Mt Everest Tourist Twats

My Everest tourists are surely worthy of a Cunting. I have always been fascinated by tales of mountaineering and those courageous professional climbers that pit their wits against them simply because “they are there”. These professionals train hard, ascending higher and higher peaks until they have mastered their dangerous sport. It takes bravery and skill and one mistake can not only jeopardise the life of the climber but his companions as well.

But that’s not the case any more. If you have no or only negligible mountaineering experience and £50,000 to spare then you too can ascend the peak of Mt Everest, the holy grail of mountaineering. Every year, hundreds of wealthy tourists with no aptitude or experience pretend to be Sir Edmund Hillary and tackle the perilous ascent with the aid of specialist tourist companies and an army of underpaid, scared Nepalese Sherpas. Along the way they litter the mountain with their detritus and trash and put their lives and those of the exasperated Sherpas at risk through their ignorance and lack of skill or appreciation of the dangers. They frequently have to be rescued and a number have suffered serious injury and even death.

This irresponsible circus takes place every year. The Nepalese government love it because it brings dollars in. The Sherpas are ambiguous about it. They appreciate the chance to earn money but are terrified by the ordeal of shepherding the clumsy rich Western fuckwits who don’t know what they are doing and put the lives of the Sherpas at risk. The Sherpas are becoming quite militant about it. For them the mountain is sacred and must be treated with respect. They know it’s a killer. They are demanding more money. Quite a few were killed in a devastating avalanche whilst guiding tourists a few years ago. They also nearly rioted and beat up a tourist that called one of them a “motherfucker”, no doubt stressed because he had bitten more than he could chew.

Everest should be left to the Sherpas and professional mountaineers. I would love to go to Nepal to see Everest but I would remain in the lowlands to admire its majesty. No way would you get me climbing up there.

A mountainous pile of cunt.

Everest Deaths Out of Control

Everest Deaths

Everest Sherpas

Nominated by: Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine 

50 thoughts on “Mt Everest Tourist Twats

  1. Absolutely brilliant nom MMCM.
    Faultlessly written, and 100% agree.
    The danger starts at Luckla airport (most dangerous airport in the world) and even at base camp you can die of altitude sickness.
    Ive met and worked with some Sherpas (no,not the fuckin vans,smartarses!)
    And theyre great people,
    Even a avowed racist like me liked them.
    I feel sorry for them being put in danger by fuckwits.
    Again, great nom!👍

    • Thanks MNC. I made one goof though. The “tourist” that called a Sherpa a “moutherfucker” was a pro. But my bet is that his and the temper of the Sherpas was frayed having to deal with the tourists whilst they were making their ascent. I have seen photos of a long trail of the cunts making their way up Everest – like the queues you see outside an Apple store on the release day of a new iPhone, and just as cuntish.

      • It’s so conventional and dead easy now. They have spacerace-type nosh and sci-fi clothing which keeps them warm whilst they watch yoochoob clips of Maroon 5 and Mumford & Sons at 27,000 feet.

  2. Fuck ‘em. Let the rich cunts die, don’t give a fuck. As for the Sherpas they should join the Gurkhas. We are going to need those cunts as we rapidly run out of real men. Poofs, trannies and cry babies make shit soldiers, I don’t know if any of the wankers who run this country are aware of that.

    • Ghurkas have a selection process which takes place in their villages.
      If one fails he’ll run to the next village hoping to pass there!!
      Both my grandads, in fact any bloke from WW2 id guess had nothing but admiration for the ghurkas.
      Our government treats them like shite but cant bend over far enough for the shamimas and Osamas arriving by dinghy .

      • Well said MNC. I agree with Joanna Bumly when it comes to the Gurkhas.

      • You fucking well wouldn’t if you saw what they have done to Aldershot-or as the locals ow call it, “Nepaldershit”😢

        Even Lumley has admitted that she may have been wrong.

        I drove through the town recently-for the first time in 20 years.
        Fuck me-it was spot the fucking white man. Seriously.

