Lidl

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Lidl

Up until recently i’ve never been in one of these places in my life. Partly because I was told they were shit but, mainly, because I know they are a Kraut company and those bastards dropped bombs on my Mum and Dad. Never forgive, never forget.
Anyway, about a month ago one of these cuntholes opened up about 400 yards from me so I have been along to sample their wares, as you would expect.
Firstly, there is no doubt they are cheap, you can’t deny that.
But what do you get for your money? Fucking shit as far as I can see. Their meat, vegetables and fruit are tasteless crap. I can’t forget the “King Prawns” I bought. Zero fucking taste ….. i thought I was chewing on a mouthful of condoms. ( unused ones obviously)
The only things I buy in there now are the stick loaves (which are very good to be fair) and cans of wifebeater which are much cheaper than the Joe Daki shops.
What do we learn from this?
(1) no cunt gives you something for nothing. You get what you pay for.
(2) Never trust the fucking Germans.
(3) That’s it. What more do you want? Fuck off.

Nominated by Freddie the Frog

100 thoughts on “Lidl”

  1. Went there once too, bought some sausages. All cooked and ready, cut into the first one and was what I assume to be a fucking-gurt artery running the length of the sausage. Even now the thought of it makes me gag, needless to say it was the last time I went there.

    Since then I have heard of all sorts of tales of things being found in their “food” too. From massive spiders to cooked mice, it all kind of makes the things like the rotten fruit they are notorious for selling seem like the premium quality section.

    I know people from Germany though that will swear blind that Lidl is actually one of the best supermarkets there and sell legitimately quality products. Obviously it’s just another case of the EU cunts flogging us all the cheap, nasty crap they wouldn’t even swallow themselves, including the fucking frogs!

  2. Sorry, may I qualify my recommendation of the Lidl stick loaf. You need to get the thin crusty one ; the fat one is unfit for human consumption…..you may as well eat the bag it comes in.
    I stick by the wifebeater though.

    • The fat crusty loaf I believe is bought by bum bandits as for the crusty part of it I would be wary of its provenance’

    • Their rough oatcakes are as good as Tossco’s, and their Italian-style ground coffee not bad either, also about 80p per 1/2 lb. cheaper. Their Frog equivalent of Bonne Maman apricot jam pd good, and a lot cheaper. 100g bars of basic choc as good as any of the supermarket examples I had in Switzerland… Believe their own-brand gin was highly recommended by a load of alcoholic Mums in Good Arsekeeping mag.

  3. Someone still hates germans I see after 60 years since WW2 happy Hanukkah Freddie shalom good sir

    Not a single Lidl in leafland fred lots of Asian/ Yank supermarkets tho

  4. The Local Branch is full of non English speakers. ( that includes the staff ) Shelves of “knock-off” goods, and a resident smell of Eau d armpit. On the good side, the sliced Camel Meat ( Family Pack ) is very good value for money. Have a nice day, or, “fich die weisser fotze ab “

  6. Only been in one once, expected to see Geldof and Lenny Henry as the place resembled a famine relief centre. Stuff still on pallets and strangest of all, a huge box of workmans steel toe capped boots, all size 12….

    • Pallets you say daaaahling can Sebastion come round in the Range Rover and horsebox and it would be awfully nice if some of your Polish help give a hand loading it up we like to keep the wood burner on constantly now the cold weathers here

  7. A thoroughly depressing place in which to find oneself. Actually quite horrible. Loud, hugely overweight, sweating, tattooed, Iron Curtains shouting “Dooshka-Booshka, korrr-aaa, korrr-vaa!” down the aisles at each other. And that’s just the women. The women staff. I don’t know whether to say ‘thank you’ in Polish, Romanian, or Lithuanian. It’s as if all the Bulgarian shot-putters from the 1980s are suddenly till operators. The bread only lasts a day, the fruit ‘n’ veg has been in a freezer for ten months, and the cheese is probably made from rats’ milk. Simply a stressing experience.

