Personalised Number Plates and Owners

Cunts who have number plates on their cars made up to look like their names….

Had a couple of cunts the last few days, and it’s always cars like Mercedes or BMW’s. Now it’s not that I am jealous of the fuckers, but what boils my piss is how the cunts drive too. They all drive like they have all the time in the world getting somewhere, but after a hard day’s graft, I just want to get home as soon as possible, but these self-centered fuckers drive at 20 miles an hour down a country lane, hard braking every time they come to a bend in the road. FFS, and how do they get away with an illegal number plate on their car?

I work in a garage and we make number plates for cars. When one of the scrotes wants a plate made with their name – like letters and numbers (a quasi legal way) I say our plate machine won’t print it.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Sidthesexistsforeskin

71 thoughts on “Personalised Number Plates and Owners

  1. I quite like personalised number plates, I also like BMW’s and I like being a cunt.

  2. Dont get these at all.
    Dont understand why youd want one,
    Why youd buy one.
    Thought this was just me?
    MNC 001 as my reg? Naw!
    Its a weird thing to me,
    Anyone on here got personal reg?
    An if so, why?
    Genuinely curious

    • If you are f*cking loaded you don’t bother with a personalised one – you want everyone to see your car is brand new and you know you have the money to buy a replacement one anytime, but modded ones are a magnet for being stopped.

      As is riding a motorcycle with no plate at all, a friend informs me!

  3. My personalised number plate reads:

    PEN 1 5

    Raises a few eyebrows with the local Church goers lol

  4. I remember back in the 80s PEN15. She was fucking gorgeous driving around Kensington in a red car. I was 20s. The whole thing was a boring load off bollox. Then suddenly mdma and then none of that bollox mattered anymore.

  5. I’ve seen a couple of right arseholes driving around in Edinburgh in recent years. One poseur was driving around in an open-topped sports car with the plate modified from H15 EXY to read ‘HI SEXY’. A cunt or what?
    The other was some absolute arsehole in a white Merc who was obviously a ScotNazi. He’d amended YE55 COT to read ‘YES SCOT’. I kid you not.
    The biggest twats to my mind tho are those cunts who don’t actually have a ‘personalised’ plate as such, but stagger the letters and numbers in such a way that it looks different from a standard plate. How fucking pathetic is that?
    You occasionally see a non standard plates that’s quite original tho. Remember seeing a VW Beetle with the plate ‘V2’ which I thought I was good.

    • In cheshire see loads of old rich cunts, footballers, tv cunts, flying about in luxury cars, lots with personalised plates.
      Good way of drawing attention to yourself or getting carjacked.
      Makes me laugh when i see some little old bloke in a ferrari or Porsche top down Ferrari baseball cap on, pink fucking polo shirt etc
      Like to overtake em on duel carriageway see their faces!
      Then theyll blitz past me at speed Heehe! Sad old twats.

      • RON, surely a BMW badge on a car is enough to identify a driver as a grade 1 cuntbucket.

      • It’s like the old joke mate.
        What’s the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog?
        With the hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.

      • When I get my Morgan 3-wheeler (electric, if they get back round to it), I’ll be like Toad of Toad Hall and those two old thesps who went round Britain in a Morgan. A sort of electro fanny-magnet…

    • Have you seen the Gaylords number plates:

      Adonis: R U 1
      Mandy: I AM 1 2

      added to which Lloyd Russell-Moyle: 00000 HH

  6. I leave the number-plates on the Hilux covered in mud so that the vehicle can’t be identified by by one of those Wanky pushbikers with a camera on their head.

    Fuck Off.

    • I wouldn’t have thought a camera would be much use when a Hilux has just driven over it whilst also leaving tyre marks on the wearer’s face?

      • I’ve long been rather worried that I’m going to pop up on YouTube one day in a “Ronnie Pickering”style video,Moggie.

  7. Remember in Viz about 30 years ago. Chris Donald had two number plates made to stick on the back of two Cars next to each other. First number plate said ‘I SHAG BIRDS’ and the one on the car next to it had ‘UP THE SHITTER’.

  8. Personal plates are for New Money Fuckwit cunts.
    Saw one in Leeds – AR51 HED. It’s owner was a local cultural-enricher whose name was Arshied or something like – We pointed out that in English it reads as Arsey Head.

    Totally justifiable nomination, Sid

    • My favourite made-up one was from David Renwick, writer of One Foot In The Grave – Victor bought a new car with a “pornographic” reg number – P155 OLE

  9. A bunch of vein, self-absorbed tossers. What might be meaningful to the posing cunt looks like a random stream of letters and numbers to average Joe driver so what’s the fucking point? What message are they trying to communicate to other people aside from “I’m a posing cunt”.

