Shite in a Bag

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SHITE IN A BAG (YOURS TRULY’S LATEST ONLINE MONITIZATION)
For other exciting offerings see below

Overnight Porridge (not what I find in me pants in the morning) Take a bowl of yoghurt or Skyr (must be organic) and mix some porridge oats into it, leave overnight then eat it for breakfast. Sound like cold shit? – it is – oh no it isn’t.

We give you me dears the latest must have internet offering in a trendy box knocked up by some cunt who has quit their job after lockdown and made a career change. IE they have got used to sitting on their arse all day and cannot bear the thought of full time work ever again poor dahling.

Pesto Eggs? Another sub Apprentice internet offering idea in a trendy box. Mix some shelled boiled eggs with a dash of pesto and flog same to the public.

Hedgehog Unsquisher? You get a length orf tube and a pair of gloves with instructions in a trendy box. You stick the tube up its arse and blow.

One orf the above is courtesy the cunning brain pan of old cunt Yours Truly but the others and worse are dead kosher (note hedgehog is not Jewish).
Point of interest chefs and other catering and bar staff are top of the list refusniks leading to mine hosts and cafe owners having to run around in ever decreasing circles. Come end of lockdown it will be all customers and no staff.

Needless all the above and more attended ont telly by much fake twittering and crappola from the usual rentacunts re brand originality, references to M&S, John Lewes, market share, media profile, Debra fucking Meedon and similar bollocks offerings. Creativity and Innovation. Oh yes. De Yoot and bored housewives think they can live their lives online. Farewell cruel world, go shag a digital three hole doll – now that’s blue sky thinking.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

46 thoughts on “Shite in a Bag”

  1. Shitting in your pint pot and handing it to the cunt behind the bar is a thing of the past unfortunately.

  3. Is this anything to do with the cow shit that uneducated Indians believe protects them against covid?

    • Sounds a cheaper option than the one thousand ventilators we have sent to India, Creampuff. I suppose its holy cow shit too, not the run-of-the-mill sort here in Blighty.

      • I thought it was about those tied, black bags of dogshite with which people adorn trees sort of like festive excrement decorations.

  5. Some folk will believe anything and buy anything. If they think it will give them “cred”.. Stoopid cunts.

  6. That picture in the nom looks like a bag of Flabbott’s constipated turds. No thanks!

    • Im not sure what this is about?
      And somewhat fearful,
      Im going for my tea and reporting you all.

      • MNC@ – Don’t report me MNC – I’m too cute for prison – those spice crazed felons would be passing me round like the last roll up!
        Report the rest though – degenerates and cads the lot of them!

      • Foxy@
        I wasmt going to name you,
        But the others will have to face justice im afraid.
        They will thank me in 15yrs when their released from prison.
        Reabilitated and smiling like Nelson Mandela.😀

  7. I think I know what he’s getting at. I like to throw some dough round at Xmas because its nice to see some smiles on the faces of loved ones. Last Xmas my other half got her cunt woke friend who I hate and have banned from my house a fairly pricey perfume gift set.

    Cunt woke friend was doing some bullshit ‘low key’ xmas and spending the money sponsoring a goat in ungobonga land or something. result was we got a home made scented candle done with jasmine. Smelt identical to urinal cakes, dont think she had ever given a blowy in a blokes pun toilet before. Straight in the bin. Shes been pumping out shit like that all over facebook since she lost her job in some sort of vague marketing look at instagram all day place because of covid. Cunt

  9. Shite, shite everywhere!
    It’s about time this shit site had a good clean up.
    Fuck Shite.
    Fuck Shiites.

      • This Absolon gan wype his mouth ful drie.
        Derk was the nyght as pich, or as a cole,
        And at the wyndow out she putte hir hole,
        And Absolon, hym fil no bet ne wers,
        But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers
        Ful savorly, er he were war of this.
        Abak he stirte, and thoughte it was amys,
        For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd.
        He felte a thyng al rough and long yherd,
        And seyde, “Fy! allas! what have I do?”

        The Millers Tale

    • Nice to know we have evolved. The best shit in a bag is dog shit, brown paper bag left on some cunts doorstep, set fire to the bag and watch from afar as they stamp out the shitty flames.

