Conspiracy Theories (3)

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CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
A posting on the 5g nom (07/04.) has me putting forth mine. Thus,…BIG SPECTACLES ON WIMMIN. YES BIG SPECTACLES ON WIMMIN !!!

Heres how it works: Before people started getting ill and dying from the chinky bat soup coup there were some wimmin on tv with big gregories. Now, folk are ill and dying,there are wimmin experts popping up everywhere on tv and to a man (so to speak) they all have BIG SPECS!! (This does not make them appear intelligent,it doesnt, just twattish)

The virus is spread down the tv wires from their spectacles and infection transmitted onwards to a 5g tower, thence on to the brutish british populace. The expert wimmin are of course immune due to the BIG SPEC saver immunity for wimminz .Now, it is being established that men are more likely to succumb and die from the flumanchu , specs or not!! Wimmins immunity see?

Further, how many rinky dinks have you seen wearing specs, big or otherwise. Damn few eh? eh? eh? They started this and got the worst of it initially. Should have gone to spec savers eh wot the dirty cunting fuckers.

What are your theories esteemed cuntmeisters?

Ps I have BIG SPECS and feel fine, but then again I am a cunt and pissed a lot of the time lately.

Nominated by the cunt of montybisto

136 thoughts on “Conspiracy Theories (3)”

  1. Great header pic Admin!

    My conspiracy theory? Boris wasn’t really at death’s door, no. It was all a cunting plan by the Government, Civil Service, NHS and Labour opposition to get the public to sit up and believe Corbyn-19 is real and think “If it can happen to Boris it can happen to me! me! me!” šŸ˜³ And beg for for the imposition of a Police State or summat.

    Meanwhile Boris could sit back and put his feet up for a few weeks while the economy is flushed down the shitter, thus paving the way for a Sir Keir Shitstabber Labour landslide victory in 2024.

    Yours sincerely,

    Ann Elk. (Ms.)

    • I heard that Boris had actually died a fortnight ago and been replaced by a Chinese space lizard, but it was faulty, so they have to lock the fucked one up until the ninkies can ship a replacement. Shhh, donā€™t tell Icke….

    • Bats are thin on one side, get fatter in the middle, then thin again on the other side.
      Simples.

      I like a pair of Ray-Ban Aviators on a fit bird, especially if she’s in the buff. Big black-rim specs, like those worn by the Soup Erkins / Go Wank thing, are awful.

  2. Like these conspiracy nuts, they make me laugh.
    Theyll twist any facts to fit the conspiracy, they want so badly for it to be true.
    Tinfoil cranks love secret goverment coverups,
    UFO s
    The Kennedy assassination
    Whatever.
    As for the Marge proops glasses?
    Shortsighted due to radiaton from mars,
    Goverment knows all about but covers it up.

    • You forgot Flat-Earthers – they are my all time favourite. The ironic thing about them is that they believe absurditites whereas I don’t believe in them. I think they are all trolls and that they are playing the biggest jape known to man.

    • They always stick in a few facts and little bit of truth to make you think the rest is true.

      Most of the time they’re just pandering to cunts prejudices.

      • Sounds like most governments.
        How many enquiries will we have to endure after the bat soup virus with ‘lessons will be learnt’9

      • Quite so Crusty. Though I’d say governments aren’t so much conspiracy theories, they’re more conspiracy facts.

      • šŸ‘ Bloody right Miserable. Your mind is as pure and uncorrupted as the moment you spewed forth from your mother’s gash.

      • Yep, can proudly say since that day ive learnt nothing and paid attention to nobody.ā˜ŗ

    • Well MNC if you don’t believe the CIA assassinated JFK and you don’t believe in UFO cover up,I recommend sectioning you and I bagsy MNC posh ladida manor.
      Afternoon.

  3. I think you are on to something here. Have not heard any reports of Marjorie Proops or the hilariously funny Sue Perkins getting the virus. And the annoying fucker who advertises minge cream is seemingly indestructable. Remember, they laughed when Nish Kumar said he was going to be a stand-up. They are not laughing now are they? (B. Monkhouse, 1739)

  4. I still haven’t quite managed to hear one unified hypothesis yet from these scientifically-illiterate fuckwits – simplistic, Post Hoc nonsense no doubt.