    • Cmon CM, the extra mature British cheddar is lovely and costs abaaaaht £1.80 it’s at least £2.50 elsewhere.
      Don’t really buy much veg in there though.

  8. What sort of economy have they created where this kind of shop is an option, for some the only option. Back in the 70’s when I was a kid.

    My day worked I remember when I was 8 or 9 seeing his wage slip, he bought home the princely sum of £28 that week, this would of been 1973 ish.

    My mum didn’t work mostly, come harvest time she would go pitch in like all the other members of the family. They shopped in the supermarket.

    2019, families with both parents working to keep a roof over their heads are having to shop in shit holes like LIDL,some even having to resort to food banks. Wages suppressed by the levels of immigration more and more families are being left short with two adults having to work to provide a basic standard of living my old man managed on 28 fucking quid a week.

    Labours answer? More immigration, more benefits, more subsidised creche places. Kids farmed out during the day and parents to fatigued to parent when they get an hour or so with their kids in the evening, families fail, society fails.

    God bless the global economy, those German and US companies that are prepared to come to the UK and exploit the hard pressed working plebs.

    In fairness we lived in what was called a tied cottage at the time, it came with the job, he only had to pay the water rates but still the is a wide chasm between what we could once live on and what we now have to do to exist.

    • The food bill over the years has become a smaller proportion of total household expenditure, what has increased is the service element utility bills, rent (more so in some parts of the country than others) and the f—king council tax, I have little sympathy with those that complain about the cost of living AND at the same time are paying out on the latest expensive mobile phone package or entertainment package and what has become the main way of buying new cars the personal contract plan ( the fastest growing element of outstanding household debt) and who benefits from that the most, the Germans again in that this method of financing car purchase increase’s the rate of churn ”a new model after 3 years Sir” So the French and German manufacturers can just keep banging out new cars for ever and a day what is wrong with a used car nothing apart from it doesn’t massage your own self importance (particularly women)

  9. A thoroughly depressing place in which to find oneself. Actually quite horrible. Loud, hugely overweight, sweating, tattooed, Iron Curtains shouting “Dooshka-Booshka, korrr-aaa, korrr-vaa!” down the aisles at each other. And that’s just the women. The women staff. I don’t know whether to say ‘thank you’ in Polish, Romanian, or Lithuanian. It’s as if all the Bulgarian shot-putters from the 1980s are suddenly till operators. The bread only lasts a day, the fruit ‘n’ veg has been in a freezer for ten months, and the cheese is probably made from rats’ milk. Simply a stressing experience.

    • Afternoon, B&W
      The cheese looks terrifying. Or terrified. Like it’s been expunged from a goat being simultaneously serviced by a Mubarek.

      • Fuck. Typed in the wrong name and entered it twice. Blind or stupid, or both. I’m as sober as Ant ‘n’ Dec. Cuntickles.

      • You can find every criminal in the town in the local Lidl, Cap;n. Some of them are shoppers, too.

  11. I have to disagree slightly with this cunting…if you look around the place you’ll find many a good deal and the meat is mostly British, organic milk, decent coffee (ground) and the smoked salmon is under 4 quid for 200 grams.
    I put up with the part trash customers to save a lot of money. I don’t do all my shopping in there but there luxury range and other high end stuff is proper value and as cheap usually as the standard fare in Sainsbury’s or Tesco.
    Of course there is no Lidl in Notting Hill but I don’t mind getting some value shopping out of the area and if you’re as good at cooking as me you can make some proper grub.
    I usually take my Tesco or Sainsbury’s bags in there mind.
    Any cunt who pays more for food that has usually come from the same producer/warehouse so they think they look good prancing around Waitrose is a cunt.
    You don’t stay well off by spending beyond your means.
    Piss off.

