Self-checkout Cunts (3)

Self-checkout in grocery stores…

This is the second time this week I have needed to go to the grocery store for a few select things (most groceries I already have). Both times I proceeded to the self-check out station, only to find some degenerate with a full shopping cart, scanning each item one by one.

What the fuck??

The lesson learned: If you have a stockpile of thirty-plus groceries, get in line and wait for a cashier like the rest of us. Don’t be a cunt.

Nominated by Goodwill Cunting

66 thoughts on “Self-checkout Cunts (3)

  1. Refuse to use the fuckers. Aldi doesn’t have them and you get through as quick as fuck. Sainsbury’s does and there are more cunts on the self service than manning the tills.

    Unexpected cunt in the bagging area? Wont be me.

  2. I was ushered to one with an assistant who insisted they show me how easy it all was.

    Needless to say, after the booze quotient had been authorised, the prices of two “unknown stock items” sought and entered, and 15 minutes of my time had passed, the assistant declared: “There you see!”

    I don’t think mentioning the five people with trollies of stuff getting through quicker at the till than my paltry basket of items went down too well though…

    • Same for me. First off, it didn’t like my shopping bag, which is a basket type of thing, kept saying unexpected item in the bagging area. Then there was the grog, had to wait for some fucker to waddle over and approve it, then it didn’t like the reduced to clear items so they needed sorting out. They can suck a fart from a dead mans arsehole if they think I’d repeat that time wasting shite.

  3. Do you get a reduction for using the infernal things? Queue at the checkout and you get something resembling a human being to scan your shopping and pass it down the slide or throw it at you.

    Self checkouts, shit themselves at least once during use. Fuck that, I’ll stick with Ewa and her sunny countenance.

  4. The supermarkets must be rubbing their hands with glee and crying with laughter at the public’s stupidity. An ever-growing influx of European scroungers means that they can’t make money quickly enough. That wasn’t enough, though. Let the fuckers be their own checkout, the crafty owners pondered. Fewer staff, more profit. You can bet your sweet ass that they’re wondering how to make the consumer stock the shelves.
    Want some more shitty jam poptarts? Go to the warehouse and get them yourself. 10 Tesco clubpoints (worth 10p) if you load the shelf yourself, you dewey eyed mug.

    • Try the Romanian self service – fill up the trolley and walk straight out with it – very popular with the thieving b*stards where I live!

      And talking of thieving b*stards, a massive thanks to the F*cking vermin who stole my jacket from the pub recently, Constable wokeflake has (eventually) checked the CCTV and guess what – it clearly shows a (must be careful wording this bit) “very well known locally honest and discriminated against member of the travelling community walking out clear as day with my stolen property – but this evidence is, apparently, “not sufficient to prosecute”
      But one thing I learned was where this fake gippo lives (f*cking funny “traveller”) – so I am going to nip down there for a cup of tea shortly to discuss the merits of disciplining thieves, not that I would ever advocate violence of course, but if it did theoretically happen I feel confident “there would not be sufficient evidence to prosecute”.

      • Funny how they could make films on the moon half a century ago but CCTV is too grainy when identifying caring, compassionate Romano types.

        Best of British to you, Vernon. Take some lucky heather.

      • Thanks GS, but I am thinking of something “a little more robust” than Heather!
        The CCTV was perfect, an absolutely clear moving image of the crime being committed but apparently “a conscious attempt at committing a crime must be proved and until you reported it stolen it wasn’t a crime was it”? (I kid you f*cking not – straight from the mouth of North Yorkshire Police!)
        Not angry, just taping up the handle end of me bar, as you do before a bracing walk

      • Marvellous news fellow ISAC’ers – my stolen property has been returned after a walk and an amiable chat, but my jacket needs a really good clean, seems to have a quantity of red wine or something spilt on it!
        The naughty felon responsible was most apologetic, and will find it difficult to pinch things as he needs both arms setting and plastering (apparently he fell over a wall, a most unlucky accident – my heart, ahem, “bleeds” for him!)
        whereas I may need surgery to get the f*cking smile off my face!

