Summer Clothing

NA helpfully supplied this pic from his own collection. (psst speak quietly or you’ll wake him up)

(I have others too, nudge nudge wink wink say no more – NA)

Other people’s summer clothing is often a cunt.

Where are the fashion police when you need them?

While summer means that pretty people in skimpy clothing are a seasonal joy, most people who wear skimpy clothing are a truly revolting spectacle.

The huge increase in morbidly obese cunts is particularly in evidence at seaside resorts, where they seem to think it is okay to expose their revolting stomachs, flabby arms, lard arses, veiny legs, and disgusting feet.

Some are so enormous that they move their elephantine bodies around on special motorised vehicles. However, and for balance I should say that skinny cunts can look appallingly wizened and warty.

It is a wonder that a yours truly, attired in a blazer, slacks, loafers and a straw fedora can hold down his lunch as he takes a postprandial stroll along the prom with Mrs Twenty.

I propose that, to end this annual horror show, the wearing following items of clothing in public, be banned:

T-shirts – (perhaps not an outright ban but at least they restricted item, available only to people of a sensible size);

Shorts – these disgusting items should be unavailable to men unless they are members of the forces serving overseas or in the Royal Navy (women’s shorts could be worn but again, on a restricted basis);

Sandals, slides and flip-flops – a ban for men except in a sports setting.

No doubt fellow cunters can think of other sartorial atrocities that should never see the light of a summer’s day…

Nominated by – Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

62 thoughts on “Summer Clothing

      • See you in Miami when I get my covid clearance cert MNC
        I’ll be wearing a tropical shirt
        You can’t miss me as I will be sporting a beauty of a mustache

    • I knew a cunt who started wearing them because some guy wire them on a Sly TV show about hot rod cars. Now I’m a guy who likes motorbikes but do I grow a beard and sculpt it into a Hulk Hogan style like the guy on American chopper? Do I fuck.

      I noticed on TV the other night that Magnum was on. I switched over and discover it’s a fucking remake. Magnums a cunt, Higgins is a bird (admittedly quite tasty and actually from Wales UK) but you will be pleased to here the complex helicopter flying is still done by a skykang.

      Nearly as big a pile of cunt as my other recent tv discoveries that were Hawaii Five O reboot and Lethal weapon series. They say bad luck comes in threes, is it safe to turn the TV back on now?

      • Last time I put a TV on it was switched off after about ten minutes.
        It was either that or put a hammer through the thing.
        Buy electric cars…
        White man is destroying the earth…
        Collectivist slogans selling plastic crap…
        We’re all in this together (fuck off Tesco/pigfucker Cameron)…
        The missus watching Netflix shite on her iPad is enough to have me reaching for my headphones…

      • Mine is hardly ever on either as I usually leave sten to Talkradio or absolute radio stations, I’ve started putting it on now & then to see what that GB news is like and have made the mistake of channel hopping during adverts.

        My elderly parents only have Freeview channels and no computer or internet and anytime I call in they have BBC shite on. It pains me to say since March 2020, they’ve became fucking idiots that believe only what the media tell them. I can hardly have a conversation without one of them interrupting me and crying that’s a conspiracy theory or calling me a climate change deniers who doesn’t trust the scientists.

        I honestly don’t know them anymore, they were shielded so only spoke on phone during lockdown. They’ve been taken hostage by media & government liars. I want my real parents back.

      • You don’t want to watch Batwoman on E4. You’ll throw your pot of coffee at the TV! It’s on at midnight when nobodys watching.
        Summer clothing……… the saddest sight you’ll ever see is a couple of old blokes shuffling along three paces behind their wives. They’ve been made to wear their seaside clothes, chosen by their wives for the holiday.

  1. I went to Hastings once in the height of summer; stank of chip fat and loads of lard buckets were walking around in vests. Never been back.

      • Blackpool is a cunt. From the minute you arrive in the car park until you leave again, cunts are all non stop trying to rinse you for every penny they can.

