Motivating quotes and slogans

Posted on by

I often have to wait in a print shop for work to be done and have noticed that the walls are covered with “inspirational” slogans and “motivating” quotes that would drive me mad if I had to work there.

Here is a sample to illustrate the sheer crassness and banality of the “message” behind them: “Negative Thinking Banned Here”, “Live, Love and Laugh”, “Do Everything with Love, “Live Your Dream”, “Every Setback is an Opportunity”, “You Learn More from Failure than Success”, “Don´t Regret the Past – Learn from It”, “You Get the Best View After the Toughest Climb” and “Today´s Gonna be Fuckin´ Awesome”.

Is anybody really inspired or motivated by this kind of muddled mushy drivel?
Whatever happened to “You don´t have to be crazy to work here but it helps”? Presumably in today´s world of globalspeak and universal wokeness the word “crazy” would not be used in case it offended some nutcase, oops sorry poor misunderstood victim soul.

Nominated by: Mr Polly

101 thoughts on “Motivating quotes and slogans”

  1. The scummiest, cheesiest, most arse licking fictional quote I ever heard came from (as might be expected) from the queen of arsehole licking, Peter Mandy Mandelson on his dear friend Kweer Charmer:

    “He radiates competence”

    It’s up there with the quote from Ghandi on visiting the Soviet Union for the first time:

    “I have seen the future and it works”

    These quotations should be laughed and sneered at all the time. Like the old bag that accosted me in Portsmouth in 1961, a Jess Phillips lookalike who said to me “Ello Sailor, I’ve got the time if you’ve got the money”

    • A local tramp accosted me in the Fleece in Pompey.
      Come with me Jack I’ll give you something you’ve never had.
      I doubt it I replied.

      • Infidel@
        Wonder what he meant by that?
        Very mysterious!!
        Didn’t it pique your curiosity?
        😀

      • Sorry MNC Mr Biggs would know of the Fleece. It was a notorious pub on Commercial rd where the local tarts would ply their trade to Jack (RN). By tramp I meant a woman but I can see now where I went wrong.
        The said women had the names of ships tattooed on their knees, probably done the ships company.

    • That song “All The Nice Girls Love A Sailor, would have been better titled “All The Old Tarts & Slappers Love A Sailor – £30 for the night and fifteen pounds for a “short time” ( well, it was years ago of course). They just hoped every Jolly Jack Tar was home on leave having just been paid. The idea was we were all so well paid and so pissed we would be gagging for it.

  2. The one that never fails to raise a smile is
    ” Don’t ask for credit, as a smack in the gob often offends”

      • I saw the above in a garage, and underneath was this:

        “We do not issue the safety certificate until our mechanics have inspected the actual vehicle and certified it roadworthy”

  3. “You get the best view after the toughest climb”….not sure that Rod Hull would have agreed as he plummeted off his house roof while attempting to tune his telly aerial into the football.

  4. Every P*ki shop you go in……

    “Please do not ask for credit as a refusal often offends”.

    Well, there’s no way you’re going to pay a P*ki back and they fucking know it.

  5. Steptoe Corbyn……

    “For the Many not the Few”

    Yeah, for the many immos, poofs, terrorists and any other cunt who hates Britain.
    Cunt.

  9. “We’re all in this together!**” – David Cameron

    ** – unless its not in the interests of the rich and powerful

  10. Forget all the positivity bollocks.
    A poster of Big Brother saying “work harder, do better or lose your job” or “another day off sick will cause you to get the sack” ought to be in every workplace that employs under 30 year old slackers.

    • In PNG, any hardware store or tyre place Has a poster like this on the wall

      “get up, dress up, show up”

      This economically captures the tendencies of the locals!!!

    • There are lots of under-30’s where I work and they seem to still be going to Harry Potter for inspiration – there’s fucking Harry Potter mugs, calendars, stationery and all sorts all over the fucking place. I don’t hold with bullying normally but I definitely would have bullied that precocious little cunt if he had turned up at my school.

  11. Any fucking call centre you care to name:

    “Your call is important to us, please hold”

    4 hours later…………..I don’t feel particularly important, just fucked off to the back teeth.

  12. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

    I am not sure that Steven Hawkins or Sasha Johnson would agree.

    • What’s happened to Johnson – all very quiet. Looking forward to seeing her acting like Harvey Price when she gets out. A permanent reminder for everyone of BLM.

      • Been thinking the same thing myself.

        No doubt had her assailant been white we’d be constantly reminded of her condition.

  13. ” We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!” – Winston Churchill

    Not any more, especially on the Kent Coast. We surrendered in 97!

  14. “Oh fuck – I went to fart and pissed myself and did a wet one round the back. I must smell awful” (AnalEase Dodds)

  15. Diversity is our strength.
    What a load of bollocks that is.
    Translates to anti straight white male.

  17. Outside a church I saw.
    C H ……C H
    What’s missing?

    Also outside a church.
    If you were to ask God a question what would it be?
    To which somebody had wrote.
    Why is my G-spot half way up my arse?

  20. Yeh these ‘motivating’ slogans are yet another dubious import from the ‘locker rooms’ (c) P. Guardiola of the good ol’ USA. Another smartass idea that makes me wonder what the Charltons, Greavsie and Co would’ve thought had it been around 50 yrs ago.

    Apparently the walls of training grounds and player zones are plastered with this sort of ‘motivational’ bollocks. “There’s no letter ‘I’ in ‘team’ would read better with the suffix ‘you cunts’; that’d get attention.

    I think there’s a stadium banner at Spurs reading “To Dare Is To Win”. The irony is self evident.

  21. I remember seeing:

    ‘Jesus Saves’

    and underneath, someone had written:

    ‘But Keegan scores from the rebound’.

    Pissed myself!

    • Morning DCI.

      Many years ago, on a trip to Liverpool (what they used to call ‘The Garden Festival’ was on) I saw something similiar outside a church.
      A poster said;

      ‘What would you do if Jesus comes?’

      Some scally had written underneath;

      ‘Move St John to inside right’.

      Bloody brilliant!

  23. “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.”
    – JF. Kennedy.

    For mug punters who go to work for 40 years it means paying an assortment taxes to the country, and being means tested and living on a meagre pension when you want something back from the country.

    For lazy feckless cunts, or dinghy riders, it means giving fuck all to the country, but getting shitloads in benefits from it.

  24. The only people who find any meaning in these slogans are the soppy wankers who stuck them up in the first place.
    They really need a good kicking.

    SORT YOUR LIFE OUT CUNT!

    That’s my slogan.

  26. Years ago, I had a boss who was into all this motivational bollocks.
    He had a series of framed posters put up.
    They had a seafaring theme, one showed a boat being battered by waves, as it plotted its way through a reef infested angry sea.
    The caption was something like ‘ Anyone can steer a straight course in calm conditions. ‘
    The implication being, he was the man for the job, when the going got rough.
    He was sacked, not long after.
    😂😂😂
    Fucking wanker.
    Good morning.

  29. … don’t shag the first pretty girl that you meet straight away. Get to know her … then get to know all of her mates and shag the lot of ’em! Just sayin’ … worked for me.

  30. A corporate thing aren’t they this motivational mumbo Jumbo?
    To stop employees moaning.
    Or work harder.

    “Aspire to endeavour”

    “Fortune favours the bold”

    But best just to ignore it and find out where they keep the petty cash.

    My motto is ‘never volunteer and always have a escape route’.

    • The (strictly unofficial, of course) variation on your motto where I used to work was ‘look enthusiastic, never volunteer’. It was a code I did my utmost to adhere to.

      Morning Miserable.

Comments are closed.