Logic Defying TV Adverts

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I nominate logic-defying tv adverts.

Example:

Burglar Alarm Sales Centre: “Hello how can we help?”
Caller: “I’m upset “.
Sales: “Have you just been burgled?”
Caller: “Yes”
Sales: “Don’t worry, we can come and fit a security system for you”

WTF?

This is equivalent to:

“Hi. This is Better Bolt PLC, how can we help?”
Caller: “My horse has just escaped from its stable”
Company: “Don’t worry, we can fit a better bolt for you”

Great. So that will get the horse back will it?
Of course not. It’s like taking out insurance AFTER an accident.

Fecking stupid!

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss

57 thoughts on “Logic Defying TV Adverts”

  1. One of the most annoying advertisements on the idiot box at the moment.
    It’s a wonder I don’t go through a dozen screens a week, the effort of restraining myself from hurling a heavy object at it every time I see moronic things like this is sending my blood pressure through the roof!
    I’ve started muting the damned thing during ad breaks.

  2. I have now given up on adverts. I pre-record everything I want to see on Talking Pictures, so I am spared the innumerable adverts for fucking over 50s “life assurance” full of verbose old wimminz of both genders (the Post Office one is especially annoying) the one where some old hag is using an Upwalker and looks a total arsehole, and those little whores who sing “I’m so excited” – I can’t even be bothered to find out what they are excited about – unless it’s the effeminate little poofs who join them in the second part of the advert to jig about.. Then you have that little ponce Richard Osman doing the voiceover for equity release (the male answer to Miss Vorderman, who think being clever excludes her from being an annoying arsehole

    Why don’t we get adverts for corset and bras any more of even the hake and Vac lady.

  3. Fanny plug advertising defys logic, who the fuck would want to go roller skating of parachuting? If your on the blob do you need to advertise you can do all these dare devil activities? What a load of cunts

    • And why is the liquid used in the demonstration always blue? Are they for aliens? Are we too sensitive to accept that humans menstruate with red blood? Is it so trannies don’t get upset?

  4. I’d love to work for that burglar-alarm company…

    Burglar Alarm Sales Centre: “Hello how can we help?”
    Caller: “I’m upset “.
    Sales: “Have you just been burgled?”
    Caller: “Yes”
    Sales: “It’ll have been The Dark-Keys…did you find any chiggun-grease stains on da white wimmins’ underwear drawer?…did they gain entry by climbing onto the roof where they sat screaming and flinging their shit at passer-bys for several hours before entering the property and stealing your “bling”, running-shoes and fruit-bowl?….I’m afraid the only way to be safe from The Dark Menace is to build a moat….a very wide,water-filled moat.
    Of course,if it wasn’t The Sooties,it’ll have been The Gays…did they raid your great-aunt Gertrude’s wardrobe of dresses with bustles,bee-hive wigs and make-up that is applied using a trowel?…Is your gerbil traumatised and sticky? Luckily you won’t be missing anything heavy,The Gays have limp-wrists which makes picking up anything heavier than a feather-boa difficult for them….plus their wrecked ring-pieces mean that they tend to “follow-through” when attempting to shift heavy objects. I’m afraid the only protection from The Gays is leaving nothing that can be forced up their hoops in plain view…this means anything smaller than a 64-inch cut garden lawn-mower.

    Shall I take your address and pop round with a quote?…Hello Madam…hello……”

  5. Perhaps the most logic defying advert is the ethnuc family where the old fella is still around.

    • Or the one with the dark key in several guises advertising the virtues of saving with some bank or other. No mention of buying drugs or fried chiggun? Oh come on!!

      • Or the bank ad with the semi-dark Quay who doesn’t grasp that Britain is an island (or at least, Isles)…

  7. Rylan Clark-Wotsit insulting that girl’s boyfriend in the Cinch ad saying “nice bodywork but nothing under the bonnet.”

    The bloke should have knocked his fecking tombstone teeth out, mouthy git.

    Would do us all a favour if someone lamped that annoying bearded bastard.

    • Someone told me to watch a youtube video of that ryan cunt when he was on x factor or some such shite. He was with some bird, who i assume was a judge. Fucking hell – is that what our country has become? I hope Russia invades us soon and cunts like that are thrown into the front line. Then he’ll really have something to cry about.

  8. Nearly always watch programs having recorded them first, so can forward through them. Just make my blood boil.
    Last time I watched them they were full of blacks , gays and lesbians. Bit like BBC presenters.
    Not sure who annoys me most Rylan Clarke-Neil or Alan Carr. The latter buck-toothed mincing fairy that looks like one of the Banana Splits.

    • Nowadays its law to have at least one dark key in every advert.
      Im not sure why?
      If they think this encourages people to buy their products theyre pissed.
      Same with having ducky types advertising stuff,
      I just assume its been up their arse and would have to be soaked in Dettol® before handling.
      And no good jingles anymore!
      I can remember jingles from the 70s but not one from last 20 years.