        Taking the kids into Madame Tussauds or Sealife and letting them pay with own savings is a good way to teach them about value for money.

        “Mum, Why is Ken Barlow from coronation Street standing next to the Only fools &:horses reliant robin van”?… Cunts.

    • I went to Skegness a few times as a child.
      Peter Jackson could have saved a fortune on prosthetics and CGI for the Goblins and the Uruk-Hai if he’d just gone to Skegness and asked the residents instead.

  2. Those horrible figure-hugging ballet tight trousers, worn by wimminz like Emily Thornberry who have 60 inch wide flabby buttocks. Turns your guts – some women even wear them shopping in Sainsburys – the bouncers should chuck them out.

  3. Rambling and fucking pushbiking gear should be banned all-year round…as should the Cunts that wear it.

  4. I was having a bit of a sunbathe at the beach last week. The wife came running over and said, “What do you think of my flip flops.?”
    I said, “Fucking awful, put your bikini top back on”….

  5. Flip flops and open toed sandals with peoples hairy toes and/or yellowing toenails and cracked dry heels are minging. As an avid member of the socks with sandals community this is appalling to witness.

    • Their toenails and skin is like that due to the excess sweating from feet being couped up in their UGG boots the other 10 months of the year.

      They go from waddling/ wackiling around in one type of footwear to another. I usually yell out the car ‘walk right you cunt’ but the government is seeking to end my fun under the guise of cat calling classification.

  6. Crocs. Not the animals, but the horrible plastic sandals, the type you’d imagine a hippie geography teacher might wear circa 1972.

    • Apparently they have now become the footwear of choice for a lot of women currently incarcerated inside Britain’s prisons, they’re jailhouse crocs….

  7. Ill-fitting bikinis on morbidly obese women!

    Imagine Diane Abbott swanning down Brighton beach prom adorned only in a size zero white bikini.

    And on that note I think I will just punch myself in the balls to unthink that image

  8. She wont drown in any floodwater will she. The only thing that will hold her back is a harpoon with steel cable on some Whaling vessel, and even that is debateable.

  9. Sandals with socks. If you’re going to wear Jesus boots no fucking socks please.
    Then you have cunts wearing shoes and no socks. Trainers and no socks ok but not those high ankle basketball trainers with shorts. You look like Bart Simpson you cunt.

  10. Well, there’s a few ladies that live in my street that are certainly looking the part this Summer.

    An Italian neighbour, who dazzles as she walks her dog. I’ve been chatting to her about the Euros and how good I think Italy were (I know, Norman, you crawling cunt). All a cunning ruse, as I see what cleavage showing sun top she has on that day. She is stunning though.

    Then there’s this tall blonde bit, a student type. Short shorts, top knockers and legs to die for. It’s a bit of a risk, as I use the hedge trimmer and watch her pins and arse go past at the same time.

    Then there’s my nearest and dearest, the old lady herself. In spectacular nick for her age, and she wears these shorts that are barely there as she helps me with the gardening. It’s getting too much for a (getting older) cunt like me. I don’t know which one is making me hotter more, the weather or the women.😎

  11. What I really hate is seeing a gorgeous young woman wearing a skimpy white top with thin straps that allows her bra to be clearly seen protruding out from all angles. Either get an appropriate top, or don’t wear a bra (preferably the latter). Otherwise, this is a very cheap and nasty look.
    Oh, and it goes without saying that fat fucks in leggings look like beached whales. Appalling.

  12. Spare a thought because I have to put up with this cuntery all year round.

    At the airports there are disgusting lard buckets that stroll through the arrival area without shirts on.
    They have stripped off in the baggage reclaim area.
    It doesn’t matter what the weather is like.
    They are in Spain so therefore no shirt required.

    Most supermarkets have signs up telling people that they must wear a shirt and that women can’t enter in swimwear.
    What sort of cunt thinks that it’s OK to go shopping in just a pair of shorts and flip flops?

