’s on.

        With race baiting cunts like this running our towns and cities, it is clear that this country is absolutely fucked.

        The fact the honky got jail and Webbe didn’t, shows you where the ‘institutional racism’ and privilege (she’s a fucking MP for fuck’s sake!) really is.

      • He’d have got another year added on. She could burn down an orphanage full if white babies, film it while laughing and still get a suspended sentence. And claim to be the victim too (those burning babies burned some of her nail polish off, the racists!)

        Institutional Racism at work.

        Fo’ real, yo.

    • And 200 hours communidee service.

      I suspect she won’t be cleaning public bogs or scraping dogshite off the pavement.

      • She’ll be doing ‘community outreach’ at the ‘Doreen Lawrence racism institute’ or whatever it is.

        Sitting around drinking Pimm’s, looking for things to make up and moan about, regarding us evil honkies.

        What a fucking country.

  10. Tried this stuff in San Francisco which claims it was first made there. God knows why they´re proud of it as it was like eating wet cardboard. The inside is often removed and it is used as a bowl. This is the ideal soultion as you can throw away the center then the rest of it when you´ve finished whatever was inside.

  11. I don’t like them Bagels either.
    Chewy, and a hole in the middle so the contents leak/fall out.
    What the fucks that about?
    Thought jews were common sense types?
    Food stuffs with big holes in aren’t popular with me,
    Bread, mints, cheese whatever.
    If I want holes I’ve got a fuckin drill at home.
    Can make my own.

    • You are fucking uncouth, Mis. Sourdough and bagels are all the rage in Scunny. You cant get Warburtons for love nor money. They’v replaced Aldi with Waitrose with a Harrods food hall.

      • The Scunthorpe sourdough craze?
        Soon run its course then onto seaweed bread.
        Ruffs mum ran away from Scunthorpe!
        His dad made a crude joke about it.

  12. I like it.

    The supermarket where I live does an excellent sourdough loaf flavoured with olives and various other types. Great with homemade vegetable soup.

    I imagine most of the uncouth plebeians on the award-winning website ISAC are still at the stage of using a stick to eat grubs from a rotting log. When they aren’t getting the horn over Diane Abbott that is. Doubt they will be welcome at Dick’s elegant Christmas soirée at the Towers, as I attempt to fend off the attentions of my erstwhile fiancée Fanny whilst chuckling at the host’s bellows of ‘get your gums around this’ at the serving wenches and tucking into out-of-date Fray Bentos pies.

    Throw another peasant on the fire, my lord.

  13. The belgies make a sour-dough type beer – it’s called lambic. Quite sour, but refreshing on a hot day.

  14. Sourdough is lovely and way better than a bland white slice. Making your own rather than buying high priced, mass produced stale shit wins. Don’t know what you’re on abahht.

      • No, you’re banned from white sliced, get your bacon on that tarmac crusted, lace doily interior sourdough, you love it, it’s great! Or should be grated for breadcrumb.

  15. I prefer nice baps.

    Linda Lusardi circa 1985😍

    As for “Sour Doe’s”:

    -Dawn French
    -Anna Sozzledberries
    -Princess Nut-Nuts
    Etc…

  16. Strongly second this most worthy nom. Sourdough tastes like ass. Plus it was invented in the socialist city of San Fransicko. Sourdough is for cunts who are too lazy or stupid to make a fine loaf of bread with yeast.

    • Too lazy? It takes days on end to make a sourdough starter. Ordinary loaf can be done in 1 day.

  17. Off the subject but the white racists have just landed on black planet earth in the new John Lewis Xmas advert
    (There is a nom regarding JL’s latest Christmas ad due to be scheduled in the next week or so – Day Admin)

  18. Hovis Sliced Granary, and I’m sorted…
    Toast and marmalade, cheese and Geeta’s Chilli Lime chutney, fried, bacon sarnies. It ticks all the boxes.
    I’m a boring bastard when it comes to bread.

    • I just saw the headline ‘Blair dead’

      Imagine my disappointment when finding out it was just poor old luvvie Lionel.

      • Likewise me.
        I had hoped the warmonger and murderer might’ve been found in an “interesting” position involving such goodies as citrus fruit, gasmask, pac-a-mac, and trussed up like the proverbial Christmas turkey. And upside down in a broom cupboard.
        RIP Lionel.

      • Always tap dancing Lionel Blair wasn’t he?
        Couldn’t fuckin stop.
        Did it on everything, no matter what.
        Show about ww2,
        Discussion on Brexit?.
        Bad news at the doctor’s?
        ..hed sneak it in, tap tap tap..jazz hands.
        At his funeral as hes being lowered into the ground?
        Tap tap fuckin tap from inside the box.

  20. You are missing the point with sour dough! It’s not that is great it’s just those boring as fuck, no personality remoaners need something to talk about !! Imagine being so fucking spineless and boring as fuck your number one story is that you made some sour-dough!! Get to fuck!!

  21. Likewise me.
    I had hoped the warmonger and murderer might’ve been found in an “interesting” position involving such goodies as citrus fruit, gasmask, pac-a-mac, and trussed up like the proverbial Christmas turkey. And upside down in a broom cupboard.
    RIP Lionel.

    • That cunt will likely live for ever unfortunately, like Soros, Kissinger etc. Something to do with selling your soul to the devil I suppose.

  22. The Poncy overpriced Artisan bakeries round my manor in Hove sell nothing but sourdough bread . It’s heavy, goes stale fast and yes, that fuckin awful sour taste. And the Cunts charge £5 a loaf for this shite

  24. Allinson’s batch baked wholemeal for butties.
    Roberts’s extra thick white for toast.
    I also like bagels, but have to be careful, as they give me the urge to go out and pick a pocket or two.
    Good evening.

    • The sort of cunts that buy and eat this sourdough shit are the same bellends that pay through the hooter for crap like tofu, vegan cheese, soya milk, organic cornflakes, and other such shite. Food of the twats.

  25. Designed to sell to wealthy metro types (or aspirant suburbanites) as charmingly wholesome, pastoral, rustic, blah blah blah.
    But I myself refuse to eat like some pox-ridden medieval swineherd.

  26. There’s other bread apart from stotties? Fucking why?
    Any cunt who pays more for a pizza because it’s on sour dough belongs on my anti aircraft gun firing squad list

  28. hmm, looked at the post saw it going off topic and round the corner but fond recollections.
    when I was in the labour camp, it serviced the community that it surrounded.
    so the bakers baked bread for the village where the guards lived and half brown bread for the inmates, (a mix of maze and wheat ).
    As a worker I was privileged and got two extra rations a day! and some times the unsold produce from the bakery was given to us I liked black bread, this is a maze bread, heavy and hard as fuck, almost like Terry Pratchet’s Dwarf bread, keeps you alive it does, heavy as fuck, hard as fuck, stale or not you can eat it nice stuff., keeps you alive it does.

  29. I’ve tried it years ago but not to my taste.

    I don’t eat a lot of bread these days as i’m intent on losing some weight, Bread is one of those things i’ve never really bothered too much with.
    I probably eat more rice these days, but then i am half-chink.

    Only kidding.

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