Living on the Edge

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When Facebook and a number of other social media sites went offline across the globe for a few hours two or three weeks or so ago, it got me thinking into how precarious we lead our lives when we engross ourselves with things we’ve let ourselves become dependent on but have no real control over.

For those 6 or 7 hours tens of millions of people became “unplugged”, and there was no contingency for any of them to reconnect until someone else sorted the problem out on their behalf.

Yes, they could fall back to other social media sites they’re aligned to, but it isn’t quite the same thing when you find yourself unable to access your personal/business profile on your Facebook page.

Moreover, a few days ago here in the Lake District we had several hours without water. Several thousand people were affected, while United Utilities investigated the problem. And again for that period of time we were completely at the whim/mercy of some 3rd party in order for our lives to be reconnected – this time with water.

Similarly, ISP and mobile provider, EE, also went offline 3 weeks ago in certain areas of the Lake District, and is still offline for some people even now. The problem revolves around a mast that was damaged in a storm. EE engineers went out to investigate, but because the mast is on private land, the landowner is refusing EE to enter his property. And therefore thousands of people cannot use their phones or internet devices until a solution is found.

One of my customers rang me up one evening to say the hard drive on his computer had suddenly died and he couldn’t boot his machine. I asked him if he had been backing up his data. He said “No, I haven’t got time for all that messing about!” Therefore, he was totally fucked because he had lost everything!

Then there was the closure of some fast food retailers during and just after lockdown, and again millions of customers couldn’t get their daily/weekly fix because the shops were shut, and there was an outcry on social media. They knew the restaurants were closed but the silly cunts still turned up at the drive-through just to be absolutely sure!

These are just 5 examples, but of course there are many, many more that we would commonly call “First World Problems”

Buses/trains/planes being cancelled at the last minute
Electric power cuts
ATMs out of order
Demonstrators/Protesters blocking roads and motorways
Strikes by teachers, hospital staff, car workers, transport workers, postal strikes
Computer/tablet/phone failure
Food/petrol shortages
Pandemics

Even losing your car/house keys; or the battery on your mobile phone running flat when you need it most and you’re miles away from a charging point, can suddenly turn your regular life-pattern upside down, albeit temporarily.

I suppose it proves in someway how a crisis, both personal or national, can disrupt our lives no matter how small or relatively trivial. And in most cases we never have a Plan B so immersed/dependent have we become on all those resources we so take for granted and never really think about until there’s a disruption and it becomes an issue.

Nominated by: Technocunt

84 thoughts on “Living on the Edge”

  1. 15dead in Grassmere
    Gingerbread shortage.

    We arent like our parents are we?
    Or our grandparents!
    Carved from fuckin granite.
    We fall apart at the slightest inconvenience.
    And the only thing that cheers me slightly.
    Is that our kids are softer than us!
    Fuck knows how their kids will be?
    Snot in a jar or something.

    We are entering the arena of the unwell…..

      • Yes mate not bad thanks.

        Having a family gathering and currently getting stuck into Mrs Jelmet’s white wine.
        Happy times 🥂

    • We once controlled most of the planet.

      Now, we fight over bog roll and drain the petrol pumps dry at the slightest hint of a shortage.

      Let the sp ooks and Dakis have at it. We deserve it for continually voting for the same bunch of sellout cunts.
      I’ll probably be gone in the next 30- 40 years if lucky. The young cunts, for the most part, seem to be cheering their demise on, so fuck them anyway.

      This place will be like an African banana republic by then, the stupid woke fuck ups.

    • Afternoon, MNC. Pontefract Cakes ward off all sorts of disease. At a pinch, Uncle Joe’s Mintballs can be almost as efficacious. Male sure you have a steady supply come the apocalypse.

      • Afternoon 20👍
        I dont like Pontefract cakes.
        Or Joes balls.
        For me its mint imperials.
        Them big uns, hard as a cobble.
        Put em in a catapult?
        Stun a fuckin rabbit with them!

