Speaking of daily annoyances…
Just over a year ago I put a nomination forward regarding those little daily irritations in life that really get on your tits! (see link below)
A year on, a year wiser, and a year even more pissed off and annoyed than ever before. So with the admins permission I’d like to do a “Part 2” (I’ll allow it – DA)
- Amazon rechargeable batteries (AA and AAA), that only take 2 or 3 charges before dying.
- Battery operated desk clocks that when you want to swap out the battery you have to find the world’s smallest screwdriver to remove the screw that is securing the battery lid at the back of the clock.
- Buying a mixture of different sized USB data sticks but none of them are labelled with their particular capacity (4Gb, 16Gb, 64Gb etc.)
- Putting the clocks back/forward in March/October. There’s always one you forget!
- Terrestrial TV, Satellite TV, Cable TV, Streaming TV
- Noisy cunts in libraries
- Cunts who poke, prod and sniff bread, fruit and veg in shops, and then put it back on the shelf.
- Cunts who take an After Eight mint out of the box but leave the wrapper inside.
- Buying second hand reference books only to find certain pages ripped out (usually the ones you want to know about)
- YouTube and their frigging ad-breaks every 2 minutes into a video
- Cunts wanting everything for free (especially phone and PC apps, and then complain about all the ads and push notifications to buy the product)
- Free-To-Play computer games that are free to start with but are then nagged with micropayments in order to unlock further access into a game or to buy better weapons etc. (This happens even with games you’ve already paid for upfront).
- Constant updates of T&Cs from banks, ISPs, phone apps … all written in long-winded bollocks no one every bothers to read let alone understand.
- Trying to show courtesy to wimminz, only to get a glare or a “I can manage, thanks!”
- Cunts who still haven’t removed their tax discs from car windscreens despite them being abolished back in 2014
- Cunts who sneeze into their cupped hands and then wipe the contents on their trousers or anything close to hand.
- Cunts who sneeze without covering their mouth/nose
- Women who have absolutely no concept of time and punctuality. We might have a dinner engagement at 7:30 10 miles away, but the missus is still faffing about with her hair/make-up at 7:15!
- Unexpected sex scenes (lezza scenes best of all) in TV dramas/films, which might have been quite titillating watching alone, but not with the missus.
- Weather forecasters getting paid for predictions
- Kids in pubs
- Cunts who come up to my desk and say “I know you’re very busy, but could you spare 5 minutes?”
- Trying to find the end of sellotape, packing tape etc.
- People who say “Can I get!”
- Packets of biscuits that don’t have a pull-tab to open.
- Cunts who park their cars outside of shop but not up against the curb. Instead they park in the middle of the fucking lane, blocking everyone behind.
- Not being able to have a quiet wank without the missus barging in
- People who open a conversation with remarks about the weather. Doesn’t matter about anything else (lockdowns, terrorist attacks, food shortages, tsunamis, imminent nuclear war, Diane Abbott appearing topless in The Sun).. No, none of that, let’s just talk about the bleedin’ weather and how hot/cold/dry/wet it is.
- Installing software without going into the Custom Setup first, from which point you notice the crafty developers have bundled some other bloatware that if you don’t tick/untick a box will be installed on your machine. But will be installed anyway if you didn’t go into Custom Setup first.
- That moment when you think of something really profound/important, and then a second later its gone, never to return.
- Embarrassing silences at dinner parties when you’re struggling to think of something to say to your guests (and no, not the bleedin’ weather!)
- The assumption that every man and his dog has got a smartphone in order to download apps in order to register for something you can’t have by any other means.
- Unexpected American Date formats (05/06/21) is that May or June if you’re not sure?
- Council planners who approve fast-food joints on the corners of busy roads, thus causing queues and tailbacks.
- Safety notices on everything. Pages and pages and pages of safety hints, even for the most mundane of things like a a computer mouse, a desk light or a microwave ready-meal.
- Online news articles (UK websites) to do with finance and how the reporter quotes in dollars first, and then the equivalent in Euros. And then if you’re lucky, Pound Sterling.
- Supermarkets who have no idea of what a substitute means when the item you ordered online is out of stock. For example you wanted some Jacob’s cream-crackers and they send you a packet of tampons (True, thanks Asda!)
