Sadly we’re all too familiar with that breed of wanker known as Cycle Cunt. You see them everywhere, racing along pavements and streets with blatant disregard for the Highway Code, or even basic civility.

Unfortunately Cycle Cunts are now being aided and abetted by a new form of two-wheeled tosspot. You’ve probably noticed him infesting the highways and byways of our fair land in increasing numbers of late. Let’s dub him (or her, or them, or it; we wouldn’t want to discriminate) Electric Scooter Cunt.

Earlier today the wife was driving us sedately along the main drag when one these twats shot straight out of a narrow side street literally feet in front of us. The missus just about stood the car on end, causing agonising pain to shoot through my dodgy back as a consequence. The lout absolutely tore across the road (fucking hell, I didn’t realise that these things could travel so fast!) and shot off down the opposite street, but not before he had the time to glance back and give us that arrogant sneer so beloved of anti-social cunts everywhere.

I take it the deal with these scooters is the same as with their two-wheeled relative? No instruction or test required by the user, no tax, no licence, no helmet , no lights, oh, and no regard for anyone else out and about, in to order to be a fully qualified Electric Scooter Cunt.

I’m reminded of the classic Monty Python sketch about there being ‘just too many Whickers’. If they were making that today, it would have to be ‘just too many cunts on two wheels’.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

28 thoughts on “Scooters

  1. Riding a scooter is like riding a fat bird, great fun, but you would not want your mates to catch on either.

  2. I believe that NHS nurses used to called motorcyclists ‘organ doners’ .

    These are the new organ doners. Riding the automotive equivalent of a Dentist’s drill.

  3. For all the lazy &feckless
    The south park episode comes to mind (e scooters whatever bollocks it all is)there wont be to many fat bastards on em thats for sure.

  4. I presume the scooters you are talking about are the ones that look like kids scooters 🛴 not the ones in the picture. There are several cunts round my way with them and they can go like the clappers, even uphill.
    I believe, and I stand to be corrected, that they are strictly illegal whether on pavement or road. I don’t expect the coppers to do anything about it but why are they allowed to be sold?
    Surely they should only be allowed on private land? There should be some legislation about this before some wanker kills somebody.

    • “Youve killed me fackin scooter!!
      Oh fuck me, fuck off!
      Fackin postie cunt!
      Awww, fack off go on.”
      Scooters are the new thing for drug dealer hoodie wearing millenials on council estates, till they get a shitty little car with a backfiring exhaust.
      Id be embarrassed to ride one.
      My mates into scooters, not these modern ones but the old lambretta and Vespas.
      Cashed in his pension and bought one, had a custom paint job, etc
      Nice if thats your thing.
      Not mine though.

    • Absolutely Fred, these are the ones I mean, and it was of these fuckers that the wife and I had our aforementioned ‘close encounter’ with. The little cunt on it was that near to causing an accident, for which we in the car would probably have been held responsible for.
      They seem to be beloved by teenage yobs around our way; a kind of new version of joyriding.
      I don’t know what they cost but they seem to be the new ‘go to’ form of anti-social vehicle for cunts everywhere.

      It wasn’t clear the type of vehicle you meant Ron and we couldn’t believe these things would be on a public road. We stand corrected. Picture changed. Carry on – admin

      • They cost about 300 quid upwards and they can run for 30 kms so they are pretty powerful.
        I was sitting at a bus stop the other day and stood up to see if the cunting bus was coming. This fucker comes storming out of the dark, no lights, totally silent……I had to jump out of the way like a cunt. These little bastards don’t give a shit.

      • Cheers Admin!
        Yes unfortunately there are more and more of the things on the roads and pavements every day, and as Freddie says, they can really shift and are virtually silent.
        I assume it’s the same deal as with bikes; no lessons or test required, no tax, no insurance etc.
        Only a matter of time before some tosser on one of the damn things ends up seriously injuring or killing a pedestrian I’d say. It would be very hard to catch the perpetrator if they didn’t have the decency to own up, and most of the cunts riding them seem to be teenage yobos who think that putting the wind up people is a right laugh.
        I’m really looking forward to the day when I see some cunt go arse over tip on one.