    • Yes I’ll go along with that. Of course you have to watch what you buy, but I go in every week or two for things like melon, tomatoes, lettuce, honey, tinned fish, tinned fruit and the occasional yoghurt.

    • And, in Cardiff (Yay !! The capital of…) Home Bargains is cleaner, and the staff a damn sight better than the smug munters in M&S in Queen St. M&S have also got an annoyin personality-vacuum twat (M) who thinks he can sing – often to be endured bawling his wares.
      There’s an old negro who sings pretty bloody well, often in St. David’s Centre. M&S is so naff inside, it looks as if it’s been closing down since May 2015, when I arrived back in GB.

      • It’s different strokes for different folks. I think it’s a snobbery thing about where you shop. I know full well if I can save where possible because the bigger chains have been overcharging then these budget supermarkets definitely get my custom. Waitrose, Tesco and Sainsbury’s have been having our trousers down for years, not just having trousers down but royally fucking customers in the arse.

    • Apologies Freddie, but your talking out your arse.
      Lidl & Aldi are my food supermarket of choice.

      Not only is their fresh meat excellent quality (at 1/2 to 2/3 the price of the ‘big’ retailers), but they also stock many branded products at lower prices.
      My local Lidl frequently discounts foods by 1/3rd when they are still fresh & have anywhere from 2 to 4 days left on their sell by date.
      They also recently started reducing bread items to 20p (even £1 Hovis loaves) on their best before date, to reduce food waste & help people on a tight budget.
      I get 18 cans of Carlsberg for £11 & Lidl Steak is superb. Aldis ketchup is better than Heinz & 50p. I wouldn’t buy Heinz now, even if it was cheaper than theirs. Aldi ‘Norpak’ butter is as good as Lurpak & half the cost. Sure they sell some really cheap crap food, but so do Asda & Morrisons, & they sell crap at double the price.

      If you can be snobbish about supermarkets, you’ve got no brains, too much money & too much time on your hands.
      Btw, the car parks at my local Aldi/Lidl have as many Mercs, Beemers & Range Rovers, as Sainsburys (& there’s plenty of Linda Lard-Arse’s in Sainsburys queues too).

      • Aldi is fucking brilliant . My annual shopping bill fell by £6000 when I switched from Sainsbury’s. you read that right. 6 fucking grand!

  12. I cant go with this.
    I wont say its my favourite place, but after years of knocking around eastern Europe I have developed certain tastes, The large Jars of pickled gherkins I love, they sometimes have casoulette which I am partial too, also they do a good deal on cured pork legs, the Bratwurst is passable infact most of their sausage range is good, The only negative I would say is that on off days I come out with shit loads of chocolate that the Mrs eats and blames me.
    The shit pile at the back can be pretty good too, I bought a small tile drilling kit, 3 tiny diamond cores with a sucker holder and water feed, about £8 I think, worked a treat in the bathroom but then again when you buy you check for quality before you buy it.
    The meat is UK and Ireland as are the veg, the tinned stuff is far and wide though.

    • Exactly RTCP, they sell brands too. I bought some Sure deodorant in there and it works like the Sure I bought in the Poundshop.
      My Grandad used to say to me ‘Margaret Thatcher say shop around’ and its true.
      I am going to say this to everyonee…if you ain’t tried Aldi or Lidl and seen what savings you can make then you are a cunt.

      • You’re a man after my own heart B&WC!

        Always shop around me. Only reason I don’t go to Lidl is cos I’m on foot and it’s a lot further to walk than Sainsbury’s or Tesco.

      • We like the muesli in Aldi so pop in there to stock up and to practise our Romainian.
        Last time they didn’t have any.

        Tattooed Romainian Scary Mary: We didn’t have for four days coming delivery.

        Cap’n M: You haven’t had a delivery yet?

        Tattooed Romainian Scary Mary: Niet, We didn’t have for four days coming delivery.

        Cap’n M: You’ll…you’ll have a delivery in four days?

