a bah humbug nomination of Christmas presents.
My knee hurts, my back aches I have worked up a mild sweat on the carpet, what have I been doing, well not what you think.
Wrapping Christmas presents! various shapes and sizes, fucking round with sellotape and ridiculous wraps that are akin to sellotape and sellotape does not stick too.
well on the first round (yesterday) Mrs B suggested a little seasonal music as we went about the jolly chore ( She sits and I wrap) however I think its bad taste to stab people at Christmas with siccors so I declined.
I did however stick to last years promise which is quite simple, If it is not square or rectangular you can wrap it! so as you can imagine there was a little tension there (You haven’t eaten you’re grumpy ect).
Well as far as I know the deed is done, Next months bin fillers are nicely wrapped.
Fuck that till next year.
Nominated by Lord benny
Morning Admin, morning everyone!
Feeling very christmassy this morning admin, last job before i finish for jesus birthday.
Notice i didnt comment on immigrants on last post?
Because im virtuous and love my fellow man! After all wasnt the jesus & mary chain immigrants?
Dossing down in stables?
Love wrapping presents me admin, unfortunately im shite at it and mrs miserable rewraps them, muttering what o assume is Christmas carols under her breath.
Nice being good for few days, once father Christmas has been an ive got my loot?
Watch out world im gonna be a right bastard!😠
Morning MNC
8
Umm, either MNC is on a promise, or he’s high on drugs!
His post is almost U certificate. Unheard of!!
What a cunt
7
I’m increasingly taking Scrooge’s original standpoint on Christmas (before his ghostly brainwashing). Christmas is not the season of goodwill and merriment. No, it’s a miserable time and gift wrapping is one of those miseries (after you’ve gone through the hell of actually procuring the pressies).
3
Christmas can fuck off
Same as last year
5
I made my Godson cry yesterday, he drew a large cock on the kitchen window, (he is 13) and his mum got the arse, I calmed her down and gave him the its ok to be gay and wear your mothers clothes if you like lecture and told him that no matter what he would always be my Godson.
He protested his sexuality quite a bit but I was so calm and reassuring (“But you must be gay if you like cock and draw them every where, it’s ok you know”) it ended up with him wishing me a horrible death and running off crying.
I doubt he will draw a cock on anything again.
22
Life lesson at its best.
9
I think it’s well worth wrapping presents carefully just to see the joy on a grandchild’s face when they open them on Christmas Day.
Mind you, after talking to my granddaughter yesterday, I might not have to bother this year.
She’s tried so hard to be good all year so imagine my shock when she showed me her letter to Santa.
. I thought “this is terrible but at least there are no snowflakes coming through in this family.”
It read “DEAR SANTA, I’M WRITING TO TELL YOU I’VE BEEEN NAUGHTY AND
IT WAS WORTH IT. YOU FAT, JUDGEMENTAL BASTARD.”
Ah! The innocence of childhood!
7
I hate wrapping!
Bores and frustrates the tits off me, even simple square boxes!
I had to wrap a handbag for the missus last night. It didn’t come in its own box, and I didn’t have any boxes to hand. So I had to wrap it as is, which was a cunt given the stiff handles and all the curvy and pointy bollocks.
Took about 3 sheets before I finally got the better of it. But to be honest I don’t know why I bothered because the missus will know exactly what it is anyway.
Waste of fucking time, effort and money
Merry Christmas, cunts!
3
Not a single present have I wrapped this year. Nor have I given any.
Might succümb to wrapping a bottle of Croft Original for Lady Creampuff later, just to keep in the spirit of things.
Good morning.
5
I got the good lady a very expensive chair last Year – and the b*tch has not even had the common decency to attach the electrodes and plug it in!
And just a small point – HEY, SNOWFLAKE ADVERTISERS – IT’S CHRISTMAS NOT FUCKING “HOLIDAY”!
Had to get that one off my chest
2
If I was rich I’d unwrap some high class hookers, as it is I’ll be ignoring Christmas this year.
7
Buy friends and family the same as last year FUCK ALL,
2
My wife and me are thinking of starting a parcel wrapping service, and in honour of a domestic Godess of many years ago, we are naming the venture Fanny and Johnny Wrappers. The spouse will be wrapping and I will stumble round pissed as a fart.
7
One of the best Christmas’s I’ve had was spent in Egypt (Nile Cruise). Why? Because unless you’re a minority Coptic-Christian, Christmas is largely overlooked by our North African Islamic neighbours. Proving that, in spite of being a religion based on the witterings of a chap who I suspect was a charismatic paedophile … it has seasonal uses.
4
In my local news paper there are some Greta-wannabes moaning about cunts decorating their gardens and windows with Christmas lights; also moaning about traffic pollution of shoppers doing their shop at the supermarkets; and moaning about all the wrapping paper going to waste on presents; while also moaning about how animals (turkeys mostly) are “murdered” for our Christmas dinner; and finally, moaning about all the money spent on presents could have been spent on the poor, the homeless and poor cunts in Africa!
What a sad bunch of cheerless, soulless virtue-signalling cunts. I hope they choke on their humus and carrot cake!
