Women’s Logic

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I once saw a bit of graffiti scrawled on a bog wall which read ‘women’s logic is like a stick with three ends’. It’s an observation that I’ve found increasingly difficult to challenge over the years.

Now Mrs K is the absolute light of my life. She’s smart, sassy, kind and caring, and an absolute honey. But Christ, the logic of her ‘logic’ can take a bit of keeping up with. It’s as though she goes from ‘a’ to ‘e’ without the benefits of points ‘b’, ‘c’ and ‘d’ in between; an ‘I went to the shops to buy a blouse, but I saw some shoes so I bought a hairdryer’ sort of thing.

Take yesterday. She was off to the salon to get her hair, eyebrows and nails done. ‘I’ll be some time’ she trills (no shit Sherlock), ‘as I’m going to Morrison’s as well to get some gluten free bread’. ‘You look lovely, my sweet’ says I, when she duly returns (flattery can get you anywhere). ‘I’ll make sandwiches for lunch’. ‘Oh, I got a couple of bottles of almond liqueur and some gin at the shop’, she replies, ‘but I didn’t get any bread. They wanted £3.50 for it, and it’s only £2.70 in Asda. I’m not giving the bloody robdogs that for it, so I’ll just have crackers’.

‘Hang on’ says I, baffled. ‘You’ve just spent over a hundred notes at the salon, not to mention the money on the booze, but you’ve denied yourself some bread for 80 pence? What kind of logic is that? I’ll never understand how women think’. ‘Humph’, she snorts, that flinty Scots gleam in her eye, ‘well, I’ll remind you of those words the next time you’re pulling my pants down’.

I mean, huh? Wtf? I quickly fathomed that this was going to be one of those ‘men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ exchanges that go absolutely nowhere, so I retreated to the kitchen to make the lunch.

So is this an obtuse tactic that women deliberately deploy to keep us off balance, or are the little darlings actually just daft as a fucking brush? Buggered if I know.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

62 thoughts on “Women’s Logic”

  1. Hmm, it’s not just women though is it. What about men that drive an extra 15 miles, using 3 litres of petrol, to save 5p a litre on the 40 litres they buy. So they pay £3.50 to save £2. And tell everybody what a good deal they got.

    • Not quite the same though is it? Because what bloke that you know will ALSO, while getting the petrol leap out into the nearest shops for an hour or four, spend an inordinate amount of dosh because he’s THERE, and THEN come home and talk about what he’s saved? Not many, I’ll wager!

      • I could name 3, but they’re all gay so I’m sure they could be in the same group as women.

  3. I think I said this somewhere else on another fred regarding wimminz – they should just shut the fuck up and nosh cock.

  5. She asked me once which do I prefer (tops she was buying) so l told her, I’ll get the other one because you have no taste, we finished years ago the pub always won thank fuck.

  6. It’s when they say “It doesn’t matter” or “Nothing!” that you have to be on your guard.

    You’ll be walking on eggshells for the rest of the day because even though they’ve said those two examples you just know something is festering inside their heads. And if you shrug your shoulders and walk away that’s when they’ll jump all over you and vent big time!

    Why they just can’t simply reply to a simple question I’ll never know.

    • All your misdemeanors, both real and imagined, are entered into the “cunt book”, an will be unleashed Eamonn Andrews style when you go one too many. They just can’t let go, and it festers in their poisonous little heads. The shite that deranged witch I married came out with as excuses for a divorce went back ten years, some I thought I’d already atoned for. It was all my fault, and there was definitely no one else. Apart from the cunt she was banging in work who she immediately shacked up with.

      • YES!! AGAIN!! Fucking amazing memories haven’t they – half the fucking time anyway (when THEY want to remember!). I have real problems recalling what last weeks argument was about – let alone 3 years into our 46 year marriage!

    • “Fried or Boiled eggs for breakfast darling”, i ask.
      “I put the cat out at 7.30 this morning”, she replies.
      “Can you answer a direct question for once”, I prevail.
      Sniff sniff. “No need to get nasty!”, she says and storms off.