    The waiters in bars and restaurants are constantly telling people to put a shirt on.
    The fucking British seem to think that it’s fine to sit on a restaurant terrace shirtless and sweating.

    And it is invariably the British.

    Horrible fat women dragging their feet along the road with their fat guts wobbling below their crop tops.
    Emblazoned in cheap tattoos.

    Mrs Cunter says that it wouldn’t be that bad if some of these people had decent bodies, but that is never the case.
    You never see a fit guy with an impressive 6 pack or a sexy girl scruffy and obviously underdressed.
    It’s always the bloated, sweaty fuckers.

  13. Excellent nom! If you go to a water fun park you discover very quickly that 90% of the populace looks best with their clothes ON.

  14. We’ve just returned from a few days at a Norfolk seaside town (no, not fucking Yarmouth) and when walking down to the beach I was constantly reminded of Doug Bradley’s famous line from the first Hellraiser film

    “We have such sights to show you…”

    More blubber on display than a whaling ships cargo hold 😝😝😝

  15. Just thank god zee Germans have never moved to blighty en-masse.

    Have you ever seen them on holiday? Fucking 30 stone blokes in g string type undies. Topless 25 stone women with taches and hairy legs and pits.

    Those fuckers have no shame whatsoever.

  16. Love it down here on the coast. Huge rolls of flab over hanging the waist band. Huge wide fat arsed and fucking tattoos. Add on the ill mannered screaming kids and it’s summer. Fuck off back to the McDonald’s queue monstrosity.

  17. Good counting, I’m always surprised the way I can’t stare at these Beached Whales .
    It’s like I suffer from obese syndrome
    I look away and pretend to take in the seascape and anything else besides
    It’s an assault to witness the vulgarity on display of the fast food generation
    Taking a look at the photos of my past and family etc
    There wasn’t a pick on us

    That’s because there was no such thing as convenience food
    Maybe the Wimpy once a year was about it or a fish and chip on Friday

    • I used to hate grown men who wore shorts.
      But in a shameless act of total hypocrisy ive been wearing shorts for weeks.
      And im not apologising either.
      Not posh ones,
      Big it aint half hot mum ones!
      With the beard I look like Ben Gunn or that brilliant actor Tom Hanks in Castaway.
      Thing is its making me feral.
      Cant wear trousers anymore.
      Started eating with my hands and chasing cats.
      And when I go to bed I circle 3 times before I lay down.
      Any suggestions as what to do?
      Missus Miserable is threatening to worm me.

      • Try having a bit of cheese on toast.

        “Many’s the long night I’ve dreamed of cheese… toasted mostly.” (Ben Gunn)

      • Am partial to a bit of cheese on toast!
        Can see why it haunted the poor wretch.
        With me itd be a pint of bitter and a meat an potato pie.
        How about you Ruff?
        If a Castaway?

      • Well I don’t blame you with the shorts currently after my ball sack been stuck to my inside leg for the last week or so
        I was not a happy worker
        I’ll reserve judgment until winter MNC
        But if you still persist with the short wearing pants fetish come December , then I’ll have to declare you as a lefty ball

      • Thing is Mecuntry,
        They don’t suit me.
        I have ‘alarming’ legs.
        Like a spider or something?
        People look scared and clutch their children to them.
        But this heatwave has driven me to it.
        Theyre good for lurking though!
        And leering!
        Nothing like a heavily bearded giant in baggy shorts grinning in the undergrowth to emphasise the meaning of leering!👍

      • I’m with Ben, Miserable. I had cheese on toast tonight, with a nice runny free range egg on top!

        Same every Sunday evening. Mature cheddar, naturally, white farmhouse bread. It’s like a religious thing with me.

  18. My 89 year old dad has been 12 stone since he was 14. He loves pointing and going to my mum “ oh look, here comes another one” as a hephalump hoves into view.

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