Cold Callers

I get a few calls a week from unknown numbers, I usually look them up on the inter web to see who’s trying to scam me or sell me something I don’t want. I just received such a call, didn’t answer and looked up the number as usual, the first comment was as below.

Ruined a good helmet tug, to make matters worse the ringtone alerted my wife who burst in on me. My dinners just gone in the bin and she’s wheeled off to spend a few days at her mothers. Bloody scammers ruined my life!!!!’

This has to be one of us surely?

To sum up cold callers are cunts but this bloke made me laugh, he should of answered the call and carried on tugging.

Nominated by: Sixdog Vomit

30 thoughts on “Cold Callers

  1. What a wanker-with good cause, it seems.
    The poor bastard-his lady should have finished him off😄

    I used to be plagued by these scammers-A new set of phones with call screening has put a complete stop to it.

    Scammers are complete cunts-people who scam the scammers are fucking hilarious:


    • A couple of years ago we got rid of the landline because 9 out of 10 calls were from arseholes who couldn’t even bother to deliver their script live, and after a delay a long pre-recorded message droned on. You would put the receiver down, pick it up after a few seconds and the bleeders would still be droning on. Where the mobile is concerned, I only answer calls where I recognize who is calling “Private Number” or “Number Witheld” calls get ignored – if it is not some cunt pretending to be from Microsoft, or selling insurance, it might be one of the self important wankers from “Test & Trace” and they can go and fuck themselves anyway.

    • He should have relied on the old faithful ‘Asda rollback’; as in have a Barclays when the wife’s out shopping; I must remember to take her knickers off again before she returns. I still havent mastered that bit yet which has led to some home marriage tension although I look way sexier than she does in her get up nowadays – I’m fabulous!

    • Jim Browning is supposed to be good for doing that. Atomic Shrimp is good for the 619 email cunts as well.

  2. Hey 6dV

    I have the very thing for you. An app called robocaller. It fools the dumb cunts into thinking they are actually talking to you when in fact they are being spoofed.

    This is one example but they have several:

    Google them or look them up on YouTube to hear more.

    Disclaimer: I’m not a paid spokescunt for RoboKiller, I do not own any stock in RoboKiller ,nor am I in any way, shape or form associated with RoboKiller. I just think they are hilarious and these cold calling cunts are getting exactly what they deserve.

  3. There is nothing worse than a call from fresh Pesh from Bangladesh telling you your energy contract is about to expire, i even had one who kept ringing back to engage my line, your time your wasting Mogli, instead of trying to find an old cogder with his last marble……..scummy cunts make me sick, fuck em

  4. I piss about with the callers that want to know about the accident you’ve just had.
    I tell them I had one last week and let them go through their script. I tell them that there were three other people in the car and we were all hurt.
    Somehow they all hang up when I tell them I was decapitated.

    • When they phone me regarding an accident, I agree with them by saying I have had an accident.
      I tell them I’m a combine harvester driver who was pissed on cider and I crashed into a coach of Pakistani tourists and killed 67 of them, can they represent me in court?

      They hang up quicker than Peter Tatchell could swallow a pint of Spunk.
      Free entertainment!

      • I usually tell them I have life changing injuries and after taking a few minutes to tun through the mundane details of the accident, I tell them that my injuries resulted in a large crack in my bum.

        Cue the dial tone…

      • I told them that the whole driver’s side of my car got smashed in. They then told me I was entitled to £1,100 compensation. I then asked them “Would the 8 pints of lager I drank that afternoon effect my claim?” The caller then said “Oh, stop wasting my time!” before hanging up, and I just laughed. After that I blocked the number.

      • Another classic is telling them you have just been released from prison. And you went in for murdering a cold caller.

  5. Don’t answer the phone, unless you recognise the cunt on your caller display and want to speak to the cunt.

    Or if you’re expecting a call from some cunt who is not on your caller display.

    Otherwise let the answering machine take it. Then delete. Simples.

  6. Just tell them you’ll get back to them once you’ve finished teabagging their mother.

  7. I used to get these foreign cunts on,always going on about “please your computer has been hacked please ” or “please very badly injured in a car yes please” etc etc
    I thwarted the vermin by pretending to be a P.aki from a call centre in Bombay.
    Anyhow I appear to be on their blacklist now as they never ring me anymore😮

  8. Any foreign sounding cunt is quickly rebuffed on my phone, the only foreign accent allowed on my phone are “hush white seff effrican” from my remaining relatives in occupied Rhodesia!, find the cold callers and sjambok the cunts into paralysis, utter cunts

  9. Lol! Nice one Sixdog.
    These cunts are a right nuisance but you can at least wind them up a bit before they hang up. No such luck with the pre-recorded messages from ‘Amazon’ or the ‘Internal (sic) Revenue’ whatever. Arseholes.

  10. Am I a cunt for wanking when on the phone to my drop-dead gorgeous boss Helen who’s a dead ringer for Rachel McAdams? Am I though?

    • And doesn’t it annoy the girlfriend or mrs when she finds out you fancy some bird you work with? When a bit of button pressing and points scoring is required, that is a particularly satisfying way of doing it. Just give that look of pleasure and say ‘Suchabody from work’. They absolutely hate it.

      Bird I work with sometimes looks like porn star, Viola Bailey.

  11. The Joe Daki cunts who call to say ‘Dis is Microsorft Veendows’ and ‘Dis is Amazorn Pur-ime, issn’t it’ get on my knackers.

    Cunts who also mither about gas and electric can get fucked and all. And never – fucking ever – tell Safestyle Windows they can call you back or that you are interested. You will never be rid of the bastards.

  12. Mate told me a story….Some bloke got a call from a Doris who said “I would like to talk to you about your recent accident ” he said “fucking hell! How did you know about that? “I thought it was just going to be a fart”!
    End of call!!

  13. Anyone else had that one?
    ‘You are the lucky winner of the Nigerian Lottery!’
    The Nigerian Lottery that I don’t do and doesn’t exist?


  14. It’s probably great fun to waste the time of spam callers, but I don’t do that, because they may have found some way to reverse the call charges without my knowing about it. I just hang up immediately.
    So cunters, beware, they could be scamming you whilst trying to scam you.

  15. Yes it is with some imagination you can waste their time to.
    Acting retarded is a good one they soon hang up then especially when you tell them youve just taken your trousers down to take a shit right there in the living room

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