Dracula (BBC Shite)

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BBC’s Dracula – saw the first episode yesterday. I fully expected it to be shite, and it surpassed all expectations. This was not unexpected as it is typical of the BBC to ruin everything they touch with their pointless ‘re-imaginings’ of classic stories – even more so, since Moffat and Gatiss were behind this.

They naturally had to introduce a homosexual element, where a nun asks Jonathan Harker if he had sexual intercourse with Dracula. The nun was of course portrayed as free spirited and empowered. She also turned out to be called Van Helsing. So you can already see, presumably, that an empowered woman is going to be Dracula’s nemesis. There was also a black and a Chinese nun – just what you would expect to find in a convent in 1890s Hungary. Dracula himself started off with an eastern European accent and gradually ended up sounding like an East End wide boy. It’s in three episodes, so can only get worse.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

62 thoughts on “Dracula (BBC Shite)”

  1. Learnt my lesson with that War Of The Woke bollocks, will be giving this a wide berth Mystic; I’m done with the BBC and funding cunts like Attenborough, anyone on ISAC decided to stop paying their licence fee yet?

    • Yeah me. Stopped paying 4 years ago. BBC will not even get a cat turd from me let alone any money.

      They’re on borrowed time down at Auntie, and after the 2019 December election they fucking know it too.

      Someone let me know when the BBC funeral is, I’ll get my fat cock out and piss all over their grave.
      CUNTS!

      • Good for you Count, I’ve been on the fence for a while but not had the bottle yet – knowing my luck I’ll be the only one they make an example of and I’ll come out with a sphincter the size of a Coke can after sharing my cell with Winston

      • Don’t worry. Just cancel and have zero contact after. Don’t reply to mail. They have no right of access to your house either.

        They can’t do shit and they know it!
        They just rely on intimidation.

        Tell’em to Fuck Off!

      • Thought this was wonderful!
        At the end of each episode i stood and applauded shouting “bravo!”
        Maybe its a bit highbrow for most of you but i adored it!
        Count@
        Not paid your license fee?
        Well ive paid twice i love the BBC that much so ive paid for us both.
        Well done auntie beeb, smashed it yet again!!

    • I’ve never had a TV licence. I get occasional letters addressed to “the occupier”, warning me that they’ll be in the area and will come knocking.
      They can fuck off.

    • The bastardisation of War Of The Worlds was the final straw for me. Dr Who? They have to destroy eveeythibg they touch with their PC bullshit.

      Utter contemptible cunts.

    • Same here Cuntan. War Of The Woke was such shite.
      I foolishly watched the new Christmas Carol, to see the Bollocks Bullshit Cunts ruin Dickens, so I decided not to watch them fuck up Bram Stoker.
      However, I did watch ‘Elizabeth is missing’ which I recorded just before Christmas, which was excellent. Well written, a good solid story, great acting & completely free of any PC or virtue signalling crap. So, the BBC can still produce good TV drama.

      It’s so sad to see the institution that gave us Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Edge of Darkness, House of Cards & the definitive ‘Miss Marple’ (Joan Hickson), now reduced to a group of namby-pamby, lily-livered, bleeding heart liberals.
      Quality & professionalism has given way to political correctness & a desire for popular approval.
      Shame…. shame….

    • I stopped a couple of years ago. I don’t watch the idiot lantern anymore. I just use the TV as a computer monitor. I don’t fund those woke paedophile loving cunts. I don’t even open their bullshit letters.

  2. Good nom MM.
    I turned this tripe off after mention of bottom bothering in the first seven minutes.
    It seems any adaptation of a classic by the British Bùggering Corporation has to have acts of dĕviancy as the norm included.

  3. It’s actually quite good….there are so many culturally enriched actors in it which spoils it a bit, purely from an historic viewpoint but hey ho.

    The worst character yet has to be the aspiring architect in the boat voyage episode….like an extra who’s wandered in from Live and Let Die.

    • I pray that you’re right Spanky, about it being “quite good”. Cos I’ve promised to watch the first episode with the wife this evening while eating our fish dinner.

      Hope it’s not as bad as War Of The Worlds. That was a real shocker! Not so much for its PC re-imagining nonsense, but more because it was so incredibly fucking DULL and BORING.

      • I’ve just about managed to obliterate that War of the Worlds from memory by repeated playing of Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds.

      • Ooh you are awful Cuntan…. but I like you.

        (Not in a gay way, you understand).

      • That remake of WOTW was truly dull and aside from all the PC bollocks it was just unwatchable.