- How time flies as you get older.
- Cunts who state the bleedin’ obvious. “We had a bit of snow last night then!” as we stand in 3ft of snow waiting for a friggin’ bus!
- The fuss and aggro young wimminz in skin-tight jeans make when you ask them to sit on your lap for 10 minutes, in order to remove the pretend knot in their hair!
- Gary Lineker
That’ll do for now
Nominated by – Technocunt
Fuck me, what a miserable cunt.
It would be easier, and shorter to list the things that you do like.
Need I remind you of the rules of cunting a fellow cunter – DA
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Everything on the list is entirely correct.
The only thing that doesn’t suck balls in 2021 is peanut butter and mincemeat sandwiches
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Peanut butter and MINCEMEAT? 😫
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I am sure that Technocunt is an eternally jovial member of this site who has posted this nomination as a jolly jape.
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Yes….. He is not that miserable and I am sure that he took no offence.
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There are so many irritations in modern life; best not let them get to you and concentrate on what makes you happy.
Its bloody raining again btw.
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Rains the only thing I enjoy.
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Me too. I’m a massive pluviophile.
I have to be extremely careful my phone hasn’t “corrected” that for me
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The libraries of this land – the ones that are still open, that is – have now been infested by eurofilth and ex-iron curtain rabble. You know the sort of cunts, scum that talk in ‘Dooshka’ very loudly and take over everything they can get their filthy fingers on.😒
And Asda are the biggest cunts in the retail world. Everything they send in an online order – no matter how big it is – is delivered loose. Including fruit and veg. These fucks can’t even put onions, apples, or lemons in a bag together. When asked why they don’t bag up items (even when bags have been requested/paid for) these incompetent twats bleat on some crap about the environment. I replied ‘Pardon fucking me, but you sell cigarettes, booze, fireworks, junk food and encourage folk to gamble. So, don’t give me any crusading crap about right and wrong!’ Handing me onions one by one on my doorstep?! Fucking useless inept cunts that they are.
And when we go to the doctors and see someone we know. You ask how they are and they say ‘Not bad’ or ‘OK’. If they are OK, then what the fuck are they doing at the quacks? Daft cunts.
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I hate it when I have to get on a bus and the tracker at the stop says that one will appear in 5 min, then 2, then it’s due; THEN it disappears from the screen and the fucker never turns up.
I hate automatic ‘robot’ responses on phones that make you go through 20 hoops to speak to someone, then finally, they tell you ‘all our operatives are busy, please try later’… Cunts.
Great nom Techno.
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Those screens at the bus stops round here Ron just display the phrase “refer to timetable”, I guess to avoid disappointment when no bus appears.
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Rechargeable batteries in every fucking thing. And their fucking chargers.
And I warmly endorse the cunting of everything done by an app (costs) on a mobile phone (costs a lot more). It looks as if my bank is about to put the mockers on even using a PC for its internet banking, in the interests of firing even more workers to pay for the directors’ fine wines and mansions.
Cloud computing; you don’t even own your own data, and the energy use by the servers is obscene.
Co-Op “vindaloo” – it’s edible but it ain’t fucking vindaloo. No pork, no spuds, no vinegar.
My thick-as-pigshit cunt neighbour and his ditto wife.
Ok, they’re trivial. It’s the little things that give me the most grief. The boils on my existential bum. Give me a nice disaster to raise my spirits.
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It’s nice to turn on the computer to do some writing programming or number crunching offline. Like going for a walk without ID, and paying with cash.
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Turning right when the indicator decides to not turn right makes me want to tear the cunt off and drive into a ditch. Just for a second. Then its gone.
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Going to the pub and it being easy then your wife comes with you and start asking all sorts of questions at the bar about prices, or changing her mind and all that nonsense. FFS, it costs what it costs and I’m paying anyway.
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People dead stopping in a shop doorway, or at the top/bottom of an escalator, to look at their cunting phone. Told one to get out of the fucking doorway and the little pansie was “I need to look at my map”. FUCK OFF.
