Sporting Non-achievements

The ancient Greeks had the right idea. A laurel crown for the winner who would be paraded around on the shoulders of the admiring crowd, and the losers would be pelted with rotten fruit and banished from their home towns and villages.
Nowadays there are a whole host of sporting non-achievements.

Personal Best (PB)
Well you came seventh. If that’s the best that you have done in your entire life then perhaps this event is not for you. You cunt.

Season’s Best (SB)
Not even your personal best. You have done better in previous seasons so you are going backwards. You cunt.

Meeting’s Best (MB)
You came sixth in the 400 meters at this stadium, but the 400 meters at the Olympics is a different distance from this one. You cunt.

National Record (NR)
You didn’t even make the finals. Everyone else in your country is as shit as you. You cunt.

Silver and Bronze Medals.
Congratulations! You came second in the fencing competition. Here’s your silver medal, but you do realise that if it was a real sword fight then you would be dead. You cunt.

Gold medals only. Nobody is interested in who lost.

Nominated by: The Artful Cunter


..and on a similar note, this from Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

Cunting in advance please, for any twat who goes to a “major sporting event” under the new normal rules as currently envisaged:

Taking the gift that never stops giving – woke footie – as an example…

Having paid silly cunt money to turn up at England v Azerbaijanistania in the Euro 20 (yes they are still called that in 2021) “round of 32/Group Stage”, you are then treated to a Nazi wet dream as you are prodded and poked; your papers are checked; you are monitored to check you do not mix with others, hug to celebrate “a success” (whatever the fuck that might be), sing, drink, or share your fucking prawn sandwich.

Then, when the knee taking and virtue signalling is complete according to BLM guidelines the 0-0 draw can get underway. When the ninety minutes of indescribable shite is over you can then fuck off.

Have a great summer of sport you cunts.

45 thoughts on “Sporting Non-achievements

  1. I’m sure the idea has been mentioned many times but we really ought to have a Cunts Olympics, a great many people would pay to watch that, I’m sure. But what events would there be?

    • You could have Dianne Abbott doing gymnastics, I am sure gerry cottle circus could donate a tent to make her a leotard

    • Underarm shotput?
      Safety javelin?
      Multiracial hugging?
      Cycling events remain unchanged.

      • Permit me to embellish those ideas,Miserable.

        1. Endurance Shot put.
        Participants stand on parade barefoot whilst ever larger weights are dropped on their feet. The winner is literally the last one standing or not pleading for it to end. In the land of TVs ‘Endurance’, the Japs would love it.

        2. Death Javelin
        See who can deliberately spear the hapless blindfolded 5,000m runner wearing a Who target on his back

        3. Collision Cycling
        Insist the competitors are split 50/50; some going clockwise the others anti-clockwise. OR
        Employ some cunt to throw on one of those car-trap puncture things that the cops use in Police Stop / Car Chase shows.

        That’d liven up the crappy Olympic snorefest.

      • How about swimming for the non swimmers where they dive in at the deep end and the one who survives is the winner. Definitely no second place. Or, combine events such as javelin and the 100m where you get a chance to harpoon a runner as they run past.

  2. What about those men who aren’t good enough in men’s sports but suddenly ‘identify’ as women and become world beaters? Like Mike Tyson identifying as a featherweight and beating the shit out of Barry McGuigan.

    If Bruce Jenner had been a ‘woman’ in 1976, his achievements in the men’s decathlon would have netted him nine golds in the women’s competition.

    • The tenth event was the pole vault which wasn’t a female event back then.

  3. I ought to be looking forward to the Euro Championships ( that’s Association Football to you gays) but I really can’t be arsed. Just an orgy of money grabbing, wall to wall Linekerism, virtue signalling, knee bending and Alex Scott flashing her norks and talking football related bollocks.
    Besides all that everybody knows we are going to be so close to winning it but beardy bollocks Wokegate, strutting around in his waistcoat, thinks tactics are a packet of mints and is going to fuck it all up. Well done Jamie Vardi for seeing what a cunt that bloke is and voting with his feet.

    • It will just be the England team embarrassing us all with the knee bending. I’m not sure if the jocks and sheep shaggers will do it too, but I’m guessing they will.

      I’ve noticed in the European club games it’s just our lot still kneeling for George Floyd’s ‘racist’ murder (when race was never even mentioned as a motive by the prosecution).

      ‘Kick racism out of football’ they cry too. Where is it? Not in England there are no fans in the ground. And it’s pretty much unheard of in England when the grounds are fucking full anyway.

