Today I had to deliver a load of medication to a retirement home for retired clergy.
Went to one door ring bell, fuck all response, ring bell again, wait, nope fuck all. Gestapo type knock, telling her to answer the fucking door you cunt I’m a busy boy.
Fucking old biddy I’m coming, no mobility issues, tearing me a new one for waking her up. This is at 9.00 Am !!!!
FFS It’s not all about you, you old cunt, I’ve got a running list as long as my fucking arm here, just get your arse out of bed at a more decent hour.
Said biddy rings my manager to complain, Zero fucks given by manager, she educated her nicely, Good drills boss
Nominated by: CuntyMort
I can’t wait to be 90 and call everyone cunts.
14
I jumped that particular gun long ago.
16
I see myself more as Craggy Islands Father Jack than Father Brown, hopefully. Feck off.
17
It’s the ones that take it for granted you should hold doors open for them or get in front of you in a queue then not even acknowledge you. Like I’m invisible.
In the bank one day and an old biddy left her purse next to the atm. Now if I’d been a Romanian I’d have been off like a rabbit but being honest I sprinted down the stairs and across the road where she was. I explained that she had left it. She just took it ,said nothing, turned and shuffled off. A couple just looked at me ,shook their heads and grinned sheepishly.
Ungrateful old cunt.
20
I had the same kind of thing…some old Dear wandered off from the cashpoint before her money emerged…decent wad it was too. I shouted at the old bugger but she must have been deaf so I took her money and caught up with her..being fair,she was grateful and insisted on offering me a Pound coin that she dug out of her purse….to my eternal shame,I took it.
20
I found a wallet and went to some trouble to deliver it into the owners hands. He was overjoyed then looked in and said “where’s the $500 cash?”
True
5
…and what did he say when you told him that you’d spent it on drink?
8
Uttercunt the lesson is either be a thief or be honest! don’t moan should YOU choose to be honest…
If that’s the case nick the money and nothing to moan at !!
5
You’ve got a point there. Let me mull it over.
1
It’s 2021 and it’s going to be as miserable a cunt as last year and then some. So let’s have some levity, I’ve just thought up a joke.
Why was the Mandela’s Christmas ruined?
Nelson bought Winnie a necklace, but he forgot the matches.
18
Go back tomorrow and bulldoze the fucking place.
That will learn the cunts.
8
Before 9.00am?
Retired Clergy?
They were probably still in bed with the choirboys😇
16
What were you delivering to the retired clergy CuntyMort ? Viagra, amphetamines and fresh choir boys?
13
Sir Limply:
I once spent a stag-weekend with a bunch of reprobates-one of whom had the dubious talent of being able to fart, loudly and at will.
Every pub we went into, he would wait for a quiet moment then let rip-sounding like a startled duck.
Every time he would say, loudly and with a straight face:
“Pass me another choirboy Donald, I just tore that one!”
What a cunt.
Funny though😄
22
Well if you must socialise with the clergy. On the Art of farting Yours Truly is renowned for me timing and stentorious volume while actors are performing, usually in tender love scenes. Always raises a laugh in the audience.
16
Ha ha ha!
A cunt after my own heart👍
5
A fart would smell as sweet by any other name.
3
No just run of the mill shit. Asked boss could she not slip some Bogota marching powders in the meds. I asked her very nicely BTW. Her reply NO. My reply OK Zyklon B it is then.
i don’t want cunters to think I’m going soft I thought the powders might speed the old cunts up a bit.
No choirboys I’m afraid, If I do get any how much?
7
Ungrateful old coffin dodgers. People of this ilk should be subject to a Logan’s Run procedure.
Given they are not reasonably young, as was Michael York in the film, or have a firm-titted young Jenny Agutter to assist their escape, these old cunts would be like lambs to the slaughter.
Never mind, eh?
12
Good cunting CuntyMort.
Reminds me of the time around Christmas 1976 when I was doing a bit of snow-clearing for the Borough Council.
