David Dickinson (4)

I would like to nominate David Dickinson and in particular the TV show David Dickinson’s Real Deal.

Are you tired of Antiques Road Trip, Cash In The Attic and Bargain Cunt?
Why not turn over to ITV for some sauce in the form of Dickinson’s Real Deal.

If you think the BBC is shit then surely this should be good?

What happens is a person goes to the TV studio and an antique dealer
offers them cash for their unwanted heirlooms. Sometimes David Dickinson
will intervene and try to talk the dealer up or down, pointing out good
or bad things about the item. If the person doesn’t sell to the dealer
it goes to an auction where they might make more or less.

The sellers are invariably thick or sad cases. Having to use the cash
for mundane or extravagant things. When asked what they will spend the money on they never say, “On me tits” or something like that though.

Only thing is David Dickinson is a fake-tanned, fake expert. Too much of a con-man to appear on Antiques Road Trip and not an accredited expert of member of RICS (who are allowed to give valuations for insurance purposes).

This may be because of his time in prison. To be fair that was when he was 19 and people’s lives shouldn’t be ruined because of the mistakes of their youth (try telling that to the Woke Nazis of today – DA).

However ‘The Duke’ as he calls himself (a reference to his smart but slightly eccentric dress sense) is neither a friend of the hapless seller or a help to the antiques dealer.

God knows why anyone would employ him.

Dickenson Faberge Tantrum

Nominated by:  Anton Pillar

38 thoughts on “David Dickinson (4)

  1. He looks like a Pikey to me.

    A cross between Lovejoy and Larry Grayson.

  2. Oh Anton, hope it’s not because hes a dark key?
    Hes like me a Stockport lad
    Accept im not a theiving cunt or old lag,
    He’s got some lovely jewellery!
    Claasy, understated.
    I think hes a decent sort despite
    what they say in Strangeways
    Wonder how many times on Antiques Roadshow hes absent-mindedly put the items in the boot of his car?

    Gypsy fingers? Naughty!

    • He does have the look of a gypsy Peter Stringfellow about him. Maybe he pilfers your Claris Cliff pottery while giving you a quote to tarmac the drive.

      • Yes LL, a creosote coloured Raffles.
        I like his older catchphrases

        ‘open window open invitation’
        ‘ I found it in the woods’
        ‘those handcuffs are a bit tight officer’

  3. He spent time in prison when he was 19. Cancel him now.

    In other news, the red tories lose one of their most safe seats albeit a strong ‘remain’ area.

    Doris, Patel et al are real usless cunts for sure. But what’s worse is that cunts vote for lib Dems. This country is truly fucked.

    • I live 4 miles from Chesham but not within the constituency. It’s a pleasant town. But the people are mostly in bred country yokels. It’s like the land that time forgot – nestled in a deep valley of the Chilterns. The news that WW1 has ended has not yet penetrated Chesham. It’s like that other Lib Dem stronghold, the Celtic borders.

      As for Amersham, it’s a very wealthy place full of Remainers and Woke twats.

      No wonder it went Illiberal Undemocrat.

      • The great thing was Labour came FOURTH with only 688 votes. In 2017 they came second. That Starmer magic is really working!

      • Beaconsfield may fall to the Ilib – Undems. It’s the home of Dame Dominic Grieve, an ultra Ilib-Undem.

        There may be local factors at play in this part of the country. Nimbyism is rife here and Conservative liberalisation of the planning laws is unpopular.

        It’s also HS2 country – a piece of vandalism cutting through some of the most beautiful Chiltern countryside in order to shave 14 seconds of the trip from London to Birmingham. Deeply unpopular in this neck of the woods.

    • Variants of that should be on the campaign leaflets for each major political party.
      Conservatives: ‘Working to fuck the country up’
      Labour: ‘Working hard to fuck the country up’
      Liberal Democrats :’Working remorselessly to fuck the country up’.
      Vote now!

  4. I just can’t put my finger on the shade of Cuprinol he uses. Could be Antique Pine or Deep Walnut. May even be American Mahogany.

  5. Definitely a spiv…..” want to by some nylons mate? I’ve got cigarettes,watches ,scotch”. The sound of planes over head…” strooth it the luftwaffe mate better take cover”. And with that spiv Dickinson disappeared into the shadows of London’s back streets.