        Tattooed Romainian Scary Mary: NIET! We didn’t have four days.

        Cap’n M: Erm…you’ve only been speaking English for four days?

        Tattooed Romainian Scary Mary: NIET! Four days.

        Cap’n M: Erm…you’ve only been SPEAKING for four days?

      • I agree very much with comment you make Magnanimous of the Captain, when I go for the shopping in supermarket I have to speak this new English and I always say very much thanks as I left supermarket.
        I go fuck myself.

  14. I quite like them.
    Admittedly the wife does the shopping but the beer is very good.
    Meat is also strides ahead of the bigger supermarkets I am told.
    Did I mention the beer? Also the Scotch and rum are spot on.
    Plus there’s usually a tramp inside or outside or both.
    Everyone likes a tramp.
    Anyhow it’s probably a shithole.
    Fuck them.

  15. I use it for some stuff but have to be careful, I know what to buy and what not to. Their less attractive products are actually foul, unfit for human consumption as FF says.
    As a footnote though their staff conditions and pay are far better than Asda / Tesco.
    My local one had some kilts in not long back !! Who the fuck in South Yorkshire wants one of those ?

  17. It was because of Lidl that I managed to have one of those moments where I discovered my inner-self.
    Won’t be buying their toilet paper again….

    • I gave up Andrex years ago. Reminds me of Jilly Cooper (obsessed with labradors, for some reason).

  18. Great cunting, I did enjoy that one.
    I shopped at lidl once and I wasn’t impressed, but aldi is great. My weekly shop is about half of what it is at other shops and it’s the same stuff just counterfeit…
    Like the chocolate bars I buy for work are Mars bars, marathons and twix’s but for a quarter of the price.
    …that means I can eat 4 times as many 😃.
    If I want to feel posh I can buy champagne for 9 quid a bottle and tell the lass I’ve got her a bottle of champagne in the fridge…. the knickers just fall off.
    I agree with your sentiments on germans….

  19. Love Lidl for beer alone. McEwan’s Champion for £1.49 a bottle. Tesco (etc.) do 4 for £6 but sometimes I want two, sometimes three and sometimes five! Burp!

    Lidl, cheap beer heaven, and their fresh produce (certainly in my local) is better than Sainsbury’s by miles (which is twice as expensive and is on the turn before you even leave the shop).

    I do get my shit rolls and kitchen rolls from the main stores (as Rebel’s sphincter deserves Andrex), just in case you were wondering.

    • Lidl is where I got Shepherd Neame’s Double Stout. Bloody good stuff, keep an eye open, just in case they get it back in.

  20. I went to school with an Andrej, Jan, Henryk 50 years ago. Poles. Their parents must have fled after the war. But certainly no ‘Polish shops’ when growing up. Now my town is full of them. But there’s been no war.

    • But there has been an EU. And there has been a British Prime Minister who opened up the floodgates to uncontrolled immigration from Poland. That’s why your town is full of them Miles.

      Guten Tag mein Freund.

  21. Regrettably there are no Lidl’s or Aldis in my neck of the woods in the Lake District, but I was quite spoilt for choice when living in the Birmingham area.

    In all fairness I preferred Aldi over Lidl, but in both instances if you knew what to look for and what to avoid you stood to make a significant saving compared to the usual suspects.

    Milk, eggs, chocolate, ham detergents, sweets, coke, beer etc were all of decent quality and significantly cheaper than say Tesco or Asda. And I really didn’t give a shit about who shopped there or if the tins of biscuits were stacked on pallets – this is cheap and cheerful, what does one expect?

  22. To be fair dont think ive ever been in a lidl , but would if they sold stuff made in the uk.
    Aldi, all the time!
    Right now im eating maris piper mash and a thick stew wi dumplings all Aldi all UK produce!
    Magic!
    I wont buy anything foreign or eat anything a pâki has touched.
    Only thing i dislike about aldi is the fat gyppo big issue seller outside,
    Hate that fuckin leech, i let the Akita go over and sniff her, shes fuckin terrified of the dog!
    But my dog was born in this country so can do so if it wants.