  12. I seem to have developed a strange ability to read the first line of a nomination and know who the author is.

    Thanks for putting me off my Lamb Rogan Josh by the way.😒

    • Evening Harold.
      Metoo#
      As you say, first line!
      Norman
      Miles
      Ron knee
      Limply
      And Capt Maggie.
      Everytime, distinct styles.

      • How do Mis,

        Sir Limply tends to write a certain way. Hard for me to describe it, sort of abstract. Likes to play on words.

        Norman’s are often about Scarlet Johannson.
        I think he’s written every nomination for her 😂

        Miles’ usually take a religious slant on things and may mention GK Chesterton

        I’ll have to have a read at some of Ron’s and Capt. Mag’s

  13. When I was a kid we were conditioned to buy bags of shite from an early age. Jamboree Bags or other ‘lucky bags’ were a common way of tricking kids out of their pocket money. Big bag, tiny stale sweets, crappy whistle, ‘transfers’ that were just smudges that were supposed to look like tattoos. Pile of cunt for 4d.

    Cheap sausages are sometimes called ‘mystery bags’. Druggies buy bags of shit. West Brom are ‘The Baggies’ and they are shit.

    Good nom. Bags of shite are everywhere, and they are always a cunt.

    • I loved jamboree bags. I agree, they were shite, but they were still exciting. All the kids sweets then were shite. Gobstoppers as big as cannon balls which are surely banned today because of elf and safety. Flying saucers which were tasteless bits of cardboard containing nuclear grade fizzy sand. And long yellow things which tasted like nothing on Earth but we were informed were banana flavour. God, we ate some shite. It’s a wonder we made it past the age of 10.

      • You must both be from the North. In the South our 4D jamboree bags contained confectionery made for royalty, toys supplied by Hamleys and diamonds and sovereigns too. Once, in one bag, I found a small Italian island and went there for my holidays!

        Fuck off!

      • I’m from the South. But you must have bought your Jamboree Bags in Harrods 👍

      • We called them lucky bags in Cwmscwt.
        A piece of coal, a dogend and a copy of t’Socialist Worker.
        We was blessed.

  14. This is a good nom.

    I’ve worked all the way through this pandemic and I’ve watched all the usual fuckin suspects jump on ‘Long Covid’ (stupid fuckin name by the way) as the new ‘fibromyalgia’. It fits the bill nicely – vague, wide ranging difficult to define symptoms with a seemingly infinite clinical course and it keeps those sick notes flowing nicely.

    Then there’s business pretending they’ve missed me. Yeah you’ve missed my fuckin wedge more like you cunts. I couldn’t give a fuck if your staff won’t come back, you wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire.

    Talking of fire, any cunt who says I can’t have a snifter without scanning some app or I have to sit at one table all night or otherwise treats me like a kid will find me merrily setting fire to £20 notes in front of their establishment and laughing my not insubstantial cock off when it gets boarded up.

    Get fucked.

  15. It’s fair to say that The Bat Flu has turbo charged cunts who think they can sell anything through the post.
    Just today I read about an organised gang of newly discovered Stanley Peedos who are up for gang rape of a child and it reminded me to consider sending out invites to a colossal ovening of the filthy fucking vermin.
    Fuck Off.

    • I will add in complete sincerety that this country is finished.
      I hope we go down fighting.

      • You are right, Unkle. The whole place is a steaming bag of shite straight siphoned straight from Clown Cunt Johnson’s arsehole.

  17. This is a timely cunting. I’m just putting my online e-commerce site together.

  18. Selling shit is nothing new apart from the packaging has changed.
    Some cunt who called himself an artist Piero Manzoni made 90 tins of his shit back in 1961 and each tin is now worth its weight in gold.
    Based on this equation I would become a billionaire on one good clear out alone.
    Shit sells and people are buying.

  19. Shit in an old sock is good. You can swing it round above your head in you bosses office in protest. You need to make sure the old sock has holes in.

    • The last time Wanksock tried this, he’d forgotten he’d used it the night before for pleasuring himself and it looked like a Christmas pudding had exploded over his walls.

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