Tescos

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Tesco “No Naughtiness” TV Ad.

Well we all know that Tescos is really a fun palace don’t we? Their stores are full of happy, laughing shoppers and staff, just there for the great craic.

Ok, no it’s not. Tescos is a huge money making machine. Entirely humourless even by supermarket standards.

Shoppers are their to buy goods. And to check out asap.

So why pretend that they want to cheer up their customers? They say 2020 has been such a horrid year and now our favourite grocer wants to make us all
happy and to not feel guilty.

It wants us to indulge ourselves by buying luxury calorific foods to make us feel better. No matter that a large proportion of the Great British public have been doing little else but sitting at home ordering a record number of takeaways and consuming mega tons of rich food which they stuff their faces with.

Tescos. Don’t try to be funny it doesn’t suit you. Everyone knows you don’t give a toss about us and simply want us to turn up and spend money with you. Which we do.

You have had freedom to sell non-essential goods when all the smaller shops had to close. Boosting your profits even more. Ok so you make a gesture by returning the rate rebates you didn’t need. Or you jumped before you were pushed.

But just don’t pretend you are a caring, sharing, people-loving organisation. We know you screw your suppliers and farmers into the ground. We know you would like to dominate every sector of every market if you could. The Amazon of bricks and mortar.

The fake, enforced jollyness of your Christmas TV ad makes me as sick as if I’d swallowed 6 boxes of your premium minced pies. With your double cream.

Merry Christmas Tesco.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss

50 thoughts on “Tescos”

  2. Same goes for all supermarkets:

    -build a new superstores

    -run “loss-leaders” to cripple independent retailers, greengrocers, butchers, bakers (candlestick makers?)

    -when these stores are forced to close, hoover up the skilled staff, many who would have had generations of the same family invested in their businesses 😢

    -these staff now make minimum wage.

    -once the competition is removed, increase prices massively.

    -That’s how winning is done! (©️S. Stallone)

    Fucking capitalism in its purest form 👎.
    Too then throw their hat in with the BLM / woke / transgender alphabet mob, as if they really give a shit-cunts. Or “shitcunts “ as our Oirish travelling communities, might say.

    The Christmas schmaltz was inevitable-cunts.

    Still- “Every Little Helps”
    😒

    • This really struck a chord with me CG. Similar thing happened in a little town I used to frequent called Uckfield in East Sussex. At the top of the high street used to be an independent pizza place called Pizza Town. Their pizzas were really good. They did a spicy chicken one which was to die for. Always had fresh crust, interesting toppings and the place was run by a cheerful little Iraqi fella.

      Then corporate cardboard pizza showed up in the form of Dominos. Within weeks, their mass produced cak destroyed the Iraqi guy’s business and Pizza Town was no more. I will never understand why the think-as-pig-shit public will gravitate towards corporate mass produced household names over an interesting, unique and member-of-the-community retailer. Cunts.

      Just about sums up Uckfield too. Horrible armpit of a place.

  3. Tesco, every little penny you have counts, spend it with us, after all we’ve destroyed your small local alternatives.

    • Never a truer word spoken, Sixdog. My town had various independant oufits until these cunts turned up claiming they won’t open 24 hrs, won’t sell x,y and z, etc. Of course they did/do. Binned 24 hrs as no cunt went in the middle of the night.

  5. Always hated Tescos, dont know why?? They have one redeeming feature, good selection of bottled ales, 4 for £6. Always full of dithering cunts, fuck off.

  6. Sadly Tesco’s are the biggest store where I live so I use it.

    In the store you can’t get near any fucking stuff for their staff shopping for online shoppers. Fucking hell. 20 or more sometimes blocking up the fucking isles. At least they leave me the bread that’s a decent date on it. When they shop for their on line customer cunts they just chuck in the first item they see.

    Only Mrs Ecunt and myself so a loaf can last several days; unless I’m doing my pig impression. All big stores are cunts. still every little helps. Or is that the other one?

  7. Apparently according to Tesco there’s no naughty list this Xmas.

    Sorted.