  7. They’re a fucking nuisance, to be swatted away, like pesky flies.
    Ethel, recently asked when I was retiring, so that we could spend more time together.
    I replied that I found the thought of being with her 24 / 7, was most disagreeable, so therefore, I intend to work ( or be out of the house ), until I drop.
    They’re all fucking mad, and tricksy, her more than most.
    Get To Fuck.

    • You sound just like my father-in-law, Jack. He is 76 now and still won’t pack work in. He tells me that all his other half wants is for him to sit with her on the settee, hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes…

      • There you have it Paul, conclusive proof that they’re all fucking bonkers.
        Heed your FIL, he sounds like a wise man.
        Good afternoon.

      • Good afternoon Jack. Yes, he is a wise but foreboding man. I have witnessed the shit he has tolerated and it isn’t good.

  9. Well, they do say that the most intelligent thing to come out of a woman’s mouth was Einstein’s cock……….

    • Special gluten free stuff, Sick. The wife’s got coeliac disease.
      You can get cheaper stuff but it’s distinctly unappetising!

      • Ron: please inform Mrs Knee, semen is a great natural source of food for her condition. Best taken before bed, on a daily basis.
        Twice on Sunday.
        Trust me, “I’m a doctor”.
        👍

  11. It is not the fault of the ladies – they are as mad as a top hat filled with badgers!
    I have a jolly young gal who likes to visit me for quality penis – but I have to be careful of “over familiarity” – before you know it she will want to address me by my first name!
    Had too much shit from too many evil bitches in my life – my attitude is now “my way or the highway” – sounds mean but that’s how it is, and everyone knows where they stand.

  12. If your woman is causing you woes or headaches , you’re paying her way to much attention.

    There’s no satisfying them or keeping them happy, all your efforts will be ridiculed, be yourself, carry on regardless and if they want to get off the glorious ride that is you, so be it.

  13. Has anyone else noticed that when one settles down to watch something on the telly, some daft wimmin (if they are there) pick that time to start ranting and gabbing and they talk loudly all the way through it? Yet when a bloke opens his gob even slightly when they are watching some romantic crap, they go ‘Ssssh!’ in that snotty ‘Obey!’ voice.

    Women’s logic? They don’t fucking have any.

    • YES!! And then THEY get annoyed, because you’ve done a big sigh and paused the thing – ‘there’s no need to do that!’.

  14. That picture reminds me of Married With Children.
    All my mates fancied Christina Applegate (which was understandable).
    But I wanted to give one to the milfmongous Katey Sagal as Peggy Bundy.

  15. Women are incredibly insecure creatures: I once went out with a girl who got to the finals of Miss Uk-this is back in the 80’s, when women were “natural”.
    We were both in our late teens. She was gorgeous-she looked like Paula Hamilton from the VW adverts. I adored her, sadly she was infected by the “wimminz” logic-constantly doubting herself, insecure, moody. Maybe she needed a more “touchy-feels” bloke-at 17 I just wanted sex.
    Venus and Mars, indeed.
    My mates thought I was fucking crazy when I broke it off. She “stalked” me for months, afterwards.
    I know I am a cunt, but decades and many more “wimminz” later, I still do not understand them.
    Remember chaps: they are all fucking mad😔

  16. Afternoon Ron. Yes, the creatures are enigmas within an enigma aren’t they? You love em and hate em at the same time and probably over the same thing as well. After over 70 years of them I can safely say there is NO answer to their logic (which isn’t logic) because they do not have any. AND, whatever you say, if they DO ask a direct question (do you think I’ve lost weight; do i look fat in this) or any sentence beginning with What, Where, Why, When Would or Will, you just know an argument will follow and your day is fucked.
    Perhaps Vernon is right – but I’m a little too old to bother now.

    • Afternoon mickey.
      Enigma is the word mate. I just count myself very, very lucky to have found an absolute honey of a woman who for some reason thinks the sun shines out of my arse. What she ever saw in my ugly mug is beyond me.

