City Driving Drives Me Insane

(Header pic stats from Dept of Transport 2020 – Day Admin)

Driving in cities is a cunt and never fails to annoy me, every fucking day there is a reason for my blood pressure to bounce off the scale.

Today Mrs Fugly and i on the way to work get stuck behind a fucking electric Porsche [there a contradiction in terms, like happily married or fun run} anyway mid life crisis man dosnt indicate one time for about 3 and a half miles, what a cunt, maybe he cant spare the voltage, but a cunt none the less.

Then there is a council van, has put his flashing lights on in a narrow street and with his tranny pick up blocking the whole street has fucked off into the tikkytakky shop on the corner.

Fucking yesterday driving along, there is a cyclist on the other side of the road the car behind the cyclist swings into my path head on to give the cyclist a big enough distance, we both have to slam on the brakes to avoid a head on crash on my side of the road.
When i had finished ripper her a new arsehole, i said wtf were you doing, and i shit you not she said what am i supposed to do, it hadn’t ever crossed her tiny mind to stop or even slow down, just pull into oncoming traffic,, cunt.

Driving home the other day there are a bunch of kids literally sat in one lane of the road, on top of that you have cars rolling at 3mph looking for a house number or something, or some cunt on their phone once the lights have gone green and then give you shit when you toot, like its your fault their a cunt, or mother fuckers on leccy scooters riding towards you on your side of the road,or the cunts who cunt you up and then brake check you, or cunts who end up in a coned off lane trying to beat the traffic and the force their way into your lane and give you the finger, maybe i should get on a bus, hang on , no fucking way…

Normally i would say dont come to Cardiff but im sure there are much worse places out there with worse traffic and worse cunts….cunts,cunts all cunts

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

50 thoughts on “City Driving Drives Me Insane

  1. Cunt cyclists, e-scooter riders and road works. The perfect storm when it comes to inducing a stroke as far as I’m concerned.

  2. As a Cardiff-living pedestrian, at least for the time being, I can attest to the extremely high level of cuntitude displayed by local yclists. Lots of sandwog boy racers round my way, too.

    • I wonder what the stats for Bradford are like, but I guess they were collecting data on four-wheeled rather than four-legged transport.

    • I sent a letter to the DVLA recently complaining that I had almost hit a parki woman who pulled out on me. Cunt had a full letter-box on, including the mesh over the eyes, so of course she couldn’t see me on the bike coming towards her. Mind you, I’m so used to dodging the parkis in London, I was prepared. Of course, the DVLA reply contained bullshit about “cultural differences” or some such shite. What did I expect?

  3. Leeds is the worst place I have ever known for driving – one way systems, gridlock, find yourself in the wrong lane and you are stuck there.
    The cyclists, pyjama gang and the fat Mommas shift though – it’s either that or get bounced off the bonnet!
    And 12 quid for fkin parking? 🤬

  4. 30,000 accidents in London in one year? 3.5 accidents per hour? That’s fucking mental. I loathe, loathe, loathe the epidemic of cuntery that is modern traffic. It’s just a clusterfuck omni-shambles of selfish bellends. The other day in my shitty-city, some spastic reenacted the opening scene from the original Mad Max and fucked up the traffic in the city centre for hours. People have been locked up in their hooses so long that they have forgotten how to navigate the matrix properly.

  5. I drive for a living and avoid London like the fucking plague. I only have so much piss to boil…..

    It’s always been a pain but Khan is now fucking the place beyond any repair.

    • I guess he is well on his way to it becoming like Islamabad central. Lady C was in town last week and said she heard the call to prayer being blasted out somewhere, but could hear it clearly in Oxford St.

      • It will be fucking hilarious when there is a white-flight exodus from London and all that is left is the mindless Muslims. Turn the power grid off on the way out, Mr Mayor…

    • Mind you, it was that fat cunt Jellyfish Johnson who started it all. Suckdick has just accepted the baton and run with it.

      On the subject of Johnson, that useless wanker needs to stop listening to his fucking Missus and start behaving like a Tory PM with a huge Commons majority before it’s too late. The cunt.

  6. Driving in London is like the fucking wild west. And yes, the thing where oncoming traffic swings out to pass cyclists really pisses me off – they do it all the more when you are on a motorbike as the ignorant cunts just assume you will move over. The standard of driving has become more retarded since the various lockdowns. And as for the pissed up dooshkas and parkis in their flash beemers and mercs – well, they should be fucking shot.