      • As wise men have repeatedly said, “If you want a job done properly, do it yourself.” A heartwarming note on which to end a shite year.

  5. Those money off vouchers make my piss boil. Usually, the cashier has no idea what to do with them, then on goes the flashy bulb and the inevitable wait for the supervisor.. 5p off their shopping, and 10 minutes off my time…

  6. The only Human interaction I have is at a place called “Work” I am paid to do so, any other form of interaction with other members of my species I like to avoid therefore I am in favor of self service (yes wanking too) on line shopping and click and collect, Further to this I would say the only customer facing job I have ever enjoyed was law enforcement and the Army because the customer was fucking wrong and tough shit!

  7. There’s only one self-checkout I’ll be using: the one at Dignitas.

    Be seeing y’all 👍

    • That’s a fuckin’ oxymoron. How the fuck can you operate the buttons from your wheelchair?
      I must say, that’s a cheerful conversation you’ve started for the beginning of a New Year.
      Don’t leave me!

      • PS Would you like me to call a priest to give you comfort and the chance to repent?

      • The only spiritual counseling I offer is a good bumming for fat lassies as atonement for the sin of gluttony, which I don’t think Ruff Tuff would care for.

      • Too much to repent, too little time Bertie.

        PS: Just been watching Conspiracy of Hearts (1960) on channel 81. Fair brought a tear to my cynical eye… 😭

      • After your comments on yesterday’s nom Rev, I now look on you as my guardian angel!

      • What channel is 81? I know from the past that my Sky box is numbered differently from yours.

      • Channel 81 is a freeview channel, in this instance the ‘Talking Pictures’ channel.

        Shows mainly old vintage stuff like what we used to see when growing up.

        Discovered it yesterday, courtesy of a Dick Fiddler post…

      • TPTV has been going for 2-3 hrs now and can invariably be relied upon to show some hidden gems quite often.

      • Its good, have old public information stuff on as well as old films and old tv shows.
        I watched ‘hard times’ with charles Bronson on it.
        Bronson the actor not the bloke in prison wi the medicine ball.

      • I’m watching Jane McDonald &Friends. Wow she can really belt them out. She lines a pork pie you know. Straight talking Yorkshire lass.

      • Jane McDonald? Anything referencing New Year’s Eve can FUCK RIGHT OFF!

        Gideon’s Way is on TP channel right now.

        Will probably spend an hour in the snooker room later, with some Tangerine Dream.

        In bed by eleven with an Inspector Banks novel.

      • Oh got some tangerines!
        Gonna have one, maybe a jayne McDonnell lined pork pie too!

      • Oh aye, Jane McDonald is a milf alright Miserable, good job I’m out on my ear from Creampuff Manor tomorrow.

      • Shes got quite a deep voice Jane hasnt she?
        Wasnt sure if she sat or stood to piss if im honest.
        That hunchback from Squeeze
        Julie Hollands good on piano isnt he LL?
        When they remix the Beatles albums should have him plinking on them!
        Boogiewoogie piano never gets irritating does it?😀

      • Ahh, there you are LL.

        What? Off tomorrow? But Willie Stroker isn’t back yet, ffs!

        🎶 If you Leave me now you’ll take away the biggest part of me 🎶

        Just remember: my arm is long…

        Only joking LL.

        Happy New Year, an all that guff. 🙂

        PS: the fireworks are too loud, there ain’t no corners to hide in!

      • Yeah lines of pork instead of likes Miserable. My eyesight is deteriorating.

        But wait a minute it’s just got a little bit better. I can see more clearly. Yes everything is getting clearer.

        I bet by 12 o’ clock it will be 20/20!

        Boom boom!

        Happy New Year one and all!