    If I was minted I would get a really flashy car and get a personalised plate to let the cunts know what I and every normal person thinks of them. It would say 1M 4 CVN7

    • If you see plates like these, it’s guaranteed the car’s being driven by a complete pillock. Apart from anything else, I thought they were illegal. So if they get pulled over it’s their fault, the cunts.

  10. I like the number plates on 007’s Aston Martin that rotate.
    These other ones are for total cunts.
    Fuck off.

  11. There someone driving abaaaht Notting Hill with G spot on their car… haven’t seen them but seen the car parked up a lot…must be a bender.

  12. Sad wankers who think it makes them a bit special, but in fact it just identifies the owner of the car as an empty headed cunt. I know someone working at the dvla, and they get great pleasure from telling some of these cunts that they haven’t paid the retention fee, so they no longer own the reg mark. Some of these dull cunts pay thousands for these plates, but forgot to pay a small retention fee when they are in between cars. The government makes a small fortune flogging these vain pricks number plates, even though their car already has one. Buy stupid, but twice.
    On the subject of number plates, I also loathe those sad cunts that have German style number plates, because they have a German car. Sad fucking bellends.

  13. The worst offenders are those in England who have screwed the diddicoy Oirish plates to their cars.

    For example, Sharon the blonde Essex girl with the overused minge and permament Prosecco haze would have SHZ 69 screwed to her pink Fiat 500, complete with fake lashes on the headlights and a large pack of scented mingewipes in the glovebox.

  14. I’ve a personal reg on my car I like to show the world I’m a cunt and proud of it
    If you don’t like it your a cunt

    • Fucking sourest of sour grapes mate. They’ve all got faces like Nicola Sturgeon chewing a wasp that’s stuck to a piss stained nettle.

    • Jeeeeezus fucking Christ what undiluted remoany bollocks, talk about missing the fucking point! It’s about OUR exit from the europlan and signalling that exit publicly and symbolically, it’s (going to prove) a critical point in European history fer fuck’s sake. But leaving all that shit aside, how hard can it be for a bloke with a wristwatch to clump a fucking bell 12 times with a paver’s sledge? The bell’s in place, I assume the striker’s still in situ, add a hydraulic/air ram

      Failing that, strap a 10 kilowatt PA up there and hook up a £20 mp3 player…? Half a fucking million?? Get t’ fuckery! I’d get it done for £10k tops + a booze soaked slap up grill for the crew.

  15. People who have personalised plates should also have their name tattooed on their foreheads as a condition of owning the plate. Though in these heady days of GDPR I think ‘CUNT’ would be suitably accurate whilst maintaining anonymity.

  16. I have a BMW X5 because I was fed up of cunts undertaking me in my A2. Now the X5 doesn’t give off the right image in the country so I want a big fuck off Range Rover Vogue extinction.

    Btw I absolutely detest these people who cannot or will not drive at the speed limit. They do 40 or less in a 60 zone, bloody idiots, of all ages and all types of cars.

  17. The BIGGEST CUNTS on four shells are fucking AUDI drivers, CUNTS to the last man/woman/it.

    These are the cunts who drive up your arse, cut you up and can’t park to save their fucking cuntish lives.

    But the WORST, are the young male types, mainly “Asian” in those big black cock-substitute A6 who think the Law doesn’t apply to them and don’t have a numberplate on the front “cuz it spoils the looks, dunnit”. Arrogant, cunts.

    Meanwhile the useless Plods never seem to nick these cunts, probably easier to turn a blind eye than be called waaayyyycist or you-know-what-o-phobic.

    Yes BMW and Mercedes drivers are ALL CUNTS, but the AUDI CUNTS are several orders of CUNTRITUDE above them.

    • Not everyone who drives an AUDI is a cunt………….nah who am I kidding, AUDI’s attract cunts like council estate blondes attract Nigerians.

    • I’ve been an Audi driver for twenty five years and I hate anything modified, usually a cunt driver. A3’s are always driven by some young idiot bastard. But you can leave A7 Quattro drivers out of it, thanking you…

  18. Yep cunts to a man (or woman). Two grand for a plate that sort of looks a bit like your surname, if you read the 5 as an S, illegally move the digits closer together, cunningly stick black number plate screws in such a way as to alter the letters, and squint.

    By the way I have a special announcement to make: it’s taken a surprisingly long time (we’re two weeks in!) but I can officially announce on Cuntan’s Boston Watch that we have had our first Dooshka Dooshka murder of the year!!! Body was “subject to a sustained assault before being dumped in a local waterway”. About time too, we were starting to think the EE population had gone off trying to enrich us locals with their charming stabby, kneecapping, heroin-shooting ways. God bless them.

