PC Chris “Jaffa Cake” Dwyer

For those who don’t know, this cunt underpaid for two packs of Jaffa Cakes at a charity tuck shop set up at Halifax police station, putting just 10p in the tin as opposed to the actual price of £1.

He then changed his story multiple times to try and get away with it and avoid a misconduct charge.

Regardless of whether the charity in question is a genuinely worthwhile one, or just another front for executives to line their pockets, PC Dwyer’s brazen cheapskate attitude and willingness to lie AS A SERVING OFFICER when convenient marks him out as a huge cunt.

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Nominated by:General Tso’s Chiggun

69 thoughts on “PC Chris “Jaffa Cake” Dwyer

  1. Fuck, don’t tell Lammy, he will be there with his 10p, oh no he can pay full price because it’s on expenses 😂

  2. I imagine that had he been of a more “diverse” background or a ruggy then this story wouldn’t have seen light of day.

    • What, like joining in a protest you’re supposed to be policing and shouting along with the protestors? I think you may be onto something.

  3. A lad who carried out some work as a sub contractor with us a few years ago sent me an invoice for 70p.
    Apparently it was for extra materials he hadn’t charged us for.
    Probably the paper the invoice was printed on I’d say.

  4. I hate to deride my own people, (no I don’t) but as Yoda said, the Scottishness is strong with this one. Buy a piece of fruit you cunt, just to outlive a Sassenach.

      • My auntie (not by blood) is chosen. I’ve pissed her off by saying I’d make a better Jew than her, as I wouldn’t eat a lobster. Yuck giant face hugger sea cockroach.

      • Id make a wonderful Jew shackles!
        Ive got the beard already,
        My wallet rarely opens
        I like funny little hats
        I dont like Palestinians,
        And shrug well.
        Just the religious bit that puts me off.

      • We took an old Jewish bloke to hospital, the other day and I noticed they were carefully taking down the wallpaper, in sheets. We asked him if he was decorating and he said, “No, we’re moving”!

        I’ll shut the door on the way out..

      • It’s not the religion bit that would bother me Mis. Forgive the pun but I’m quite attached to my foreskin.

    • I’ve heard it said that a Yorkshireman is a Scot with the generosity squeezed out of him.

      • One of my favourite jokes is, how was copper wire invented? Two Jocks fighting over a penny.

      • This is true. I’m a Yorkshireman, Mrs. Cuntatious is a sweaty sock and, technically speaking I’m Jewish. Christmas is a fucking riot at ours, we even get a box of Celebrations.

  5. I would imagine this is one of those times when a line of bullshit caught him out and instead of just coming clean he stacked lie upon lie and got into this muddle.

    I’ve seen people build a mountain of shite out of very simple fibs because of pride or a false sense of being victimised.

    On the other hand, we really need more dishonest Police at the moment so well done him.

    • Jaffa cakes are shite anyway.
      In my opinion he paid the correct value.
      Jaffa cakes are for dirty ethnics and homosexuals.
      Im a staunch advocate of the penguin biscuit.
      But on occasion will purchase a club biscuit.

      Moneys no problem for me.

      • Biscuit World Cup (I’m counting the Jaffa Cake and wafers as biscuits too. My rules fuck off)

        Quarter finals

        Jaffa Cake v Tunnocks Wafer
        Mint Club v Hob Nob
        Milk choc digestive v Penguin
        Dark choc digest v Walkers shortbread

        My winners to progress to the semi finals:

        Tunnocks Wafer (AET and penalties)
        Mint Club (3-1 win)
        Penguin (6-0)
        Walkers shortbread (3-2)

      • Anyone remember Dundee Biscuits?
        Only got 4 or 5 in a pack.
        Massive cunts like manhole covers, thick shortbread with thick milk chocolate on one side.
        Not seen them in years, they were truly the son of God.
        Id commit genocide for a packet now.
        Miss them.☹️

      • Battle of the mints?
        Wouldn’t mess with a Viscount!
        Been sectioned for violence in the past, anyone will tell you,
        Hes mentholly ill….


      • I had Walkers Shortbread and Mint clubs making it to the final.

        12,000 people were strampked to death in the rush for tickets, but Walkers Shortbread won an exciting final by 5 goals to 4 after extra time.

        I’ll go and have my lie down and put Countdown on now Nursey. Yes, Nursey, I do Iike countdown don’t I?

      • Are they kosher, I hear you are Jewish now, Miserablestein. Your sat next to Miles at the IsAC Christmas lunch by the way.