      And guess what? I’m becoming racist because you’re kneeling and getting all sanctimonious over a violent criminal thug. And his death was fuck all to do with race. Even the prosecution said this. Chauvin was married to an Asian woman, had dark key mates by all accounts and the po-lis couldn’t find anything slightly waycist he’d said online (there is no doubt they wouldn’t have checked his laptop and phone etc).

      I recall Sky banging on about Arsenal taking the knee ‘in defiance’ at a Czech club team not doing so. The fact the Czech team had dark keys in it passed everyone by. They were probably thinking, like most English fans, ‘Why are you still doing that shit?’

      The message by Sky, BBC and BT was that the Czechs were wayyciist, and it was bang out of order.

      They just don’t see the relevance of getting on their knees in honour of George Floyd (because that’s why it started) when it wasn’t a racist murder, when he was a violent criminal and it was another fucking continent over a fucking year ago!

      I hope we lose to any team not taking the kne by the way, the stupid cunts.

      Free Chauvin.

      Fuck off.

      • Yeah I couldn’t help but notice the European sides are standing looking at the English clubs while they still kneel for George “the perfect man” Floyd.

        I’ve seen a few games where the English clubs haven’t been kneeling before a European game (probably because they look like total cunts to the opposition) but it seems Manchester United for one, have shown amazing consistency by kneeling throughout, regardless of the opposition.

      • What is it about these grovelling English clubs?

        Nice to read something positive on here about mainland Europe for a change. 😄

  4. The slave built world cup will be another bore fest. Taking the knee wont be allowed. That would be hypocritical and far to embarrassing.

  5. They still called it “England” in 2021. I’m amazed. Not Englandstan with its new capital Khanistan. Well fuck me you can’t tell.

    • They might change the name of our once glorious capital on Friday, after the gays, trannies, wokies and immos have given Suckdick a landslide victory. I hope his peaceful mates aren’t going to the trouble of fixing the ballot…….totally unnecessary, the shitbag can walk it fair and square.

      • Camel Hampstead?
        Goat herders Bush?

        The caliphate of Londonistan is losing its character.
        Arfur Delhi

  6. I have never liked the concept of “Man of the Match”. It sounds so exlusive and obsequious. I daresay if this was awarded in motor racing Lewis Hamilton would be “Pansy of the Match” (allegedly)

  7. The worst is giving awards to fat kids or swotty kids on school sport-days just so that they feel “included” and better about themselves….ridiculous ! Far better to make them all compete in some assault-course style race where everyone could laugh and chuck things at them.

  8. Have an Olympics were everybody involved is allowed to take as many drugs as possible and there are no gender-based competitions. The only teams that”d win would be the eye-bulging ones off their tits that would drop dead ten minutes afterwards and the only women winners would be six-foot 9 Frankenstein-with-eyeliner types called Georgina or Helga.

    • Legalising drugs was actually a serious suggestion once for a week or two in the wake of that infamous Ben Johnson race where 6 of the finalists were subsequently proven to be drugged up. I like the concept Captain.

      Lineker’s citation on the subsequent SPOTY is….

      “And the Gold Medal for Pharmacist of the Year is…. “

  9. Good nom.

    Even if I was from a small country and was the best at, say, the 100 metres in that country, I still wouldn’t agree to go if I knew I would get knocked out in the first qualifying round.

    I always feel these fuckers look right tits lagging about 30 metres behind every other cunt.

    It’s not about the winning it’s the taking part that counts?

    Fuck off. For losers, maybe.

    • Remember that useless swimmer guy? Eddie the Fishcripple? Used to be still swimming when the medallists were being presented three hours later. How we laughed!

      Good morning Cunty. Good morning, everyone.

      • Wasn’t he called ‘Eric the Eel’? And wasn’t he a dark key?

        To be fair, it was amazing he didn’t sink like a fucking paving stone if he was full dark key. It’s a well known scientific fact that dark key skin, when wet, has the same effect on a honky as wearing a concrete overcoat when being thrown overboard in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

        The man is a fucking legend in my eyes. Ok, the cunt took 9 days to do a length and almost drowned seven times, but the man is a living miracle.

        Morning TTCUS, morning all.

      • And then be fair, Eric the Eel swimming a full length is the opposite of a sporting underachievement.

        It’s hard to quantify, but it’s like Stephen Hawking becoming the Olympic all round gymnastics gold medalist, Stevie Wonder winning the F1 world championship or Warwick Davis becoming the undisputed Heavyweight boxing champion of the world.

      • Sooty skin absorbs water…they are like sponges. This and their heavier bones means that they sink.

        I first realised this when laughing at a description in a history book of a Captain chucking a bunch of Dark-Keys off his ship when they wouldn’t dance on deck while en-route to gainful employment on a cotton-plantation.