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Wife going out for drinks/dinner with her woman mates and they all fall out or whinge over the bill and rounds, Nearly every time I have to listen to some story about it the next day. It’s almost as if they hate paying for their own drinks! 😆
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In a country restaurant with a group including three old scotch biddies I watched them trying to settle a dinner bill. When it became clear they were in for the long haul I went out, fished the evening rise, caught two trout and returned just as the bill was finally settled
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People who don’t realise it’s the little things that wind you up the most are the biggest cunts; “it’s only …” or “christ it’s not …” often spouted by the biggest cunt you know (in my experience a crap manager). Big/important/serious stuff gets dealt with, job done, it’s the annoying little shitty stuff that grates, seemingly too little to be worth putting your serious/thinking head on for, but wont go away without help – like a fucking midge buzzing and making your skin crawl.
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When people say ” can I get” I always say ” I don’t know, can you?”
Also, can I add ” serving suggestion” on the packaging of ready-prep meals like Cottage Pie, ffs. Sometimes I wish I’d just eaten the fucking packaging!
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“When people say ” can I get” I always say ” I don’t know, can you?” ”
Like it!!
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These are amusing comparisons…pack shots versus product
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Oob1aubrO9U
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Serving suggestions are on just about everything.
A packet of jam tarts showing six tarts on a plate ‘serving suggestion’ – well fuck that, I just eat them straight out of the box. Saves on washing up afterwards.
Speaking of stupid packaging, I once saw a rather delicious looking ginger cake in Waitrose. The wording on the wrapper described it as ‘a moist, light, eating cake’
I wonder which poncey marketing executive came up with that one.
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‘Eating cake’? What, as opposed to the one you wash your car with?
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On the subject of stupid instructions on packaging, a soft drink bottle which has on the cap “open by hand”. Did whoever put that message on there think I might go at it with an angle grinder?
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When I was at university in the 80’s I worked part time in a pub and whenever anybody asked ‘can I get…?’ (far less common then) I would say yes and just stand there waiting for them to ‘get’. They all just looked confused and it appears that not one of the cunts understood what it was they were asking.
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“Please may I have…” one of the first phrases my Dad ever taught me.
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Taught to say “Please”? Given your age away there Cuntologist!
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Can I get. WTF is that supposed to mean? Can I get a pint of IPA?? No you fucking ignorant cunt, I will get it and you pay. Fuck off.
Agree with most of the above list. Mrs Bastard reckons I am a miserable cunt also.
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Faffers
Ditherers
Slow drivers
Gormless cunts
Slow workers
Foreigners
Ethnics
Foreign food in the supermarket
Shite music
Young people
Hot weather
Had a good day?..mind your own business
Football bores
Flies
People tell you to put some clothes on
People who tell you theyre phoning the police
Hagglers
Late payers
Modern cars
Modern people
Modern life
In fact everyone and everything since 1977.
Get fucked.
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MNC@ – Flies.
I cannot think of a thing I hate more in this world – dirty, vile, buzzing, mithering, shit eating death spreading FUCKING AWFUL THINGS! 🤬🤬🤬
And chuggers on the street, usually looking like they need a good bath and a police investigation jumping in front of me when I am walking down the street – “have you got a minute” with their OTT performances and false bonhomie,
and complete strangers who call you by your first name when I contact customer services – “please call me by my surname or ancestral Title” tends to throw them! 😀
Life is full of small irritations, I have found a good way of removing my permanent anger is to exercise until I am at the point of being sick and shaking – it’s a marvellous way of relieving stress.
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I just have a lazy wank.
Or write hate mail to black celebrities.
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I agree with all of the above MNC.
Except the post 1977 bit.
The country was well and truly heading sliding down the shitter by then.
Abolition of the death penalty, legalisation of pushing another man’s turds uphill, and decimalisation had all occurred by then.
1964/5 was the tipping point for this country.
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1962/3 was when things started looking up and getting good!
Downhill from the 1980s…
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Can’t say I mind being addressed by my first name. Perhaps if my name was Gaylord or something…
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Hoggers (bar cunts)
Cunts that put 20 coins on the side of a pool table to ‘bagsy’ it all night for themselves and their mate. Most bars do fuck all to stop cunts doing it. Want a game of pool sometime tonight? You’ll need to get into an argument and possible fight then.