      • Oi vey!
        Cant join the jews LL.
        I hate bagels.
        What sort of mind invents bread with a hole in it?
        A knobhead thats who.
        And that cream cheese and smoked salmon curdled my guts.
        I asked for bacon on mine and they ripped up my application form!

      • Viscount or mint Club with a mid morning filter coffee. Invigorating.

        I used to love mint Yo-Yos of the 70s. Sadly no longer available.

    • A great idea Cunty. My money would be on Choco Leibniz to win the Euros!

  6. There is a similar charity thing in our canteen and it is often short of money. Some cunts just can’t help themselves. To be a copper a person usually has an already inbuilt level of cuntishness. To be counted by your fellow copper then This one really must be an Uber cunt.

    • Very true, one of my neighbours son in laws is a pig, first time he met him he said “don’t bring your fucking work home with you and we’ll get on just fine”, the son in law still hasn’t noticed the tyres on his Land Rover pickup are down to the metal yet!, tyres are expensive see boy!

      I don’t know if he’s a Jaffa cake thief though?

    • We had one in our crew room. Taken away for similar reasons.

      Fuck me, just watched a fucking advert for Bisto – mixed-race lezza couple with a black and white combo pair of kids. Christ on a fucking Raleigh Chopper, they’ve ticked some fucking boxes there. Well, that’s Bisto of my shopping list.

  7. I don’t know what’s worse. The dishonesty, or the thick as pig shit inability to wriggle out of it. He only had to say “ Oops. Silly me “ and paid the balance, but he wasn’t even intelligent enough to do that. He was never destined to be Jack Regan was he? Not so much thinking on his feet as thinking with them. Dozy cunt!

  8. He should have converted to “His-lamb”-probably be assistant chief Cunt-stubble now 🤔

  9. A Jaffa cake is zero rated for VAT purposes as it is a cake, not a biscuit (as the HRMC cunts dragged it through the courts to try and prove).

  10. And yet when you consider the dishonesty (or in their parlance “a moment of forgetfulness”), politicians, scientific advisors, high-ranking civil servants, rich CEOs… and of course useless Metropolitan police chiefs, to name but a few cunts at the top, they’ve all managed to keep their jobs with the minimum of fuss.

  11. I can trump that jaffa cake cunt. One of his colleagues used his powers to abduct a poor girl and then raped and strangled her before setting light to her remains and then putting them in a sack and dumping them in the woods. Then he lied about it to try and get away with it. Unbelievable you might think but that is the police force in 2021.

  12. Joking aside I thought this country was short of police personages. To sack one over a fucking jaffa cake seems a bit OTT to me. Are they trying to save cash or something? On another note I do like a jaffa cake.

  13. … LOL … I’d say that if the charity was for immigrants or deviant types he’s bang on message! 😂

  14. The cunt shouldn’t be eating them anyway.
    At any moment he might have to chase a far right terrorist who posted a photo of Rommel on Twatter.
    If he’s too fat to do that he might get demoted to painting his patrol car pink.
    Anyhow fuck him.

  15. Added to that a fellow officer dropped him in the shit for it!! Shouldn’t they be checking online to see if any hurty words have been said. I see the sale was for a charity trip to Uganda. Why would Ugandans want a load of jaffa cakes anyway!

    • I think it’s disgraceful that policemen can’t afford to buy Jaffa cakes. They should start paying our coppers a decent wage.

  16. I bet this cunt nicks paper from the photocopier and tea bags from the kitchen. He deserves hanging.

      • Sucks the ink from biros and bottles it at home.
        Has teabags hanging on his washing line.
        Buys sugar by the granule.
        Slices ham with a razor blade.

      • Don’t mention bog roll, I worked with a bloke who used come to work with his cheeks clenched, take a shit at work to save on big roll at home…. Absolutely true.

      • Bog roll is a bit decadent,
        We have a bucket of water and a sponge in our house.
        Save a fortune.

        If a sponge is out of your price range a old rag makes a good substitution.

      • I once had occasion to visit the loo in a peaceful’s house; no sign of a bog roll, just a jug by the basin. Fortunately only needed a pee.

  17. Looks like a great example of a tower of the community, exactly what you need in a copper a lying, cheating, dishonest, tight fisted cunt with no morals, throw in him being a pervert and you have a candidate for the fucking Gistapo.
    Ubapig extrawdenere , this cunt should be sacked, there are many degrees of a bent copper….. I bet this behaviour is the tip of this cunts dirty iceburg….

  18. Used to do the occasional job at the Met’s training centre in Hendon. There was a sign in one of the communal areas warning you to guard your personal property because stuff was being nicked.

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