    How many Blicks were used in the making of the advert?

  8. By coincidence I was in Tesco this morning (I was a very naughty boy, went from T3 to T2), early morning 7.30 so no one gives a fuck, cold dark and wet, and it was pretty bad outside as well.

    Fairly quiet, wiz round in about 10 minutes, a couple of girls doing the online shopping navigating their giant trolleys with nice arses. Didn’t notice any jolly Christmas cheer thank fuck.

    Tesco gets my vote over Sainsbury’s (Black History Month, fuck off and shop somewhere else), Aldi and Lidl full of fucking tat and Chavy cunts, Asda looks a bit shitty, not really tried Morrisons so cant comment.

    • Morrisons have a ‘Market Street’ in their stores which is a bit ironic as big supermarkets are the main reason why independent butchers, bakers, fishmongers and greengrocers are struggling on the actual high street.

      • Very clever these big boys, it’s all about convenience, just one store does the lot. I bet Tesco are fucking pissed off they didn’t think of that one first 😂

      • Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury’s are cunts. They have counters which mean all the local fishmongers, butchers, cheese shops, bakeries et al were all forced out of business. But wait! These cunts have now shut those same counters (no demand, yeah right) and the stuff is in the aisles. Except it isn’t. Eg, until earlier this year I used to get 2 fresh trout at Asda for £4. Now they don’t sell it at all so I either make an expensive trip to the, equally expensive, fish market in town or go without. So, for the moment, Yay Morrisons for keeping your counters open, I just wish a store was realistically accessible to me.

  9. You can tell the unprincipled cunts behind Tesco, because for years they secretly paid that old whore Lady Porter, the daughter of Jack Cohen, for doing fuck all, even though she had been investigated and found guilty of gerrymandering, and had fucked off to Israel to escape capture. They still kept giving and she kept of taking, tarring fingered old cunt. As soon as that became public, they feigned outrage and stopped it.

    If prostitution is ever made legal in this country you can be sure Tesco Brothels will be in most major high streets in this country, along with Marks & Spencers and Asda.

  10. High excitement when I went down the road to Tesco the other day. A huge new pound shop had just opened in the precinct. Another one ffs. Loads of unfeasibly fat birds with pushchairs were queuing to get in. Still, it made them happy I suppose. This country is being fucked over in so many ways.

  11. Another giant corporate cunt cashing in on this shitfest of a year.
    Profits up by about 30% while smaller independent retailers go to the wall.
    The fact that they don’t get a cent off me isn’t going to make much difference to them but “every little helps”
    Fuck off.

  12. I’ve a Tesco and an Asda, same distance, in either direction from the end of my road. It didn’t really bother me before the first lockdown / outbreak etc. which store I used. I then saw on my first (lockdown) visit to Tesco, any promotional shit for sale 2 for 1 etc. was stopped immediately. Asda ticked along nicely offering the usual price reductions on the same old stuff. Never did they seem to rip the fuck out of their customers. I’ve only ever done my ‘big shop’ in Asda since.
    I’ve dipped into Tesco in the past couple of weeks only for papers and milk .. ( no price hike there so I can live with that ), and I see they now show two prices on some goods. Punter Price and Clubcard Price. If that isn’t enough to boil your piss I don’t fucking know. You stand there to be shamed that you’re not part of the Tesco Loyal… You can either sell it to every fucker at the same price, or the higher price shows just how much profit you are making. Sad thing for them is, even the lower price is still higher than Asda.
    Cunts.

    • I have had a Tesco club card for years but you are right about the offers, they aren’t as good or as they used to be.

    • TT GC@ – is it coming up with a webcrawler message “maximum number of requests exceeded” etc?
      I had a dig around my machine (laptop), did a clean and sweep and did a historic deletion of browser history – this seemed to do the trick if that’s any help, and I think maybe Admin did something at their end too – fingers crossed it seems to be working fine now.