The same cunts will also put £30 in a jukebox and you’ll be listening to fucking Stormzy all night if you don’t leave.
The same sort of cunt who will notice you and your mates are watching the football/rugby (more in pre knee taking days – I couldn’t give a shit nowadays to be fair) and will ask some barkeep to change the channel to the event they want to watch. My experience is that the channel often gets changed and a row erupts.
Although going to a pub to watch telly is a bit cunty anyway.
The cunts I’m on about here were the ones buying all the bog roll and emptying the shelves early in the Rona outbreak.
Put them down like sick animals.
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And people who use the word ‘bar’ instead of ‘pub’ – cunting myself here too.
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Women who dont have thier purse ready for paying at the supermarket till. They look surprised when the cost comes up and then spend the next 10 minutes trying to pay. Seriously fucks me off.
And kids to old for push chairs. Lazy feckers
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Good call! And then try and use out-of-date coupons.
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Or women who insist on doing a go slow when at the checkout – talking to the checkout operator and then once they have finally managed to pay (between yacking), taking fucking ages to pack the shopping into the trolley from the conveyor belt.
Had they’d concentrating on loading their shopping back into the trolley promptly as opposed to nattering to the checkout operator, they may have avoided creating the fuck off great queue building up behind them.
Cunts!
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Can I add NHS 111, cunts that stop dead in front of me on a dual/2/3 lane carriageway rather than pulling over to the left, nosy cunts that ask ‘What’s going on’? when we’re at a job – fuck-all to do with you, you nosy cunt, ‘modern’ commercials, television in general and Walter Mitties, for starters?
Thank you.
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Rubber neckers are sad cunts. Getting stuck in a fucking traffic jam because cunts are slowing down to gawp at a minor collision on the opposite carriageway. The even bigger cunts are those that film it. You know those pricks would be screaming for privacy if it was them or their family involved.
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Had to get the fire service to hold salvage sheets up at the last cardiac arrest in public view, I attended, (they just happened to drive past so we stopped them), to stop nosy cunts filming the poor fucker and us when HEMS RSI’d him on our stretcher. Cunt lived, mind!
Fucking vermin.
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Paintball guns with pepper balls should be routinely deployed at such incidents.
Don’t people respect dignity anymore?
Those cunts that brick the emergency services should be on the wrong end of those Paintball guns too. Fuck it, mothballed SLRs with hollowpoints instead.
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Oh yeah, cunts that say they can’t walk and will need the stretcher when I’ve seen the malingering cunts walking around as we arrived, and have decided to discharge them on scene. And then the cheeky cunts say they want to go to hospital and get snotty when I tell them it’s up to them and they can use one of the three fucking vehicles on their driveway.
Oh, and I’ll be up for murder if another cunt says they called 999 as they ‘Want to get checked over, just in case’…
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Arseholes who dial 999 without good reason should be prosecuted. They put at risk people who genuinely need the emergency srvices.
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Rail companies charging a fucking fortune for the daily commute and then not having enough carriages. Crammed in like sardines every fucking morning (when I used to do this a few years back) – sometimes so rammed nobody can even get in the cunt.
And still nothing changes so they can pay their drivers more than fucking airline pilots, and their union delegates their 200k p.a.
Piss taking cunts!
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Cuntybollocks@ – Yep – it used to send me mental paying thousands a year for a rail service which is appalling.
And bar hoggers – “been served”? “yeah” – “well can you shift away from the fucking bar then”?
In Pontefract (a marvellous place for a beer BTW, very good people) they have signs above the bar – “Move away from the bar when you have been served”, and if people don’t they get reminded and then moved.
Driving along at a safe and reasonable pace in my Metro so the fruit on my hat doesn’t fall out (people drive too fast these days, and that nonsense they call music etc) to be confronted by huge scary bearded Men in Lutons shaking their fists and flashing their lights behind me! 😱🏃♂️
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Haha
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The wife’s timekeeping
Me: What find do you want to go shopping?
Mrs: About 20 minutes.
Me: No worries.
20 minutes later:
Me: You ready?