      • Not to worry Creampuff, I will iron the morning papers and decant the port for guests at New Years Day elevenses. Ps, Fiddler has shot a nice brace of pigeons , I will let the kitchen staff know unless you have got vegetarian in the next few hours.

    • Ruff Tuff,
      If you’re going to dignitas can i recommend you take a few others as an act of humanity. No fees paid but great kudos for a great man.

  8. Try getting one of these cunt machines to accept a Bank of Clydesdale tenner in any store in Edinburgh. You couldn’t fucking make it up.

  9. HNY to each and every one of you cunts….
    …..And yet again thanks to the mods, you fucking legends…..

  10. Happy New year to you Admin👍
    And happy new year to fellow cunters🇬🇧
    2020 is gonna be our year!
    Bye EU you smelly effete fucks👆

    • Happy New Year to you too, MNC and to all my esteemed fellow cunters.

      Long may we cunt on into 2020!

  11. O/T but I think Mr Corbyn has gone mad, like Hilter moving imaginary armies from the bunker in Berlin.

    Lay of the Parsnip Wine Jeremy and fuck the fuck off.

  12. I will not use the self checkout cunts. I have used them once or twice. I think that their software and hardware must be very badly designed indeed, as they shit a brick for nearly every customer through.

    I sat in a Morrisons cafe once, it was literally right by the tills, beepity beep, unexpected cunt in the cuntal area, etc. Extraneous noise really pisses me off and this really took the biscuit.

    The only possible advantage is you could possibly put through vintage Bollinger and own brand Prosecco, big retailers are thieving cunts anyway, so this is only but levelling the playing field.

    • Always recorded Jules and played next day to pick out my taste and spin through what wasn’t for me. He used to showcase musicians above cowelised shite. But to have a bigoted, unmusical pile of wank like Stormzy on means that Jules can fuck off from now on.

      • Jules Holland banging and crashing a honky tonk joanna like a 5 year old down syndrome in a playgroup is not my idea of music. Stormzy is just another low IQ black who hasn’t mastered the art of actually singing yet.

  13. Sorry to go off topic, but I just had to rant about this.

    I have just made the mistake of looking at the BBCunt website as to what shit they have on leading up to the fireworks…..


    CRAIG DAVID??? What the actual fuck? What dust laden shelf did they drag his arse off of for New Year’s Eve ‘entertainment’, in fact THE main show leading up to the big bongs and Sadiq Khan’s wankfest?

    Were all the good music acts booked up and playing in Saudi Arabia to some fat Sheik for a million quid??

    Fuck’s sake. Think I will just down a lot of Prosecco, watch the fireworks then fuck off straight to bed.

    • Bo Selecta!!! Nurse Cunty it was mildly amusing to me when Keith Lemon rips the piss out of Craaaaaaaaaaaaig David, what a massive Cunt.

      I still remember that song, unfortunately, “Met her on a Monday, Fucked her on Wednesday, dumped her by Friday”.

      BBCunt is the mastercunt of political correctness gone wrong!! My spell checker thinks that mastercunt is a proper word. The future is not very bright or orange, the ” is a cunt ” website is set to become one of the last final Zero Political Correctness Zones.

  14. When the supermarket pays me a wage to work in their store only then will I operate their machines…serve me or their idle staff can spend an hour putting the food back on the shelves as I abandon my trolley….again. Left a loaded trolley at Tesco and went to Sainsburys at Christmas, they served me and packed my shopping for me. Tesco staff were too busy hanging around gossiping in huddles all looking like cunts in fancy bluetooth head sets. Might have spent an extra tenner in Sainsburys but I don’t care in the end it was much better service and nicer food too.

  15. my neighbour assures me that if you buy a cheap wine and an expensive one together you just scan the cheapo bottle twice quickly and plonk them down together…never tried it as i refuse to self serve. She also says she swops the stickers on the meat joints in the freezer…she’s an expert at all the dodges

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