Greenwich Mean Time

A seasonal cunting for the abomination that is G.M.T.

This year the clocks go back on 31 October. I make that around 50 days before the Winter Solstice. Logically that should imply they go forward again on 10 February when daylight hours are the same as 31 October. Except they won’t ; B.S.T. returns on 27 March 2022, around six weeks – SIX WEEKS !- too late. What’s that all abaaaht? Brussels time still?

I’ll admit it’s been getting bloody dark in the mornings lately and fuck knows about Scotland. It should be a devolved matter anyway….. the local time in Edinburgh is of zero significance to 99.9% of the population just like the time in Paris isn’t of relevance either. Bring on WKT I say . (Wee Krankie Time).

With all the hysteria over rising energy prices and climate change I’d have thought that an easy ‘win’ would be to not lengthen our evenings unnecessarily?

Nominated by: Isaac Hunt

75 thoughts on “Greenwich Mean Time

  1. I fucking hate it , this clock change cunt
    Summer time all the time and let kids go to school in the dark
    Might make men and women out of them

    • Dammit man, We are British!
      I don’t want Wop time imposed on me.
      If the Sun refuses to act like an English Man and give us proper daylight when we want it we should nuke the cunt!
      I did start the sauce a tad early this afternoon.

    • The timings all are for Scotland,

      that’s why it makes no fucking sense here.

      What is funny is that because Harrison beat all the Cambridge Oxford fuckwits to the punch and defined time with his magnificent time piece (which del boy found) how the line of GMT was decided.

      The French thought it should be Paris, because of the importance of Paris. However, when put to the vote (I think 18 or so for the UK) and 0 votes for Paris. Yes the French votee abstained. What a cunt.

      • The Harrison number 4 was a brilliant piece of engineering. Previously, the man had used wood for his clocks not because he was a bit dim (he came from Yorkshire) but he realised that there were not suitable lubricants for metal.
        The Admiralty tried to cheat him from the substantial prize but King George told the buggers to pay up.

        Back to the sauce!

      • If any cunters on here get asked “what do you want for Christmas?” then I can thoroughly recommend answering’the book “Longitude” by Dava Sobell’. It tells Harrison’s story succinctly and is a really good read. This man should be in anyone’s list of 100 British Greats.

      • My foreign fuckwit of a wife keeps buying me fucking belts for Christmas. I’ll be using the latest unused one on her if I don’t get any after 8’s.

      • I had a copy of that excellent book; I donated it to the local museum in Helston a couple of weeks ago. The book needs to be read by as many people as possible; I hope that it will be.

      • “… but he realised that there were not suitable lubricants for metal.”

        The first nuke sub had prop glands/bearings made of lignum vitae for just that very reason!

      • Surely a black person invented clocks. Oh, and time as well? Or haven’t the bbc got round to doing it yet? An old white south african said to me “the white man has the watch, but africa has the time”, to explain the loafing about there.

      • Thanks for that one Cunty Chops. As others have said you learn something new every day on ISAC.

  2. It’s just to keep Krankie’s ginger hoardes happy, so their kids don’t have to go to school in the dark. But they come home in the dark, so what’s the difference? Never could work that out.

    • Ive never paid any heed to this foreign shite.
      Morning starts at cockcrow
      Night is when the Bhurgermeister tells you to bolt your doors and extinguish any visible lights.
      Sometimes its dark of a morning
      Sometimes not.
      This fannying about with clocks and sundials?
      Smacks of witchcraft.
      I’ll have no part of it.

      • Evening, MNC. You are right never to diss the Bergermeister. I learnt that from all those Hammer films. The night is a dangerous time. We need to heed the advice of our betters or we will be at the mercy of Dracula’s familiars – who are usually big breasted hotties in skimpy nylon nightdresses. Hang on….

      • Evening 20!
        Im watching those old classic universal studios horror films,
        Sort of influencing my posts!😁
        Bride of Frankenstein earlier
        Now the Wolfman.
        Loved them as a kid!

    • Lon Chaney, Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, marvellous. I will be watching Vincent Price in ‘House of Wax’ later this evening complete with assorted heaving bosoms. It will probably all be banned soon.

  3. It’s a fucking drag having to stay up till 2am to put all the clocks back. That said, it gives you a real sense of achievement once it’s done and you can finally sleep easy in the knowledge that you won’t be late for church in the morning.

    • Church! What!? I didn’t have you down as a Christian Ruff. And anyway at this end of the year if you missed changing the clocks you’d be at church an hour early.

      • Arfur@
        Ruff is rector of the parish of Portmierion.
        He leads a great Christmas carol!

      • Evening Arfur.

        Miserable’s right, I’m rectum of the Portmeirion branch of The Process Church of the Final Judgemént, me.

        Why not come along and join us? 😈

      • Ruff is actually deacon of the church of the Innapropriate Horn. Time has no currency there.

