Ready Meals & Film Lids

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I happened to be in Tesco the other day and wandered up the ready meal aisle by mistake. I was the only cunt in the aisle bar one chap staring at the Indian food in a box.

I thought to myself, who is buying this shit? Ready made meals have zero taste, are full of crap, god knows where the ingredients come from and how its made, and its sold in shitty plastic trays (usually).

Obviously I have tried ready meals before and I honestly can’t describe it as food, just gloopy yuck in a tray, yet the industry is worth billions in the UK.

Apparently Britons have 3 ready meals a week. What a bunch of lazy cunts.

Nominated by: Cuntologist

…and talking of ready meals here’s one from Uncle Monke,  about film lids on ready meals among other things 

I know this is a very specific cunting and in the grand scheme of things is very low down on the cuntometer, but it really pisses me off.

Bought myself a nice macaroni cheese from Sainsbury’s and followed the instructions to letter.

Remove outer sleeve and film lid.

Outer sleeve comes off no problem as it’s a cardboard sleeve.

Removing the film lid is however problematic.

I have never been able to successfully remove these in one piece. They always tear leaving little shards of film.

Like I said, it may not be a problem of stratospheric proportions but it really does boil my piss.

Or maybe I’m just an angry, angry man.

54 thoughts on “Ready Meals & Film Lids”

  2. If you have to have a ready meal, Charlie Bingham’s is near the mark for quality.

    R.E, the film lids. Don’t bother to try and peel, just trim around the edge with a sharp knife. Job done.

    • Yes, his Breton Chicken is actually good and admit to buying a few before hubby decided we’d make it ourselves – just as good if not better!

      • Haven’t tried the Breton Chicken but will certainly give it a try in the future. Most of the curries, the meatballs and Moroccan meals are delish. A good indicator of quality as far as I’m concerned is the chicken and meat are not all the same exact size and shape. All the same size and shape generally means reconstituted 🤢

  3. I’m guilty of eating the odd ready-meal curry. They’re fucking handy if I come in and can’t be arsed to fart on cooking something from scratch. Some of them are surprisingly tasty as far as I’m concerned.

    As for the plastic film lid ?…just pull off what you can and mash the remaining bits in…easy enough to spit out again.

      • You heathen…all the Great Chefs know that nothing crisps a topping like a lit fart….Escoffier squatted over every dish and blazed up a fart before allowing the dish to leave the kitchen.
        I expect they don’t know about Classic French Cooking in the kind of restaurants that you frequent.

        Afternoon,C-S.

      • Afternoon Dick
        I’m flabbergasted, I never knew such things happened behind closed kitchen doors Dick. From now on, I will be asking if my crème brûlée has been caramelised using this method.

  4. Ready meals are time consuming, 45 mins in oven then peeling back the plastic noddy,
    Whos got time for that performance?
    Im not bleeding Meghan Markle!
    Why I only eat from a chippy.

    • Slap the fuckers in the microwave,Mis…if in tin foil just tip ’em out into suitable dish and nuke the Cunts.

  5. The only “ready meal” I have ever had are the ones my good lady cooks. Wouldn’t trust the crap in those packets, don’t know how much job is in them..

  6. Some of the Asda ready meals are suprisingly good. They do a nice fish pie – not cheap but very nice.

    With regard to the plastic film lid, just cut the fucker off with a sharp knife; don’t piss about trying to peel it off.

    • Paul – Had a nice Valentines meal deal with Asda.
      Pork loins with prosciutto ham, starter, 2 sides and 2 deserts plus wine . All for £15 for 2 people. It’s the nearest I’ve ever come to a restaurant meal bought at a supermarket.

  7. Give a man a ready meal and he can eat for a day, but get him a job…

    Wasn’t that on an advert?