  5. I have a theory, although their is no conspiracy.
    I think the reason that the bloke up stairs keeps on getting his door kicked in and beaten up is that he does not pay for his drugs.
    I don’t think he sells them, but it holds with my other theory that he may not be a retard, just off his trolley on whatever he has been able to get hold of.

  6. A timely miracle in our house today as an imprint of the face of Jesus has appeared on our mattress, or spunk stain as the non-believers are calling it….

    • Hallelujah JRC.

      A Tigers face appeared in my under crackers today too.

      Itā€™s got to be a sign.

      Hallelujah.

      • The Turin shroud is a conspiracy of religious nutcases. They say ‘just because carbon dating proved it to be a fake doesn’t mean it’s not real’. Who are the bigger arseholes, them or the Chinese?

    • Incredible!!
      One of those appeared on our mattress this morning as well. I positively swear it wasn’t there when we went to bed last night. Another fucking miracle!!

  7. This is just one big conspiracyu to lead us back into the EU. The Bat Soup Recipe was formulated alongside its faux Novochok at Porton Down Roadside Chef. I Know thios to be true because 5G has told me so. If you fuckers are too dense to beileve it is true, then just you wait for the big reveal !!! The Royals remove their skins…..there now…wadya think of that.

    Acknowledgements; To David Icke ( for the inspiration and the true facts _)
    To Franklin Schaffner for the Planet of the Apes
    To James T Kirk , ( for the loan of the Enterprise )

  9. Nish Kumar.

    Most unfunny Remoaner leftie wanker. Like all “comedians” these days.

    Fucking cunt.

    • And! and! subcuntinental so even less funny, into the negative on the funny scale

  10. I’ve started a few mysen. I started one that MI6 had started C-19 to improve our negotiation position in the up and coming EU transition talks.

    I started one that the SAS were training with a hybrid tiger up at Pontrillas ATC for use in counter terrorism on planes.

    Let them run the course and see where the come out…..like ferrets.

    • The 1.2 Billion Catholics, 1Billion other Christian’s, 1.6 Billion Muslims and all the other county religions would probably disagree…..My dad practiced Sihkism for 20 years the utter cunt…

      • Oh come on CrustyF, of course he exists, the evidence is all around you. Trees, water, disease. Psh.

        God must be a bit bored. He sends the ChĆ®nky Virus, to punish people presumably, then refuses to answer the prayers of millions. Perhaps the slaves aren’t praying hard enough? Either that or the power of the prayers has been weakened and diluted by not being beamed from one central place (the church) but individually, from these slaves’ homes.

      • “God did not create man in his own image; evidently it was the other way round.”

        Hitchens

  13. Who was the cunt on here that said the NHS were exagerating numbers killed by Covid-19? Does the cunt think that the NHS get a bonus for every fucker that dies of it???

    Fuck me sideways.

    • MSM still not really differentiating between people who die from, and those who die with, so what are the real figures?

      • If they have, I’ve not heard about them. Although, to be fair, I no longer watch the news. If the official figures don’t include me, I’m happy.

      • They have not, you are correct. Many dying with the virus would likely have not been classified as having died of it were it any other illness. For example cancer patients have compromised immune systrms which means the final thing that kills you is perhaps something as minor as a cold but the true cause is the cancer. The same applies here. The figures are likely also understated for deaths at home and those not previously counted in care homes.

    • You don’t fool us, lizard boy.

      We know the NHS is staffed by illuminati space lizards and that you are having your space lizard equivalent of Christmas right now. Turkeys aren’t good enough for you lot, so you need to drink the blood of us humans instead.

      When the chief space lizard, David Icke (a double agent) comes to your hospitals, he informs all the staff to fiddle the figures. If they refuse, they can’t chew on Aunt Mabel’s leg tonight.