        If you want to witness something truly dull have a look at the Susan Hill Ghost Story thing that Channel 5 shat out over Christmas. I would rather eat broken glass and the rub the shit in my eyes than watch that again, truly woeful.

  4. But Al Bibi’s website said I should prepare myself to become ‘obsessed’ with this shite? They couldn’t be wasting more licence fee payers money on their abysmal website advertising this abysmal waste of money lecturing on poofery and inclusion under the pretence of ‘entertainment’ – Not Al Beeb!? But they keep spending licence fee payers money telling me how trusted they are?

  5. Haven’t paid tv license since 2001. Don’t answer door and they can’t do anything. Left wing will do all for loons but fuck you if you are old and white.

    • My best mate answered the door to the cunts stark bollock naked and drunk. ” Who the fuck are you” . He’s never heard from them again.

  6. Thank you for watching it so that I needn’t. Why must they turn everything into diluted, gay shit.

  7. If you watch or listen to the BBC your a cunt, don’t comment on them being cunts we know that already. You a cunt for watching the shite. Now fuck off whinging

  9. On the matter of production ( of this amorphorous shitfest ) it was reprted ( by the BBC )that viewers were absolutely enthralled by the production, which “….far surpasses in quality and realism than the originna Hammer Productions ….)
    Well , for a start. Hammer never had the budget these BBC bastards have to splash! And Hammer ) IMO ) were far better at producing a believable and frightening Dracula, far better than this fickle, gag riddled smart arsed cheese grating cunt who should fuck off back to Lurpak Land asap!
    The whole caboodle was a shit stained pair of shreddies and the acting? Well don’t start me off on that one. BTW, when was the fucking water ever that clear off fucking Whitby ?? Its usually murky, floating Johnnies and turds…..

    • They also knew that 99% of their audience wanted a good helping of heaving bosoms in diaphanous nighties to go with the blood – no chance of that from Auntie Beeb

  10. No doubt Drac will turn out to be a leave voter and will be dispatched with a wooden stake (approved to EU specifications and known, colloquially, as a “Merkle” ) through his evil black heart.
    On the other hand, he’s a Roma gay so perhaps he lives into the 21st century, sucks all the blood out of Boris, saves the EU and saves the planet.
    Who knows with the fucking BBC?

  11. A real disappointment this but as other fellow cunters have already alluded to; what did anyone expect after the terrible treatment they gave to War of the Worlds? Most of it is played for laughs and the Count going from Romanian to cockney wide boy in the space of 30 mins was laughable but in a really bad way. Predictable and not the least bit scary, it really is the lamest piece of shite in a good long while. Anybody who believes Al-Beebs propaganda about viewers being enthralled needs their head testing.
    Cunts.

    • I won’t be watching it. There are hundreds of films, plays etc about vampires and most of them are pretty bad. I have four in my collection, I rate them from best to worst:- The Addiction (1995), Bliss (2019), Shadow Of The Vampire (2000) and Habit (1995).

  12. Cuntan, I cancelled my license after Panorama tried to destroy Tommy Robinson. No matter what you think of him (I actually admire the bloke) what they tried to do to him was disgusting. I’ve had one visit from a crapita goon and was polite but didn’t let him in. He would need the police and a warrant to enter my house and they’ve got more than enough stuff on their plates. Cancel the fucker now and join 800,000 a year doing the same. You’ll feel much better for it!

    • ‘Oh Tommy Tommy!
      Tommy Tommy Tommy Tommy Robinson!👍👍👍🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

      • I think Pete Townsend should put down the “research” material and give us an updated Tommy based on Mr Robinson’s exploits

    • It’s a fucking tax as we are all well aware. If they gave the option of no fee to pay but loss of ability to watch BBC channels, their subsequent annual income wouldn’t cover the morning coffee run for January 1st and they know it.

      • The cunts must have the legal side of it tied up so tightly otherwise I’m sure the likes of Sky would probably have challenged it by now. My old mum who lived with me (the house is in her name) and had a free licence passed away in November. Of course I haven’t notified the cunts and if they come after me they can fuck right off. I don’t watch any BBC shit or listen to any of their godawful radio programmes so why the FUCK should I be forced to pay for a product I don’t use or require? It’s like doing all your shopping in Aldi and still having to pay Tesco’s as well.

  13. I avoid the BBC indoctrination at all costs and wasnt even aware it was on , but its obviously a load of shit and piss so why bother. We could do with a modern day Vlad Tepes though to rid us of the scourge of Mos-loons and our other assorted shit stains. I did notice a trailer for a new David Copperfield film though with the rib ticklingly
    hilarious Hugh Laurie. Tee hee. Cunt. It’s funny though I don’t remember any Indian and African characters from the original. Perhaps this version is going to be even better than all the others put together.