    • Arfur , MNC , just don’t please for the love of God don’t.
      Do either one of you hear me
      He the RTC ,once worked the door .of the hotel California

    • I’m currently having a mental wander round the house trying to find the one clock that I miss every fucking time, although it’s rarely the same one I missed the previous time.

  4. I love pottering around changing the dozens of clocks and watches at precisely 2.00am to welcome the dark and cold months. It is a brilliant tradition requiring application, very British.

    No doubt it will cause confusion for immies and their dinghy skippers. They will never get the hang of it. They should get compensation and some super free stuff to make them feel extra welcome at such a tricky time. No doubt Priti is working on it.

  5. Well, summers on its last legs!!
    Not long now😁
    Some think Halloween is a yank invention but its not.
    English.
    Samhain, the death of summer!!
    The old celtic festival.
    Marvelous.
    No more melting tarmac and flies,
    Soon get frosts, ice showers, snow!!!
    Immos drowning at sea
    Imos freezing to death

    Its the most wonderful time..of the year…😀

  6. It’s the car clock I always forget and then when I get near a bus lane with times you can use it I dunno if I want a shit or a haircut.
    Leave the fucking time alone, enough already.

    • And zoom meetings with colleagues in a time zone exactly one hour different. Jeezus it does does my brain in is it now 2 hours difference or simultaneous?

  7. Back in 1968 Harold Wilson started a three year experiment to keep the clocks permanently at BST. Two years later fucking Ted Heath got in and in addition to crawling up the EEC’s arse, like Adonis and Mandy (funny that, all three are or were pansies) do to the even more dangerous EU, he stopped Harold’s experiment early. Cunt – so 21st century and we are still fiddling with clock hands. \My heart goes out to Dick Fiddler, having to mount those rickety steps to adjust the clock high on the library walls, and also the antique grandfather clock in the East wing. I doubt he would entrust them to the servants

    • My first year going to toddler school was in the dark, it was exciting, I remember even then the fire being lite in the early morning hours after the poking and cleaning of the place in the pitch dark

  8. I don’t bother any more. They’re right roughly 50% of the time, that’s good enough for me.
    If I want to know the exact time, I use my mobile as it updates automatically.
    The kitchen clock only needs to tell me how many minutes I need to cook my pie, so the hour is irrelevant, anyway.

  9. The bloke who invented the alarm clock has made a huge impression on my life, in fact he’s the reason I get up most days….

  10. One of the truly great conspiracy theories is that we live life by a very wrong calendar.

    60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 12 months in a year, Earth radius is 360 degrees. Sumerians (or their “gods” the “Annunaki” came up with that at least 6,000 years ago. Sexagesimal numerical system. It’s amazing, it works like gangbusters.

    So what’s this DECIMAL shit? And what’s this 28/29/30/31 days in a month shit? It should be something that makes sense, like 12 months of 30 days or 13 months of 28 days, a LUNAR year. We used to live by the lunar year in matriarchal times, ie. when women were in charge of shit and all menstrual cycles of women were on sync like what happens in modern women’s prisons.

    We obviously once lived in ages, epochs when a year was 360 days, 364 days, 384 days, various systems. Who knows what the past was REALLY like. We’ve had to re-calibrate our way of measuring the cosmic dance many times and in our days, it pretty out of whack and WE are out of whack. All this fucking around with clocks, calendars, living out of sync with Nature, our own nature. Is this by design? Is it Satanic? LOL! Nothing would surprise me any more, the world is ran by psychopathic, misanthropic CUNTS, right?

    Dave Gorman, take it away, brother…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcMTHr3TqA0
    (10 minute video)

    Hmm…

  11. What I mainly hate about clock back time, is that the mongs round where I live take it as a signal to start Bonfire ( Fort) Night, the fucking muppets!
    They’re already at it and have been for the past hour, so it’s not the drug dealers letting their customers know they have new stock, it’s people with more money than brain cells taking advantage.

    • About this time every year I nominate fireworks mongs JP.
      Haven’t this year though.
      I hope DCI will have the courtesy to update us with any fireworks related injuries he attends?
      And if he’d be so kind to whisper in their ear

      “Hope you fuckin die.
      Love Miserable.”

      • Cunts aren’t they. Some set fire to the bonfire in the village early one year just for the hell of it. Luckily an appeal went out on Facebook to rebuilt it, and it was sorted albeit a lot smaller. I would have used the appeal to find those responsible and chuck the fuckers on it.

      • What makes me laugh LL,
        Is its the cunts who cant afford their bills, but can afford shite like fireworks and weed.
        Something very gay about fireworks?
        And it seems the more of a mong someone is the bigger the enthusiast.
        Ive never liked fireworks
        Even as a kid,
        Just thought
        “hmm so fuckin what?”

      • There is absolutely a ‘type’ Mis, those mini petrol Pocketbikes you see scallies on too, knobheads.

      • Mini bikes! If only.
        They do wheelies up and down my road on dirt bikes, mopes, even scooters or electric assisted cycles. There’s always some plank out on a four wheeler every time the sun shines, it could be 10 below, but there goes the bellend!
        I’d like to give them fireworks, a nice RPG or two.