      You’re not fooling anyone , ‘DCI Gene Cunt’ or ‘Zarg’ as you’re really known.

      • Shit, I’m outed! You see that ‘V’? That was a doc-umentoryšŸ¤£ I’m as green as my uniform underneath it!!

    • I find the whole numbers issue confusing, which may be the point. There can be no disputing the numbers testing positive for C19, itā€™s the death toll, and how it compares with other countries. Forget China, you canā€™t trust those lying cunts, or the other despot shitholes like North Korea or Russia, but how each country classifies a death from yellow fever. Forgive me if Iā€™m wrong, but I think the U.K. classes anyone who is suffering from chinkyflu who dies as a casualty of the disease, even if itā€™s from another ailment, but other countries may only count people who specifically die of the condition, and separate those who are suffering from C19, but die of something else, even if C19 exaggerated the condition. This will make the death toll comparisons that the media are obsessed with bullshit.

      • Ah, but that’s like AIDS. You don’t die of aids, you die from another ailment which your body can’t fight. Which is like Covid-19, although, as far as I’m aware, fit people with no co-morbidities have died directly from it. LBC has just said that 10,000 have died having contracted it and an unknown amount outside of the hospital environment. I may be wrong though, I’m not a doctor, I’m just an ambulance driver.

      • Consider how badly Boris, a relatively strong person in his 50s, suffered. For older more vulnerable people Covid19 would easily be enough to take them off. And enough younger people have succĆ¼mbed too. I see no reason why the authorities should want to exaggerate the figures anyway. Quite the opposite in fact.

        How’s your mate doing DCI?

      • Still not good, RTCP, ventilator keeping him alive, still, but, we have our fingers crossed. Thanks for asking. Yep, it’s a killer. I don’t think people have grasped exactly how deadly it is. Young nurse, 29, I think, just died of it. 20 plus healthcare workers so far including one from London Ambulance Service. Too close to home for my liking.

      • Sorry to hear that. Goes to show it’s not just another flu virus. Good luck.

      • Around 45,000 to 50,000 people die a month in England and Wales – see ONS website figures for yourself.

        I will be interested to see the figures for March, April, May, June 2020 when they eventually come out to see if Corvid-1984 has made much difference to the usual numbers. I’m not morbid, I want to know if the lockdown has worked or not.

      • It would be interesting to see if it’s worked, although, some take it more seriously than others, so, it would be interesting to see the figures for a complete lockdown and see if that made a difference.

      • Know one will know if it worked or not though because you’ve nothing to compare it to. Save for perhaps Sweden but its demographics/population density are very different so it’s moot.

        As we’ve been locked down there’s zero way of telling what would have happened if we hadn’t. Save for some boffins computer models which aren’t worth shit based on historical precedence, polar ice caps, peak oil etc.

        The government will claim lock down worked by keeping deaths to X but know one knows what Y would have been if we’d carried on as normal. The figures I’m reading suggest a mortality rate of about 0.3% taking into account co-morbity.

        Then the chief advisor reckons 2/3 of those who’ve died would’ve anyway of their other health issues.

        https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/03/25/two-thirds-patients-die-coronavirus-would-have-died-year-anyway/

        Yes it’s nasty, no one wants to see people dying but we seem to have lost a sense of perspective and proportionality. The economic impact as a consequence of these actions is going to put about 5 million people out of work the effects of which are immeasurable and probably going to shorten life expectancy far more than Covid19.

  14. I used to find David Icke rather entertaining. He can come over quite plausible, especially when he says stuff you want to believe is true or taps into your prejudices. Haven’t checked what he’s up to recently cos I’m not interested in conspiracy theories anymore. The missus said something about him being involved in this dangerous 5G nonsense. What a cunt if he is.

    • What about Chem Trails, Ruffers? Surely you believe that one? Don’t breathe in that vapour trail behind the aeroplanes, maan.