        It always had a a bit of a reputation as a shithole, when the army were there, now it looks loke another fucking country👎👎👎

      • My nearest town to where I live in the U.K. is Aldershot, and when I am home, I go to every ‘shots’ home game, they are my team. (Unfortunately).
        Fucking hell, the town is destroyed. I have every admiration for the ghurkas (brave boys indeed) but Lumley needs a poke with a fucking sharp stick. The place is crawling with every fucking Nepalese arsewipe and his uncle. They do nothing, they hang around street corners, don’t contribute, don’t work, piss in the street, their social habits fit Nepal, not Hampshire.
        Her intentions were honourable but so sadly misplaced.

    • Apparently, soldiers can call in sick now. Don’t fancy the run – just call in sick and lie in bed.

  3. Can’t we drop from a very great height onto the top of Everest cunts like Boris, Greta 12 fingers, Suckdick Khan, Owen Jones, the entire BBC, Gary lineker, and other assorted irritating cunts the world would be better rid of!

    But yeah this is a form of modern day slavery, exploitation and environmental recklessness, and yet the Left seem rather quiet on this.

  4. Another shortcut for the rich lazy cunts who want to pretend to be something they are not by buying into an extremely dangerous sport.
    It’s an unfortunate situation for a poor country to let the dozy fuckers in but that’s life.
    I hope the sherpas start abandoning the cunts at fifteen thousand foot up.

    • They ought to let the tourists freeze then use them as sledges to get back down quicker.

  5. “Everest should be left to the Sherpas and professional mountaineers.”…That’s like saying “Big Game hunting should be left to the Dark-Keys and professional Gamekeepers”…ridiculous !!….Leaves no room for an enthusiastic amateur like me.

    When I go barrelling around the Plains of Darkest Africa sitting on my elephant looking for endangered species to blast away at, I expect the Sooty bearers to lay down a protective cordon.and their lives if necessary,should some enraged beasty decide to try and turn the tables on The Great White Hunter….Sherpas should do the same….I pay my Sooties in lovely glass beads and expect a damn good sacrifice off them if I’m in any danger.

    I’d never climb Everest for fear of meeting that shouty luvvie, Brian Blessed…what a fucking windbag….shame a Yeti didn’t eat the Cunt.

    • Ah…..Sir Bwana Fiddler, the last great white adventurer. The only man who still has the heads of Parking Stanleys and Thai ladyboys on his wall. They don’t make them like Sir Bwana anymore.

    • You wouldn’t like it Fiddler. Too many nouveau riche Eurotrash, loud Americans and jabbering Chinese. I’m guessing your supplies of Fray Bentos pies would also freeze, never mind the thought of shitting into a bag after a night on the Bushmills at -20.

      Morning Fiddler, morning all.

    • There is one error in your magnificent post Fiddler. Brian Blessed IS the Yeti. He was caught, domesticated a little (but not too much) and gained employment as an actor.

    • i can imagine you with your pith helmet, lovely red coat and stick that speaks thunder rampaging around the dark continent

  6. Some cunt has paid 25 mil. to go into space with Bezos, on his inaugural flight.
    One lives in hope.
    🎶Ground control to Major Tom,
    your circuits dead,
    there’s something wrong 🎶
    Cunts in space.
    Get To Fuck.

    • I do hope for a spectacular fireworks display and an enriching cloud of polluting debris.
      The goggle eyed moonstruck cunts.

      • Book your tickets for the maiden voyage of the good ship “Event Horizon” now.
        Discounted rates for BBC staff and Grauniad journalists…

  7. These are the same tourist types who pay money to kill lions with a high velocity rifle at a quarter of a mile away as it makes their small dock appear bigger.

  8. The Chinese will build a glass lift to the top soon. The Sherpas will be retrained to build iPhones and everyone will be happy.

    • Fucking right, and there’ll be a Starbucks and McDonalds at the top. No KFC though…….as we all know mountaineering is racist.