    • Where was you around the time this poor enricher died?
      Hope ‘candygram for mongo’ isnt your accomplice?
      Give his family my condolences, tell them back home its sunny and a good harvest is expected.

      • Been away with work mate, got a solid alibi! Bless em, salt of the earth they are. Oh no, not salt – the other thing, sc*m, that’s it. To be fair they’re like the Krays, only ever murder their own.

      • Good lad!👍
        When the next ones fished out the river make sure your ‘away with work’ again.
        Lincolnshire trying to compete with manchester for most waterlogged corpses?

      • We’re giant killers here MNC, Manchester we’re coming for you! Relatively low population but by God we can murder with the best of ’em, the dooshkas love to put their stabby skills to work for us. I’ve often thought I’d love to go all Michael Douglas in “Falling Down”, take a dozen or so of the fuckers out before plod turn up with the tazers

  19. On the subject of cunts behind the wheel, has anyone heard one of those cunt klaxon things lately? You know the ones that play (very loudly) the Colonel Bogey March, or The Star Spangled Banner? There were loads of airhead arsewipes driving around disturbing the peace for a while, but the fad seems to have died down of late.

    • Fuck me Ron knee , when did you last hear one of those air horns? In 1977? No one has them now, only a cunt

      • There were still a couple of cunts riding around sounding them off by us last summer. Haven’t heard one for about six months or so. Maybe the cunts have crashed and burned.

      • Theyre a nightmare Ron, them ‘ton up lads’ greasy rockers!
        An them ‘mods’! Flying about on scooters fighting at the seaside,
        An people with furry dice an their names on windscreen ‘pat an malc’
        Im with you pal!😀👍

      • Ah mods… aren’t they sweet? Bless them, all dressed up in their stay prest suits and white socks, I always thought they were rather homosexual, riding around on poofy scooters, give me a triumph fire breathing nutter bastardy bike anytime

      • “…them ‘ton up lads’ greasy rockers!”

        Greeeeeebohhhh! That’d be me then… on me Beezer 650 Road Rocket cafe racer, clip ons, rear sets, spit back from the carb setting the knee of yer oil soaked jeans on fire! a shower of rain and you’d get zapped on the other knee by a 10,000volt pisser from the shagged out HT leads but fuck me what a magnificent noise it made…!

  20. Unless the plate is your initials, or P1 LOT for a Jumbo captain, you look an absolute cunt.

    Valid cunting.

  21. I had BWC7 GFY (Black and White cunt Go fuck yourselves) but had to get rid of it as all the female fans kept running after me when I left the house.

  22. All the down to earth local folk round my way are carking it and being replaced by swathes of towny cunts who swiftly ponce up their houses and fill their drives’ with poncy EU barges festooned with highly impressive wanky private plates.

    Every cunts at it round here, nearly every other car on the road is some two ton luxo barge in white, black or silver with a private ponce plate on it. I’m quite impressed I can tell you, and so are all the other local folk. I drive old cars worth tuppence and used to be the norm, but now I’m standing out and whispers are starting that I’m an eccentric cunt for carting about in an 80’s heap with a period number plate..

    My neighbour ponced up his gaffe and drives a brand new Merc so doesn’t want to even talk when he walks by my place, a prime example of the mindset of these cunts. Nothing to do with me oggling his wife’s tits and calling him a fat ponced up Panzer Commander I’m sure.

    Bunch of ponced cunts the lot of ’em, there should be a town in every county where all such people should be encouraged to live, maybe Oneupsmansville, or Lookatmesville. Better yet, Cuntsvill. They can all drive around impressing each other and leave the rest of us to a reserved English life on the local roads.

    4LL CUN15

    • Same here, try doing it with an elderly m/c (which can beat just about anything off the lights and well beyond them). This may be why my new neighbours – yes, townies – avoid eye contact with me, and she in particular looks as if she’s just necked some battery acid when she sees me. Or maybe they saw the latest pigeon succumbing to some elegant sniping from the bathroom window. Cunts, anyway.

      Onanburg, Arseham Wokeing (sic)?

  23. Whenever I see one, regardless of whatever the actual arrangement of letters and numbers is, all I see is

    C U N T

    If it’s not ‘Baby on Board’, it’s ‘Look at me, I’m vainglorious and maladjusted enough to want everyone on the road to know my name and/or wacky personality’.

    Fuck off and feed your children and pay your mortgage you cuntstains.

  24. 80s crossing road in London pale blue Porsche stopped to allow me to cross, driven by stunning blonde, reg. no. LAB 1A. Kid you not.

  25. I seem to remember hearing about a chap who had paid alot to have PEN1S or maybe it was PEN15 on his car. I admired his honesty if nothing else.

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