    • I watched his most recent video the other day, as research for the cunting I submitted about him. What a shyster! He doesnā€™t really expand on his theories, for most of his looney followers itā€™s more than enough, but for those that want to go deeper down his particular rabbit hole, heā€™ll joyfully flog you his ravings in book form for twenty quid. And whatā€™s with his fucking hands? Weird claw handed cunt, heā€™s been on about lizards for so long heā€™s starting to look like one. The cunt.

    • His face looks like it has been thermally irradiated by 5G masts, and made worse by his daily kink of having a dozen reptilians piss into his face.

      Something about the water content makes the 5G transmorgifying effect devastating.

  15. Strange how Bill Gates ran the Event 201 last year with a scenario of a Coronavirus pandemic. Plus he’s invested in digital tattoo technology to tell who’s been vaccinated and has money in a vaccine. Things that make you go mmm.

    He also wears glasses.

  16. Oh fuck it – Does that mean I’m vulnerable the moment I take me readers off then ?

  17. The BBCā€™s liberal left agenda is a conspiracy theory.

    Tony Blair sending the forces into Iraq aware there were no WMD is a conspiracy theory.

    Thereā€™s many a conspiracy theory that has turned out to be true. Sure there are many more that are just flakey but we used to have investigative journalism and a hunger to know the truth, we now have an MSM that pushes the official line and agenda.

    Iā€™m surprised if there are many here who accept whatever the government tell us without question.

    A lot of crime investigations are based around a conspiracy theory that the investigation team then have to prove. They have the resources and the power to investigate.

    Personally I think we should apply critical thinking to everything presented to us no matter the source.

    • That governments and politicians lie for their own ends – be it for good or evil or something in between – is not a theory. It’s a fact.

      Agree Sixdog. Eternal vigilance is what’s required. Cultivate a strong crap detector and you wonā€™t go far wrong.

      • My best “take-homes” from university days were a) Never assume anything and b) Ask questions.
        Not bad for 4 years, eh ?!!

      • Good stuff Belinda.

        Bet they don’t encourage that sort of thinking nowadays.

        Now it’s probably a) Never listen to anyone who does not share your extremely narrow lefty world view and b) Tell anyone who isn’t a lefty woke fuckwit to vacate the platform.

  18. You want conspiracy theories? I’ll give you conspiracy theories.
    See those Chinese peacefuls that were forced into concentration/re-education camps last year. The non-peaceful Chinese used them to test out out a virus that renders the peacefuls infertile. The virus proved to be successful so it was released onto an unsuspecting world. The people dying from the flu-like symptoms are just collateral damage. That’s as true as I’m standing here.
    I bigged up Ursula con der Leyen on this esteemed site a few weeks’ ago and now she’s turned out to be a right cunt by looking after Africans before the Eyeties and the Spaniels so I must know what I’m talking about.

  19. Tescos is delivery millions of items to thousands of destinations every day the NHS cannot deliver life saving masks etc to its own people. The front line people are heros but the NHS is crap. Conspiracy?

    • NHS doesn’t have the infrastructure/logistics to deliver all the PPE with the efficiency of Tesco. Fine for normal times, not in these unprecedented times, though.

  20. Ramadamadingdong coming up soon. At the end of the day the peacefuls are supposed to crowd into each otherā€™s houses to share a meal. I wonder if the coppers are going to try and stop that. Best not to I reckon. We donā€™t want to show disrespect to their beliefs do we?

    • I wouldnā€™t be surprised if lockdown is over the day before Ramadama starts. The authorities have got no chance of making the peacefuls stay in, easiest to let them get on with it.
      I bet the pubs will stay closed though

  21. The Labour Party and the unconvincing scrutiny, ā€˜we need to do more, the government need to get a gripā€™.
    Itā€™s so easy to sit back a criticise what is going on along with the media idiots.

    The only conspiracy is the the virus, it spreads between human beings and thatā€™s it, itā€™s so simple. The Chinks caused it, the dirty bastards, and cunts travelling all over the world spread it around like jiz in a porno!!

    • Joseph Conrad (writer) once said ā€œIt’s only those who do nothing that make no mistakes”.

      As you say SOI, so easy for Labour to criticise, even from their position of abject ineptness.