        Practical see?
        SAS use em to take out insurgents in Afghanistan.😁

  2. Everything is hanging precariously by a thread at all times. It wouldn’t take much to have a “Lord of the Flies” .

    • ‘When the wind blows’ and ‘Threads’ should be required viewing for all children.

      ‘Climate change? pah! Nuclear war will end everything… okay, home time, remember homework needs doing for tomorrow.’

  3. “EE engineers went out to investigate, but because the mast is on private land, the landowner is refusing EE to enter his property”…LOL…good for him….I wish I had one on my vast acreage.

    • Afternoon Mr F…I like to imagine yourself as a sort of rustic Mr Burns from the Simpson (but younger, of course).
      I sincerely hope that when the lights genuinely go out (after the chınks take down our power grid in a couple of years) that when the paniced, desperate locals march upon your estate for alms that the full force of the hounds is unleashed upon them.
      I’ve been quietly prepping with visits to the cash and carry….yep, seriously, just in case.
      The post-tech wasteland will be a glorious thing for the over 40’s. Well, men anyway.

      • Afternoon,Mr.Cunt-Engine,TTCUTS.

        I’m more worried about fucking Johnson condemning us to a life without power than the Chairman Maos.

      • Afternoon Fiddler.

        Don’t you have some water supply on your vast estate that some of your neighbours rely on? I remember you telling us all, with some relish, that one had to come cap in hand to you after some cuntish behaviour.

      • I do,LL..the spring and collection tank is on my land for several properties…I turned one incomer’s supply off after the woman was rude to me…took a couple of days until the husband came to see me and ask if I knew why their supply had gone off…he was alright so I said I’d see if I could trace the fault and turned it back on for them…I’ve had no more nonsense off them since

  5. Stick with CDs and DVDs. Anyone solely dependent on streaming for music and entertainment is at the mercy of some other cunt.

    • Also, when they make access to Netflix dependent on being ‘Double Jabbed’, you can piss over their trousers.

  6. Admin@

    I like that picture!
    Wonder where that is?
    Id like to sit there.
    Flask of Bovril,
    Some cheese butties.
    Maybe a kit kat?
    Looking over the vista of Gods wonderous creation.

    And gozz on any pakis.

    • MIS, FYI it looks like it could be the Trolltunga in Norway. Don’t think they have PKs there – too cold – or bovril.

      • Evening mr Dribbler👍
        Hope your well?
        Stunning eh?

        Norway you say?
        One place id actually consider visiting.
        Have you been?

      • Evening MIS,
        Fine at the moment thanks, hope you are too.
        No, unfortunately never been. Would have liked to see the fjords up close but was put off by the thought of being cooped up on a cruise ship for days with the same people.

      • I know this sounds impossible but trust me, DD. It is possible to go on a cruise and not have to interact with any of the other passengers.
        In fact, I got to know the wait staff, and particularly the bar staff rather well, as they often double up on shifts, and I can tell you that a conversation with them was far more interesting than any with fellow ship mates.

      • Meet on the ledge

        The air is growing thin
        Too many friends who tried
        Were blown off this mountain with the wind
        Meet on the ledge
        We’re gonna meet on the ledge
        When my time is up I’m gonna see all my friends
        Meet on the ledge
        We’re gonna meet on the ledge

        Remember that?
        Fairport convention.

    • I’ve always avoided cruises for that reason – being effectively held captive at sea with a complete bunch of cunts and whatever diseases they’re harbouring.
      You’re also a lamb to the slaughter to be fleeced and raped by the cruise co.

      I’ve never been to Norway but a few years ago business took me to a remote part of the Baltic coast of Sweden. Beautiful little place with a nice fishing harbour. I decided to go for a walk and take a few photos. First person I set eyes on, a raghead with it’s spawn.

      They are so fucked.

    • Evening Mis.

      Fairport finish every live event with that song.

      Have done for years.

