Money Expert Cold Callers

Money Expert (that shit-whacked switching site and which is absolutely not Money Saving Expert but does fuck-all to differentiate itself)… is a cunt.

If this bunch of useless ignorant cunts with their shite UKTV play advert with some overpaid tart fannying around to right said freds one-shit-wonder to flog their shitty switching site isn’t enough- the bastards send round knobs in a high viz jackets at all hours pretending to be from the council or something to get you to sign up to some shitty deal from their pre-selected pile of companies who shove them a bung with every poor sap they bully into switching into some other crap shit deal and stitching them up over the exit fees. fuckerS!

For those of us who stick a big fuck-off sign on our doors saying no cunting-cold callers or unwashed salestwats these jizz free bell ends with their cheap tablets ignore them so often you wonder if they were held down and bleach tipped into their eyes which would explain the huge big fuck-off blind spot they say they have when they mumble “I didn’t see that big fuck off sign sir/madam – are you paying too much for your fucking electricity?”. Sometimes they come in pairs so you don’t know whose big-fuck-off nose and smug face you want to punch first.

Now we are all getting back to some sense of normality these shitfaced bastards are roaming the streets again – best case scenario, they’ll cough on you and you won’t get nothing. Worst case they’re riddled with COVID and will splutter all over you when they say “professional” bringing down anyone over 70 in your street or who are shielding sending them six feet under before their time. Within a month these Money Expert doorstepping pricks will centuple the R-rate just for doing their pissing jobs.

The saddest thing is that in some kind of coup they’ve buggered my childhood by taking all-round good-girl and CountryFile presenter Michaela Strachan and swindled her to endorsing them and their piss-poor website giving them a sense of credibility that anyone who has had the misfortune to deal with them is wondering why someone who is relatively harmless would take their relatively respectable career and nail it to a fucking dumpster truck just because these arses asked her to.

As letters, signs and fuck-knows-what doesn’t work on this dicks I’ve taken to buying a big fuck-off German Shepard and keeping a baseball bat by the door the next time these pricks come to visit

Nominated by: Bum Bag 

(Just to clarify, this has nothing to do with Martin Lewis’ “Money Saving Expert” website.

 – admin)

24 thoughts on “Money Expert Cold Callers

  1. Dont know anything about these?
    But cant be doing with cold-callers of any description.
    Its ALWAYS a hustle.
    Its NEVER in your interests.
    Dont let them get spouting their pitch, throw them off kilter, its easy!

    “You banging on my door? Whats the fuckin idea?”
    “I knocked sir I didnt bang.”
    “Oh! So im a liar am I?
    Banging on my door to call me a liar!
    Im getting the dog!”
    (Large dog barking and runs down stairs to front door) ….gone.😢

  2. Michala took the shilling then?

    Shame on her as she seems a genuinely nice lass and not an advertising tart who will endorse ANYTHING however dodgy for a good few quid.

    The queen of tarts is of course Carol Vorderman who appears to spend most of her ill-gotten gains on self-refurbishment with dire results looking at her.

    Carol YOU’VE been ripped-off!

    • Carol V gives me the horn.

      I’ve often wondered what her puckered little ring looked like.

    • Alas poor Michaela. Not enough diversity points. Had to go.
      Now if she could claim to be an autistic, lesbian, those taken together with her mammalian disability might have kept her on Spring and all the other Watches.

  3. I like them popping round from time to time so I can cheerily tell them to Fuck Off and Die.

  4. “So let me get this right, you’re so shrewd with money that you have to go door knocking in the evenings for seven quid an hour.”….

    • Gutted.
      Great guitarist and recovered from a troubled time.
      RIP indeed.

      • Ps Cuntstable cuntbubble had Peter in Deadpool, therefore winning.

      • GM is ace. Also love most everything on the ‘Fleetwood Mac’ LP, ‘Then Play On’ and ‘The End Of The Game’.

      • Then Play On was my favourite album to.also liked Danny Kirwins contribution .
        That was a renaissance period in music. What the fuck have they got now ?

        Evening Ruff Tuff

      • I think it was the B side of Green Manalishi … World in Harmony beautiful instrumental..

      • Evening Fenton. Yes, it’s impossible to overstate how special that period was for exceptional music and creativity in general. In hindsight it’s clear a peak was reached. Who would have imagined that 50 years later we’d be embroiled in the present cultural and artistic desert we’re in.

  5. I have two notices on my front door explaining to people who might think knocking is a good idea why knocking is not a good idea. I do not answer the door much anyway. Delivery drivers excepted and postpersons of course. Everyone else can fuck off. Which. I often advise them too. For fucks sake “no callers without appointment” means no callers without appointment not come in come in fill my life with great joy what can I sign so glad you’re here. Cunts never ending never fucking ending.

  6. Anyone remember those Kirby vacuum cleaner salesmen? What a bunch of lying, cheating cunts they were. Trying to convince you it was worth remortgaging the sodding house for a shite hoover. Cunts to a man.

    • I remember those Kirby Cunts well Cupid….
      One of those salesman spent the whole evening back in the early 80’s at my house trying to sell one of these overpriced suckers to me. It ended up with me threatening him with violence to get rid of the cunt

  7. Cold callers of any description are cunts.
    If it’s someone trying to flog stuff I politely say no thanks and ask them to remove me from their database (warning, this doesn’t always work). If they then persist I let rip.
    Most hated are the Asian fuckers pretending to be from BT etc. Scamming cunts preying on the vulnerable. I find repeating the phrase “lick your Mum’s clit” makes them desist.

    • I have done outward sales calls – they have to remove your number, they hate doing this as they have paid for your data, and if they come up with some shit the phrase “are you deaf or fucking stupid” works well, they then put you down as a “abusive/threatening caller and not bother you again.
      But they will sell your details on for someone else to have a go – the calls are usually from our peaceful friends and are never recorded as they routinely break the law so “f*ck off you smelly p*ki cunt” generally gets them all hot and bothered!
      I just looooooove winding them up – I have had them crying before and feel no shame – they are crooks and parasites.

  8. Inside insight: I’ve had two job interviews for companies with different names but the same address and same interview script. They make it sound like a legitimate marketing agency but cleverly tell you absolutely nothing about the job. Both were working ‘on behalf of’ a company called ‘MoneyExpert’ (clearly supposed to trick people into believing they are representing Money Saving Expert).
    The first time I accepted an invitation to shadow one of their agents. The day lasted about 12 hours (9am to 9pm) cold calling the whole time (with a short stop for lunch). The whole day watching someone knock on people’s doors from the bottom of peoples’ driveways. I’d honestly have aplauded anyone who called the police on us.
    The whole thing is sold as a dream job. You’re being fast tracked to a managers position.
    I walked away without sitting through the all important final interview (at about 10pm) with the agent I’d shadowed practically begging me not to leave.
    My take away from that experience is- I’m not sure the pawns are ever even aware of the scam. We were fed the same lies you hear on the doorstep when they’re trying to get you to ‘switch energy provider’.
    It all became clear to me because the agent had only ‘converted’ three people in those 12 hours and expected to make a decent commission. Considering people had to put their bank details into a stranger’s iPad on the doorstep, I’m surprised he convinced anyone.

    I walked out of the second interview (for a company with a different name, same address) when I recognised the script and certainly had no interest in shadowing another agent for 12 hours.

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