    • We as kids couldn’t have fireworks, banned cause of troubles
      So our alternative took on many sorts of invention
      Small piece of fire lighter and a Hilti nail cartridge ( cold of course)
      Set fire to piece of fire lighter, pop
      Moved on from that to gas canisters into the blazing tyres in the bonfire .
      Greta wouldn’t have approved
      It’s tough as a kid you needed to find yourself among the crowd
      Just one more , we built a bonfire against a wall , it was 20foot high but we could not set it alight as it was pissing
      Someone brought petrol to the scene and doused the 20 foot brambles sofas and general waste
      Meanwhile on top of the dividing stone wall were the others from a different neighborhood directly over the mounds of waiting to be set alight shite
      The efforts of the petrol carrier still failed to set alight this heap
      The others on the wall directly above kept flicking their cigarette ends onto the set and then after repeated efforts and becoming complacent,
      Bam-ba -Lam
      The gases of the petrol reached the top and with one mighty explosion blew the neighborhood pranksters off the dividing wall

      It was the best, bonfire of the vanities , that I will never forget
      Cheeeky cunts pushing it got what they deserved and no one responsible but themselves

      • Mecuntry@

        On our estate growing was this kid who was full mental.
        He just couldn’t behave.
        One summer we was about 12 or 13yr we were sat on the fields just being kids.
        On our school playing field was a workmans hut and it had calor gas bottles in it.
        This lad set fire to the hut,
        And we all sat in the sunshine watching it slowly get consumed by flames.
        Then BOOOMMM!!!💥💥💥
        The hut roof must of lifted 20ft!!
        This kid was wasted on a council estate in the Northwest.
        The provos in Ireland would of signed this kid on the spot.
        Right fuckin head the ball.

      • And so would the radicals MNC, there just there to be exploited ,poor fuckers mentally
        I’m from the south hope that doesn’t change anything Mis , I mean you been a northerner an all😇😇😇

      • No problems Mecuntry!👍
        Never been,
        Meant to be nice in southern Ireland eh?
        Not Craggy Island is it?

      • Did you not have a pyromaniac phase in your youth Mis? You know, putting a big tupenny banger through an old dear’s letterbox, launching a rocket at a 45 degree angle towards the approaching cars on the main road, tying one of those big roman candles to a dog’s tail and see it run like the devil? My interest was ignited (pun intended) when I was given a box of “Englands Glory” for a rattle when I was in my cot.

      • No Arfur, never interested.
        I liked other things kids liked,
        Underage drinking
        Fighting
        Fingering girls
        Punk rock
        But fireworks? Naw.
        I like fires for cooking on when camping, but always get some twat who throws on something that belches out thick black smoke.

      • Yes, all the regular pastimes Mis, though I used to avoid the fighting, being a scrawny little bugger I could see no future in it. I didn’t really go in for that anti-social behaviour with the fireworks but I certainly knew a few who did.

      • Cunts on mini bikes or scramblers making a nuisance to the neighbourhood !! A nice piece of thin but strong wire strung up tightly across the road and pavement should solve the problem. If it don’t decapitate the cunts it’ll put em out of action for quite a time.

    • When i relate to people on ere it brings me back, when it was fact
      I’ve been In one and the beginning of another
      I prefer that time when experience mattered

    • No bother in the south MIS,
      Just comets the west way , the Atlantic way and breath the fresh air from 3000 miles and more
      Bring a fucking jacket , I’m on me last weather proof

      Now I’m sorry , but RTC never invited me to the Thursday evening dinner so keep “ stum”🤫🤫

      • He probably doesn’t have enough plates or cutlery.
        I know last time I ate there my meal was served on a frisbee.
        I pretended not to notice..

    • Yes MNC, craggyisland is what you will receive
      If you can refrain for an hour of your 2 day trip to the West
      you might experience forget, forgive and allow

      I don’t doubt you might be a tad unlucky in the venture but it might surprise non the less
      Best of luck
      If you do decide some day , give me one of those secret PM’s🔞🗝😇

    • I’ve always said if you ever wanted or needed to shoot someone in Britain and get away with it Nov 5th* would be the day to pick.

      Imagine the call to the police from the neighbours:. ‘What’s that you say Mrs Trellis, you heard a loud popping sound? Fuck off’

      *. Of course, in modern Britain Divali would probably afford more cover as the indigenous are replaced.

  12. Fireworks this early is utterly ridiculous. We had one of those rockets fly in through the window yesterday, which nearly set fire to our Christmas tree….

  13. GMT and BTU’s are probably the last shreds of an Empire that spanned the globe.
    Apart from the English language, of course, which is globally dominant.
    Which pisses off the French.
    But they’re mega cunts.
    So can fuck right off.
    Good morning.

    • Good points Jack. Fascinates me that the world’s biggest economy works almost exclusively in Imperial units and even in the antipodes they may measure distance in these French kilometre thingies but nevertheless they drive on the left. As do the Japanese of course.

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