      The audience usually stand up, and all Fairporters link arms and sing along.

      Sounds cheesy, but when your pissed and having a good time, it’s a great moment.

      • Evening Dick👍

        Never seen Fairport live.
        Like too though.
        First proper band I saw was Jethro Tull.

        Then Hawkwind.🛸🚀

      • Hawkwind were great in the 70’s live, Mis.

        Stacia swinging her tits about.

        Me off my tits. Utterly wankered.

        Saw them in 2001 and they were utter shite. Gong were supporting them, and they were brilliant, they had a jam spoon playing sax and he was spot on. I was disappointed that Didier Malherbe wasn’t with them though. I believe he is still alive?

        I’m living in the past, and currently sniffing Jethro Tull’s codpiece.

        Mmmm.

      • Fairport have their Cropredy Convention every year in Oxfordshire. Been cancelled twice now because of Covid.

        Its full of old hippies and middle class young ‘uns. No trouble at all.

        I sit on my deck chair all day on the field. It’s great. No cunts barging and knocking me over. Everyone is polite. They see me on my stick and give me a wide berth. People have even let me queue jump at the bar and food stalls. You couldn’t believe that 10,000 people could be so decent and orderly.

        Made some great friends there over the years.

      • Seen Richard Thompson many times. Guitar God. Great songwriter too.

        Incredibly underrated but his shy demeanour, natural modesty and absence of ego has always stood in the way of his superstardom.

        And his becoming a complete cunt like so many others…..

      • Thompson did a set at Cropredy a couple of years ago.

        He was a class act it has to be said.

      • Ha ha!
        Have you seen the “Singwriters Circle” * he did with Suzanne Vega and Louden Wainwright?

        He is an amazing musician 👍

        *it’s on YouTube 👍

      • I like Ms Vega👍
        I have seen live, quite a few times.
        She would have made an excellent mother, to my children.
        Oh well, her loss……
        😢

  7. … hope you’re all preppers. People scorned me for years whilst I hoarded stuff that can save your arse if the world takes a shit. But … and it’s a big but … it’s only any good until you need real medical help … have a medical emergency and you are fucked pretty much … don’t matter how many guns or how much tinned food you got.

    • Exactly this👍

      Do these billionaires, who have invested in multi-million dollar bunkers, in New Zealand, also have fully staffed, bomb proof hospitals😉

      I always think the same thing when I see those bunkers: fucking grim existence.

    • I’m not sure I want to be around if there’s an apocalypse; cunts are going to come for you and your food, so is there any point prepping? Anyone read the book or seen The Road? That is a harsh yarn. Several years after an extinction event there is no food so the survivors turn to cannibalism, including putting a baby on a spit roast for dinner or keeping people in basements and eating them limb by limb.

      I’ve thought for a while now that the only thing you’ll need is an exit bag that, way you can check out quickly.
      https://dasanarchist.wordpress.com/2015/06/09/diy-exit-bag-instructions/

      • Yes i’ve read The Road. What caused society to fall, it’s never really explained. A nuclear war or asteroid seems the most likely cause.

    • Oh and I wonder if the chap who has the EE mast in his field is waiting for some sort of colossal bribe?
      I hope so.

      • There was an article in the Daily Supress recently reporting that folk who have communication masts, like mobile phone companies or digital TV, were cutting the wayleave payment by 90%. One woman, who previously received £7500 had been informed that she would only get £750 annually from now on.
        The moral of the story is, get it in writing, make sure it says ‘in perpetuity’ and includes linked to the RPI increases.

  9. We all witnessed the panic(s) recently.
    Happy to say that I didn’t get caught up in any of the fuckwittery, as I like to plan ahead at all times, where possible.

    I remember an associate saying “agency”, with regard to existence.

    Techno is bang on with this nomination. Society has lost much of its independence.