  8. What a good nomination. What kind of specimen of human being can’t cook and has to resort to this dogshit? It’s microwavable baby food. They should be a quid as they’re so cheaply-made at the glue factory: Pour the goo into a plastic box; add loads of sugar and salt; cover with mash made from soya and margarine. Pour on more salt; seal and add a photo of something different.

    If you can’t chop up vegetables, boil rice, or make a pasta, you should have a word with yourself. This is Mush for shit-gibbons.

    • Indeed, add a photo of something entirely different.

      An Aussie tv show had a segment “product versus packs hot” which had some hilarious contrasts (inevitably negative) between the professionally prepared and photographed feast depicted and the malodorous disappointing heap of dogs shite within.

  9. Just driven past a retail park-must have been 50 cars, waiting to get into a Macdonslds drive-thru, queuing onto a busy A risd☹️.
    Probably another 50 cars parked up up scoffing the shit.
    The road leading away was strewn with dumped foid containers etc☹️
    Welcome to Great Britain in 2021👎

  10. My daughter is a dietitian, and she reckons that quite a lot of ready meals aren’t bad for you, as they have the traffic light system on packaging regarding salt, sugar and fat.
    I must admit, I’ve had some pretty bad ones in the past, but over the years they’ve improved a lot. I like cooking, and experiment a lot with different cuisines, but now and then I haven’t had time to go shopping because of work ( I shop daily) so these plastic cunts are a life saver.

  11. Diarrhoea in a plastic container. What’s not to like? I ate half of one the other night and had the shits again. So much processed shite in them.

    • That’s an insult to diarrhoea. There’s less solid in a ready meal but probably more gastric bleeding than in the bowel movement.

  12. I like to skulk around the reduced aisle at my local Sainsburys at around 7PM – it is always stacked with ready meals which I freeze for emergencies/convenience, and fresh but slightly exotic stuff which the locals avoid like the plague.
    Saves a fortune! 😀👍

  13. I agree ready meals can taste a bit horrible sometimes and the film lid bit can be a pain to remove.
    I’m not the best cook. I do like things that can be cooked in one pot (curries, casseroles etc) in the oven, and can be reheated at another time either in the oven or the microwave.
    For me, the microwave is a Dogsend. When coming home late at night from work, sometimes I am tired but need to eat something hot.
    Ready meals are good for convenience, but I do worry that the plastic trays might be doing something bad when food is heated. They become soft. Are they a health risk?

    • Hello Spoons,
      What you need, and what we use a lot, is a slow cooker.
      Throw the ingredients in,
      Chicken, veg, seasoning, stock etc.
      Come home to a delicious smell and a well cooked meal.👍

      • Cheers MNC. That sounds like a good idea. I’ll look into that. 🙂

        What’s your favourite thing to cook when using it? 🙂

      • Either chicken casserole or what we call ‘tater hash” but you probably know as Lancashire Hotpot.
        Ours is made by Breville I think?
        Can make soups allsorts in it,
        Later in the week I’ll make a thick peasoup with bacon ribs in it.

      • Evening Foxy
        Yeah youd mentioned spicy beef stew before!
        We do one but light on spice.
        Great if your busy aren’t they?
        Just leave it too it!
        Nowt better than coming home hungry and lifting that lid up…
        Great smell!

    • Can’t find anything about toxicity from plastic trays but makes you wonder. I just don’t trust these ready meal fuckers, who use everything from meat glue to bulking agents and cruel meat in their ‘food’.

      You can always do a batch cook of your one or two of your one-pot favourites and freeze them in Pyrex, can’t be hot going into the freezer apparently.

      • Cheap cuts for low and slow: beef cheeks, brisket, lamb shanks. Depends where you shop I guess.

      • Hey Cuntologist! Talking of meat glue, have you seen that Honest Adverts one about that? Fair turns ya stomach.

      • @JCL Not seen Honest Adverts, but know meat glue is a thing and its awful. Will check out Honest Adverts. Apart from meat glue, they do like sticking it with a load of water as well, cunts. Tempted to get a chicken run and rear my own chickens.