Mrs: I’ve got to get ready first.
Me: It’s fucking Tescos not a wedding reception.
Mrs: It won’t take long, stop whining.
2 hours later…
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‘What time do you want to go shopping?’
Predictive text is fucking satanic.
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Cuntybollocks@ – This is a problem which the Ladies have, the trick is to tell them they need to be ready at least an hour before the actual time – works a treat!
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Mine needs 4 working days notice.
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Naga Munchcunty is enough to irritate me any day of the week.
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Indeed, although one does fantasize about grabbing her from behind by her pixie-like ears, seeing to her while shouting ‘fucking bitch!’ and then emptying my load onto her back.
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Rugby umpires who break the news to the players that there will be a scrum, and then spend the next five minutes explaining the scrum to the players as if they’d never come across the concept or its formation ever before in their fucking rugby playing careers
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“I’m not selling anything.”
“So this conversation will at no point lead to you asking me for money?”
“Ermmm”
(Slam!)
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The After Eight one drove me mental years ago. Luckily I’m now on my tod and the box is all mine. Yessssss.
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And
Me “How far is it to Bangor?”
Gormless clueless twatt: “About two hours”
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African football fans are one of mine. Dunno what it is about them specifically that makes them annoying, know it all plastic cunts but they give foreign football fans a bad name.
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On the subject of footy, is anything more annoying than some cunt player who crashes another to the floor, then rolls about himself, clutching his face like the other guy’s decked him with a hammer?
Fucking cheating cunts.
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RK@ – Neymar Junior.
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God, Neymar is a proper annoying little cunt. If there’s one good thing about Messi joining PSG it’s that he might humble the little shit.
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Every time there’s a bit of rain, wind, snow, sunshine it’s CLIMATE CHANGE! No it fucking isn’t you cunt. It’s the fucking weather and sometimes it’s a pain in the arse.
Just like you repeating every load of bullshit propaganda you’ve seen in the media. Now fuck right off cunt!
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Oh fuck, it’s the replacement for the everyday Covid shit….
It’s not too late, but we have to act NOW, it’s been on all fucking day!!
And it will be on every fucking day until we are back to the Stone Age, doom and more doom from women with boys hair cuts and men with beards…. You have been warned.
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Yeah, back to the Stone Age for the likes of us not for the rich cunts and their lapdogs.
They can stick their climate fucking change up their fucking arses.
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1. Any Cunt that photographs food
2. Any Cunt that photographs themselves
3. Tom Daley
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Firms that claim to be “Green” whilst wasting half a tree’s worth of paper sending me unsolicited advertising or pointless multiple statements (and that includes YOU HMRC!)
People who return unused butter (or other spread) to the tub complete with loads of breadcrumbs. That means you dear, if you’re reading this over my shoulder…
Television…
Newspapers…
Cunts with EU stickers on their cars…
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Good one! Yeah remoaners who never stop remoaning. Fucking annoying cunts. Slebs whining about their fucking mental elf. Go and see a head doctor if you are so bothered…….stop fucking telling me about it. Guess what? I don’t give a flying fuck. Now go and top yourself you whinging fucking prick!
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I’m going to add my two-pen’orth to all that.
Some stupid splitter in Tesco, in front of me in the queue for the self checkout (itself a modern curse necessitated by them having one checkout bloke for 800 shoppers), who checks her stuff out, pays for it, then fuck me, gets her phone out and starts scrolling through WhatsApp. When I asked her if she’s finished (“could you please fuck off”), she looked like I’d asked her for anal sex, and huffed “Sorry, I didn’t think there was anyone behind me”.
In a queue
In a supermarket.
Fucking cunt.
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Wagon Wheels
Used to love these fuckers.
If these cunts get any smaller, you’ll need a magnifying glass to find the cunts on the shelf.
Should be renamed ‘Wagon Bolts’.
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I remember when if you bought a Wagon Wheel it took two of you to carry it home.
And on windy days it was dangerous, you could paraglide!
Now the danger is getting one lodged under your fingernails.
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At Old Trafford or Maine Road on derby day, wagon wheels that were the size of real wheels and bovril at volcanic temperature.
Those were the days, MNC.
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