  6. I know he’s from Turkish descent. Like our own dear Prime Minister. ‘Never trust a Turk’ it was always said.

  7. I am back. I just hope I didn’t appear in Deadpool!

    In my opinion Dickinson is an effeminate poof – just like some wanker who keeps appearing in the advert breaks on Talking Pictures, wearing lipstick and a dodgy wig asking you to send him your antiques (I considered sending him Mrs. Boggs, but sadly the carriage charge was as high as sending an elephant to Whipsnade). He is another telly-phony, like that ghastly Jay Blades, who I was astonished to see, was awarded an OBE or MBE in Her Majesty’s Birthday Honours List for painting a battered old chair black and then painting one leg bright red. But then again, he has been a builder ad a philosophy stoodent, and I hope, very soon, just a has-been.

  8. Who has the best orange 🍊 tan. The Don or the Duke??
    On reflection I’d say that the Don just shades 😎 it.

  9. If he ever needs money he can sell his skin as leather. An entire sofa on that bloke.

  10. Can’t agree with this nom, Dickinson is a harmless old puffin who seems genuinely excited about the £5 profit he helps people get at auction.

    Until he takes a knee or takes it up the pooper he shouldn’t be on one’s radar.

    • I agree. On the off-chance I get the ‘pleasure’ of witnessing daytime TV, he’s one of the more agreeable, entertaining faces amongst the deluge of gurning irritants.

  11. 1972, the Costa-del-crime: British criminals on the most wanted list, living it up on sun, sea, sand, steak n’ chips, lager and ouzo.
    Heavily tanned, be-suited northern confidence trickster, “Honest” Dave Dickinson, takes his daily stroll around the old town, looking for bargains in the market.

    Suddenly there is a bright flash of light and our hero opens his eyes to find himself mysteriously transported to London, in the year 2010.

    Is he really awake? Is he in a dream? Is he really Cuprinol shades “mahogany” in colour?

    See David use all his cunning and spiel, to try and get back to 1972, in the upcoming BBC series “Star-man”. (Cue David Bowie themetune).

    *NOT co-starring Phillip Glennister, Jon Simm or, for a change, that fucking scouse midget from “This is England”👍

  12. David Dickinson is living proof you can polish a turd, or in his case a coprolite.

    I have to confess I sometimes watch the last 10 minutes of Bargain Hunt to see what the items go for but if the auction house is in Yorkshire then profits are rare. Fucking tight-arses.

    My late aunt had a Remnant and a Stradivarius in the loft we decided to sell after her death.
    Unfortunately it was a Remnant violin and a Stradivarius painting.
    There maybe some fucker out there who’s never heard that.

  13. When I switch my new phone on, an Asian lady says , ‘ Hello, Moto ‘ in a sexy voice.
    It gives me the horn.
    Good morning.

  14. Looks like some dodgy 80’s 2nd hand car dealer. Capri Sun Cunt.

    Maybe, if I became a cunt and painted myself orange and spoke like a spaz I’d make it on TV – ally beebie might throw loads of money my way.

  15. Turn the fucking telly off, problem solved.
    If I’m watching daytime TV, it will be because I’m a quadriplegic with locked in syndrome, and I’m on a ward in a bed facing a TV that brain dead cunts are watching.

    • But just think what you might be missing (Garden Rescue can be quite good and give you a few ideas). Now that Dame Keir can only muster 4th place at CHesham, daytime TV beckons:


      Keir Starmer – “A smile, a song and a soft shoe shuffle”
      Introduces his special guests:
      Peter Mandelson “Hartlepool’s dusky queen of the blues”
      Eddie Izzard “Life’s a drag”
      David Lammy’s Banjo Maniacs “Rythym personified”
      and The Massed Bands of Emily Thornberry

      • I laughed so hard at that, some wee came out. Genius!!!

        And still better than the actual listings.

  16. That old fucker looks like my two-seater couch. Same colour leather. He’s probably marginally more comfortable to sit on though, provided he doesn’t try to sell me for a profit while I’m sitting on his face.

  17. I’ve spent 40 years in the antique business, my family are Five generations in the business going right back to 1885
    I remember David Dickinson as a kid coming into my nan’s antique shop. Nice bloke but totally typical of the border line criminal, antique trader. Old school but always out to get one over on you. Nature of the business I’m afraid. Still he is a Cunt just for being ITV.

  18. I think he’s Armenian, and his surname is Yossarian, or something similar.
    Thinkimg about it, I’m quite sure that plastic harridan, Cher, is from there too.

  19. They sometimes have Cheryl Hakeney dealing on Real Deal and in the words of the duke she’s a right Bobby dazzler, fit as fuck. I’d certainly like to show her my heirlooms. I’d shag the arse off Faye Rutter as well.

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