        And look at these Tesco cunts selling ‘Beef Roasting Joint’. Can’t even be arsed to tell you what cut it is! (RIght off Ready Meal topic now, sorry)

        https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/258139435

  14. M&S were, unsurprisingly, the pioneers of such “added value” products in UK; they introduced the chicken Kiev in 1979. A staggering commercial success and cultural landmark, this represents the transition point whereafter ready-meals were no longer weird astronaut food (eg Vesta™ Chow Mein/Beef Curry) nor boil-in-the-foil Army ration pouches¹.

    Talking of transitions: I notice that is-a-cunt had a change of name servers earlier today causing a few hiccups with anomalous username / password requests. This issue used to be more common² and is, roughly speaking, a result t of the other servers on the Internet playing “catch up”.

    Unfortunately, the new name server has issues with its SSL certificates. Fortunately,
    this is only causing a Google privacy prompt in the bottom right hand corner, rather than an full-on “proceed further at your risk” Red Hexagon of Peril.

    Talking of space cadets, I see that Charlie Bighams wares have now supplanted Vesta™ products as the astronaut’s choice. A chap I knew at College swears by Charlie Bighams ready-meals and especially raves about their Chicken Tikka with rice. I have tried it, but it costs more than a decent takeaway where he lives, comes in smaller portions and is by definition less authentic. The packaging is also very fiddly and their marketing puff is frankly rather cringe-worthy.

    He’s a bit of a sadsack singleton living in Baildon, although he is now rather grand at HMRC in Shipley. Curiously, he lost his sense of smell last year due to covid, but he does know his taxation law and is a useful contact.

    All a bit boring, I’d certainly agree. Just thought folks were wanting an explanation for the login anomalies earlier.

    ¹ although microwave ovens becoming affordable / ubiquitous was the deciding factor in the culture change, not M&S Kievs… obviously

    ² not exactly accurate – it just used to cause more problems and could persist for a couple of days. It has all but disappeared now mainly due to faster servers.

  15. This is absolutely genuine. A mate of mine, who is a cunt, works for a company who makes this adhesive. Rest assured we waste no opportunities at all to tell him how this stuff gives us the b0llock-ache. Grrrrr.

  16. MRE rations are supposed to be quite good.
    Otherwise a nice Chinese or Indian.
    And Korean Pot Noodles.

      • I like the curry pot noodle. Remember the old cheese and tomato flavour pot noodle? That smelled like Madonna’s minge.

  17. I don’t have a problem with ready meals if they taste alright, the ones from Waitrose are decent enough and Mark’s too.
    They’re ok if your ill or just can’t be arsed cooking a large meal for one in my case.
    As long as they’re not frozen.

  18. Admittedly a lot of frozen meals are shit, but there are some exceptions in the lower price range which I can recommend. Tesco sell two good ones, Chicken Dinner (£1.75) and Minced Beef Hotpot (£1.20). And Iceland sell Chicken Stew & Dumplings for £1.

    • Loads of Tesco own brand chicken ready meals now use meat sourced in Thailand. I wouldn’t risk eating a chook processed in that neck of the woods then flown 6000 miles or so to the UK.

      • I ate a lot of things in Pattaya including a couple of bar girls, and I’m still here so I must be immune.

      • Flown? More likely frozen and packed into shipping containers and slowly floated round the world

  19. Bisto frozen meals are quite reasonable and not entirely inedible either.
    I used to love those Dutch things.Those Tulip spam fritters in batter. Fucking lovely.

  20. There is a very quick meal which us both nutritious and delicious. It takes about 3 minutes to prepare:

    Beans on toast👍

  21. Thai chicken can fuck off, textureless, flavourless rubbery ready meal crap. Theres a few decent ready meals to be had but one needs to be careful with ones choices.

    Peel off lids are cut off lids though as not all lids are created equal, some work, some don’t and just not worth the bother finding out which are which .

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