      • In other words you’ve got a secret stash of nude Jess Phillips pics, you dirty degenerate, lol

    • Thank you Admin-a thousand blessings, may Santa leave you copious amounts of tuck, ample wines and spirits and plentiful. nymphomaniacs, under your trees👍

  14. Tesco are just as shit as all of them. Look at fucking virtuous we are with black people in our adverts, usually a black man with a blondie woman.

    • There isn’t much difference, I go in all of them. Tesco has its own wholemeal loaf which is really good and every so often they have Hollands pies at half price. Yeah their adverts are stupid but they’re trying to appeal to the average shopper who’s a thick cunt.

  15. Tesco guard stopped me for not wearing a mask. I said “I’m exempt obviously, why would you need to even ask?”

    He said, “how would I know?” whilst making a gesture to his arm as if there should be a cunting star there.

    I saw him 30 seconds later, told him this isn’t Nazi germany and pulled him aside for a chat. Turns out he thought masks were bullshit too, but “hey, I got family to feed”.

    Fuck Tesco’s.

  16. If, which I doubt and wouldn’t blame you, you’re interested in knowing what shite they get up to read ‘Shopped’ by Joanna Blythman.
    Rotten shite.

    • I read that about 15 years ago.
      I tried to boycott supermarkets completely at the time but sadly over the years I’ve drifted back.
      Still use local greengrocers and bakers etc as much as I can.
      The quality is better too.

      • I use Wankbury’s-although every single one of the “big” 7 have superstores within 5 miles.
        I use Costco and bulk buy and save an absolute fortune👍

        One thing I have noticed, supermarket bread (packaged), never seems very fresh.
        I have no interest in baking my own and the only independent bakers locally, are pretentious “boutiques” full of cunts.
        I hate cunts😒

      • Haven’t been in Wankburys since they told customers who didn’t agree with their bame/woke agenda to shop elsewhere.
        Cunts.

  17. Fucking Tescos.

    Last time I was in one (2018 I think) I had to buy grocery bags for my shopping. This may be common practice in the UK now, but to a visiting Brit I thought the checkout lady was taking the piss. I’m also used to a member of staff packing my groceries for me over here in Yankland. No such luck at Tescos. Lazy cunts. And to top it off, a big bag of tea bags, box of doughnuts (for my dad), a box of custard pies (for me) and some beer was £4,546.17. I filled up the rental car on the way back to the B&B we were staying in. That was £87,543,231.25.

    How the fuckity fuck can you lot afford to live there? It’s shocking!

  18. A ludicrous advert. Yet lacking in peacefuls and mixed race couples, makes a fucking change at least. Tesco are still cunts for having a terrorist only advert a while back, halal chickinn innit, bro.

  19. Fucking idiot that I am I have shares in Tesco. Down 6p yesterday. I should have got rid of them about 8 years ago when 3 of their management were in our local pub boasting about a trip to France, 12 of them playing golf for 3 or 4 days. Their wine bill was £54,000. Jack Cohen would be rolling in his grave if he knew.

  21. I’ve never understood supermarket loyalty cards. Why would you pledge a quality as meaningful as loyalty, to a fucking supermarket?

  22. what roasted my shit, was the fucking advert seemed to say it was ok to stock pile bog rolls,
    fuck off to foreign climes ect, so being a selfish irresponsible cunt is ok by them.
    That pissed me off.

  23. Agree with some of the points raised here.

    You’ve got to admit they’re a clever bunch though, aren’t they?
    Expanded/diversified into every area – clothes, insurance, finance/banking.
    Clubcard scheme is a data mining coup that even Mark Zuckerberg would be envious of.

    Fresh and Easy didn’t work out so well for them though. They seemed to fair better in Eastern Europe and the far east.

    I sometimes wonder if I was the only person to appreciate the irony that one of their executives, the ‘Director for Impulse Purchasing’, was suspended during accounting scandal. Oh I bet there was some ‘Impulse Purchasing’.

  24. Tesco the big greedy dog of the high street 👎
    Eat their dinner then eat everyone else’s 👎
    Happy as Larry the cheaper supermarkets are digging into their massive profits long may it continue 👍👍

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