      • It’s probably one of those professional gýppos, swarthy, dressed in cheap clothes, their eyes pleading for a quid, who are subsequently picked up at five o’clock in a fresh Merc driven by Pavel the Polish Pimp ready to do their night job.

      • Maybe Cap, know shes in no danger of starvation, fat cunts never missed dindins in her life!
        Stuck to her plate like a tic on a dog.
        Dunno why I hate her so much but I do.

      • If selling the big ishooo! Is working then yes!
        Romanian gyppo fat as a Christmas turkey Allen.
        Never done owt to me but Ive a irrational hatred of her that makes me feel ashamed of myself.
        Wish shed go home to Transylvania and sell magazines.😟

  23. The Lidl shopping experience is like Russian shops in the 1980s.

    Went to a Lidl once, never again.

  24. I live in North Wales, where ALIs or DIDL have, largely, yet to set foot.

    We had a VG Stores once. Oh, I tell a lie, we had one of those fancy Kwiksave places as well.

  25. I only shop at Fortnum and Masons except for the mud for my for my window boxes that I get from that piss poor shop Harrods

  26. Nothing wrong with Lidl or Aldi.Lidl have rude obnoxious staff usually from Eastern Europe apparently they advertise jobs there?Bread is good but needs eating that day or it goes stale.Booze is cheap the Rum is a direct knock off of famous brand but half price you get used to what to buy and not what to buy Any company that bites into Tesco’s profits is fine buy me

    • Alright George?!
      Think with these supermarkets if you look around can find some bargains.
      I buy those Heinz big soups at Aldi
      Porridge oats there, kitkats etc
      All fine!👍
      Some nice bitters in there as well coming upto Christmas

    • Alright George? Yer winning pal?
      Aldis fine, cheap and some good products.
      Ticks all the boxes for me👍

  27. You won’t catch me shopping at a Nazi supermarket I don’t want any skin covered lampshades in my house and what possible use would I have for other people’s teeth. fucking teutonic cunts.

  28. But they sell luftwaffles, luger lager,
    Marzipanzer cakes!
    And my favourite…Belsen whisky!
    Your missing out kid!
    You sound suspiciously french?

    • When I’m in Lidl I’m first to the liquor department looking for a little more Leibens-Rum; then I ‘drop in’ to the smallgoods section for some screaming hot Stu-kabana.

  29. There are limits,even on this site. Graphic holocaust imagery is not au fait.
    I am no snowflake, but there are something s that will never be funny and the systematic murder of millions of gypsies,disabled,Jehovah’s and Jews is no laughing matter.

    • You do indeed sound awfully serious sbout that
      mind you they still dont like the war mentioned either the older ones (some of)are a lot more tolerant of ze british humour tho

    • If any politician said vote for me and I’ll gas the gypos, hed have my vote.
      But I’ve said on here before europe started to die with Hitler’s rise to power.
      He killed 6 million Jews who gave so much to the world, only for them to be replaced with 30 million mouse limbs who only take.

    • @Kravdarth mentioning slavery and joking about that is ok though is it?
      Coming from you who mentions ‘That cotton won’t pick itself’ and ‘Ole man river’ etc.
      I think you are and usually talk a load of total shit.
      How many slaves died during hundreds of years of slavery etc.
      You obviously have a problem with black people, yet conveniently forget the blacks from all over the commonwealth including a family member of mine who fought the Germans to help your ‘Tribe’ out.
      Don’t tell me what is funny and what’s not.
      We really have some snowflake cunts amongst us.

  30. I’m not sure about Lidl, I don’t remember the last time I shopped there.
    But I do love Aldi. The prices are much lower than some supermarkets and some of the food tastes better.
    Their non bio washing powder Almat is cheaper and just as good as Fairy.

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