      • And yet…. and yet…..! They are nowhere near perfect, and NEVER will be! Sometimes the equation just evens up a bit though – that ONE occasion when you DO come out on top!

  17. And don’t dare ask how much their “hairdo” cost, or why they gave a great big tip to the (invariably) mincer who did her hair, on top of the fucking ludicrous price.

  18. I dated a bird many moons ago. We were driving down the M11 not far from what was RAF North Weald which is now a civilian airfield that does light aircraft, gliding and pleasure flights.

    She saw a glider and it’s tow aircraft take off from the airfield adjacent to the motorway.
    She then said:

    ‘Awwwwww, look at that poor little aeroplane. It’s broken down and the other one’s towing it back to the aeroplane garage. How nice’

    It felt it best not to explain to her what a glider is, the theory behind it and how they get airborne before they release……………. Women’s Logic for sure!

  19. They do seem to be constitutionally unable to shut the fuck up at times though,don’t they?
    The sagest advice I ever heard was ” how can you trust something that haemorrhages once a month yet still won’t die?”

  21. They embody the triumph of emotion over reason. Ask them what they think and you’ll only get a meaningful response from a rare and admirable few. Ask them how they feel and you’ll need earplugs.

    • Because your all awkward types, youve not discovered that women love a bastard.
      Flowers and sweetness monday, Tuesday,..
      Ignore her wednesday.
      Thursday flowers and compliments.
      Friday passionate love making.
      Saturday, shave her head while shes sleeping.
      Sunday flowers.
      Keep em on their toes and theyll adore you.
      Oh an dont take any backchat.
      If she so much as disagrees with you?
      Throw a drink in her face and walk off.
      Try it.👍

      • Nah, can’t be arsed. Game not worth candle. That approach guarantees a stalker…been there, done that, changed phone number.

      • Truth drives them mad too.
        “What do you think of this dress?”
        Makes you look fat.
        “What do you think of my hair?”
        You look a fuckin state.
        “Will you still love me in 20yrs?”
        I dont love you now so its doubtful.
        Try truth and youll be lonely and happy!😀😀👍

  22. on the day i married Mrs Fistula 1st, My Dad had a quite word and said. I bet you love her so much you could eat her . In 10 years time you will wish you fuckin had…
    I served 8 long years married to that greedy materialistic bitch.

  23. Some fascinating observations from you lot on the delicious enigma that is the opposite sex.
    Some of the other things I’ll never understand about women;
    1. they moan like fuck if you leave anything lying about, yet the place is constantly festooned with their undergarments, stockings etc.
    2. they expect you to have one bottle of shampoo and one of shower gel, so that they can fill the bathroom space up with their conditioners, hand creams, body lotions, cotton wool pads, nail varnish remover, skin cleaners and Christ knows what else.
    3. they always answer a question with a question- ‘do you want a drink?’… ‘are you having one?’
    4. they go on and on about you doing this or that job, then when you start, they tell you how to do it, and don’t take kindly to the response ‘why don’t you just do it yourself?’

    You gotta love ’em.

  24. Whenever my wife talks to another female they both seem to talk at the same time.
    So how do they hear each other? Perhaps they don’t want to hear and are happy just talking at each other.

  26. A bloke walking along a beach in California discovers a lamp. Thinks ‘what the fuck, why not give it a rub’. Poof, out pops a tired looking genei. Says he’s only got one wish left in him, so choose carefully.

    Bloke asks for a bridge to Hawaii, as he’s scared of flying.

    Gene says ‘fuck, that’s a lot of work, give me a break, wish for something else’

    Guy says ‘OK, explain to me how women’s minds work;’

    Gene says ‘how many lanes do you want on that bridge’

  28. If you’re driving behind a car occupied by two wimminz you’ll know immediately due to the excessive arm waving and head turning away from the road ahead as the ‘jibber jabber for prizes’ competition plays out.
    Can’t live with them, so little room under the patio.

    https://youtu.be/BDtVJiK8Lws

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