    Who on here would, in all honesty, forgo most modern luxuries-internet dependence, utilities, convenience foods, in exchange for a much more independent existence?
    🤔

  10. everyone is so fucking special
    if electricity was cut off, at least you wouldn’t have put up with the outrage on Myface as the cunts panic with what to do
    i have a few candles and two open fireplaces and logs and coal ,plenty of beer and whiskey.
    i will probably be good for a week or so before hunger sets in and i have to venture outside
    the wasteland i witness will be of zombies crawling around trying to find some elecy point to charge their mobile so they can find out what’s going on
    “Open your fucking eyes you cunts” i will say as i eye up the tastiest looking specimen for consumption
    Naturally i saved some logs and the last of the rotten veg for my last supper

  12. Living on the Edge…… great song from Stones wannabes Aerosmith.
    Close to the Edge….. epic album from one of the all time great prog bands , Yes.

    • And you and I.

      Absolute masterpiece.

      How the fuck is Wakeman still alive?

      Must be a deadpool candidate surely?

      • He’s a freemason, probably has a secret elixir administered rectally twice daily.

      • Berkshire Huntmaster, do you actually know what Freemasons do? Most people that critique them don’t. They live in Fairy Tail Land.

      • Well you either do or you don’t. Stop going on about secret elixirs and bollocks. Complete crap, it’s almost like you’d want go be a member. All of them I’ve met are boring and just like to chat.

      • ‘going on about secret elixirs’

        I mentioned it once in a shitpost joke.

        Did I touch a nerve, were you blackballed?

      • Never had the chance. Never been never want to. I still appreciate them.

        Bit fragile tonight, just pissed off with watching untie been making us try to all feel sorry for the dingy divers coming over.

      • Fair enough CCTCM, it’s enough to make anyone fragile. I mostly sit out the noms on that particular topic due to boiling piss.

  14. I’m alright Jack, I’ve got a shed. Get’s me out from under Mrs Twatt’s feet. A bit of old carpet on the floor, nice comfy armchair, camping gas ring to make a cuppa, and best of all, my stash of jizz mags. I’ll be okay in post-tech Armageddon when there’s no internet porn.

    Every man needs a shed. It’s a basic human right.

    • Lots of sheds on the homestead-alas no jazz-mags.
      I would rather have a diesel generator and 10x drums of red diesel👍

      • Evening, General. We always have Jerry cans of diesel and petrol, beans, propane, beans, generator, beans, torches, beans, batteries, beans, candles, lots of dried foodstuffs, tinned stuff, ( including beans ), milk powder and lots of other essentials.
        We’ve done it for years, not for any Armageddon type scenario, ( we’re all fucked if that happens ). More for power cuts, bad weather, illness, etc.
        In the power cut scenario we use the motorhome as a bolthole, fire up the genny, turn on the gas and Bob’s your uncle, fanny’s your aunt.
        It may be a generational thing, self reliance, store cupboard thinking and adhering to the best motto that anyone ever came up with, namely ….
        Be Prepared.
        I’m all right,
        Jack :o)

      • I certainly do. She’s still going. But she doesn’t look so alluring now.
        I’ve still got that record.
        Evening MNC.
        You ok ?

      • Aye, ticketyboo Jack.
        Ive no vinyl left but got a Very old Space Ritual t-shirt in the wardrobe.
        I used to get very fucked up to their music!!🤪😜🤩

        Cracking band.

      • Always liked the Hawks and have happy memories of listening to them and Floyd, in the raw, with a young dusky lady.
        When I was nobbut a lad.
        Pleasant evenings indeed.
        She could suck a golf ball through a hosepipe. 😜💋

    • You’re right Uncle

      Lemmy left quite early on, 74/75 ish I think?

      Went down the pan after that.

      You have to hand it to Dave Brock though, stuck with them through thick and thin.

  16. Must be good stuff.

    Three heart attacks, and he makes Oliver Reed look like a temperance advocate.

  17. Always download your porn, in full HD of course, and stash it away on external hard drive(s)… Don’t rely on on streaming sites !

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