      Fucking useless muppets.

  22. I like my conspiracy theories.

    Perhaps I am gullible but anyone who just accepts whatever they’re told must be pretty gullible too. OK, some of them are ridiculous, I accept that but I must admit to a healthy dose of scepticism when “experts” and Govts. tell us that something is “ridiculous” and attempt to undermine and belittle anyone who may question the “official” line.

    I’m all for conspiracy theories and the “tin-hatters” who spout them….who knows? One of them may turn out to be not quite as daft as our trustworthy Leaders would have us believe.

    • PS… I don’t have any big specs,will a monocle do the same job if I swop it from eye to eye when out and about?

      • An excellent prop for that 2021 Farmers’ Aid calendar, Dick. Along with the captive bolt.

        I may throw in the Ministry job, and go and work for what would appear to be an ad-hoc mortuary (ie Principality Stadium; You may see Covid corpses.”)
        I could either die insane (Ministry), or of the lurgy.

      • Evening,HBH.

        I’m beginning to question my own sanity at the moment…..who’d have thought 6 months ago that we’d be living through this lot?

      • Know this bloke, we was at my mates custom bike show an talking , he said

        “miserable you pay Tax and insurance ? You mug!!”
        Said of course I do, my vehicle is my business needs to be legal+roadworthy etc
        Turns out hes a ‘sovereign citizen’, and thinks he can opt out of all laws, not have to pay taxes etc!!
        Fascinated me, asked him how it was going, had his vehicle impounded an was due in court!šŸ˜

  23. Ask your best mate (like us cunts have any) to close his eyes whilst you toss a coin. Without showing him, say it’s heads, if it’s tails, (or vice versa) then ask if he believes you. If he’s not sure, categorically swear, on your kids’ lives, that it’s heads – now does he believe you ? Once he accepts your story, show him the coin and that you were lying.

    In the end, it comes down to how much you believe the person / authority / media that’s telling you “the truth”.

    • “Ask your best mate (like us cunts have any”
      Ha ha, that made laugh Seymour, so true!

  24. As Miles points out in a previous Cunting…….strange how people can poo-poo conspiracy theories and yet happily spout that some conspiracy resulted in George Pell’s guilty verdict being “quashed”.

    šŸ™‚ .

  26. Of course, some conspiracy theories are proved true. JFK not being killed by Oswald, but by a ‘gunman behind the grassy knoll’, springs instantly to mind.

    • Yes I’d pretty much say that it’s been nailed on that Oswald wasn’t a lone shooter, if indeed he was a shooter at all.
      Just because something gets labelled as a ‘conspiracy theory’ doesn’t mean it’s not true.

    • Iā€™ve seen many theories on the JFK assassination, but nothing that proves Oswald didnā€™t do it. I donā€™t know whether he did, or was part of a wider conspiracy, but unless I missed something, there has been no formal admission by anyone. It made a great movie, but it was easily debunked.

      • Thereā€™s quite a bit of circumstantial evidence that he did, but there is no evidence that he didnā€™t. As Iā€™ve said I donā€™t know the real truth, but Iā€™ve been interested in this since I was a kid, and my opinion has swayed back and forth. However, there is no actual evidence that he didnā€™t do it. It then comes down to what you want to believe, and I try to avoid belief, so itā€™s a mystery as far as Iā€™m concerned. Itā€™s a fucker Ron, thatā€™s for sure!

  27. I believe that spec savers is run on behalf of the tooth fairy.
    I have quite solid proof of this (a la Terry Pratchet) .
    Belife is the requirement of most diaties, with the drop in belief a diatie will fade to nothing.
    As with father Christmas ( aka Google) the tooth fairy was falling on hard times, so diversified into other fields her first venture was “easy dent” an online denture replacement service, sending her minions across the globe to swipe dentures left un attended.
    Financially the venture was sound but a pr failure as few would admit to owning or looseing dentures.
    So diversify she did, arming her minions with small screwdrivers she sent her minions out to attack the middle aged.
    Gathering specicals and loosening screws they ravaged the world and even those who did not require their services knew there name.
    Belief was secured and with it immortality!
    My friends I say to you the tooth fairy is the CEO of spec savers.