    • My father’s job in ol Ed a fuck of a lot of driving, and I always felt safe when he was at the wheel. He’d gladly drive to E Anglia, Belha en (brewery), or Cornwall. But Lo Don? Wouldn’t touch it after 4 in the morning.

  7. Having moved from Derbyshire to Cornwall about eight months ago I can assure you that driving standards here are woeful. Indicators are rarely used, clueless holiday makers and narrow lanes.
    Come to Cornwall and die- rather sooner than you anticipated.

    • I live in one of the more expensive parts of Canada.
      Not far from me resides the owner of the local BMW dealership who, obviously, drives one of the fancier Beemers.
      I was behind the fucker one morning a while back, driving my kids to school. He didn’t stop at any of the stop signs or indicate changes of direction.
      I don’t know if it still exists but there used to be a service called 10 minute e-mail – you got an email address to send from that only existed for 10 minutes.
      I sent an email to the dealership saying something along the lines of ‘I was behind a high end BMW this morning, with the license plate (His – ??????). I noticed that neither the brakes nor turn signals work. Think I’ll buy a Merc’
      Pretty sure a few people got a chuckle!

  8. Try São Paulo and I guarantee you´ll be a nervous wreck in a minute. Half the vehicles are not roadworthy. Car insurance is not mandatory in Brazil and half the drivers don´t even have licenses. Many of them are illiterate so they can´t read directions. They almost never stop after an accident and hit and runs are the norm.

    Taxi drivers are generally OK but entering an Uber car means putting your life in the driver´s hands and you don´t know what to expect. I once commented on the driver´s name on my app as it did not sound very Brazilian and he said in an offhand way that it was not him. He had just borrowed the car from a mate.

    The roads are filled with potholes. The street lighting is about 40 watts or non existent and there are literally tens of thousands of headcase motorcyclists (including the current president). A recent study showed that over half the motorcyclists questioned were under the influence of alcohol or drugs. There´s a bar I know where groups of motorcyclists go every weekend. They stand in the street admiring each others´ Tom of Finland leathers, Harley Davidsons and sink gallons of beer. They then vroom off to inflict carnage on the roads. I once saw five accidents involving motorcyclists in two days. One was the spectacular sight of a prick who drove through a red light and hit a car flying through the air and land on his neck about 40 yards further on stone dead.

    Cardiff sounds sedate by comparison.

    • thailand is the same, never been without seeing at least one road death. driving standards are abysmal, bikes pass on the inside, drink driving is rampant,some people on roundabouts give way to oncoming cars because they think that is what you do but they also dont stop for you if you are already on the roundabout. my brother in law once crossed the central reservation on the motorway and drove the wrong way for 300 yds to get to a filling station on the other side with me in the car. red lights seem to be optional. the most stressfull driving i have experienced

      • Driving in Bangkok haha. No fucking thanks. On a roundabout the biggest vehicle has right of way, foreigners in a collision are always at fault and tuk tuks defy the laws of physics.
        But having said all that a great night out

      • Infidelgastro, also in an accident if the car is still driveable 19 times out of 20 it will be a hit and run

      • My fav night out there is the saxophone bar near the monument.
        If I ever get fucking back. My lad lives in Bang Na

      • Egypt is mental too.

        Saw a family of 4 on a Yamaha Fizzy once. At night. With no lights on…..

      • Egypt mental? It’s a complete toilet.

        On the coach going back to the cruise ship, there’s a fucking camel clopping towards us. Driver takes zero evasive action, but fortunately the camel vears away just in time. Damn near shit myself.

        This was Cairo. Graffiti everywhere, litter all over, it stinks. The Tut exhibit in the Cairo Museum is stunning. The Great Pyramids & Sphinx are a right disappointment.

      • dont spend much time in bangkok, wifes family are in nakhon si thammarat in the south

      • Sumatra was similar, no idea how to merge, no clue about roundabouts, frightful road quality, abysmal hazard marking let alone repair, and astonishing overtaking habits.

        They say that their life is in the hands of Allah, I say sure but at least put your fucking seatbelt on.

