Catholicism (2) and Bashing the Bishop

Catholicism is a cunt, isn’t it.

Xavier Novell, a Spanish bishop who quit the clergy to be with his sexologist lover has found a new job: exporting pig semen.

The dress-wearing devil-dodger first hit the headlines in September after it was revealed he had fallen for 38-year-old Silvia Caballol, a divorced author of erotic novels.

Novell was a star on the rise within Spain’s Catholic church loons and flogged his bishop spirit to become the youngest one ever at just 41. However, no more bashing the bishop duties from now on.

He has since found a spanking good job with Semen Cardona – a global company which exports high-quality pig yoghurt to more than 20 countries.

His resignation was accepted by the current Grand Poo-baa, Pope Adolf XVI who probably muttered something like Thou Shalt Not Masturbate Hogs in latin.

A dressy-up pervert who hooked up with an sado-masochist author and who now wanks off pigs, giving them a ham shandy for their pork custard.

‘Spill my spirito satan Knob-in-hand, chokio the pork swordium wanka in glorious’

Daily Mail News Link

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

77 thoughts on “Catholicism (2) and Bashing the Bishop

  1. Gosh Captain, your Latin scholasticism is admirable.
    You weren’t at Eton with our esteemed PM, were you?

      • Pig spunks just liquid bacon.
        Every home should have a bottle in the fridge,
        Good for fry ups!
        Or pouring on bus seats if you dont want a Stanley sat next to you.
        Pig batter is a staple growing up in the North.

    • Indeed, Miserable. Whisked up with beef dripping and egg white, it make a very acceptable alternative to blancmange. Popular during WW2, apparently.

      • Also good for waterproofing Geordie!
        As good as WD40.
        And missus Miserable uses it as a skin cream.
        Lovely soft skin my missus.
        Smells bit like those crisps,

        Pig Spunk? Splash it all over!
        As Henry Cooper used to say.

      • My dear old mam told me (oh, many a time and oft) how during the war, ice cream was made out of spud peelings, and ‘cream’ from cornflower and margerine.
        Those were the days, eh? Happiest days of our lives etc

    • Surely you refer to our esteemed ex-PM, Mr Cameroon, who I believe did have a `weakness` for the piggywigs?

      • If your gonna forgo your faith and vows, for a wimminz, at least pick one with superior bedroom skills👍

        Be hilarious if she decides to catch “the last train to dykesville” 😂

  2. She looks nice if it is a choice between a hand shandy and Senorita Silvia it would be a no-brainer.

  3. Hes ideal for ‘milking’ pigs.
    Soft hands see?
    Bet he can bring a pig to climax faster than any of us!
    Thats cheating!
    Cant use your mouth!

  4. Did the Pope say ‘go forth and multiply’, at least he is continuing with every sperm is sacred oink, oink,

  5. Heavens above! Normally the only semen Catholic bishops are interested in exchanging involve prepubescent choirboys. I wonder if David Cameron has invested in this pig jizzing business?

  6. Thank fuck for that, a nom I can enjoy after that immo piss boiler that had me sitting it out.

    A few thoughts on this one. First, I’m pleasantly surprised to see he broke his vows for a woman (or at least what appears to be one anyway, in this woke age we can’t be too sure).

    Since she writes erotic novels I assume the vow of celibacy is in the rear view mirror.

    As for the merits of the nom, agreed Catholicism is a lady’s front bum but as for the former bishop, I think tossing off boar’s is far more worthy work so all power to his elbow, so to speak.

    Perhaps Pritiuseless could offer him some incentive to set up shop on the beaches of the south coast where spillages of his wares may have a useful deterrent effect.

    • Well said BH

      a suitably biodegradable alternative to napalm for those dinghy rats.
      If nowt else it should deeply upset the cunts before they get here and start deeply upsetting us.
      By raping and murdering and stealing.

  7. If Miles won´t come to the Pope´s defence, I will. There are just over 400,000 priests in the world so this bizarre case is hardly typical. There are about 1.4 billion Catholics and they trust their priests, the overwhelming majority of whom have dedicated their lives to their faith.

    • Berkshire, You can rely on me and Miles to protect Christianity as we did in the good old days of the Crusades. We Catholics still pray for the reconversion oif the Church of England. I´m about to book my annual trip to Seville for the Holy Week procession when I will don my black KKK robes and sniff out heretics.

      • See if Michael J Fox is free?
        Not much acting work now!
        Hed be great at it!

      • I think our friend Mr Fiddler thought he would get two birds with one stone with his Nom. So he aimed at me with the Catholicism and you for the farmer ‘explotating pigs’ I suppose.
        And missed both.