  14. Well if Count Dracula wanted to feel at home amongst other coffin-escaping, false- teeth wearing,Night of the Living Dead old Farts, he certainly picked the right place when he landed in Whitby. One night out there and he’ll have been praying that some Cunt turned up with a silver bullet or a stake to drive through his heart.

    • Happy new year Mr F, hopefully your part of Northumberland country side is as peaceful as mine, I.E no fucking peacefuls. And long may it last

      • Evening Harry and a Happy New Year to you too.

        Very rare to even see a Dark Key out here Harry, never mind a Peaceful. Peacefuls seem to prefer the cities,and long may it continue as far as I’m concerned.

  15. The fucking woke idiots at the British Bumming Collective couldn’t make a bed never mind reinvent Dracula.
    Sick of the cunts.
    Fuck off.

  17. If it ain’t Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee or Louis Jordan (all sadly deceased anyway) they can fucking keep it.
    Will Van Helsing turn out to be racist against the persecuted vampires I wonder?

      • Robert Quarry, who played “Count Yorga” in a couple of 1970s American Dracula knock-offs, was a dead ringer for Ray Reardon…

    • Van Helsing ain’t no Peter Cushing in this one……it’s a fucking Dutch nun and I kid you not.

  18. I’m surprised Woke-ula wasn’t set in modern times but then there’d be the ADIS issue to traverse, oh, but as CH4’s Naked Attraction programme showed recently, the old arse injected death sentence should no longer be a deterrent to infecting others (wasn’t that a prisonable offence before?)…

    Oh, but of course the suppressant drugs are marvelous these days. Hmmm…

    Just as well Woke-ula wasn’t a vegan either because some foreign vegan cunt has just won a “landmark” case so that the 99.9% of the normal majority have to pander to the fringe minority yet again! Cunt was an eastern blocker so would no doubt be in the gulag by now if he tried to pull that shit in his own country!

    Wouldn’t it be ironic if he too was from Romania, just like our Woke-ula fiend!

    Utter pile of cunt!

    🤡🤡🤡

  20. This shit nearly had me booting the telly off the wall. The character of Jonathan Harker is now called, “Johnny Blue-Eyes”. Dracula is a Dick Van Dyke, thumbs-in-the-braces Cockney wanker and Van Helsing is a strong, modern woman. The dialogue is piss-poor with embarrassing wise-cracking throughout. I watched episode 1 last night and have genuinely been in a bad mood all day because of it. Classic literature now has its cheeks spread by the BBC and is being bum-raped by gays, women in strap-ons and brown people. Surprised that Dracula was white. Although he is the baddie so is naturally a white male.

    • Evenin treacle! Im only the prince of darkness innit?
      Leave it awt john! Transylvania?
      Naw undead from Bethnal green i am!
      Reborn with sound of Bow bells i am,
      Ahh the creature of the Ronnie knight, how they sing, just like chas n dave!
      Geerrcha..

  22. Holy fuck, just watching a bit of the second episode. (Why, oh why am I doing this to myself?) 10 minutes in and there’s a mixed-race gay couple.

    • And they’re having a conversation with a parking stanley doctor and his disabled daughter. I’d better switch off before I have a stroke.

      • Jesus Christ, it’s a perfect storm of diversity that will kill us all!

  23. all bbc drama now is the same as avocados, olives and humus, pointless tasteless filth…you know it’s going to be chockers with gay/black/paedo/lefty shite so why consume it, it’ll only turn your guts out and make you puke

  24. The last episode was true honk though…..selfies, yoofs, wimminz, nighclubs recycled from a low budget Blade movie and mobile phone story telling through texts.

    Shame because if you could ignore all the strange enforced effnic the other two episodes were quite good.

  25. My mate in work who is a right cunt recommend this to me. He knows how I feel about the Albeeb so was obviously taking the fucking piss by trying to get me to watch it. I nearly fell for it until I came on here and you bunch of assorted cunts have put me right. I’ll see him on Monday and tell him what a twat he is.

  26. There was some dreadful shite on earlier, murder in mallorca or some such bollocks. Read the details “teams up with wise cracking German detective”, and fled to pub. Wife has little taste or common sense but she only managed 20 minutes of subliminal propaganda. A funny Kraut FFS! Whatever next, a lesbian Dr Who? Quite liked vampire flick Interview with the vampire, but at least one of them was gay.

  28. Anyone else clock the new box ticking Parking Stan Lee Master in Doctor Who?

    ‘I am di Master! Put him in di curry! It goes boom diddy boom diddy boom etc…’

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