    • Ah the goat fuckers on City Road, kabab and barber shop, pretend arab royals trying to look like millionaires in financed to the teeth Mercedes G wagons and orange Mustangs, I know what you mean…..
      Down town Lagos is better than Cardiff these days, less fucking pot holes as well

  9. I stopped driving 7 years ago, after being totalled by the driver of a Daf truck.

    I was a passenger, and thank fuck it was just the cab with no trailer, because me & daughter would have been a greasy stain on the tarmac.

    That just rattled me so much, I haven’t been able to drive since & although I go in cars, I’m not happy, at all.

    Modern day motorist frightened the fuck out of me. Have they amended the driving test rules? Do any of them know what an indicator is? Contrary to popular belief, £5 is Not added to your leccy bill if you use them.

    And I am including all ages in the appalling driving catagory, and do NOT get me started on parking like a cunt!

    • I gave up driving to Jeezum 5 years ago but for different reasons. I was ordered by the Doctor to exercise more because of vascular problems.
      I instantly felt liberated. No more trying to find parking spaces, insurance , your hand always in your pocket paying out for something. Fucking traffic wardens, coming out and finding it vandalised.
      I enjoyed driving back in the 80’s but fuck that now.

      • Actually, FF, that’s are very welcome side effect of the horrendous crash, distress, long term physical rehabilitation therapy and psychiatric counselling.

  10. Would you believe stats from a government department (ever?) that believes Bournemouth, Blackpool and Luton are cities?

    • Off topic but if the current number of illegals braving the channel continues the old Dungerness lighthouse will be a city as well. On topic; if and when I venture to the Great Wen I always take my 08 Subaru Tribeca. Battered large lump of metal gives a feeling that you may only suffer critical injuries if the worst happens.

    • Luton is a city, it’s just that on most maps it hasn’t had its name changed to Baghdad yet.

  11. Oh I forgot to mention we seem to have developed a new crowd of motorcyclsts, all dentists and solicitors with tassels on Harley Furgesons, you the cunts I mean, mid life crisis, couldn’t afford a 911, born to be mild…. All very sad, still I suppose better than buying an e scooter….

    • Got a couple of ’em round here, fucking knobends. Pfft! Harley Davidsons, can’t fucking stand the sight and sound of the things … Hardly Movin’sons more like, all immaculately polished, decked out in conchos, rivets and tassles, never do more than 200 miles a year on two weeks in July then back in the garage under a dust sheet but they’ll ponce about in leathers all year!! Show some class fer fuck’s sake and get something interesting or with a bit of class like an old Laverda Jota or a Kwak Z900 (fuckin’ loved that thing!) Nearly dislocated me jaw when a Moto Morina 350 V pulled into the garage behind me… niiiiiice.

  12. Birmingham, Luton and Bradford feature highly, especially Brum, on cash for crash scams. Can’t think what the common denominator is here….

  13. Driving was once upon a time a pleasure
    Nowadays it’s a chore
    Haven’t been happy driving for what seems like decades
    Incompetence everywhere and journey times, your guess is as good as my one
    Not trying to sound cunt but had the pleasure of a Porsche 996 3.4 slimline for one year
    I knew I wasn’t a member of that club but it was an awesome machine
    I’m glad it’s long gone
    Even if I had millions ,cars just don’t do it anymore
    The most frightening car I was a passenger in was an opel manta 3.0 rally prepared . Violence is the only description I can think off ( it was on a closed road)

      • It was a pleasure, until every fuckwit could own a car
        Not that I would deny any person that privilege but lifetime benefit scrounges owning one should be banned ,end off
        They fuck everything up for people who try to make life livable
        Cunt drug dealers , pimpy fucks and Mac shite eating lard arses that never done an honest days work in their entire life but yet managed to get a driving license and a car probably more expensive than the average is fucking obscene and you wonder why road rage exists
        Children , no babies drive cars today and it’s those babies that are having the babies
        Wha wha wha , I forgot my coke wha wha wha

    • “The most frightening car I was a passenger in was an opel manta 3.0 rally prepared”
      My old boss used to privateer a MK2 Escort (and got a 76th in the RAC) He took me out in the fucking thing once …. never before or since have my grunds been so threatened with a thorough soiling!

  14. You forgot the massive fucking potholes too. I’ve lost a few tyres because of those cunts

  15. An aside to Sumatran driving, I was allocated a driver to get over the “bule” problem e.g. the foreigner will be responsible for any crash someone else causes.

    Early on he asked me on what side of the the road we drive in Oz. I said the left, same as you. He seemed to regard this as an amazing coincidence.

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