  5. Maybe you are looking at the future, right here.
    Lazy, fat people who no longer walk anywhere, city centres that have been pedestrianised, only mobility scooters, electric scooters and cyclists allowed.

  6. Hate the fucking things as much as old cunt bikes. I live on a hill by a main road. As noisy as old cunt bikes are at least they pass quickly, usually a short sharp unpleasance. The high pitched whine of scooters can be heard from far away and far after passing especially if there’s a fat cunt or two on the thing. Buy a car cunts

  7. These fucking things –

    are ILLEGAL on roads and pavements, unless, in trial areas, shortly, rented from official renter. There will be a 15mph limit on their speed. It may be that some form of licence will be introduced further down the line; electrically assisted pushbikes are apparently legal because they resemble the holy pushbike (lycra-powered).

    Not that anyone is likely to enforce the law, as any policemen hanging on in hidden enclaves far away from any crime will be far too busy ticking diversity boxes and gaming online.

    • perhaps someone would like to tell this to the little cunts on them round my way. A cunt of an idea from a cunt of a government. Rozzers are too busy breaking up groups of 7 in the pub.

  8. Barcelona has them everywhere, with dedicated lanes. To be fair it works really well.

    The local estate scrotes should have both legs introduced to a baseball bat and be put in a wheelchair. Teach them some humility.

    • Personally I couldn’t give a flying fuck for the stupid cunt, who was acting illegally. My sympathy goes to the lorry driver.

      • Well he must have shit himself as he had 39 illegals in the back of the fucking lorry/probaly a bit pissed off to come across some fruitcake on a scooter and the old bill in attendance.

  9. Yes – fucking electric scooters. I have to have a licence to ride my motorbike, abide by the laws of the road, pay road tax and for insurance. I take regular safety refreshers. And all I see is little teenage cunts (and sometimes sad older cunts) riding these things without a care in the world. I hope one of these fuckers is in an accident and gets sued for every fucking penny they have (or their parents).

    And as for those Uber eats/Deliveroo scooter cunts – they should just be burnt alive at the stake. I even saw some advert that was wanking off as Nando’s (apparently some shit hole which sells chicken and chips) is now “on Deliveroo”, so the fat lazy cunts don’t even need to get off their fat lazy arses to get the shit.

    My blood pressure is going through the roof.

  10. I can do these scoter types on my pushbike! Illegal to ride on the path as it forms part of the Queens highway, illegal to ride on the road as the riders have no licence, tax, test or insurance. Made by cunts for cunts, and the first one to come near me on path or a road gets wiped out.
    And all this scooter shite is made in China.

  11. RK, I feel your pain. Enough of these cunts in Leicester. The acceleration is because they’ve got full power at the click of a switch, no need to rev up the engine, and you can’t hear them until they’re almost on top of you, the cunts.

    • They seem to be this year’s version of fucking locusts DKC. The cunts who swan about on them deserve to pile into a brick wall, and I hope to live long enough to see it happen.

  12. Proper scooters are far superior to gay motor (I still think I’m 14 and listen to shite heavy metal) bikes but these scooters are for 5 year old. Rather have a lambretta sx 200 any day x

  13. The 2m distancing thing is still in place in my area. Yet this phone wielding millennial turd speeds past people – young and old alike – without a care in the world. And what makes him a cunt is he does it on the pavemnent. Next time I see the ill mannered little cunt, I will drop kick him off that fucking scooter.

  14. Time to invest in a front and rear camera that records these cunts when they throw themselves at you and say you ran me over I’m going to sue.

    Luckily I haven’t seen anyone in these parts riding one of these – sounds like a city thing ridden by wideboy chavs from the ghetto.

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