        If a white man had been chucked in the sea,he would have swam to a nearby island where he would have slaughtered the native savages,decimated the wildlife, built a house,invented electric and had exclusive dinner-parties while waiting to be rescued.

        That’s the difference between Sooties and The White Man….the White Man civilises while the Sooty sinks.

      • Ruff, that proved nothing?
        It was clearly a sealion in trunks!
        Stop trying to disprove scientific facts.

      • A freak of nature….rather like a White Man winning a 100 metre Olympic race…Yes,it can happen but God will surely strike down such abnormal abominations.


    • In any sporting event I expect a medal.
      If I lose I call foul.
      Its my race isnt it?
      Its because im dyslexic isnt it?
      Its never that im fuckin hopeless!
      Its because of predjudice.
      In a fair world youd all get gold medals at the starting line,
      The race wouldn’t be ran and everyone went indoors for a soy latte.

      • You are right, MNC. Swimming should be cancelled as it is clearly raycist. Fucking Mark Spitz would still beat any POC.

      • Morning Twenty, 👍
        Oh, I dont want swimming cancelled!
        Gracious no.
        No, I want it livened up by adding wildlife to the mix when ethnics compete.
        Im sure Eric the Eel would of done much better with a 15ft saltwater crocodile behind him.

        Its the showman in me.

      • Ian Thorpe is an Australian Homosexual who won 5 gold medals….just imagine how many he could have won if he hadn’t been one of The Gays….He had to retire after his battered ring could no longer nip-shut and he started taking in as much water on board as if he had a 6 inch mains-supply stuffed up there.
        There was also trouble from the RSPCA due to the amount of drowned hamsters.

  10. Sportscunts have become even more tedious than musiccunts and filmstarcunts when it comes to fucking virtue signalling. It is like there is some sort of fucking ongoing crybaby championships. I blame the journalistcunts and broadcastercunts who give them fucking oxygen. Fuck off, you wet cunts.

  11. The BBC website mentioned a sporting non achievement yesterday as it happens. Karen fucking Carney was on there whinging about online abuse again and the old chestnut about her “144 England Caps” made its routine appearance. Oh do fuck off!

    • Wimminz footie is very nice. At half time they have a cup of Darjeeling and a jam tart – served from a plate with a doily.

  12. The Henri Delaunay trophy (European Championship) is to be discarded with this year and replaced by a big bronze St George Floyd head with handles for ears.
    The winning team must all kneel in a row and kiss the trophy’s rear end before holding it aloft.

  13. Sports such as football have gone the same road as Hollywood.
    Straight down the woke shitter.

    I’d rather watch the Mrs put the washing out.

  14. What cracks me up with this is in this world of wokey cokey, diversity, inclusion and everyone wanting to be treated as equals is we still foster a culture of let’s get out there to win (and thus be better than others, thus NOT equal).

    I find the hypocrisy around this astonishing, and this attitude of win, win, win is replicated in every aspect of life: business, war, politics, neighbours and how we live ‘bigger is better, money is king’. This is all down to a competitive attitude that is ingrained in our minds from a very young age.

    Did my fellow cunters know that back in the day when man wore leaves, tribes used to play games but would play until both sides won so there was no conflict after. Certain sporting events have allowed to continue (and the Japs are adamant the Olympics are happening). All so we can sit back and watch (whatever the sport is) a bunch of cunts who don’t want to do a proper days work prance around and get paid silly money for it – if Aliens were to drop down on this planet and watch how we behave they would think we a bunch of fuckwits.

    We can’t have a fair, just and equal human race when the very fabric of what we are taught is to be ‘better than the other person’.

    Just a thought for the day…

  15. Gotta say you’re on the right lines TTCUTS. Your understandable mistake is likening soccer to a sport! More like a sleeping draft.

    • Eh, I’d rather watch it over rugby or handegg which seem to stop and start every 5 minutes (and seem to have 15 minutes worth of ad breaks between each play in the latter’s case).

  16. I’d love to see the Steroid Olympics and 100m run in 3 seconds.

  17. Our kid went to the Spanish motorcycle GP (Jerez I think) and was amused by the crowds motivational tactics for the local riders – if they thought they weren’t trying hard enough the enraged Dagos would take off their trainers, fill them with petrol, light them and throw them at the riders as they came by.
    Smashing! 😀👍

  18. Everything about sports is boring,and with a few exceptions, most sportspersons are as thick as shit.
    I’ve never understood the concept of sports “personality” of the year.
    In my view playing a sport and having any sort of personality just don’t exist.
    Eg. Name one swimmer/rower/cyclist who has any charisma whatsoever.

Comments are closed.