      • Even now when I see a Fudge chocolate I’ll start singing a finger of fudge. Now the adverts are just full of fudge packers.

      • Like Fish Mitten I also record most things I’m going to watch and forward through the adverts. But I have seen one for Just Eat. Who the fuck is the woke cunt that thinks that having some black pimp and a bunch of his ho’s advertising anything at all is going to encourage me to use it? As it happens I do occasionally use Just Eat but it’s despite the advert not because of it.

      • Same here Moggie, I use Just Eat, but only because about once a fortnight the kids are wanting a takeaway. The advert using Snoop Dog, is more likely to make me not use them.
        Carry on forwarding through the adverts, it’s better for my blood pressure.

  9. Apparently if you place a piece of white paper over fabric and then iron it then any odours will glow up as green.
    I’ve never tried it myself, but it’s true.

  10. At least the BT ad with two Gays sitting on the settee upset because their broadband is fucked has disappeared.

    The cunts put it on deliberately when I was having my dinner.
    Fuck Off.

    • Milk tray man
      Old spice surfer
      Everyones a fruit and nutcase
      Tell em about the honey mummy
      Hamlet cigars slaphead
      Youve been tangoed!!!
      Smash aliens
      Hope its chips, its chips!
      Id like to teach the world to sing
      Hovis bread
      All memorable.
      All good.
      Not a tranny to be seen👍😁

      • “I’d like to teach the world to sing”. Forerunner of everything that’s wrong in adverts today.

        Full of effnicks and blicks with watermelon smiles, spouting soppy globalist propaganda – ugh!

        Morning Miserable, morning all.

      • One of the tabloids dug up a fact on that Hovis ad; a woman living on that street was spending most of her life on her back, raising money for her kid’s school fees.
        Makes me glad I went to the local compo; I think my mother would’ve specialised in verbal abuse, the auld bitch.

      • Rigsby and Joan Collins.
        The Cresta Polar Bear.
        The Guinness Toucan.
        I Wish I Was In Greenhall Whitley Land
        Aussie XXXX Lager.
        The Secret Lemonade Drinker.
        Made In Scotland From Girders.
        The Smash Martians.
        I Bet He He Drinks Carling Black Label.
        Cream Cakes (Naughty But Nice).
        Bertie Bassett.
        The KP Crisps Monks.
        Buzby the telephone bird.
        And the Indian Elvis.

        All woke free classocs.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QduTLFILORY

    • BT’s Paula gives me the orn. As did Connie Booth in the Schweppes Tonic Water ad.

  11. I think it was Max Miller used to do a gag that went.
    “Hello Pizza express,how can I help?”
    “Well, take a fucking guess.””

  12. In other news. Peacefuls can have the jab while fasting. Yippedy Doo. The mobile jab centre will be calling at their convenience. With cash inducements.

    Fuck adverts. Record everyfuckingthing so you dont have to hear a slimy wretch say ‘your in the driving seat Bri’un’

    • Wow, the government are really going for it with this vaccine drive…free chicken dinner with every vaccine.

    • Lol. I read that as ‘peacefuls can have the jab while fisting’.

      It conjured some bizarre waiting room images.

  14. Yes, it’s almost as stupid as thinking you have a right to not catch a naturally occurring virus.

  15. I don’t watch TV-however the adverts have always been shite.

    Anybody who is weak minded enough to buy goods or services, based purely on the recommendation of a Z-list cunt, is, a cunt.

    Back to the Nom: the oddest one I can remember-Ex copper John Stalker, endorsing window awning shades.
    Bizzare. Endorsing security measures, maybe.

  16. Wouldn’t happen in the good old US of A. Would be no need to call the Burglar Alarm company after blowing a shitbag burglars head off with a Magnum .44. Only call I would be making would be to Smith & Wesson for them to Fed Ex me some more bullets.

  18. The people who make tv adverts are fucking puddled. They think they can persuade us to buy a product if they show us somebody’s ugly feet. If they showed us some tits we’d probably take an interest. What’s wrong with bare tits? This is the twenty first century, if they got some topless girls on I’d sit up and take notice.

  19. Always liked Stanley Unwin’s tyre advert “Outstandifold in the wettygrippers”

  20. Currys PC advert tech guys. When the water in your ice tray is solid your freezer is working. Dicks

    • No. Really. Are you sure? FFS, do they think the entire country is full of Wayne and Waynettas, who need a bit of basic science explained in simpleton language?

  21. Mars/Maltesers are fucking mad. Did they honestly think that a self important deluded spaz (‘I’ve got the best man’s phone number’) would work? How the fuck is a creature like that going to want to make people buy or eat chocolate? Commercial suicide and woke insanity.

    It’s hardly the old Flake adverts, is it? A fit bird in a field sucking a 99. They were proper adverts, they were.

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