  9. Yes what a set of cunts these fuckers are.
    Want to ascend Everest ?
    Sure do.
    Then climb aboard this cargo quick release drone capable of carrying fat fucks up there.
    A one way trip to die for.

  10. Fackin hell, I get vertigo at the top of a set of steps.
    ‘A mountainous pile of cunt’. Most eloquently summarised, sir!

    Morning chaps.

  11. Bit like those uber rich seleb cunts who are tripping over themselves to get on a Virgin Galactic spaceship and nosh Richard Branson on the borders of Space and ol’ wonky eye Bezos whose looking for a spitroast at 100,000 ft.

    • May explosive decompression claim them both.
      YouTube video hopefully available soon…

  12. Let the silly cunts go, Mount Everest is wank. We’ve got more impressive and interesting places in this country.

  13. It’s not the ascent, so much as the descent, that takes most of the lives.
    I was chatting to a lad who had done Everest years ago, shortly after he left the Para’s. The descent is the killer.
    He had also swam the Channel and was trying to persuade me to do it with him. I told him the only strokes that interested me were “vinegar strokes”👍

    • CG, once climbers reach the top, to save time getting back they could jump. With a parachute of course.

  14. Enough cunts on Snowdon, Lakeland fells and Scottish Monroe’s.
    Striding edge is closer to home and a belly full of Ale in the Golden Fleece in Ambleside or the Drunken Duck in Clappersgate after, is more appealing than altitude sickness in Nepal.

  15. Couldn’t agree more. And having helped drag tourist cunts ( and sometimes their mortal remains) off hills 1/10 of the height of Everest in high summer, as well as competent climbers who just got it wrong, in reasonably filthy winter conditions, I know whereof I speak. The Nepalese are more than literally between a rock and a hard place; income versus common sense, and I have no doubt whatever that the people who most benefit from this are the comfortable organisers of what they see only as adventure holidays, living far away from Base Camp.

    • I think the types who go in for this are those hipster poseurs who eagerly lap up the ‘Ten Best Remote Islands to Visit’ shite in the likes of The Times’ Saturday supplement.
      ‘Ten Best Remote Summits to Conquer’.

      ‘Oh we did K2 last summer darling. Absolutely divine, and FAR fewer tourists than Everest…’.

      • Hush. Please don’t endanger my Ten Best Erupting Volcanoes To Jump Into tours.

      • I know a few cunts where I would pay for them to go on that tour. Along with a Mariana Trench Adventure Trip (heavy weights provided).

  16. Ron:
    A mate of mine used to have a motorcycle sales business.
    He made fortunes selling Fireblades, Hyabusa’s, GSXR’s and Ducati’s to rich, metropolitan types who did a direct access course, spent £5k on leathers & Helmet, then shit themselves when they realised it was far too much bike for them😂
    Similarly, years ago, loads of poseurs outside the cafe near Chelsea Bridge, Italian stocked leathers, boots and helmets-drinking coffee on the pavement-then walk round the corner and jump into the BMW or Audi and drive home😂

    Probably the same bell-ends described in the nom.

    • As seen at the Ace Cafe in Wembley every weekend.

  17. The only Everest just cunts should attempt to climb, is the steps into the window centre.

  18. This is happening on a smaller scale here, with rich midgets being helped up Snowden by the Shepherds
    I’ll try and find a link

  19. True story.
    I rode my motorcycle, from England to all of Southern Europe 5 years ago. Six month trip. I rode it to the top of Mount Etna, Sicily. It’s an easy ride 20km on a slow incline.
    Half way up, I stopped to give a lift to a 25 stone Khazastani dude and all of his luggage. He told me that he had lost his passport the previous day at a cafe at the summit. No one would stop and help him. He had no money. But I did help him, and was glad to.
    We made it to the top eventually, but shit only just. He sat on the seat holding my luggage and his. I rode the fucker standing up.
    We found his passport at the cafe and he said he would give me all the money he owned in return for my help. Because if his passport had been lost, his life was in jeopardy.
    I said buy me a coffee and we are even.
    Fuck Everest, that’s a better story.

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