  28. My missus is being unreasonable and has now said that she’s leaving.
    Not because of the lockdown, but because of my obsession with UFO’s and the search for alien life in our solar system.
    Sometimes I don’t know what fucking planet she’s on….

  29. I like the ‘Stevie Wonder isn’t really blind’ one. Or that Paul McCartney died in 1966. And Finland doesn’t exist, you know?

    But who can beat David Icke’s ‘The Moon (and Saturn) don’t exist’?

    Actually, he can beat it himself. The lizard shite is fucking mental. He lists all these powerful people, Bush, Blair, Royal families (and then a shit load of Jews whom he seems to hate) and then…for some mental reason, Kris Kristofferson of 80s film ‘Convoy’ fame. He also thinks the Queen is a lizard who lives in a cave and drags live humans into her lair to eat.

    Totally normal.

    Oh, but I did read about one that says governments make human sacrifices in the month of April to their satanic god.

    Spooky?…nah just mental shite. Now excuse me while I go back to my cave, I mean erm…to my home.

    • To be honest, I’d say that McCartney did die in 66, at least as far as his music’s concerned.

      • You don’t rate his contributions to Sgt. Pepper, Magical Mystery Tour, the White Album, Abbey Road and Let it Be, Ron?

      • Not really Ruffers. On the dead Macca theory, SOMETHING odd did appear to happen with the Beatles around 66. Like most conspiracy theories, the Macca one seems loony until you start to dig into it, then things which are to say the least unsettling do start to pop up. Not to say that I buy it, of course, but I’ve spent some time wondering.
        As for Macca’s post 66 stuff, well, to me it just seemed ordinary, unexceptional, compared to what had gone before, with the exception of the wonderful ‘Penny Lane’ and ‘Blackbird’. ‘Revolver’ was the zenith for me. In particular I’ve really tried to like ‘The White Album’, but for me, the sheer, joyful exuberance of the early years was gone. ‘Let It Be’ really sounded like hard work, and Spector should be strung up for the way he butchered the final cut.

      • They evolved Ron. That’s what happened… like they always had.

        Except it took off big time after they dropped acid.

        Personally I prefer Spector’s Let it Be to McCartney’s sterile Let it Be Naked.

      • It’s a conspiracy I did look into a few years back. You’re right that there is some weird shite surrounding this conspiracy theory.

        And I’m pretty sure the Beatles, Lennon in particular, were winding people up with some of their lyrics (‘Paul is dead’ when played backwards) and with their album covers.

        But in the end…my conclusion was that it’s a load of bollocks with a few coincidences and deliberate wind ups.

      • I was still at school when the rumour started in late 1969. It was all some of us talked about for weeks.

        Naturally we wanted to believe it was true cos it was so bizarre and exciting. Playing records backwards searching for clues, looking for scars on recent photos of Paul’s face – you can make yourself believe anything if you really want to.

        Preferable to day-to-day mundane reality. After it took hold the Beatles probably encouraged it a bit to sell more records.

        Then it sorted of faded away like most of these things do where there is no substantive evidence.

        Below is a summary for anyone who’s interested:

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_is_dead

    • Didn’t Stevie Wonder have an operation that restored his sight but had to keep up the pretence to maintain his image?

      Bit sneaky, isnt it.

    • Everyone knows the moon’s a balloon. David Niven wrote a bestselling book about it.

  30. Who was that Greek looking type in a white Fiat behind Marilyn Monroe on the grassy knoll though?
    I have a theory but my Lawyer B&WC has advised me to say naaaafink! šŸ˜€šŸ‘
    Nothing to see here – colander and tinfoil head covering back on, in corner – less rays!

    • BWC as a QC. Fascinating idea. I’d love to hear his closing defence speech.
      “The quality of mercy is not strained.
      It droppeth like the gentle rain
      From a tongued arsehole.”
      No jury would dare to convict after such eloquence.

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