One morning, while I was having my mid-morning cup of tea and No.6 in the nearby cafe, this old lady approached me and asked if I would give her a hand with her iron mangle. Apparently her brother-in-law had left it for her as a Christmas present, but he’d left it in the wrong room, he’d left it in the front room. Well that was a silly place to leave it and naturally she wanted it in the back room.
So I took time off to give her a hand. She only lived just up the road. The only trouble was when I got there I couldn’t move the fucking thing! It must have weighed about half a ton. How this brother-in-law got it in there in the first place I can’t even begin to envisage.
Anyway there I was, struggling with the mangle, risking a rupture, and this old lady just standing there waving me on, not even lifting a little finger to give me a helping hand. So after a few minutes I said to her: “now look here, why don’t you stuff this iron mangle up your arse?” Besides, I said, they’re out of date, you want to get a spin dryer.
I had a good mind to give her a workover there and then, but as I was feeling jubilant with the snow-clearing and all, I just gave her a short-arm jab to the belly and jumped on a bus outside.
Ungrateful old cunt.
16
Bang loudly on my door at 9 am and you would be going for a fucking quick nap.. Nothing personal and I would have been up hours but, Mrs ecunt sometimes works late. You upset her then I get it in the head and that means a smack in the mouth for the cunt that bangs on my door.
9
I am an ungrateful, shagnasty old cunt. I thought that was why we are on here?
12
I’m an old cunt but I’m not an ungrateful old cunt. If someone does something for me I’ll say thank you. If they fuck about and waste my time I’ll tell them to grow up. They don’t like that.
There are a lot of immature pricks who think anyone over a certain age is automatically stupid and try to take the piss. The arrogance of the young. They’re the cunts and they don’t know it.
13
They’ll all get old soon. That’ll learn em. I thought I was invincible at 21…
Being polite costs nowt, unless they are being cunts of course, then anything goes.
7
Like most people I despise the elderly.
Underfoot, dithering and stinking of piss.
Adolf had the right idea,
Keep young and beautiful!
7
Spastics on mobility chariots are bad tempered rude fuckers especially the fat ones
12
Fenton my dear, It’s not old cunts on mobility scooters, they are entitled. Its fat grossly overweight lazy 30 40 cunts that need to go on a diet and exercise programme that are the real problem cunts. A little humility sir maybe.
8
I’ve mentioned before about the coffin-dodging old Cunts who didn’t thank-me when I held a door open for them as they went into a shop…I was forced to stalk the ill-mannered pair for over half an hour around the shop as they wandered from department to department pawing things beyond their price range. Eventually the old Cunts must have decided to move on to a fresh shop where they could steal free heat and get in people’s way….as they got near the door,I darted in front of them and held it open…I then chose the perfect moment to slam the door shut right in their gummy old faces.
Fuck them.
11
I saw a fat bastard on a mobility scooter flying round Tesco with a Mongoloid attached to his back. Both were very aggressive and rude to everyone.
12
I got hit by an auld cunt on a mobility scooter inside the local branch of WHSmith. The senile old cows fingers were so raddled with arthritis that she could not modulate the speed control or move the handlbar steering more than half a turn and caught me as I was looking through the delights of FHM or similar gentlemens publication, back in the day.
Took me out below the left shin. Fucking hurt like hell and the old cow kept going down the isle without so much as a backward glance.
Now WHSmith is a fucking messy store with piles of shite every where, as she hurtled along, her progress was eventually arrested by a pile of yesterday’s newspapers all bundled up awaiting collection.
The store manager was more concerned about the senile old bitch suing them for impeding her access. I called her an old cunt and hobbled out vowing that if I very saw her on the road she’d be impaled on the front of my 2.0litre diesel and pushed into the nearest ditch.
Trouble was the old witch was tone fucking deaf as well. I hope she’s long dead now. Cow.