8
They can fuck off. Even if I wasn’t going to spend a penny on Christmas, it certainly wouldn’t be going on that scrounging bunch of fucking Africans. I don’t believe any amount of money can help that shithole.
6
The same cunts who were ferried there in Mummys Chelsea tractor, and have the heating up to twenty six at the old’s house, damn the planet, Jacaster and Toby must be warm to stave off working class diseases, and will obviously refusing all very expensive “idiot finger pads” (like the idiot lantern but infinitely more scope for filling up with shite!) due to the excessive carbon footpwint involved in their manufacture and shipping.
3
And on a different note, I used to be involved with a charity working to improve “impoverished African Nations”. A real eye opener!
Provide them with steel containers and meshes, net cost per unit £0.92p, strain and boil the water – clean safe water!
No, apparently not, as soon as the deluded do gooders leave the locals sell the cans for scrap and go back to drinking shit infested water.
Build a well, bust your nuts all day in the red hot sun and only two things guaranteed – Mugabooboo “the peaceful” and his 15 kids will sit there watching you because any work, invention, independence or tenacity appears to desert them when stupid Kuffir whitey pays for it all and does all the graft, and the second thing you can guarantee is that within a week anything in or around the well has been stolen and sold for scrap and the water is poisoned by throwing a dead animal down it.
Utter waste of time throwing money down the appropriately named “black hole”, let the fuckers in charge use their own money to buy gold plated AK’s and pay for their armies.
White = advancement
Black = regression, and any who disagree run the risk of a “hot Winnie” necklace for Christmas!
And talking of, a happy and healthy one to all at ISAC
6
My dad wasted 4 years training up the first African station engineer in west Africa, I say wasted because not only did he not qualify, he claimed persecution, came here for asylum and lives in Thornton heath London, I don’t think he has touched an aircraft since the one he got off at Gatwick!
2
Splendidly put Vern!
1
Seconded Techo!
This whinging bunch of virtue signalling do-gooders are perfectly free to send all their money to Africa and be as miserable as fuck this Xmas if they want to. Just don’t try to guilt trip the rest of us. I send my season’s greetings to all of them; two fingers and a hearty ‘go fuck yourselves, cunts!’.
4
Or possibly move to one of these “impoverished nations” – I see a mud hut with with their names all over it, written in their blood as the natives drag their headless corpse around shouting and dancing!
Keep it real snowflakes
4
And a further dreadful development – I put an ad in the local shop asking for help with wrapping, later that day a black guy came round with a microphone and amp and stabbed me!
6
What most men of all ages daydream about at this time of year is not presents or wrapping but instead one or two sluts or prostitutes either the £20 kind or the £200 kind. There isn’t much that’s kept in John Lewis that could compete with a night on the nest with a cheap or expensive whore.
If life was much more honest, then presents of whores would be more often given.
Hey my friend, I couldn’t afford to gift you a Porsche, but I’ve paid ahead for a whole night with a local wench, or a “posh” expensive one.
Over the years I’ve fucked them for £20 and £200 and both types get the job done.
A few years ago my brother ridiculed the presents I gave him (not prostitutes) so I am not sure I’ll bother again, as having your presents metaphorically chucked back in your face, it’s just not worth it.
1
I am inclined to agree, But as Mrs B may read this I will say that you are a pig of a man and an exploiter of women.
1
The only things I’ve wrapped this month were things I sold on Ebay. No-one gets presents off me. Fuck ’em, and fuck christmas.
1
I always found in fact the budget end of the market had a certain “gawd bless yer Guvnor” working class charm, eager to please; whereas your expensive tarts fancied themselves as something classy – guess what luv, pricey or not you still end the night with a sore arsehole and looking like a plasterer’s radio
3
I used to love wrapping when I was young. I also used to look forward to Christmas, but it is a sad fact that I have sort of lost that now at the aged of 48. It is a chore, all for two days.
I hate wrapping nowadays. I go out of my way to avoid buying paper with fucking glitter on (the herpes of the craft world) as I cannot stand the stuff. You find it on your face and in every other crevice days after touching the bastard stuff. It is no mean feat to find paper without this shit on and I though I had achieved that, but no…….the wrapping paper I got in NEXT had subtle hints of that shit all over it, so when wrapping, I ended up with it all over my hands, face and covering my freshly hoovered floor.
FUCKING TWINKLY CUNT SHITE!!
I also don’t really feel Christmassy or look forward to it, apart from stuffing my face with the evening buffet and a shit load of chocolate buttons and Cadbury’s Roses. Oh, and alcohol. I am gonna need that to get through it all.
Fuck wrapping. They all bloody know what they are getting anyway as they bloody told me what they wanted!!
Roll on January 1st.
3
Fuck all that. I quit wrapping presents about 8yrs ago- you’re lucky if you get a bagged gift from me.
0
Every time I wrap pressies I remember my old Dad when we were kids. Hovering around us as we opened our gifts he’d say “Undo it carefully kids, give me the paper” then he’s smooth it out and fold it up for next year LOL
0