      • And then it occurs to one this man has got out of the priesthood and he’s still a cunt.
        I thought the Nominator would be lauding him for getting out of such a terrible thing?

        All over the shop as usual.

      • Surely you should show him nothing but compassion, support and love?

        Or don’t catholic’s read the New Testament 😂😂😂

    • I read the first line of the cunting DF, and knew straight away it would be some banal agri bashing or religious drivel, so went to comments and found I’m not alone in my opinion!

    • My mate made the prosthetic pig cock they used to show the dopey tart how to do it. After filming wrapped they had a party, and Loos was presented with the fake cock, then painted gold, as a keepsake.

  8. From kiddie fiddling to béstiality… who among us can honestly say that at one time or another they haven’t been sexually attracted to pigs?

    Well not me, you mucky minded reader! The same however cannot be said for Lord Nougat, Emily Thornpiggery’s keeper. Or Mr Priti Patel, obviously.

    But I digress.

    Good luck to the grubby degenerate. He’s done the decent thing and forgone the choirboy. I for one wouldn’t knock him (I gather you wouldn’t – Ed.).

    Let him /her /they or (insert preferred pronoun here) who is without sin cast the first stone.

    • Is banging hundreds of birds a sin, Ruff?
      If not, please send my Halo to Admin, who can forward it👍

    • “…Let him /her /they or (insert preferred pronoun here) who is without sin cast the first stone..”

      Ouch… alright who threw that?

    • Same shit, different bucket. Whereas the JWs hang around waiting for the rapture, the Catholic fuckers are happy blowing up kids in McDonald’s.
      Remember Eniskillen you terrorist vermin.

      • The worst thing about the Watchtower is it doesn’t even burn properly.

        And what has Peter Skellern got to do with all this?

        He doesn’t deserve being dragged into this.

  9. I would expand this cunting to include ALL religious systems. While God does exist and the Bible is His Truth, not one fucking denomination adheres to either. They all say to God, “We don’t give a shit what you your Son did on The Cross! Here’s what we are going to do for you and you’re going to like it!”
    The arrogance is appalling!
    Goddamn cunts!

    • never forget the 23rd commandment, do not covet your neighbour’s dingy, it might tip over ha ha ha

  10. Pig semen is used to induce pregnant wimminz.
    I wonder if this “kafir-elixir” has been used on P.aki wimminz, by mistake?

    *I understand they use liquid manure on peacefuls-to recreate that authentic “home country” birthing experience.
    Also explains their aversion to soap, water and deodorant 🤔

      • It is every mans duty, to improve the health of pretty winning everywhere, by giving them a regular B6 mouthwash.

        Remember ladies: swallow. Don’t spit💪

      • *wimminz, not fucking winning!

        I reckon Apple employs ex-catlick priests, to put pig-semen inside I-phones👎👎👎

      • CG, your a man of the world,
        Not shy with your winky etc
        You ever wanked off a pig?
        Seems everyone has bar me!
        Even vicars!!

      • No Mis.
        I did once wake up after a wild party, to find a right pig noshing my chap.
        Of course, being British and polite, it presented a conundrum: let her finish before making a scene, or fuck her off?
        What would you chaps have done?

      • Id of let her finish CG.
        No point being rude like you say.
        Don’t think id even make a scene!
        Just “thank you that was awfully nice of you”.

        Id probably have taken her purse while she was occupied though.

      • Mis, I have forwarded your reply to the Broccoli family.
        You will be the next James Bond👍

        “Riiite! Wot the fuk is goin’ on ere? You-Scaramanger-you can fuk riiite off. You-Moneypenny-get me a gravy, wit chips. Shaken. Not stirred.”

      • I’m assuming Miserable is white?

        So no chance of him landing the next Bond role General.

        We could black him up a bit and pass him off as a Stanley, and tell the Broccoli’s that he’s from Rochdale. I’m sure they wouldn’t notice.

        I’m a dab hand with a tin of Carr, Day and Martin.

  11. The distinguishing mark of man is the hand, the instrument with which he does all his mischief.

    Looks like G Orwell could foresee wankers too

  12. It might well be that I have a mind like a cesspit, but to me “Bashing the Bishop” sounds like a vulgar euphamism for masturbation

  13. Ffs would you leave your child at Sunday school with that creepy fuck in charge? Not fucking likely.

  14. fucking hate cyclists, saw one get hit by a bus once, it skid down the gutter on its belly, i fucking rolled up, it was screaming get that bus;s number…no chance..the driver deserved a bottle of beer

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