13
……LOL…
8
Fenton:
That wasn’t Tesco-it was Thunderdome.
You must therefore, be Mad Max and I claim My £5 Bartertown voucher👍
8
straight up cuntfinder. This Mongoloid was hanging off the back of this human waste. I suspect they were related or they could of been some hideous form of siamese twins
9
…LOL…..
6
Good evening to you, Mr F….judging by amount of LOLs you’re producing this evening, would it happen to be your New Years resolution to start speaking more like ‘da yoot’, innit blud?
I trust your New Year was splend and hopefully spiteful?
9
Evening,Mr.Cunt-Engine.
‘Fraid the hounds and I overdid it on a bottle of Dalwhinnie..mercifully fell asleep afore that Cunt Jules Holland managed to fire up his fucking Hootinanny. Best Auld Years night I’ve had in years.
Made any New Year’s Resolutions?…
6
The same one I make every year…to be incrementally ruder and more spiteful to the general public.
And to have a lot of sex with new ladies….last night I was finally balls deep in my neighbour. She’s only 34…I felt like a cradle-snatcher. Well, a bit.
14
@Thomas:
About time-glad to see someone saw the New Year in with a bang👍
6
There was a time when a 34 year old was quite a score for a young lad. Ahhh happy days
7
Indeed, I remember entertaining a lovely 34 year old mixed race radiographer when I was a 23 year old.
My old chap had seen so much action by the morning after our first encounter that it resembled a piece of streaky bacon upon which some gummy old cunt had been having a prolonged chew.
Happy memories…
9
I think I met her too Paul😄.
I too had a dalliance with a lady radiographer-this one was a size 8, stunning redhead when she plies me with drink at a mates party, bundled me into a taxi to her home, then plied me with more booze.(all true).
After that I have no recollection 🤔
Strangely, the next morning, whence I awoke bollock naked in her bed, she was still a redhead, but a size 16 and “homely”☹️
I still rode her like a released prisoner on home leave👍😳
*i have a hazy memory of walking across her flat naked for a puss and encountering a rather shocked Asian girl-her lodger, a nurse coming in from a night shift😄
9
Three happy days, she local Canadian skier, petite, pert, buff and trimmed my oh my. Guy at the bar said “who’s she doing?”
“Me, actually!”
1
Oh dont you worry peolple will pull their spines for the greater good.
4
Depends what side of the door you’re on? The thing with delivery orders is………..you mostly do it for convenience.
Not fucking convenient having your door bashed off its hinges pre 9am just because the delivery guy is trying to deliver enough parcels to get home early or because he’s getting 20p a parcel so runs around like he’s done a g of whizz trying to earn his keep. I know delivery drivers have it hard now, some bigger firms are doing delivery for cost just to keep ticking over
4
9 am is a decent hour to be getting up especially as it is New Years Day, maybe you should have started delivering at a later more civilised time.
5
Fuck that for a game of soldaten, I start at 8.30, these old cunts live about 500 yards from the surgery I work at. If they want to spend the day in bed they can get them themselves.
I’m a busy cunt, time wasted on old biddies can be more profitably spent on winding other younger cunts up, not forgetting Mrs CuntyMort as well.
Plus there is a fucking cracking bit of fanny at this place, with a superb rack on her. I try to give them puppies an ogle as well. Gives me trouser arousal as well.
4
They should be fucking grateful that we’ve utterly trashed the economy so that they can live about 5 minutes more than they would have done anyway.
Cunts
5
Next time dress up as the grim reaper.
4
I delivered a load of tower to the local seminary, a retreat for retired priests.
Very similar story no answer to the door ect, so we unloaded as close to where it was to be used as possible.
once we had unloaded a priest appeared and told me that we had taken up the visitors parking space ( the car park was empty) and had us reload and move the kit round the back to the kitchen courtyard some 100 meters from where it was to be used.
The contractor was impressed with that, but I did explain to him that an extra from the Omen had made us put it there.
3